- 1. Inviting Girls Straight Over to Yours or Her Place (1st Date Lay)
- 2. Meeting in Public then Walking Straight Back to Yours or Her Place (1st Date Lay)
- 3. Going to a Bar/Cafe First, then Having Sex that Same Night/Day (1st Date Lay)
- 4. Waiting Until the 2nd or 3rd Date to Have Sex
- 5. Waiting Even Longer to Have Sex
Watch the video with Cam and I discussing this in more detail:
- First: there’s no “correct” way to do dates. Pick whichever one most aligns with what YOU want.
- Each one has different benefits and things to think about
- it’s about doing whatever YOU want to do.
- We’re going to cover 5 different styles – but this list is not 100% exhaustive.
1. Inviting Girls Straight Over to Yours or Her Place (1st Date Lay)
- We’re talking about literally giving them your address and saying, “Come over at 6pm”
- I did this for a year; had a lot of really hot, passionate experiences
- But also a hell of a lot of not-so-great experiences, which is why I stopped doing it
- And I don’t really recommend anyone else do it.
- But at the end of the day, you do you.
- Easy and efficient
- Low effort, low time
- So you can focus on your other goals/priorities, without spending a ton of time on dating
- Can be very erotic and fun (there’s something hot about fucking a woman immediately, as soon as you meet her)
- Can show you what you’re capable of – it’s often mindblowing what’s possible
- Makes you feel like, “Holy shit, I’m a guy who gets laid super easily, with zero effort.” For some guys, this is something they’ve always dreamed of – it’s really really meaningful to them.
- (If it’s not something that’s meaningful to you, don’t force yourself to do this style of dating just because other guys on the internet are doing it)
Things to consider:
- Retention can be lower since you aren’t screening for retention (sometimes you just don’t end up liking each other, but you didn’t get a chance to figure that out because you had sex so quickly)
- You can’t 100% screen out bipolar/mentality unstable girls
- You don’t get a chance to see any red flags or dealbreakers before you have sex
- Because of this – more one-night-stands, since you didn’t really check if you liked each other before you had sex
- (I had SEVERAL very dark experiences with this including 2 stalkers, which is why I stopped doing it)
- More flakes – lots of girls will agree to come over, then at the last minute have second thoughts, or feel slutty, etc – and cancel on you
- (You can somewhat mitigate this by then saying “What if we go chill at a bar first, no pressure?)
- You get catfished sometimes
- You don’t get to practice socialising at all (dates can be really good social practice)
- It can be awkward and sometimes even difficult to kick someone out of your apartment if you don’t click with them (I had a few situations like this)
- After a certain point in time I personally found it lonely/unfulfilling since most of the girls didn’t stick around super longterm
- Plus it felt like I was having sex with girls I wasn’t super into and sometimes didn’t even like at all, since I hadn’t had a chance to get to know them and make sure I like them before sticking my penis in them.
- I found it was lowering my self-esteem having sex with some women I later decided I didn’t really like, once I got to actually know them.
2. Meeting in Public then Walking Straight Back to Yours or Her Place (1st Date Lay)
- I did this quite a lot for several years – it’s even how I met Immy
- I’d text girls, telling them “We’ll meet at this location, we’ll go for a walk and grab a bottle of red wine and take it back to my place and chill”
- So they knew we were having sex (if we liked each other)
- Meeting in public gave us both a chance to feel safer and make sure neither of us was a catfish
- Weeds out catfishes a little more vs inviting them straight to yours
- You get SLIGHTLY more of a chance to make sure she’s not mentally unstable before you have sex
- Less flakes, since you’re meeting in public first.
- If you don’t like her when you first meet her, you can politely say “Hey I’m sorry, I’ve changed my mind and I don’t wanna do this, but it was nice meeting you” and all you’ve lost is a tiny bit of time.
- Still easy sex
- Still efficient, & low effort/time (you’re only adding an extra 10mins vs inviting them straight to your place)
- Still helps you focus on other goals as main priorities.
Things to consider:
- Everything in the “invite her straight over” model applies here too.
- Bipolar/mentally unstable girls still slip through the cracks since you’ve only had like 10 minutes to talk to them before you go back to yours
- You still don’t get a really good chance to see any red flags or dealbreakers before you have sex
- Again – more one-night-stands, since you didn’t really check if you liked each other before you had sex
- You still don’t get to practice socialising as much as other methods
- I still found it lonely/unfulfilling personally (after a year or two of doing it) – I started preferring getting to know a woman a bit first
- I still found it was lowering my self-esteem having sex with some women I later decided I didn’t really like, once I got to actually know them.
- But again, you do you.
3. Going to a Bar/Cafe First, then Having Sex that Same Night/Day (1st Date Lay)
- So what we mean here is you go to a bar or a cafe or a park or whatever, and have a date for an hour or two, getting to know each other
- Then you invite her back – “Hey I’m having fun, wanna come back to my place and keep hanging out?” or “Wanna come back to my place and have another drink?”
- (If she says no, just have a second date and invite her back to yours again. If no, try on 3rd date. If no, talk to her about it)
- I did a lot of this – maybe 50 or 100 women. I’d go to a bar or Starbucks or a park and just chill with them for an hour or two, we’d talk about our goals, our lives, sex, friends, whatever – and if I liked them, I’d invite them back
- It’s not what I’m doing now though, which I’ll talk about below
- Get to screen (no catfishes)
- Far less flakes, since you’re meeting in public and actually having a date – girls feel way less “slutty” doing this.
- The girls you end up sleeping with, you tend to date them for longer (since you’ve at least had a couple hours to make sure you really like each other before you have sex, and you’ve screened out the obvious red flags)
- Less one night stands, since you made sure you liked each other before you had sex
- It’s amazing practice at socialising (when I first started self-improvement, I didn’t have a ton of friends at the time – so I used my dates with women as an amazing way to socialise and meet new people)
- You get to learn about her and see her other qualities
- You get to build a slightly deeper connection – you often get surprised at how awesome the woman you’re with really is
- It can be great for building up sexual tension, since if you’re really hitting it off, you both want each other – and that builds over the hour or 2 you’re on the date (just remember to invite her back to yours!)
Things to consider:
- Takes more time in your evening
- If you get flaked on you can get disappointed since you set time aside in your night (hence, “have a backup plan“)
- You may invite her back to your apartment and she says no (just try again on the second date obviously)
- If you don’t like a girl’s personality the date can sometimes feel like a grind – give yourself permission to politely leave (I’ve done this a few times).
4. Waiting Until the 2nd or 3rd Date to Have Sex
- This is what I do now
- I’ll tell them beforehand “We’re just gonna have a chill first date – I save the play stuff for the 2nd time I meet someone” so she knows what to expect
- (I’m a big proponent of being upfront and honest, so everyone’s on the same page, and nobody’s sitting there wondering whether or not you’re gonna have sex)
- You can also leave the sex stuff til the 3rd date if you want – and just kiss a little on the second date, or hold hands, or fool around a bit.
- Cam waits til the 2nd date too.
- Girls stick around a LOT longer (months to years) since you’ve had more of a chance to really make sure you like each other before you have sex
- You both have time after the first date to be sure you wanna meet a second time and have se
- So you’re left with women that are usually much more sure about sleeping with you
- FAR less one-night-stands
- Much more socialising practice
- Since you’re having multiple dates, you really get to screen for personality and only stick your penis in women you deem worthy (good for your self-esteem)
- No catfishes
- You weed out most mentally unstable people
- You get to ask more about her ambitions, goals etc to screen for super ambitious people who’ll really add to your life and have a positive impact on you
- The girls end up caring a LOT more about you and being much kinder/more open/more feminine with you (because they know you’re not going to just drop them randomly – at least, not as much as compared to when you invite girls straight to your place).
- You’ll be nicer and more caring towards them too, because you’ve invested slightly more time into them
Things to consider:
- Obviously a slightly longer time investment
- Less efficient sex – it takes 2 or 3 dates before you’ll have sex
- Sometimes you’ll go on 2 dates and then she’ll say “Sorry, I actually ended up hooking up with this other guy from Tinder so I’m gonna date him now instead of you” (this is rare though)
- Obviously waiting longer for sex = more emotional investment (I personally think that’s a GOOD thing, other people may just want something super casual and low-key).
- Again, we want you to do whatever YOU want, as long as you’re being upfront and honest
5. Waiting Even Longer to Have Sex
- We mean waiting for more than 3 dates before having sex or fooling around
- Eg, waiting until date 4, or date 5, etc
- I’ve only done this a few times
- One was with a very shy, Vietnamese virgin girl – 8 dates
- But we were fooling around sexually from the 4th date onwards (fingering, blowjobs, etc)
- Another time was a Chinese girl – 4 dates
- Many of my conservative friends wait longer than 3 dates before having sex
- A lot of people in mainstream society wait longer than 3 dates before having sex – mostly because they’re nervous and haven’t been told how to make a move
- You’re REALLY certain you like each other by this point – no catfishing, less red flags
- You’ll grow quite close over several dates – can be great if you’re both independent, not so great if you or her get needy (if you don’t have your own life going on)
- You can still do sexual (foreplay) stuff – making out, touching each other, etc as you work up to sex over a series of dates.
- That can make it really fun – you’re both getting more and more turned on over the dates
- But that ONLY applies if you actually are sexual, which quite a lot of mainstream people are not – they go on multiple “platonic” dates before they finally have sex
- Generally speaking, the girls will be much closer to you, much more into you, generally more sweet and caring (But you can still build this even if you have sex early on)
Things to consider:
- Obviously MUCH more investment in terms of time, attachment, etc
- Might be a few weeks or sometimes even months before you have sex
- Sometimes because you’ve waited so long for sex, it’s not quite as passionate and kinky (though not always the case)
- Sometimes you wait a really long time and then it turns out she’s just not a super sexual person – and you have “sunk-cost fallacy” because you just invested all these weeks and dates
- You essentially haven’t screened her for sex – so you don’t know if she’s gonna be great at sex or if she’ll be ultra vanilla
- You can ask on one of your first few dates, but it’s hard to get a gauge for sexual chemistry without actually having sex
- Because you both waited so long for sex, the expectations are often different:
- She may expect you to meet her friends sooner
- She may assume you’re both “boyfriend/girlfriend”
- You’ve communicated to her that sex isn’t super important to you, so there may be times she’s less sexual or more comfortable/complacent
- At the end of the day, do what’s right for you
- If you aren’t sure which one you’d like, or if you’re nervous and inexperienced: I honestly recommend starting slow, and then slowly trying to have sex earlier with each new woman you sleep with
- eg at the start, go on 3 dates before you have sex. Get used to that dating model.
- Then with the next woman you meet, try having sex on the second date.
- Then with the next woman, first date.
- See how each of those dating styles feel. Whichever one you’re happy with, keep doing that.
- You can also change and do different date models depending on each woman
- ie, with some women you’ll just hit it off immediately and there’s lots of passion and sexual tension, so you’ll both be charged up and you’ll just HAVE to bang each other on the first date
- with another woman, she might be a super shy and very nervous virgin – so you might take your time, slowly explore each other over the first few dates, going really slow with foreplay and eventually having sex after a few dates
- It’s about doing whatever YOU want (and making sure she’s happy to come along for the ride)
- Just be clear, honest and upfront with each woman – tell her exactly what dynamic you’re going for
- (I have always just texted the girl and told her straight up what we’ll be doing – what the date will be like)
- If she’s not into it, you can either tweak it and do something you’re both happy with – or move on if you’re not compatible, and then go find the women who are compatible with you.