One huge fear we all have at the start of our getting laid journey is, “I want to go outside and hit on girls… but what if other people see me?” We’re deeply afraid of someone spotting us, or worse – someone calling us out and publicly-humiliating us. We’re deeply afraid of the embarrassment, the humiliation, the horror of being called out for doing something that isn’t considered “normal”.
Some guys are even afraid a security guard/police officer/etc might come and arrest them for the heinous crime of telling girls they’re cute. That was something I was deeply afraid of myself, and it all tied in to one thought that was constantly bouncing around my head: “Hitting on girls like this is somehow wrong.”
The thing is, you are not doing anything you need to be ashamed about. Assuming you’re being polite and respectful to chicks you hit on, you’re not doing anything wrong.
All my approaches go like this: “Hey, you’re hot/cute/sexy and I had to say hi. I’m Andy. [Handshake. Then general conversation for a minute or two.] Lemme grab your number and we’ll grab a drink.”
If you’re doing something similar to that, then you’re all good. Be respectful when a girl says, “I have a boyfriend” – just say, “No worries, it was nice meeting you. Enjoy your day.” and leave. As long as that’s your modus operandi, then the only thought that should be in your head is, “I am proud of the massive fucking balls I have dangling between my pretty little legs.”
You’re out there doing God’s work when you hit on cute girls; it’s what men were made to do. You have nothing to feel “guilty” about, nothing to feel “weird” about – you don’t need to get anxious about other people seeing you hit on girls.
Again, I’ll drill this home: As long as you’re being polite & chilled when you hit on girls, the vast majority of people will respect and even envy what you’re doing. Stop thinking you are doing something wrong; you’re not.
As long as you’re always respectful, and know how to take no for an answer, the vast majority of girls will think what you’re doing is sweet. Girls like being hit on by attractive, respectful guys. They’ll massively respect your courage & will encourage you to hit on more girls – I’ve lost count of the number of girls who’ve said, “I actually have a boyfriend, but you should keep talking to girls like this, it’s really brave of you.” One even gave me a pat on the shoulder and told me to keep it up, lol.
As for guys – the majority of them will think you’re a fucking superhero for having the courage to talk to random girls and introduce yourself to them. They’ll wonder how the hell you’re able to do something that to them is utterly unfathomable; you’ll seem like a God. As long as you’re being polite about it, most people will revere you for talking to girls.
You also have to understand what it looks like to other people when you hit on a girl. For everyone around you who might see you walk up to a girl and talk to her, it just looks like you know her and you’re saying hi to her.
If you really want to over-analyse it, it looks like you semi-know her and you’re introducing yourself to her properly. It looks like maybe she’s a friend of a friend… or maybe you met her at a party once… or perhaps she’s in one of your classes at university… Or maybe you half-know each other from work. Most people who see you introduce yourself to that girl will quickly come up with one of those stories to explain what you’re doing, and then immediately forget about you and get back to their lives.
I promise you, nobody is paying that much attention to you anyway. Most people are far too busy with their own lives to even notice what anyone else around them is up to. Think about it; when you’re walking down the street, lost in your own thoughts, do you really notice what everybody else is doing? Or are most of them just random “NPCs” in the periphery; extras in the movie that is your life?
Here’s the part that’ll blow your mind: to everyone else, you are just a random NPC. Just like other random people on the street don’t matter to you, you don’t matter to any of them. You aren’t being noticed, you aren’t being paid attention to, and nobody is watching you for long enough to realise that you’re hitting on girls.
I have personal experience with this myself. Before I’d ever hit on any girls, I never saw a single other guy hit on a girl in public. Literally zero – I’d never seen any “pickup artists”, or random guys talking to girls they didn’t know on the street, etc. Literally never seen it.
As soon as I started hitting on girls, I started seeing other guys doing the same thing, multiple times a week. In fact, on certain nights when the “pickup artist” groups are out, I’ll see 30 or so guys walking around, talking to girls. When I was just a normal average person, I never noticed any guys hitting on girls.
My girlfriend also never saw any guys hitting on girls… until I showed her what to look for and now she sees them all the time. 5 of my mates also never saw any guys hitting on any girls, until they started approaching themselves – now they also see it all the time.
99% of people out on the street have no idea what it looks like when a guy hits on a girl; they’re blind to it, just like I was, just like my girlfriend was, just like most of my mates were. Rest assured, you’re pretty much anonymous/invisible when you go out to hit on girls… even if you sometimes feel like the whole world must be watching. They’re all oblivious to what you’re doing. You and the girl are the only two people who actually know what’s going on.
Besides, if anyone does notice you (which is extremely rare) – they’re going to think you’re a legend. I’ve only ever been noticed by a handful of people, and guess what? They were all pickup artists who came up to me and said, “Did you just hit on that girl? That’s fucking awesome.”
Go out there and hit on lots of girls. Don’t worry about what other people around you are doing; none of them matter. You and the girl will be the only two people who really know what’s going on; it’ll be a fun little secret only you two are in on.
Have fun with it.
Good article. When the fear really gets me is situations like hitting on a girl on a quiet subway or train. On the street people are moving and can’t really hear and I can always walk away if I’ really embarrassed. But on a subway I really feel like everyone would be watching me and they can hear everything. And there is nowhere to go afterwards. Any advice on this Andy?
Here’s my advice: Do it.
You’re looking for a magic fix; a silver bullet. Sorry buddy, there isn’t one. On a train is scary. You either face the fear and do it, or keep looking for a magic fix that doesn’t exist.
This article perfectly addresses the exact thing holding me back right now…
Im tall, good looking with above average social skills and can fairly comfortably hit on girls if it’s just me and a girl and no one else watching (eg not so busy back streets lol)
But in high traffic areas where you’re most likely to see plenty of hot girls I completely puss out 100% of the time, too scared to do it cause I feel like other people are watching and judging.
The part where you talk about having never noticed guys hitting on girls in public until you yourself start doing it and only then it becomes obvious…is a literal breakthrough! That’s so true, gonna knock some approaches out tomorrow morning with that in mind.
Thanks ! 🙂 have bookmarked this post
Awesome mate. Come back tomorrow and drop a comment telling me how it went.
Duude, I needed this SO much. I have hit on a bunch of girls before but I still feel nervous. There’s that underlying fear still, but fuck it man. I had people telling me that what I was doing was wrong or weird, but fuck them. Now I truly internalised that they are weird and have self steem problems, not me.
Now I feel stupid for being afraid of something so simple for so long, but that’s being human.
In some ways, what we’re doing IS weird. Anything that most people don’t do can be considered “weird”. But if we want an awesome sex life, and if we want to achieve the goals we want to achieve, we have to be willing to do a lot of things most people would consider “weird” or “creepy”. I’ve talked about the creepy thing here:
Man thankyou for writing this. this has been something ive really struggled with in the past. Going to go out and do my approaches, fuck what the world thinks!
Awesome mate, glad to hear it.