There’s a funny thing that happens when we avoid rejection; we end up getting less of what we want. Less sex, less money, less deep connections, less awesome relationships, less friends, and definitely less happiness.
Why?
Because avoiding “losing” really means you also avoid winning.
It’s really hard to have a ton of awesome, amazing sexual experiences if you don’t talk to any women.
It’s really hard to make tons of $$$ if you’re too nervous to ask people if they want to buy your product/service.
It’s really hard to make friends if you’re too avoidant to start a conversation.
It’s really hard to improve your mental health if you self-medicate your problems and run away from your emotions.
And it’s especially hard to connect with other human beings if you’re constantly tip-toeing around them, not being fully honest and upfront, holding back – all because you’re scared they might “reject” you. You’re basically telling yourself, “I can’t trust this person/these people; they might hurt me.” And if you’re convinced there’s a chance someone might hurt you, why would you ever open up to them and be fully honest and authentic? Why would you ask them for what you want? Why would you try and win with them? Why take that risk, if they’re only going to hurt you?
The thing is, yeah, sometimes, you might be hurt by someone’s reaction. That’s not a bad thing; that’s actually a GREAT thing! It means you have room for improvement when it comes to Stoicism and being more resilient. It means you can level up and get better. It’s a GOOD thing when you get hurt or feel down; it means you have an opportunity to grow.
There’s no amount of hurt, or rejection, that will destroy you – you are more capable of getting through it than you think. I know you think rejection will crush you; that it’ll lower your self-esteem so low that there’s no recovering it. I know you think rejection “says something about me” – that being rejected means you must be unlovable, or unworthy, or ugly, or stupid, or whatever else. But none of those things are true; they’re stories you made up to beat yourself down. And that’s ok – we’re often our own toughest critics – but rejection doesn’t have to have anything to do with your own self-worth.
You’re better than that. Literally.
It’s worth remembering that rejection is a MINDSET, not a thing that happens to you. You weren’t rejected; you FELT rejected. “You tell a story of how someone rejected you, and you reject yourself.”
Without that feeling of pain and hurt – in other words, as you become more stoic and stop caring as much (outcome-independence) – there IS no rejection.
Stop caring about rejections, and rejection as a concept ceases to exist entirely.
What I’m saying is, “rejection” isn’t even a rejection, as I’ve talked about here: A Rejection of Your Offer is Not a Rejection of You.
Besides, “rejection” is all part of the process – money, sex, relationships, friendships, everything is a numbers game. Not everybody is going to want to have sex with you. Radical notion, I know… but we often forget it in the moment and get really, really, really down when someone says no to us, don’t we?
Same thing applies in business. Not everybody wants to hand over their hard-earned cash to you. You know that, I know that – after all, we’re careful with how we spend our own money. And yet, when faced with a potential client/customer saying “No thankyou” to our faces… it’s so tempted to feel like we “failed”, like we “should have done better”, like we screwed up. When really this is just a numbers game, and as long as we’re improving a bit each day and just getting out there and sharing our product/service with as many people as possible (playing the numbers game), then whatever each potential customer says is entirely on them.
After all, it’s their money – it’s up to them how they spend it.
Same thing applies in dating. It’s her pussy; it’s up to her how she spends it 😉
So go out there and let go of your crippling fear of rejection. Take a chance, be a bit vulnerable, and ask that girl out, or offer your product/service to that person you’re “convinced” is going to just say no. Take a risk, play this game of life with all that you’ve got, and go play to win.
I’ll be busy doing the same thing.
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