A tonne of guys (and girls) struggle with this one, even though on paper it’s so simple:

You’re never under any obligation to have sex with someone – and you shouldn’t feel guilty about “leading someone on” & later changing your mind.

Don’t Cut Girls Off too Early

Having a girl back at your place doesn’t mean you HAVE to fuck her. You are allowed to, even at the very last minute, decide you’re not going to put your penis inside her. Crazy thought, I know.

But it’s something a tonne of guys struggle with when they first start dating girls. They feel like, “If I’m not head-over-heels-in-lust, ultra-mega-super-crazy-attracted to a girl right off the bat, I should be a gentleman and cut things off with her immediately.”

By doing so, you’re robbing yourself of:
a) The chance at some desperately-needed dating experience.
b) The chance to potentially “warm up to her” and find her attractive as you spend more time with her and get to know her better.

As I’ve said before, if you’re a newbie, getting more dating experience can be incredibly helpful. I recommend you go on as many dates as you can – including girls you haven’t quite made up your mind as to whether or not you want to go all the way with.

Learn how to have conversations, learn how to relax and just be present on a date, learn how to hold hands and practice it with lots of different girls, figure out how to kiss them, learn how to invite them back to your place, learn how to kiss and fool around. You benefit from practice with all of these things in order to be comfortable getting to the sex part.

“But Andy! That’s leading her on!”

You’re not “leading her on”. You’re interviewing – seeing if you like her, seeing if she likes you, seeing how far you both want to go with things. You haven’t signed a contract saying you’re definitely going to see her for more dates. You haven’t signed a contract saying you’re definitely going to kiss her. And you haven’t signed a contract saying you’re definitely going to have sex with her.

Getting laid – whether just for the sake of having lots of sex, or because you’re searching for a girlfriend or friends with benefits – means you’ll naturally “interview” a lot of potential candidates in order to find the people you really click with. That inevitably means a lot of girls won’t fit your criteria, or you won’t vibe with them, etc – and you’ll choose to let them go. You can’t give the job position to the very first person who asks for it.

Girls do the exact same thing – they go on dates to figure out if they like the guy, and see if they want to go any further. They know each date is just two people figuring out if they click, with no obligation to go any further if they don’t want to.

When you remove this pressure from yourself – this expectation that you should only be on dates with girls you’re absolutely sure you want to have sex with – dating becomes so much easier & more enjoyable. You’re more laid back, more carefree, and you no longer stress about how “awkward” things might be if you decide you don’t want to go any further with her. You stop feeling guilty about potentially wasting people’s time.

Because that’s what dating is – two people figuring out if they want to go further. How can you know the answer to that question until after you’ve spent a bit of time in each other’s company?

Taking the pressure off yourself to have sex will also open you up to new experiences, because you won’t be thinking so far ahead into the future. Guys tend to think, “Could I see myself banging this girl?” or “Could I see myself dating this girl and introducing her to my friends?” Woah, cowboy – chill a little. The only question you need to ask yourself is, “Am I happy with the stage we’re at now; am I enjoying being with her in this moment, right now?”

If the answer to that is yes, then keep hanging out. Stop thinking into the future and worrying that at some point you might stop enjoying her company. If right now feels right, then be in the moment and enjoy it.

Some Girls Will Win You Over

Instead of stressing about the future and talking myself out of going on dates, I like to always keep an open mind – I’ve had some amazing experiences with girls I initially thought I wasn’t super into.

You can do the same if you like – say yes to every opportunity that presents itself – yes to every girl who’s happy to spend time with you (as long as there’s at least a tiny bit of attraction there). Don’t turn down girls for arbitrary reasons – especially when you’re in the beginner or intermediate stage of getting laid. Say yes to more opportunities, and then figure out during the actual date how you feel about each other.

Some of my absolute best experiences were with girls I wasn’t initially 100% sure about. I gave myself permission to keep an open mind, reminded myself, “More dating experience might be really helpful”. I’m so glad I did, because some of those girls turned out to be absolute sweethearts & some of them were bloody amazing in bed too.

It’s nuts to think I very nearly robbed myself of some of my best sexual and life experiences, because I was worried about “I’m not 100% sure if I’m going to be attracted to them or not”, or “But what if one day I’m no longer super attracted to them?”

If I Do Decide I want to End Things… How do I do that?

Let’s say you’ve kept an open mind, been on a date with someone, maybe even had sex with each other – but you decide you don’t want to progress any further or see them again. How the hell do you handle it?

This was something I struggled with for a number of years. I felt bad every time I “rejected” a girl, feeling like I’d led her on & wasted her time. I knew how bad it hurt when a girl ghosted me or turned me down, and I hated – no, I resented – having to do the same thing to them.

When I was younger, I handled it clumsily – usually choosing to just ghost (not text her at all). All because I was too awkward to send a polite text message turning her down. I’ve learned from my mistakes and don’t ghost/fade out any more; now I just send the messages I put in this how-to guide.

If you decide while you’re on a date with a girl that you’re done for the night & don’t want to go any further, just say something like: “Hey, I’d like to call it a night. I had a lot of fun, I’ll walk you back to the train station/your car.”

Walk her back to the car/train station, and see how you feel about it the next day. If you decide you don’t want to see her any more, text her a simple:
“Hey, I had a tonne of fun but feel like the chemistry wasn’t quite there. I’m really glad I got to meet you, all the best.”

All of this applies even if you’ve already had sex with a girl. After you bang, if you’re not really that attracted to her or don’t vibe with her personality, you are under no obligation to see her again. You have nothing to feel guilty about if you decide to end things. Just shoot her a casual, “Hey, I had a lot of fun, but I feel like the chemistry wasn’t quite there. I’m really glad I got to meet you. All the best.”

This even applies if you’ve previously told her, “I hate one night stands” or “I’d never do a one night stand”. When you said that, what you really meant was, “I’d never deliberately seek out a one-night-stand. If I like a girl & the sex is good, I’ll always want to see her again.” But how were you ever going to know if the sex was good until you actually had sex?

If you decide the sex you both shared wasn’t what you were looking for & you definitely don’t want to see her again, ask yourself, “Am I keeping an open mind, or cutting her off too soon?” If the answer to that is “I definitely don’t want to see her again”, then don’t feel bad about having a one-night-stand. Sometimes the chemistry just isn’t there; sometimes the sex is just not what you’re looking for. It is ok for you not to see a girl again after you have sex with her.

Girls Inherently Understand this Concept

Girls are used to being in the position of choice – so they understand inherently it’s fine to not keep seeing a guy, for whatever reason. “My body, my choice” – obviously. They understand dates are for figuring out if you click with someone & deciding if you want to sleep with someone or not. They also understand even after you’ve banged, you’re under no obligation to see each other a second time – especially if the sexual chemistry wasn’t there.

But guys struggle with this, because – at least at the start – most of us:

a) Aren’t used to turning down any girls, and thus feel guilty for doing it.
b) Often have never even considered that we’re allowed to reject a girl we’re not super into. It’s a foreign concept.

And to be fair, every now and then a woman might not handle rejection all that well (just like some guys don’t handle rejection all that well).

So take a page out of the female handbook, and give yourself permission to gain some dating experience with girls you’re not all that attracted to – and to end things with them when you feel you don’t want to continue.

UPDATE: Here’s a follow-up vid I did going into more detail:

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Yo, Andy here. I’m an Aussie guy who went from a depressed, suicidal loser to a guy who gets laid regularly, has 3somes & BDSM sex, crushes weights at the gym & loves his life. I killed my inner loser. It's my mission to get you to kill your inner loser too.