So, do you?
Do you actually want to lose your virginity, or are you comfortable and complacent with being a virgin? Are you so used to the idea of being a sexless male, you’ve long-since accepted it as something unchangeable – something that’s just part of who you are?
Let’s go one step further: Do you refer to yourself as a virgin? Are you one of the countless guys who’s emailed me and started off your email with, “Hi, I’m a virgin” before even telling me your name – as if being a virgin is the most important part of you? The first thing you tell a stranger; you’ve made it a core part of who you are?
Some guys even go further and desperately cling onto this label of being a virgin – building their entire identity around it. It shapes almost every interaction they have with other people (not just girls); like it’s their cross to bear. That’s what happens if you repeat, “I’m a virgin” to yourself 50 times a day, every day of the week – it becomes who you are. Then when it comes time to actually lose your virginity, even when you have a really good opportunity to do so with a girl who’s into you, you chicken out – because it would mean having to give that label up.
I’ve heard plenty of guys joke about, “I’ll be forever alone” or “I’m just destined to be a lifelong incel.” Only, it’s not a joke – deep down, they really do think that. They really believe there’s no hope for them.
And I get why you’re doing it. It’s a protective cocoon, an oddly-comforting identity that shields you from having to work hard to improve yourself (because nobody said transforming yourself was easy). Or even worse – having to go out there and hit on girls and get rejected (because rejection is inevitable – we all get rejected).
A lot of virgins I’ve worked with really felt like they had to cut off part of themselves (the “virgin” part) – like they were losing something they’d been hanging onto for the last 10-15 years. For one of them in particular, there was a weird sort of “grieving” that happened when he finally got his first lay. There were a lot of emotions he had to process, and he realised, “It’s like a chapter of my life has closed. I’m not sure what’s next.”
You need to ask yourself this question: “If I don’t have my virginity, then what do I have?”
The answer to that might be, “I don’t have much at all….” Ok, let’s fix that, right now. Start improving yourself – start here. Then make some friends. Hit the gym. Find some hobbies you enjoy, try new things. Take baby steps and make yourself a little more awesome each day.
Start with my Tinder guide – it’s 130,000 words, it’s free, I’ve written it with virgins in mind. Yes, even if you’re a virgin, you can literally use it to get laid – I lay out every single step from improving your looks, taking photos, exactly what to message girls, how to go on dates (even if you’ve never been on one before), how to kiss, how to have foreplay and sex – even how to keep girls around afterwards. You have no excuses.
Hit me up for coaching – I’ve pushed several guys to lose their virginity now; one was in his 30’s and had never been laid. 6 weeks after first seeing me he got his first lay. So it’s not impossible for you, at all – you just need to take action.
Whatever excuses you might have for not losing your virginity – I’ve already covered them in I Can’t Get Laid Because… I don’t care if you’re short, ugly, fat, poor, Asian or whatever other excuse is holding you back. I don’t care if you think it’s “too late for you“. Even if you feel like it’s totally hopeless, it’s not. Decide you’re going to lose your virginity, and then do whatever it takes to lose it.
One guy I was friends with on the Good Looking Loser Forums was sick of being a virgin – it was absolutely destroying his self-esteem and self-worth. I told him to just go see an escort, and then report back when he’d done that. 2 days later he came back and said, “I am no longer a virgin. I saw an escort.” That’s the definition of doing whatever it takes to lose it. He went on to have another 10 lays that year – once the label of “virgin” was removed, he was able to go all-in on getting laid and give it everything he had.
If your virginity is bothering you that much, go see an escort – just so you can get rid of the label. If you’re against the idea for moral reasons, that’s cool. But if you’re against it solely for ego reasons (“I’m too good to see an escort, not even once”), which is more important: Your ego, or no longer being a virgin?
On another note, I know this will blow your mind, but some girls will like the fact you’re inexperienced. Radical thought, I know – especially when you’ve probably spent several years brainwashing yourself into believing no girl will ever find me attractive. But yep, some girls will like the idea of getting to explore sex with you, being able to see your excitement as you try different things for the first time. 2 of my coaching clients who were very inexperienced have already met a couple girls now who are excited by the fact they’re new to sex.
So don’t make excuses, and don’t let your virginity hold you back. Every guy can lose it.
You just have to want it bad enough.