Watch the video version of this article:
When Ken first joined my coaching program, he was deep in the “Red Pill” world. He’d spent years soaking up the usual talking points — “women are hypergamous”, “they’ll leave you if you show weakness”, “women don’t really want sex”, “women are out to extract resources from men”, etc.
And like a lot of men who come into this space, he wasn’t trying to be bitter. He was just trying to protect himself.
“I felt like I had to learn how to defend myself from women,” he told me. “I didn’t want to go into dating and get destroyed. I thought honesty was weakness. I thought if they knew I wanted sex, they’d think I was disgusting.”
It’s a common story. The Red Pill offers a shield — a way to make sense of past rejection and pain. But as Ken quickly realised, that shield can eventually become a prison. Instead of empowering you, it keeps you afraid.
Afraid to be honest.
Afraid to be vulnerable.
Afraid to connect.
“I Thought Women Could Read My Mind”
One of Ken’s earliest fears was that women could “read his intentions.”
“I was terrified they’d know I wanted sex and reject me immediately,” he said. “I also believed women didn’t like sex — that only men wanted it. And if they did want sex, it definitely wasn’t from me.”
This is one of the most damaging lies The Red Pill spreads: that women don’t really enjoy sex, or that sex is something men “take” or “get” from them.
Here’s the truth:
- Women love sex too — when it’s with someone they trust and feel safe with.
- You’re not “taking” anything from her. You’re sharing an experience.
- Dating isn’t a zero-sum game. It’s a collaboration — not a transaction.
The moment Ken shifted his perspective from “I have to get something from her” to “I’m offering something to share”, everything changed.
Dropping the “Alpha vs. Beta” Myth
Red Pill ideology loves to divide men into two boxes: “alpha” or “beta”. Winner or loser. The guy who gets laid or the guy who never will.
It’s incredibly binary.
That binary thinking traps you. It tells you, “If I’m not already winning, I must be a loser.” And if you believe you’re a loser, you stop trying. You don’t go outside and talk to as many girls. You don’t improve yourself. You don’t even bother playing the numbers game (why would you, when you think you’re a loser?) You give up before you even start.
Ken admitted he’d often go out and think, “What’s the point? Nothing’s going to happen.” That mindset alone was sabotaging his chances.
The truth is: You’re not stuck. You’re not doomed. And you don’t need to manipulate or play games to “level up.” You just need to change how you approach the whole thing — starting with honesty.
Honesty Is the Ultimate Cheat Code
“I used to think honesty would make me lose,” Ken said. “Now I realise it’s the reason I win.”
When he started simply telling women what he wanted — “I’m looking for something casual,” “I think you’re beautiful,” “I’m nervous right now but I wanted to say hi” — the results shocked him.
Women didn’t run away. They didn’t shame him. Most responded positively. And when they weren’t interested? They thanked him for his honesty and wished him well.
The worst that happened? A polite “I’m not looking for that.” The best that happened? Genuine, drama-free connections with women who actually wanted the same thing.
Stop Playing Chess. Just Ask for the Thing You Want.
Most guys treat dating like a chess match. Every move is calculated. Every word is a tactic. And at the end of it, maybe — maybe — they get what they want.
But you don’t need to play the game. You can skip straight to the point. Instead of dancing around your desires, just say them out loud:
- “I’d love to take you out for a drink.”
- “I’m looking for something casual and fun.”
- “I want to kiss you.”
- “Wanna come back to my place and fool around?”
When you do, everything gets simpler. The women who want the same thing say yes. The ones who don’t politely decline. And you stop wasting time on manipulation, guesswork, and rejection anxiety.
Yeah, I’m telling you you’re allowed to skip playing games.
Vulnerability Builds Trust
The Red Pill tells you “vulnerability is weakness”. That if you open up, women will use it against you. That they’ll hurt you, manipulate you, laugh at you, or reject you.
It’s the opposite.
Vulnerability builds trust. When you lead with honesty — “I’m nervous,” “I’m worried this won’t go perfectly,” “I really like you” — women often feel safe enough to open up too. And that’s when real connection begins.
Even sexually, vulnerability changes everything. When you can talk openly about what feels good, what doesn’t, what turns you on, and what you want to explore — sex stops being a gamble and becomes a deeply shared experience.
“I Didn’t Realise I Was Allowed to Relax”
Perhaps the most powerful shift for Ken was emotional.
“The Red Pill had me in a near-constant state of tension,” he said. “Every text, every approach, every date — I was overthinking everything. Now I just relax. I enjoy the process. I didn’t know I was allowed to do that.”
And that’s the real tragedy of The Red Pill: it keeps men afraid. Afraid of rejection, afraid of women, afraid of themselves.
But once you embrace honesty — real, vulnerable, compassionate honesty — fear disappears. Dating becomes fun again. And women stop being the enemy and start being your teammates.
The Next Step
If you’re ready to drop the games, the masks, and the bullshit — and finally build real, honest, drama-free connections with women — here’s your call to action. Go out there and practice being a little bit more real, a little bit more honest, a little bit more courageous. Women are on your team, after all.
If you want more help with this – if you want my help breaking down your fears, rewiring your limiting beliefs, and building up your confidence through radical honesty and real-world action – come checkout my coaching programs.
Right now I have a HUGE discount on my HARDCORE 1-on-1 Coaching – check that out here:
https://killyourinnerloser.com/apply-1on1
Or you can join our affordable group coaching program The Abundance Collective – this discount code will give you 75% off your first month:
https://abundancecollective.circle.so/checkout/the-abundance-collective-coupon?coupon_code=150OFF
You’re allowed the life of your dreams. All it takes is a little courage.
I believe in you.
