- A Blessing and a Curse…
- Wizadry for Wizadry’s Sake
- An Obsession with Having a Conversation, Rather than Having Sex
- Highlight Reels & a Facade of Success
- Manipulations, Tricks & Deception
- Deceiving Their Own
- Weird Jargon that Makes the Act of Getting Laid Some Weird Alien Concept
- The Takeaway
First things, first: Notice I said “most pickup artists”, not “ALL pickup artists”. I am NOT denigrating everybody who’s into pickup, or every guy who goes outside with the genuine intention to talk to and meet girls and get laid/find a girlfriend. This isn’t an attack on pickup artists. What I care about is guys who aren’t being honest with themselves about what they really want – guys who lack self-awareness. You’ll understand what I mean as you keep reading.
A huge portion of guys into pickup say they want to get laid/get a girlfriend…. but their actions aren’t getting them any closer to that goal. Sometimes it’s because they don’t know any better (I’ve lost count of the number of guys who’ve messaged me saying, “I spent years following pickup material, and I thought it was helping me… but in all that time I never actually got laid.”) Other times it’s because they’re outright deceiving themselves, convinced that spending days/weeks/months “working on a girl” is the fastest track to sex. It isn’t.
Some of these guys pour a ridiculous number of months/years (and energy) into learning pickup lines, trying to be alpha, memorising the perfect thing to say to anything a girl might ever say, stressing so much about ever making a mistake. In doing so, they become an autistic robot who’s stuck in his own head, trying to remember what his pickup teacher told him is the “right” thing to say – rather than being present with the girl he’s talking to. In short:
They’re more caught up in the game of picking up women, rather than actually fucking women.
Let’s discuss gaming/picking up women, vs actually getting laid. Some guys enjoy the act of picking up girls (all the stuff that comes before actually having sex), and I totally get that. Other guys (guys like me) enjoy the actual sex part – our mission is to have sex, not to hunt women. Neither one is right or wrong; they’re just different preferences. BlackDragon has covered this topic in great detail already: Thrill of the Hunt Men vs. Pleasure of Sex Men.
You have to understand most of the content on my site assumes you’re a “pleasure of sex” man. ie, you enjoy having sex, not “working on a girl” or “making her like you” or “seducing her”. If you enjoy those things, go for it; but bare in mind it’s not my mission to help you with that.
My mission with this site has always been to save you from wasting years of your life focusing on things that aren’t actually helping you get laid or be happy. My goal is to get you laid efficiently like I do, with minimal timewasting. My mission is to cut down on the hunt, and ramp up the cunt. Hehe.
A thrill of the hunt guy (which every pickup teacher is) will care WAY more about “seducing” women, working on them, using “push/pull” techniques, etc – getting laid is only a side-goal to them. Getting laid without these games isn’t as satisfying to a thrill of the hunt guy; if sex is too easy and efficient, they feel like it was… Boring.
The problem comes when thrill of the hunt pickup teachers give getting laid advice to other people, without realising they themselves care more about the hunt than the actual dick-in-pussy part. So a newbie comes along to a pickup artist blog/Youtube channel, listens to the guru, and thinks, “Ok, so if I want to get laid a lot, I have to follow all these rules and use all these techniques and do all these routines. Getting laid means I have to spend time doing a lot of seduction, I have to “build rapport”, before I’m “allowed” to stick my dick in her pussy.”
And for guys whose desire is to actually get laid, you’re doing them a massive disservice if you tell them PUA techniques/games are required in order to get laid. You’re essentially adding in a bunch of extra, timewasting steps for them – an extra set of hoops they have to jump through before they can get laid.
You’re making them waste time on techniques which don’t matter, long conversations which don’t progress things towards sex, weird doctrines and dogma they have to follow. You’re essentially running a distracting magic trick – “focus on all these techniques, and in the process, completely forget you wanted to get laid in the first place.”
You’re also encouraging them to sit at home studying all your material like a nerdy bookworm; instead of going out there and actually taking action. You’re delaying their progress and wasting months or years of their lives on things which won’t benefit them and only serve to steer them away from plentiful pussy.
Again, if you like chasing women and doing all these techniques and playing these games – more power to you. It’s your life and I want you to be happy above all else; it’s not my place to tell you what’s right for you. But the majority of guys start reading this material because they actually want to get laid. They then get brainwashed into thinking they need to play all these games when it’s absolutely not necessary.
A Blessing and a Curse…
Usually the people who start reading pickup artist material are highly intelligent (if you’re into any self-improvement, you’re probably more intelligent than the average). This intelligence is both a blessing and a curse, because along with intelligence also comes arrogance and overthinking. Arrogance in the form of, “If I just learn a little more, study the material a little more, plan a little more – I can avoid most of the hard, painful work. I can outthink having to put in a huge amount of effort.“
It’s a subconscious attempt to avoid hitting the gym, dressing better, getting rejected a bunch, making mistakes, learning as you go. Instead, you’re hoping you can just do some research, ready some ebooks, and then magically be a super-smooth Casanova once you’ve levelled up your knowledge enough, like some RPG character.
It doesn’t work like that – all the knowledge in the world doesn’t make you confident to go hit on girls, because you still haven’t actually hit on any girls yet. You’ll always be nervous about something you have never done before. You can’t “outlearn” the nervousness. Taking action (hitting on girls) is the only thing that makes the anxiety go away.
What ends up happening is guys read all these books and websites, learn all these routines, become experts at PUA…. but are still too nervous to actually go outside (or go on Tinder) and hit on girls. So they think, “Damn. I still haven’t fixed my “inner game” – I guess I need to keep working on that.” Their solution is to keep reading, keep learning, keep studying… aka, keep wasting their time. They continue to do this for a few more months, and still can’t hit on girls.
This cycle repeats – sometimes for years – until the guy becomes so frustrated he either a) gives up entirely, thinking there must be something wrong with him; or b) goes hunting for a website/book/etc that can actually get him laid (taking action).
Your intelligence is also a curse when it comes to overthinking, taking the form of, “If I ever make a mistake, if I ever get rejected, I need to sit down and analyse what went wrong. I need to spend hours/days/weeks breaking down the situation, and then I need to plan ahead and make sure it never happens again – so I can avoid failure.”
Sorry son, failure is inevitable. You cannot avoid it. No matter how intelligent you are, no matter how much overthinking and over-planning you do, you cannot avoid fucking up again and again. And the harder you try to avoid failure, the harder you focus on never making a single mistake with women, the more neurotic, paranoid and stuck you become – especially when it comes to actually getting laid.
You’ll develop a pathology – a fear of ever making mistakes. You’ll invent rules you need to stick to, things you must say to girls, routines you need to use – and in the process you’ll become a weird autistic robot who doesn’t know how to connect to another human being. A robot who is too scared to relax and just talk normally, lest he make a single mistake. And if there’s one thing lowers your chances of getting laid, it’s being weird and robotic. And if there’s one thing that gets you laid, it’s being a regular, normal human being.
This fear of ever making a mistake or saying the wrong thing is why so many pickup artists focus on techniques and rules (really, superstitions). It’s why they freak out so much about ever being “beta“. It’s why they’re so regimental and hardcore with their doctrines and dogmas instead of admitting there’s multiple paths to success – it’s a fear response. They are fearful of making mistakes and looking like an idiot; pickup routines are an attempt to control the outcome and aim for a 100% success rate with women.
Thing is, getting laid is random as hell – it’s a numbers game. You are going to fail no matter how much you try to outthink things. Some girls won’t fuck you, no matter how much you want them to. You can’t control that – even with all the pickup techniques in the world. You can’t make someone like you. All you can control is yourself; build yourself into the most awesome version of you you can ever be, put yourself out there and talk to as many girls as possible.
The only solution is to man up, face rejection head on, and go talk to more girls. Your intelligence won’t save you from having to get your hands dirty.
Wizadry for Wizadry’s Sake
A mate of mine has a great saying, “Other people aren’t necessarily playing by your rulebook.” What he means by that is sometimes other people have different rules, difference preferences, different goals – and what you assume they want isn’t necessarily what they actually want. In other words, it’s arrogant of you to assume what you want is what everyone must want.
In this case, my goal (and probably your goal too, if you’re here) is to get laid or find a girlfriend. I see pickup gurus (the teachers, not the students) out there spending hundreds of hours researching and rehearsing their “perfect lines”, then going out and acting like a pre-scripted robot when they talk to girls. I think to myself, “God damn, this guy is wasting so much time & energy with his convoluted routines – he could get laid way more if he dropped all the games and made it his mission to get laid more efficiently/with less timewasting.”
I have to take a step back and remind myself, most pickup gurus aren’t playing by my rulebook. They don’t necessarily have the same goal as me. They don’t necessarily want to get laid – they’re out there to practice their routines, get good at the “push/pull” dance, enjoy the thrill of the hunt and practice looking smooth. Their goal might not be to have a lot of sex – their goals is probably to get good at being a pickup artist. It’s solipsistic of me to assume they only want sex with no chasing.
My mate is a little more blunt. As he puts it:
“Pickup artists are theatrical wizards whose main goal is to improve their theatrics; not to get laid a lot.”
They are wizards trying to improve their wizadry. Getting laid is a nice bonus; but it’s not necessarily the main focus. They enjoy the techniques, the “game”, the hunt – they’re not all that bothered what gets them laid, and certainly not what gets them laid efficiently.
Again, fair enough – if the pickup teachers enjoy doing that, more power to them. I just don’t want to see any students who genuinely want to get laid, thinking they have to do what the teacher is doing and learn a bunch of pickup artist stuff in order to meet girls. Because you absolute do not.
An Obsession with Having a Conversation, Rather than Having Sex
Pickup gurus also teach “the importance of conversation” – as if talking to a girl and having amazing, smooth conversations is the only way (or even a good way) to have sex with them. I used to engage in some of this stuff myself – I’d have long conversations where I tried to make girls laugh and make them like me, thinking that would lead to me getting laid more. Those conversations were fun and gave me validation and made me feel nice… but they didn’t get me laid. And as I said, my goal was to actually get laid.
Eventually I grew tired of just talking to girls, and I decided I wanted to actually put my cock in their pussies. Girls just being nice to me & talking to me no longer gave me the validation & satisfaction I so desperately craved; I knew that would only come from sticking my doodle in their panty hamsters. Once you move past wanting just conversations and you start wanting actual sex, you realise the majority of pickup artist material hinders your chances to of getting laid – it’s just extra fluff that slows you down significantly and massively gets in your way.
Talking to girls for ages doesn’t get you laid more. Being efficient does – keeping texts to only logistics, then going on dates and trying to have sex with them. Being more efficient like this (instead of wasting weeks “making a girl like you”) means you can play the numbers game and hit on a tonne of girls, and find the ones who will sleep with you. You’ll end up getting laid far more often (this much), and with infinitely less hassle.
Do you think I could have gotten laid as much as I have if I was spending all that time focusing on learning routines, “converting girls”, etc? No. I got laid a tonne by slowly improving my looks, hitting on as many girls as I possibly could, and improving over time.
I’ll say it again: a lot of pickup gurus – and guys who are heavily into PUA material & “game”- don’t have getting laid as their main goal.
“But Andy, that’s nonsense! Pickup artists are literally obsessed with getting laid. They spend day and night combing through PUA material, having massive 20-paragraph debates on forums about the best methods for picking up girls, and they’re out on the streets running “game” on girls multiple times a week. How can you say they don’t want to get laid?”
Truth is pickup artists are doing everything except actually getting laid. If you’re following PUA material and doing all the things they advocate, then you think you’re on the path to having sex… it feels like you’re making real progress. Technically you are – but really, really, really slowly.
Because every hour you spend on a PUA forum, every hour you spend reading material, practising your lines, practising faking “confidence”, every hour you waste trying to have “engaging text conversation” is an hour you’re not actually taking girls out on dates and then inviting them back to your apartment to have sex with them. If you really do want to have sex, then “getting good at conversation”, “building confidence” and “working on my inner game” is merely procrastination.
Getting laid isn’t hard. It’s about looking half-decent, then going and talking to as many girls as you possibly can and trying to have sex with them. “Building rapport” and “running routines” and “building a connection” and all of that is getting you bogged down in the mud – you’re not moving any closer to actually shoving your wee wee in her wee wee.
It’s like people who say they want to lose weight – then spend hours/days/weeks/months reading 1000 diet books, researching what supplements to take, coming up with the “perfect” exercise plan, etc… but never actually stepping on a scale or counting their calories or getting any exercise or cutting out junk food. They think they’re making progress towards their weight loss goal with all that research and reading, but the actions they’re taking (or not taking) aren’t bringing them any closer to success.
They’re just spinning their wheels, going nowhere.
Highlight Reels & a Facade of Success
Pickup teachers also tend to have flashy “sales” websites, flashy YouTube videos of their “infields” where they kiss girls in public, and all sorts of other window dressing designed to make it appear like they’re getting laid. Thing is though: how often do they actually show evidence (pics and vids) of them getting laid? Do they actually get laid, or do you just assume they do, because they have some videos of them kissing girls in public?
It’s incredibly easy to get girls to kiss you in public, especially drunk in a bar/club. I could go out tonight and film 20 “infields” of me and my mates kissing girls. In fact, one of my mates has a game where he walks into clubs and tries to make out with every single girl in there, one after the other – and 50% of them let him kiss them. He can easily make out with 20 girls in the space of 30 minutes, and if you saw him doing it, you’d assume he must be banging all those girls (news flash: most girls will drunkenly kiss you in a club but very few will go home with you, especially since they’re out with their friends). Getting makeout videos is pathetically easy.
Getting phone numbers is also easy – I’ve gotten hundreds (thousands?) of them at this point – but the vast majority of girls who give you a number won’t end up sleeping with you (despite what some gurus will tell you). Youtube videos of a guy getting lots of girls’ numbers only means he’s good at getting numbers – it does not mean he’s good at actually having sexual intercourse.
If these guys were legit, you’d be seeing videos, pics, etc of them having sex (here’s all of mine). Not false facades and big words and empty promises.
This is my biggest gripe with a lot of pickup teachers: rather than being uplifting to newbies, they depress them with completely unrealistic expectations. Concepts like, “I go out and easily get 20 numbers a day, bro!”
“I makeout with multiple girls a night, so therefore you can assume I’m probably getting laid with all of them, multiple days a week!”
“You can win any woman – even one with a boyfriend or who’s married – if you just say the right lines! No girl will ever reject you again!”
A tonne of these gurus create these false expectations that if you study (and pay for) all their pickup material and just learn all their routines, you’ll never fail. What happens is a newbie goes out to actually try it and obviously fails to bang every girl he talks to. Then he feels like he’s failed somehow – so he’ll go home and study the material even more and buy even more of the guru’s Get Laid Fast!™ products.
As I’ve said before, you’re going to make a million mistakes when you start hitting on girls. Don’t try to be perfect, don’t try to win every girl over, don’t try to memorise all your lines; none of that will get you laid a lot. Just focus on the fundamentals: Improve yourself to a point where you look pretty good, and talk to as many girls as you can and find the ones who want to sleep with you.
Getting laid doesn’t mean you trying to manipulate or woo her with your wizadry or snaking your way into her pants with magical lines & a perfect tone of voice and alpha body language. Having sex is just a mutual sharing of your naughty bits with each other. Guy likes girl, girl likes guy, they have sex.
Some pickup gurus (and quite a lot of pickup students) get angsty and weird (and jealous?) when they see guys who are actually having a lot of sex. They analyse those guys’ “game”, and criticise it. They’ll look at the guy who bangs a new girl every week, and they’ll say, “Even though he’s having a lot of sex, he has absolutely no game! He compliments girls which is beta as hell, he never negs them, doesn’t know how to handle a shittest – what a complete loser!”.
Meanwhile that guy is having fun sticking his penis in a new girl every week – which is literally the goal the PUA said he wanted. He’s hating on the person who’s successful, instead of saying to himself, “Ok, there’s a guy who’s successful. Maybe I should just copy what he does because it’s clearly working – improve my looks and talking to a lot of girls?”
Because when you actually start getting laid, once you get past all the techniques and games and wizadry… you’ll see getting laid isn’t all that theatrical. In fact, it’s kinda mundane, and almost… anti-climactic. Getting laid is just you talking to as many girls as you possibly can, and inviting the ones who like you to grab a drink with you and then come back to your place.
I’ve even had a few comments telling me my “game” is “boring” and “disappointing”, and that I should “Work harder to impress the girls.” What on Earth? I want to fuck, not dazzle anyone.
I’ll leave the wizadry to the wizards.
Manipulations, Tricks & Deception
Pickup artistry advocates “wooing girls”, and “convincing them” to sleep with you – but there’s a fine line between “convincing” and “manipulating”. I’ve even heard some people call PUA sociopathic.
I wouldn’t go that far; I think the majority of people who use pickup artist tactics are empathetic people. I think they just got lost along the way, brainwashed into thinking they have to use tricks to get women to sleep with them. They’ve simply never tried being honest, never tried being a normal human being who just talks to girls – so they assume it won’t work. Especially when they have a bunch of gurus telling them, “Bro, you can’t be honest with women – that’ll scare them off and make them think you’re too needy and beta!”
Many of them are sneaky and indirect like a salesman – they rarely directly state their intentions, instead hiding behind subterfuge and plausible deniability. Some pickup teachers are really indirect – when they hit on a girl they pretend they’re not hitting on her, by asking her for directions, or pretending to just have a friendly conversation, hiding the fact they’re attracted to her at all.
Think about that for a minute. What are they telling themselves & the girls they talk to? “I’m ashamed to be hitting on girls, so I’m going to pretend I’m not hitting on you.” There is a part of them that thinks it’s wrong or bad to hit on girls; like they shouldn’t really be doing it. Here’s a direct quote from a pickup artist forum to show you what I mean:
“Ive noticed that its much better to incorporate ‘plausible deniability’ in your game. It can be your saving grace. ie. if you’re going to do some cold approaches (direct), in front of a shopping centre, make sure you’ve just done a shop yourself (and be holding some bags with you) and if playfully quizzed maybe say that you’re meeting a friend. This way, it looks more organic when you approach a girl because it appears that you’ve done it on the fly.”
Why not just be a normal human being, hit on some girls, and if they ask, be honest – “Hey I thought you were cute and I wanted to come say hi. I’m Andy.” Just be upfront with girls, tell them you think they’re cute/attractive/whatever, chat to them for a minute or two then ask for their number so you can grab a drink together. Simple, and honest, with no bullshit games or you feeling ashamed of what you’re doing.
Hitting on girls, trying to get laid, and most importantly improving yourself, are things to be proud of. You’re doing something 99.99% of the population could never do – so don’t you dare think you need to have any plausible deniability. Have some fucking pride in yourself and what you’re doing – hold your head up high like a man and make it clear to girls exactly what you’re looking for.
If you still want to run game and “woo” women into having sex with you – it’s your life, I can’t tell you what to do. You won’t enjoy my site though; I’ve built up a foundation of honesty with the girls I sleep with and the people in my life. Every now and then I slip up and am not 100% honest (I’m only human); but I’m always aiming to be as honest as I possibly can be.
Because the truth is, nobody likes a fake, sleazy salesman – and that’s how a lot of pickup gurus come across. People can smell it a mile away. Salesmen get a lot of sales, absolutely – but everyone thinks he’s a raging dickhead. Myself, my friends, my clients and my readers are all living proof you can be a decent person and get laid a lot with honesty and treating girls like they’re your teammates, rather than your enemies or targets you need to “convert”.
Deceiving Their Own
A lot (not all, but a lot) of pickup gurus also deceive their own students – using sales techniques on them, patronising them, and treating them like income rather than human beings in need of help. They use all sorts of marketing tricks, from “splash pages” to banner ads, email signup forms, clickbait headings and promises like, “You can get laid 50 times a week if you buy my ebook” or “You will find the woman of your dreams without having to improve yourself at all!” They rip you off with $5000 courses (of course, “On sale for only $2000, for a limited time only!”)
Guys who want to get laid jump on Google, search for “How do I get laid?”, come to these websites and get sold a pipe dream, milked for all they’re worth, with nothing to show for at the end of it. Because at the end of the day, a lot of (most?) pickup teachers don’t really care if you get laid – they only care about you paying them money.
Students are pulled down this rabbit hole of “You can’t talk to girls until your ‘game’ is perfect and you’ve rehearsed all your lines and know how to deal with all the shit tests.” The solution to all that is to pay the guru even more money, study even harder, and make him even more rich. Not all gurus are like this – a lot of them genuinely want to help people reach their goals. But too many of them are like this.
Guys waste years going deep into this cult (and it is a cult) of pickup artist material, until one day they finally realise “Holy shit, this isn’t working – I’m not actually getting laid”. Then they find something like Good Looking Loser, or my site, or any number of other sites with free content; sites built by guys who want you to actually insert your candle stick into her bearded clam.
At the end of the day, I detest seeing people get misled just for money. A tonne of pickup artists sell seminars/products to help you get laid, whilst teaching you the exact opposite of how to actually get laid. It’s like a mechanic charging you to fix your car, then smashing in all your windows with a hammer and telling you to just keep having faith in him as he holds out his hand & asks for more money to fix your newly-broken windows.
Getting laid isn’t complicated.
Improve yourself so you look half-decent.
Go talk to girls.
Make mistakes, improve as you go along, don’t ever quit.
None of the pickup techniques really matter – you don’t need to rehearse scripted lines, you don’t need to “build rapport” with girls, you don’t need funny stories or great jokes or witty banter. None of that shit matters, and by making you focus on that crap, many gurus are steering you away from actually getting laid/finding a quality girlfriend.
Who is more likely being honest with you – the guru trying to sell his course/books to you, or me – the guy with nothing to sell you?
What’s for sale on my website? What have I locked behind a pay wall? What content on my site do you not have access to unless you hand me money? I’ll give you the answer: nothing.
Literally everything on my site is completely free, including my 130,000-word Tinder series. Yes, I offer coaching – but that’s entirely on you whether you want to seek that out – you’d have to go out of your way to contact me for it. I mean look, I’m literally not even linking to it in this fucking sentence. I’ve never used flashy banners or email signups or pop-up bullshit or anything like that to force you to do something you don’t want to do.
Fuck that shit. I started this site to help people; not use them.
Weird Jargon that Makes the Act of Getting Laid Some Weird Alien Concept
Pickup gurus and students tend to use a lot of strange jargon when talking – stuff the rest of society have never even heard before. Normal people don’t understand what “sets” are, or “running game”, or “IOIs”, or “push/pull”. You’re making the act of interacting with a female human some weird “game” you have to play – like she’s some weird alien species you have to have a set of terms for. I shouldn’t have to open up a glossary just to understand what the fuck you’re talking about.
Using pickup jargon also puts you in your own head, meaning yours not actually present with her. You make her the “other”; the thing to be conquered. And you already know my thoughts on that.
When you use jargon, you’re alienating other people from your group – intentionally. You’re creating an “in-group”; a group of people who know the lingo and feel accepted by other members of the group. Groups have always had their own lingo (just like countries and cultures and sports teams all have their own lingo). The problem with pickup lingo is you’re making it so everyone else in the world is an outsider to you.
By making girls the “other”, you actually make it harder for yourself to have sex with a lot of them – not easier. Empathy and understanding girls goes a long way to having sex with them, and especially retaining them.
One of my mates said it best: “Pickup artists somehow manage to make the act of talking to girls seem really, really uncool.” He’s right – they make it nerdy as hell, using weird language like calling girls “talent” and “targets”, using a bunch of acronyms, and talking like a robot whenever the topic of sex/dating comes up.
At the end of the day you’re just talking to other human beings. You’re not doing something “underground” or “secret” or “special”. You’re just talking to girls.
A few months ago I met a pickup artist in my city – I saw him hitting on girls on the street. I respect anyone with the balls to do something most people can’t do, so I introduced myself to him and said hey. From the very first moment we met he was “weird” – like there was something a little “off” about him. He wasn’t talking like a normal person; he was using jargon, referring to hitting on girls as “sarging”, and talking like an alien. Part of the conversation was so weird I wrote it down in a text to my mate, and I’ve kept it ever since. The conversation with this guy went:
“Oh I’m approaching mainly 7s, 8s, and 9s right now, there’s a lot of talent out today. I’ve gone on instadates with two 7s but daaamn the 9s just won’t go out with me. My coaches told me that 9s are easier to number-close… When I go out to approach I start with 5s and 6s to build some momentum and then I go for higher numbers and just keep running my sets until I’m done.”
Take a step back and look at that paragraph as if you were a normal person – not someone who’s been flooded with pickup jargon. Does that sound like a normal way of talking about girls you’re literally just talking to, or does it sound as if it was written by some strange robot, categorising girls into numbers based on weird mathematical equations?
Do you think guys who get laid a lot (and I mean actually get laid a lot, instead of just putting on a facade of getting laid) talk like that about chicks? Or do they talk more like this?
Don’t you think someone who’s had a lot of sex would start to feel like sex is no longer a big deal, and they’d start referring to it as “just talking to girls”, “just meeting some chicks”, “just having sex”?
The more weird and abnormal someone makes something sound, the more they’re giving away the fact they think what they’re doing is “new” and “novel” and “strange”. Because trust me, in the case of literally everyone I know who’s gotten laid a lot (50+ lays), getting laid becomes not a big deal after a while and you just start referring to it as “having sex”. You refer to talking to girls as “talking to girls”. And you refer to girls as “girls” or “this cute girl I met” – not “I met this 6”.
The point of this article is to get you thinking: Am I actually trying to get laid, or am I more interested in the thrill of the hunt? Do I actually want to have sex, or do I just want to pretend I’m having sex? If you genuinely enjoy pickup artist stuff and the hunt, then go for it – and I mean that. I really do just want you to do your own thing; you have different wants and desires to me, and you should do whatever makes you happy.
But if you want to get laid, then focus on getting laid above all else. Make that your number 1 mission. Not to “build rapport with girls”, not to “become elite at engaging conversation”, not to “memorise my routines” and not to “learn how to kino her and detect her IOI’s”.
I’m copying this from my Tinder Guide, because it hits the nail on the head:
You get better at talking to women by just talking to women – not by memorising lines like you’re a fucking actor (and that’s what pickup artistry is – acting. Faking.) You won’t be good at talking to women at first, especially if you’re inexperienced – but it really doesn’t matter. I was so nervous – no, terrified – during my first 20 dates. I could barely talk, I was sweating and shaking, I’d mix up my words and one time I even forgot my own name (what the fuck…) None of it mattered though; I still managed to get laid, and over time I naturally grew more comfortable talking to women and people in general, and the conversation skills just took care of themselves.
I do in-person coaching where I take guys out on the street and get them to talk to girls. They always initially ask me, “Ok, what the hell do I say?” I tell them, “It doesn’t matter, just spot a girl you like and go tell her you think she’s cute.” They always ask me, “No seriously, what am I supposed to say? Don’t you have some conversation starters for me or something in case I forget what to say?”
Again, I (gently) tell them, “No. Just go tell her you think she’s cute, and see what happens. You’re going to be really shit at this at first, and that’s ok. Just go actually start.”
Guess what invariably happens? They go talk to a cute girl for a minute or two, come back to me with a huge smile on their face and tell me, “Holy shit dude, I did it! I was so awful at it, I couldn’t think of anything to say, and my throat went all dry, but I did it!”
Many of these guys go on to get laid a tonne, because they’re no longer afraid of making a fool of themselves or being really terrible at talking to women. You are going to suck no matter how hard you try not to. You have to just embrace it, and be willing to give it a go anyway, trusting that you’ll improve with experience. Just like everything else in life; almost nobody is good at anything they first take on.
If you want to get laid/find a girlfriend, you need to just start, right now – dive right in. Don’t memorise lines, don’t study pickup routines – just accept the fact you’ll suck at the start, and have faith you’ll improve over time with practice.
Start with my Tinder guide – it’ll tell you everything you need to know about improving your looks, setting up your dating apps, messaging girls, getting laid and retaining them afterwards. Do the (free) “Approach Anxiety Program” over on Good Looking Loser at the same time – it’ll help you build the confidence to hit on girls in person during the day/night.
Think about this one last time: Do I want to “game” women, or to get laid with women? Actually think about what you want – not what you think the “right” answer is.
Pick one, and then go for it.