I know what it feels like to be alone.
I know the sting of lying in bed wondering if anyone will ever care about you. I know what it’s like to feel invisible — like you have no friends, no relationship prospects, no hope. That loneliness cuts deeper than most people ever talk about. And if you’re in that place right now, please know: you’re not broken. You’re not doomed. And you’re definitely not alone.
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When I first started trying to improve my life, I felt exactly the same way. I’d go out to talk to women and feel like I was on the front lines, fighting a battle I couldn’t win. I’d come home to an empty apartment, scroll through dating apps with very few matches, and feel angry seeing how easily it seemed to come to others. I’d watch couples holding hands and feel jealousy eat away at me. There were nights I thought, maybe this is just impossible for me. But those feelings — the doubt, the fear, the shame — are part of this process of self-improvement.
The truth is, almost everyone who’s changed their life has walked through that darkness. St John of the Cross called it “The Dark Night of the Soul”. The difference is they kept walking. They took tiny steps. They asked for help. They joined communities, talked to people, and stopped trying to do it all alone. They kept going. That’s all I did – I just started talking about my pain, and seeking support for it. I kept pushing forward, even when the doubts screamed at me to quit. Over time, those small steps turned into massive changes — dates, relationships, friends, self-respect, and a life I’m proud of.
So if you’re stuck in loneliness right now, your job isn’t to fix everything overnight. Your job is just to take one small step. (Literally just one). Install a dating app. Go for a walk. Think about saying hi to someone. Get out of the house. Practice gratitude for 1 minute. Do something; anything. Because the only way life changes is if you change something. And I promise you — the first date, the first friend, the first smile you get back will make every ounce of struggle worth it. (This is me literally saying: I promise the effort is worth it.)
You are NOT unlovable. You are not a hopeless case. You’re just a human being on the same messy, beautiful journey the rest of us are on. And you have people — myself included — who care deeply about you and want you to win. So take that first step. Don’t do it alone. And remember: loneliness is a feeling, not a life sentence.
P.S. If you want my help with this, you know where to find me: coaching.
