There’s a solid blog I’ve been following for the last year or so, called The Red Quest. He covers getting laid, dating, open relationships/non-monogamy, Tinder, cold approaching, BDSM and dynamics between men and women. Oh, and sex clubs. He writes from a very mature, wise point of view – it’s very clear he’s experienced and has spent a lot of years getting laid. I’m not sure how old he is, but I get the sense he’s older than me – his writing certainly comes across as wiser and more “adult”.
He wrote a great article a couple days ago I had to share with you guys called, What Does “quality” Girl Mean? The final paragraph in particular really stuck out to me, because it echoes the stuff I write about on treating girls like they’re on your team (“You and Me“):
You should also model good behavior. Do you want a woman who is thin? Invite her to the gym. Make food with her (zero sugar of course). If you model and encourage good behaviors you will often get them in return. If you do the opposite, you will get the opposite. “Quality” often creates its own quality. If you cannot get “quality” the problem is often looking at you in the mirror.
Essentially he’s talking about concepts I cover in my retention guide, particularly mentoring girls. You’d be surprised how much girls lap up any little bit of advice you give them, taking on feedback and moving in the direction you want with only the slightest little push. And you’d be surprised how many of them are desperate to get into self-improvement, if only someone would show them.
I posted this comment in reply to his article:
“So many guys don’t get this. They’ll sit around decrying, “I can’t find a woman who has [insert quality they’re looking for].” Not realising women are pretty agreeable/like to go with the flow, so it doesn’t take much effort to help mould a girl into what you’re looking for. As you say, it doesn’t take much at all – bring her into your life, invite her to come along when you go to the gym, and boom – she’s on board.
I’ve especially found this to be true when it comes to self-improvement – most girls are *dying* to learn Red Pill skills like having a mission, stoicism/resilience, becoming a better version of yourself, improving your looks (especially this one!) All it takes is a little gentle encouragement.
You call it “modelling behaviour”, I refer to it as “mentoring” girls (because I usually do in a very overt, direct and verbal way – literally telling them the qualities I’m seeking in my sexual/romantic partners and giving them advice on how to improve themselves). I like your idea of modelling the behaviour too, particularly if you’re a bit more of a “hands-off” guy who doesn’t have the time – or the inclination – to overtly mentor girls. Just model the behaviour you’re looking for, give her little nuggets of wisdom every now and then, and you’re good to go.”
Whether you call it modeling or mentoring or something else, I feel like I very rarely see this idea mentioned… yet it’s important… people can change, and will change in response to the right stimulus. A girl who is good in some ways but maybe has some aspects you don’t like, might pick up new hobbies/habits. I mentioned this in some other posts but I like, for example, reading with girls… if there’s a book I like or just finished or find interesting, I’ll give it to the girl and talk to her about it. A lot of girls recognize that smartphones and social media are retarded but somehow lack the direction to do something different. If I give a little direction she may reprioritize or change.
Plus… then she’ll have something to talk about on social media, amid all of her bikini pics…
One thing I’ve been thinking about here and there, is that most guys online don’t really get to the later/deeper stages of game or women or life. The deeper levels are rarely accessed or discussed. https://theredquest.wordpress.com/2019/10/17/what-do-i-mean-by-levels-of-game-seduction-discussion. You can tell something about a guy who gets there… when relatively few do, or seem to. Guys who f**k a lot of chicks often come to empathize with chicks, who have a bunch of problems (often self-imposed) of their own, which guys who don’t get laid enough don’t or can’t perceive. I like Nash’s blog for example because he has stories about the later levels, when most guys fall off early on.
If you’ve laid her out a few times… you’ve got the status to encourage *some* changes… https://theredquest.wordpress.com/2019/02/20/status-coolness-first-then-evangelize-for-whatever-the-thing-is/
… girls who are truly f**ked up probably can’t change, but a girl who has some good qualities is often yearning to improve, as you point out… she will show you who she is over time. Offer her books and she remains on social media for 5 hours a day? Tells you something. Invite her to the gym and she keeps saying no? Tells you something. Seems interested in cooking with you but always falls off? Tells you something. Goes out drinking a lot? Tells you something (including that she’s not going to be faithful and that she’s going to destroy her body… could also be telling you her psychology is bad).
IMO… set up good models for her… if she rejects good models… she’s shown you the kind of girl she is. You picked up that comment, which was a bit of a throwaway… some of the similar comments in past posts have mostly been ignored by most readers, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen this basic idea mentioned.
One of the other commenters on that article, DaysOfGame, had this to say:
Like Andy, I’ll be explicit, I’ll say, “I like this/that in a woman.” That same part of a woman that can be insecure will take this like instruction. If women are empathetic, and you announce a strong preference, she’ll try it on.
That, plus positive reinforcement: “You did XYZ and I loved it. Keep doing that, it’s very feminine.”
I’m not into trying to overtly control (I think that usually insecurity, and the girls know it too). I don’t like to beat up on girls either (I’ll just leave). But I can “shape behavior.”
Shaping a girl into what you want is another form of dominance. And it can be pro-social. I think it is the natural path.
This idea that women are children appeals to me. “Teaching” children is only natural.
All of this discussion reminds me of the quote: Be the change you want to see in the world. If you want a girl to show you a certain set of behaviours, model that for her. Or actively mentor her like I do, if that’s your thing.
Go check The Red Quest out – he’s got some pretty solid stuff. I must admit I wish his website was a little easier to navigate (I’m dying for a menu bar with categories to more easily find topics I’m interested in), but if you’re willing to do a bit of digging, there’s some great stuff there. Articles I’ve enjoyed:
- Sex skills for guys: psychology, preparation, and practice
- Tough conversations. Downside of being known as a player
- There is a very large amount of randomness (noise) in pickup and game
- Tell your girl to use a vibrator during sex, and other bedroom tips and sex skills for guys
- Couple-to-couple dating mechanics, and keeping a texting roster for sex clubs
- Jealousy and non-monogamy
He also gives out a totally free book (100% free, no email signup bullshit or anything like that) on sex clubs and open relationships:
Like I said, it’s very clear this guy’s talking from a place of vast experience; unlike a huge percentage of the getting laid advice on the internet. Give him a follow, and tell him I sent you. 👍
“She grows from the stability of your consciousness.”
— David Deida
Just heard this line today… reminded me of your post.
What an awesome quote.