Another article from my girlfriend, this time on being alpha, and putting pressure on yourself to be perfect all the time. It’s a topic I’ve covered myself in the past: There is No Such Thing as “Alpha”.
I’m pretty-much giving her free reign with these articles; I’m not giving her any direction, or telling her what to write about, or guiding her. These are her own unfiltered thoughts.
Hopefully reading through this gives you another perspective on the idea that you do not need to be perfect all the time. You don’t need to be some “Alpha Chad” in order for women to like you & have sex with you – and more importantly, for them to respect you and stick around longterm.
I’ve mentioned it a few times before, but I used to be very emotionally closed off. Sharing any emotional vulnerabilities with Andy was an ordeal and a half.
Andy has been incredibly patient and persistent to get me to share my worries and fears. In turn, he has also shared his own doubts and insecurities. He tells me all the time things he’s scared about, things he struggles with, things that are getting him down and things that worry him. This had had a huge impact in helping me to feel comfortable being more vulnerable.
Being younger and more inexperienced, I’ve often felt like I was completely clueless. It felt like I’d missed out on the secret guide to life and everyone else had a copy. This feeling was amplified tenfold, being in a relationship and comparing myself to someone else. I’ve always looked up to Andy as a man that was very sure of himself and had his shit together. But quite often this was a daunting standard that I thought I needed to match.
I built up most of these worries in my head. Andy was actually always very open and honest. In retrospect, I think I subconsciously projected expectations that he would be closed-off and wouldn’t let me in. It wouldn’t surprise me if it was because of my past personal experiences. I’d hate to think what our relationship would’ve been like if Andy had put up an unwavering alpha facade. If he never let me in, I’d hate to think how miserable I would’ve been.
Andy has always be a very grounding force, helping through my struggles, and for me, he embodies a strong and stoic, masculine figure in my life. But that has come with the fact that he admits sometimes he’s a fuck up. I know that he has struggles too, and the reminds me that he wasn’t always where he is now. It’s given me permission to suck. It’s allowed me to give myself permission to open up, be honest about my flaws and better accept that fact that I won’t be perfect in our relationship either.
Yes, Andy still feels a million more times more stoic and strong than I am, but I also remind myself that he’s human. It gives me permission to be human too.
If anything, I admire Andy more because of his struggles. I respect that he recognises his flaws and how he overcomes adversity. It’s like the saying about bravery, that you’re not brave for not feeling fear, you’re brave for facing it. It feels like the same thing here, Andy is a strong man that I respect, because of his struggles, not in spite of them.
I can’t help but gush about my boyfriend, if it’s not already obvious I adore Andy. He’s made me respect his highlights and flaws, because I see a complete and honest person, not some mannequin that does and says all the ‘right’ ‘alpha’ things that a man should say.
I’ve never had the feeling of: ‘Oh god, why is he telling me about his struggles and flaws?’ It does the opposite. It makes me feel closer to him. I don’t think I’ve ever had my friends every say anything that involves: ‘Oh I hate it when my boyfriend is emotionally vulnerable or opens up to me’. I’ll admit there’s a huge difference between Andy being honest about doubts and being depressed or needy, but there is a massive jump to get from one extreme to the other. I will also note that I am yet to meet an emotionally healthy girl that was turned off by a guy with a reasonable level of emotional availability. If anything, I feel more attached and loyal to Andy because of how much we share with each other, because I know that he struggles. I feel like we’ve gone through more together, and ultimately, it makes me want to stick around.
In short, I’m very glad he doesn’t bother putting up some alpha facade, because at the end of the day we can both be honest and real with one another. If you’re looking at changing your perspective on being ‘alpha’ I can verify that I am at the very least, one girl that is far more on board with an open and honest guy. If both myself, and all of my friends seem to feel this way, I’m almost certain that it means that there are other girls (if not, most girls) out there for you that feel the same way.
If you have any questions, feel free to ask below.