Life is a Process of Trying on Different Hats (Kill Your Inner Loser)

I was doing some reflecting yesterday, and I realised how many things I’ve done that I once swore I could never do. I feel like I’ve been several different people over the last 10 years – like I’ve lived several different lives. Some people refer to this as “phases” – and if you’re living your life well, you’re supposed to go through many phases. Life’s a lot of fun when you try on a bunch of different hats & figure out what you like.

For one, I never in my life thought I could be creative. I spent all of high school telling myself, “I’m a brainy guy, but I’m not a creative guy. I’m just not artsy; I have no creative talents, I can’t think of creative ideas. I’m just not that type of person.” I kept up this line of thinking for over a decade, convinced I wasn’t capable of pursuing any sort of creative endeavour.

At some point I accidentally discovered photography (thanks Dad) and was hooked from the get-go. Turns out “I’m not a creative person” was a load of utter bullshit; I became a very creative person the same way you get good at anything; practice. For 2 years I wore the hat of Andy the Photographer – it became my identity. It was all I talked about, all I dreamt about, all I focused on. I even did a photo-a-day challenge for an entire year, which was one of the most fulfilling phases of my life. Here’s one of the 365 photos I did:

There’s been many other things I thought I could never do, which turned into important phases in my life. I never thought I could be strong – I was an ultra-weakling who couldn’t do a single pushup, or a bodyweight squat, or any kind of physical activity. In my head I was convinced things would always be that way – I had never been a strong person in the past; therefore I could never be a strong person in the future.

Turns out that was a load of bullshit too, and Andy the Gym Guy is a hat I’m still wearing today. I’ve come leaps and bounds in terms of strength, fitness and aesthetics, and I can finally call myself a strong guy. It’s become part of my identity now; I’ve literally turned into a different person.

There’s many other hats I’ve tried on over the last few years. I’ve been:

• Andy the Guy who Gets Laid
• Andy the Social Butterfly
• Andy the Mentor
• Andy the BDSM Connoisseur
• Andy the 3some Expert
• Andy the Photographer
• Andy the Manager/Supervisor
• Andy the Rockclimber
• Andy the Geocacher
• Andy the Guy Who Overcame Depression
• Andy the Photoshop Wizard
• Andy the Computer Programmer
• Andy the Comedian
• Andy the Musician
• Andy the Sex Coach
• Andy the Life Coach
• Andy the Writer
• Andy the Tinder Expert
• Andy the Philosopher
• Andy the Pool Tiler/Labourer
• Andy the Social Butterfly
• Andy the Guy Who Writes “Social Butterfly” Twice Just to See if You’re Paying Attention

All of these were things that at one point or another, I thought I could never be. All of them seemed so far out of reach, I thought they were only possible for somebody other than me. And technically I was right – I had to become somebody new to achieve each goal.

When we look at our loftiest goals, the ones that take months or years to achieve, it’s so easy to say, “I’m just not that person.” But you’re missing a word: you’re not that person… yet.

Guys tell themselves, “I haven’t had much sex, therefore I’m not a guy who has sex.” From there, it’s easy to be defeatist & say, “I’m not a guy who has sex; therefore I’ll never be the guy who has sex.”

Despite the negative thoughts in your head, despite how convinced you are that you’re not that type of person, you have to ignore those voices and take action now. You just have to move forward towards your goal, one baby step at a time, and over time you’ll slowly become that person you’re convinced you could never be. You’ll wake up one day and say, “Holy. Fucking. Shit. I’m actually a guy who gets laid/is strong/is confident/earns $200k/can play the guitar well/has a buff body/etc. When the hell did that change?”

If you’re willing to at least start taking small steps to achieve your goals, you’ll be shocked how much you can change if you’re consistent each day. You’ll surprise yourself by trying on a bunch of different hats, becoming many different people & going through different life phases. You might not be a strong guy now, but you can change that by going to the gym a few times a week. You might be a virgin now, but you can become a sex god by overcoming your anxiety, signing up for Tinder and going on a few dates then eventually having sex.

No matter who you are right now, you can literally turn yourself into a completely different person.

That’s where the title of this site comes from. I had to kill the old Andy – the loser inside me – many many many times, in order to become a better version of myself. Push yourself and be consistent with your goals and you’ll kill your inner loser too; you’ll literally become a new person. You won’t even recognise the old you.

So don’t stress if your goals seem impossibly far away. Don’t stress if you feel like “I’m not that person”. Don’t stress if you’re not a confident guy. Don’t stress if you’re not a guy who gets laid. Don’t stress if you’re weak, or look like shit, or are scared to talk to girls, or have no friends, or don’t like the person you are right now. You’ll change that, one step at a time.

Eventually, you’ll kill your inner loser.

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