(Cover image by: Paweł Czerwiński)
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Let’s start with this question:
“Can’t I just save myself the trouble and lie to a girl to get laid/get what I want?”
Sure – if you want extra drama, guilt on your conscience (it almost always catches up with you), the extra pressure from having to remember and keep up your lies, the feeling that you can never quite trust the girls you’re with (because why would you trust them when you’ve been lying to them and haven’t built a sense of trust/honesty?)… then lie if you want to. In other words, lying may seem easy in the moment, but it always comes back to bite you.
You’ll find when you start doing the opposite and instead embracing honesty, you’ll naturally filter in girls who are also willing to meet your honesty with full honesty themselves. No more games, no more tricks, no more bullshit – just two people saying exactly what the fuck they mean, and not trying to “beat” each other. Which leads to less drama – you’ll never get caught out in a lie or have an argument. You’ll never feel the tension from having to lie to each other, always treading carefully in case the other person is manipulating you too.
Being honest and just being “real” with girls is so much easier. Once you get decent at practicing honesty (start here), sex/dating/relationships become a relative walk in the park. You get to just say what you mean without having to phrase anything “perfectly” or worry about how she’ll react. And you’ll be able to ask simple questions of girls, and get back an honest answer 95% of the time. Easy, fun sex without any of the bullshit drama.
To be fair, I understand why guys are often tempted to tell a small lie in the moment – it’s fairly easy. An example – a girl asks you, “Are you sleeping with other girls?” You worry she won’t like if you say yes (because you’re relatively new to the concept of honesty, and you don’t have any evidence that women will receive your honesty well). So you go with the easy, tempting lie and say, “No, I’m not sleeping with other girls.”
Easy in the short term. She accepts your answer and it seems to have worked. But now, you find yourself having to hide your phone from her and make sure she never sees it. You also find yourself second-guessing whether other girls you’re sleeping with have left a hair-tie, or an earring, or something else in your apartment that she might see. Any time she comes over, you find yourself turning your phone on silent so she won’t hear any texts that might come in from other girls. I’ve been in this situation before (I wasn’t always honest back in the day), and it absolutely sucks. It feels like you can’t actually enjoy all the sex you’re having because you’re too busy worrying whether the girls will eventually find out you’ve been bullshitting them.
Lying is easy in the short term, but an absolute pain in the long-term.
Lying also isn’t necessary. You can get laid like crazy with a tonne of hot girls while also being completely open, honest, transparent and upfront. In fact, I’ve gotten laid more the more upfront I’ve been. Not to mention, the sex is far more fun, wilder, kinkier; precisely because they can see I’m not manipulating them, and they can let go and be in the moment with me. They trust me, they can see I’m being honest, so they don’t need to be on their guard or hold back.
So start being real with girls. Drop the games, start being honest about what you want, and treat them like they’re on the same team as you.
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