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The following are some dating stories I wrote in my online journal over the years. Most of these didn’t make it to my proof article; check that out for 60+ more stories.
Most of these I’ve copy-pasted directly from my journal, without any spellchecking/editing, to save myself having to re-write them. And also because it’s amusing to me how god-damn awful my writing used to be. In some of these, I didn’t even capitalise my sentences (because I thought capitalising your sentences wasn’t “alpha” – true story).
- Andy Discovers that All Girls are Celebrities on Tinder
- Andy Spills Blood for a Woman
- Andy is the Hero This City Deserves
- Andy and His Mate Hit on the Same Girl
- The Racist High-Fiver
- Andy Bangs an (Amateur) Pornstar
- Andy Hated Women Back in 2017
- Andy Hits on a Fuckbuddy’s Best Friend
- The Post that Made Me Start Getting Laid a Tonne
Andy Discovers that All Girls are Celebrities on Tinder
Guys, I present to you, a girl’s tinder account:
This is my girl’s tinder. I got her to sign up for Tinder Gold so we could see how many guys had swiped on her, out of curiousity. 5605 likes, plus another 323 she’s already matched with.
Bare in mind she’s NOT very attractive – she’s chubby, has awful photos (she doesn’t like having photos taken).
So when you fuck a girl from tinder, remember you’re beating 5000+ other guys she could have talked to.
And when a girl doesn’t reply to your messages, or ignores you, or ghosts you, it’s probably not that you’re doing anything wrong. It’s just that she has 5000+ other guys competing for her attention, and she forgot about you.
Also, the reason boosts and superlikes work so well (you’ll always get matches when you use them) is because it FORCES your profile to actually be shown to girls. It puts you at the front of the queue, so you’re not lost in the masses of other guys.
Getting laid is literally a numbers game.
Andy Spills Blood for a Woman
Speaking of girls who usually ignore me… I fucked my first “rocker girl” EVER. I’m fucking happy as shit. I love these kinda girls (also known as punk girls, scene girls, alt girls, etc) but they never liked me in the past.
I just invited this girl straight round (but I went and met her in public first, then walked back to mine). 30 minutes before the date I sliced my fucking finger open though:
Just for added drama.
I didn’t have any bandaids in the house, so I had to wrap my thumb in fucking masking tape to stop the bleeding. So as I’m banging this girl, I have a giant stumpy thumb I have to hold up in the air so she doesn’t accidentally knock it or something. I looked like I was giving her a thumbs up the entire time as I was banging her, lol.
So this chick is interesting. She has a high-paying job as a senior researcher in a biomed lab. Has her own apartment and seems very intelligent and articulate, she pauses before she speaks and is very measured with what she says. Witty too.
But she self-harms. Her body is COVERED in scars, she has “FAT FUCK” and “DISGUSTING” scratched into her thighs. It’s completely at odds with her otherwise-normal personality.
She was heaps of fun to fuck though. She’s tall but THIN as shit, I threw her around like a ragdoll. She’s covered in piercings (like 10 on her face) has full tattoo sleeves on both arms, chest and back. She’s ultra feminine and very very sweet.
Definitely gonna shag her again – a little worried about the self-harm shit though. (That’s a little hypocritical given I just self-harmed the shit out of my hand…)
Andy is the Hero This City Deserves
Back in 2017/2018, I used to love being silly on dates and saying goofy things to girls to entertain myself. Every girl I dated, when she asked what I did for work, I’d say, “I have 3 jobs.”
I’d tell her about my 2 main jobs, then she’d inevitably ask, “What’s your 3rd job?” I’d spend the entire rest of the date making her guess, and every girl drove herself crazy trying to figure it out. They’d beg, plead & nag me to tell them, or give them a hint… but I’d keep dragging it out. “It’s a job you do at night.” “It’s not very rewarding and it doesn’t pay very well at all.” “I don’t get enough credit for doing it.” By the end of the date they’d be close to tears with frustration, and I’d leave them with, “I’ll tell you on the next date.”
Some of them would playfully slap me on the shoulder, screaming, “Nooooo! You can’t leave without telling me!” They’d text me an hour or so later, begging me to not keep them in suspense and just tell them what my damn job was. I’d stay strong; “I’ll tell you on the next date.”
If I saw them for a 2nd date, the millisecond we met up, they’d yell, “Andy! You have to tell me your job now!” I’d let them guess a little more, then look them straight in the eyes and say, “You have to swear not to tell anybody if I tell you what it is.”
“Of course! Just tell me!”
I’d lean in, close to their ear, and say….. “I am the Batman.”‘
They’d get so fucking mad (in a playful way); a lot of them would let out an audible scream, their face a mixture of amusement and incredulity, shocked that I’d led them on for all that time just for an admittedly-lame joke.
I amuse myself sometimes.
Andy and His Mate Hit on the Same Girl
Went on a date with a vietnamese chick on Wednesday. She goes to the toilet, so while I wait I text my buddy Mike and tell him how this girl is weird so I’m gonna leave. I tell him a few things about her and Mike replies, “Wait, is her name Alice?”
I’m like, “Yeah, when did I tell you that?”
“Does she live in [location]?”
“Fuck…. Mike… WTF yes she does”
“Is she vietnamese?”
“YES. MIKE WHAT THE FUCK”
Turns out he dated her 4 nights earlier AHHAHA. We picked her up in entirely different locations on different days, so it’s the most insanely random chance. She probably felt like a superhero being approached twice in 4 days lol.
Epilogue: I ended up having sex with her & saw her for a couple of weeks. She ended up being totally batshit insane (as in, mental institution levels of insanity), which is a story I’ve never told… perhaps I will someday.
The Racist High-Fiver
2nd date with asian chick
one hilarious thing happened: i highfived some random dude, then told her she had to highfive someone. so she walks up to this random woman and goes “HI! HIGH FIVE!” the woman goes “oh hi, how are you? you cut your hair!” and im laughing like “oh how funny is that, turns out to be her friend, that’s random as fuck”. they chat for a bit, the woman is like “you coming to the party tonight? oh wait you have uni, nevermind”. they chat for a minute or two.
then my girl comes running over, grabs me and starts laughing her head off. i say “thats pretty funny that it turned out to be your friend”. she yells “NO! I DIDN’T KNOW HER! IVE NEVER MET HER IN MY LIFE!”
fucking LOL, this random woman thought she knew my girl. i bet in her mind all asians look the same. funny as fuck.
Andy Bangs an (Amateur) Pornstar
A few weeks ago I was having a wank, looking at porn… and I’m thinking to myself, “Gee, this girl looks so familiar. She looks a hell of a lot like one of my old fuckbuddies from 2 years ago”. I look up more pics and holy fucking shit, it’s one of my ex-fuckbuddies. I lose my shit, this is the funniest thing I’ve seen in ages, so I tell a few of my mates about it, even some of my normie mates. I have the bright idea to get back in touch with her, because it’d be hilarious to be able to say, “I fucked a pornstar” (even though the porn she’s doing is solo and lesbian only, and it’s amateur shit… technically she’s still a porn star).
Takes me an afternoon but I manage to track her down on Facebook. Send her a message, turns out she’s still into me, she comes over the next night and we fuck like rabbits. It’s been 1.5 years since I last saw her, and she’s changed a hell of a lot in that time. She used to be a really immature, annoying 18yo girl. She’s a little more worldly and a hell of a lot less annoying now. She’s also a fuckload kinkier – she’s fucking *filthy* – so I’m going to have fun ruining her even more. I was slapping her face during sex, and afterwards she told me she wanted me to punch her next time. LOL.
Also, it gets even funnier – one of my best mates says “Wait… I think I’ve fucking seen that girl! She works in the building next to mine, and comes in to my workplace a few times a week”. So I asked her about it, and YEP, she does work in the building next to my mate, and goes to his building a few times. FUCKING LOL.
Andy Hated Women Back in 2017
For a couple years after I first started getting laid, I was a very negative and combative person. Here’s a quote I wrote on the Good Looking Loser Forums back in October 2017:
“Almost every girl is a demanding, entitled fucking pain in the ass.”
And guess what? Every girl I dated ended up being a demanding, entitled pain in the ass, because I was filtering those type of girls in – I didn’t think I deserved any better. Talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy.
These days I love women – and guess what, they love me.
You’re totally in control of the time of women you allow into your life.
Andy Hits on a Fuckbuddy’s Best Friend
Something HILARIOUS happened. Jo met up with her best friend last night for dinner. She shows her friend a picture she took of me. The friend is like “What the fuck. That guy hit on me and we went on a date.” LOL OL OL OL. It was an awful date too, I remember the chick – she was a bit of a bitch/idiot, so I left the date halfway through. I then immediately went and started hitting on chicks, and that chick saw me do it and texted me “Fuck you, you’re an asshole, I saw you talking to other girls”. HAHAHAHA.
She told all this to Jo last night, and said “omg you can’t see this guy, he’s an asshole, he’ll just go fuck other girls and he’ll never care about you, promise me you won’t ever see him again, you can’t” etc etc etc. Jo came over to my place and asked me if I did date her friend. I said of course. She was pretty heart broken. I’ve told her in the past I’ll never be monogamous, but I think this made it a lot more real for her, it’s more “in her face”.
Cue the waterworks, a few hours of sulking, etc. We talked a bit, I let her say what she needed to say (mostly retarded shit like “I thought I was special” and “if you care about me, shouldn’t I be enough for you? Why do you need to see other girls?”) etc. Told her “Obviously I care about you. But I like sex. Sex has nothing to do with caring about someone”. etc.
Went to bed, then in the morning she was still depressed. She said “I’m sorry. I just don’t think I can do an open relationship with you. We shouldn’t see each other any more.”
I said “That’s cool. I completely understand. I won’t force you to do something that’d make you unhappy.”
Then she just grabbed me, kissed me and we fucked for an hour or so.
~ ~ ~ ~ What the fuck? ~ ~ ~ ~
During sex she was kinky as fuck, kept saying “Daddy… is mine the best pussy you’ve had? Do you like my titties the best?” Girls are hilarious. They don’t mind sharing you, as long as they’re the best. They want to be “special” and better than all the other women you’ve fucked. It’s like a competition for them. She is by far the best sex I’ve ever had, so she gets credit for that.
We went out to get some lunch, we see this HOT asian chick. Jo gets close to me, grabs my dick and goes “ooooh, that girl is hot, you should go get her number” then she giggles.
So we’ve gone from “I can’t do this” to completely ok with it in a matter of a couple hours.
~~~ Girls ~~~
~~~ Are ~~~
~~~ Nuts ~~~
The Post that Made Me Start Getting Laid a Tonne
Back in early 2018, I wasn’t getting laid much. In fact, I was doing everything I could to procrastinate having sex – I was avoiding putting in the work I knew I had to put in. I was barely talking to any girls at all.
A guy on the Good Looking Loser Forums I frequent, “NoStringsAttached”, hit me with a truth bomb that turned it all around. I’ll post it here in its entirety; you’ll likely get a lot from it, as I did.
I’m gonna be straight up with you. You have delusional expectations of this game.
For starters, you have this idea of there being a magic number of approaches it takes to fuck a girl. There isn’t. I know Chris mentions his approach to lay ratios, but they’re meaningless.
Instead of carefully calculating your approaches as if you have a limited amount that you can Use, approach as if your life depended on it.
You can keep track of all of your stats: approaches, dates, etc. But what counts is how many girls you fucked.
If you think that you’re cool because you fucked x amount of girls with the least amount of approaches, you’re wrong.
While you’re out here calculating your 1000 approaches, Chad is out there fucking 4 new bitches. Let’s say it took him 4000 approaches to get this 4 girls in one month. It doesn’t matter because he got laid.
The way I see it, what matters the most is when I’m getting laid. Am I getting laid today or 1 year from now?
Am I going to fuck 30 girls this year or over a span of 5 years?
Secondly, you really need to work on your looks. I don’t know what the trends are in Australia, but in LA, your style would be lacking.
You are tall tho and that puts you at a great advantage. Use that.
For the types of girls that you like, I don’t think you have to get buff. I’m not saying not To, but I think while you work on that, you should wear looser clothing. Clothing that fits well but doesn’t hug you to the point where you can tell that you’re skinny fat.
Thirdly, you mentioned this but I will say it again. If you want to be successful you have to go all in. You said you haven’t gone all in because you are afraid.
I can assure you that if you go all in with this, you will succeed. I can’t say how long it will take to achieve your goals. It might take you 2 years. Might take 10. I don’t know. But as long as you keep improving and pushing yourself, you will succeed.
This game is harder than it looks. That’s why most people quit. The game eats most people alive.
Accept the fact that this is hard. Respect it. And then play it with all you’ve got.
That post was the catalyst for all my crazy lays after that. I’ll always be grateful to him for pushing me and kicking my ass into gear.
Check out his site, The Heavy Hitters Club – he’s got a bunch of articles for advanced guys and newbies alike, mostly focused around getting laid.
Got your own hilarious dating stories? Don’t be shy, share ’em with us in the comments below!