This comes from a coaching call with one of my clients recently. We were discussing all the pros and cons of getting laid, and he was man enough to admit one of the biggest reasons he wanted to get laid a lot was for the ego boost and validation. He phrased it as:
“To be honest, a big part of this is about being viewed as “elite” by other people.”
The mainstream normies will tell you doing anything for ego or validation is “wrong” or “shallow” or “beta as fuck, bro – an Alpha doesn’t care what others think!”
Fuck that nonsense.
Ego validation is a perfectly fine reason for pushing yourself at the start, and turning yourself into a better man.
If most guys are honest, ego validation is the main reason they want to get laid. That’s a good thing – at the start you need all the motivation you can possibly get, especially when you’re full of doubt as to whether you’ll actually succeed. If you’re doing it for ego and validation, GOOD. Use that as fuel to push yourself harder – chase that ego validation.
Yes, eventually you want to let go of your ego and not care so much what others think of you; ego-validation isn’t a fuel you can rely on forever, or you’ll develop an unhealthy pathology. But that’s something you can worry about a year or two from now; right now keep chasing that fucking validation. It’s great motivation to push yourself to improve, to push yourself to start getting laid, to work on yourself and become a better human being.
Humans care about what others think of them; that’s unavoidable. No man is an island. Over time as you gain confidence and start to achieve your goals, you’ll naturally care less about what others think of you. You’ll become more self-assured, you’ll need less validation from others; your own opinion of yourself will become the most important one. But you’ll still care what others think to some degree; there’s still a small part of me that cares what you think of me right now.
If you’re relatively inexperienced with girls you’ll definitely care what they think of you. Get laid and stroke that ego and give yourself some of that much-needed validation. It’s ok to chase pussy for validation… as long as you eventually work on needing a little less validation over time.
There’s a reason after all this time, after all these 100-and-something lays, I still post stories and pics and videos. Yes, at this point I bang girls mostly because it’s fun – I do it 95% for myself. But there’s still 5% of me that loves the ego stroke every time I do something cool. I love being able to tell other people about it and share in the excitement of it with them. Being excited to share your accomplishments with others – and have them congratulate you and push you harder – is a normal human need.
So the next time someone tells you to stop chasing validation, tell them to suck a fat dick.
When you achieve something big – you’re supposed to share it. You’re supposed to show off your achievements. Yes, don’t only chase validation from other people – it’s important to give yourself some validation too. Your own opinion of yourself is always more important than the opinion of others. But you’ll always still care what others think – that’s normal.
As for “being humble” – fuck humble. You did something worth celebrating? Celebrate it. You did something most people can’t do? Give yourself a pat on the back. Share your successes with people who’ll be happy for you – especially when those successes took genuine hard work from you.
When you build a habit of sharing your successes with other people, you’ll find it makes you try harder and push yourself even harder to achieve the next goal. If you know you’re going to tell your mates about your next achievement, it’ll force you to go above and beyond, so there’s more of an awesome story to tell, and so you’ll get more of a pat on the back from them – more ego validation from them.
Ego validation makes you more successful – especially at the start when you really, really, really need a little ego boost because you’re not all that sure of yourself. When you’re just starting out, every little bit of validation goes a hell of a long way to keeping you motivated – so I want you to lap up every bit of validation and ego-stroking you possibly can.
Besides, it’s not like getting laid is only about ego. The very process of getting laid and improving yourself forces you to develop a tonne of other skills and traits; skills and traits that’ll have a positive impact on every facet of your life. You’ll have to become stronger, leaner, more focused, hard-working, more social and more open and vulnerable.
As I said here, getting laid makes you a better man.