A lot of you guys struggle with the idea that showing interest might be “needy”; in other words, you want to show that you want a girl, while still holding onto that beautiful abundance-mentality & outcome-independence. I get it; it’s something I used to struggle with a lot at the start.
You guys know my thoughts on “playing to win, rather than playing not to lose“, so I won’t cover that here. But the first thing I’ll say is – remember, it’s you and her on the same team. She’s your teammate; she’s not some thing to be terrified of. Most women are extremely nice, they won’t bite your head off – in fact, most will be flattered when you make it clear you like them. But you probably won’t fully believe me until you go out and gather some evidence of this, so as I always say – give yourself permission to suck, go out there, take some action.
As for worrying about being too “needy”, realise that neediness is a mindset. It’s only “neediness” when you literally feel like you need her to like you, or you need her to approve of you, or you need her not to reject you, or you need to get laid. Without that word – “need” – there is no neediness. It’s a simple mindset shift to “I have a lot to offer this woman, we’ll have a cool time together, I’m gonna see if she likes me”. In other words, you’re seeing if she’s cool, rather than desperately needing her to like you or sleep with you.
Another thing that helps a ton with neediness is building your own independence. Having your own hobbies, spending time with your friends, focusing on your own self-improvement. In other words, having your own awesome life going on, so you don’t feel that need to have a woman complete you. When your life is awesome, you don’t feel so much of an urge to cling onto any one particular woman. You don’t care if someone rejects you. You don’t care if she wants nothing to do with you – in fact, awesome! Now you’ve got more time to spend on your own kickass life.
And as a little side-bonus, having your own awesome life is really attractive to women 😉
Something else that really helps with non-neediness is playing the numbers game. I’ve talked many times about how the solution to all your neediness problems is to go talk to more women. If you had 10 women in your phone you were messaging, would you really care about rejection, or being “too needy”, or looking “beta”, or any of that stuff? Heck no, you’d be too busy having fun with all those other girls in your life! So rather than sitting around worrying about whether or not you’re being “too needy”, go talk to more girls – it’ll help, I promise.
Having realistic expectations helps too. Not every woman is going to be into you, not every woman is going to say yes to you. And when it comes to messaging, have realistic expectations of how quickly (or slowly) girls may be to reply to you. Some girls are just busy; they have a life going on (which is what I encourage you to have too – your own life!) She might take a few hours, or even a day to reply to your texts. Rather than sitting around waiting for her to reply (which just makes you feel more needy), go spend time with your friends, hobbies, etc – and go talk to more women.
And with all of this stuff, I’ll add in: being needy isn’t the end of the world. It’s not this big, bad thing you need to be terrified of. Worst case scenario she feels you’re a bit needy and she leaves – that’s fine. There’s more women you can go and talk to, you’ll have more chances to keep building your independence, and really she’s given you a gift; she’s shown you there’s still some work left for you to do when it comes to being non-needy. Nothing bad happens if you’re needy; it’ll be ok.
Just work on being 1% more independent and non-needy each week, slowly improving over time. You don’t have to let go of 100% of your neediness all at once; in fact, you probably won’t. Just a little bit at a time.
And if you’re ever unsure if you’re being “too needy”, you can always just ask. Ask your friends, ask me (hit me up for coaching), hell – you can even ask the girl. Literally just say “Yo, do you want me to text you less, or are you happy with how much we’re currently texting?” Again, she’s on your team – she’s not the enemy. If you’re ever unsure of anything, you can always just ask.
So go out there and keep building your independence, keep talking to more girls, and you’ll eventually stop caring about any of this. I promise neediness is something you eventually don’t even think about, because you’ll have such an awesome life going on that you couldn’t give a crap if a girl thinks you’re “too much” or “too needy”; you just move on and talk to the next girl.
P.S. Right now I’ve got a coaching deal on – check it out below:
