Hey cool kids and not-so-cool kids (I’m in the latter group, so it’s ok if you are too). In a previous article, I gave you 10 big ideas to start building an outcome-independent mindset.
We’re gonna play around with some more ideas today – this time we’ll explore ideas on regret, on courage, on living the life you want, and on overcoming procrastination. Just like in the previous article, the goal here is to play around with each of these ideas; let them bounce around in your brain, maybe talk through them with friends, and just see what comes up for you.
Ready? Heck yeah, let’s go!
1. Think about your biggest regret so far.
Would you feel differently if you’d taken the leap, even if you failed?
Sit in that regret.
Feel it.
Be with it.
Now ask yourself: What’s one thing I can do – right now – to make up for not taking action in the past? In other words, if I didn’t win back then, how can I win right now?
2. Fear is temporary; regret can last a lifetime.
Which feeling would you rather live with – fear, or regret?
Fear is something that’s pretty easily worked through; you either say “Fuck it” and take that leap of faith, or you dip your toe into the water and take one tiny little baby step (example here). Get some friends to help you, or join my coaching program, or join a support group – tons of people are willing to help you overcome your fears and take action.
But regret… man, that’s much more of a burden for many people. I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather feel the fear and take a leap of faith, rather than spend my future wondering “what might have been…”
3. What opportunities are you avoiding because you’re waiting for the ‘perfect’ time?
Spoiler: The perfect time doesn’t exist. Every minute you sit around waiting (really, you’re procrastinating) is time you could be spending taking action, moving forward, building yourself an awesome life.
Solution: Give yourself permission to suck, take a tiny bit of action (you don’t need to be perfect), and just keep going.
You got this.
4. Every person you admire has felt fear…
…and what separates them from others is they chose to take action anyway. You don’t need to “overcome your fear” or “be confident” in order to take action; you simply feel the fear and take action while you’re terrified.
I’ve talked a million times about how I’m always full of fear, I often don’t know what I’m doing – and that’s ok. I take a leap of faith (usually with support from friends, coaches, family, etc), make some mistakes (really, they’re learning lessons), adjust as I go and just keep on keeping on.
Eventually everything works out ok – or it doesn’t, in which case I just go try something else.
You don’t have to be fearless in order to succeed. I’m not.
5. If today was your last day, would you feel fulfilled or filled with regret?
Why aren’t you already living as if your time mattered?
One of my favourite exercises is to pretend I’ve just been given a cancer diagnosis: “You will die 1 month from now. This is your last month as a conscious being.” What would I do next? And then whatever answer comes into my mind, I take steps to actually do that, right now.
Would I text all of my closest friends and family, and tell them I love them? I then actually send them that message, right that second.
Would I go on a little vacation? I then actually take a day off, or a couple days off, and just chill out a bit.
Would I go say hi to that cute girl sitting on a bench by herself, instead of overthinking things? I then actually go and say hi to her.
Whatever I’d do in my hypothetical you-have-one-month-left-to-live scenario, I live that out in real life and actually do it.
6. Comfort zones feel safe, but they’re also restrictive.
Is comfort worth trading for potential growth? You guys know my thoughts on staying comfortable, but I’ll go one step further: comfort zones aren’t actually that comfortable. Does it feel good watching others around you build the lives they want to live, while you sit around jealous and envious?
Doesn’t feel very comfortable, does it?
Meditate on this idea: “Is it possible, that with a little effort, some support from others, and just taking a few baby steps each day… that I could get to a point where success becomes comfortable? Could success become my new normal?”
(That’s literally how this works – when you start a new goal, you’re uncomfortable for a while. But eventually you form new habits, you become a more capable, confident person, and success starts to become a whole lot easier, almost like it’s happening on autopilot).
But that will require you to take some action – you can start here.
7. Inaction is also a decision.
Are you choosing stagnation by default? It often feels like “waiting for the right time” is a productive thing to do; we feel like we’re “being efficient by waiting until I can take more action!” But the truth is, that time you’re sitting around doing nothing is time you could have been spending kicking butt, taking action, figuring things out, moving forward, and crushing your goals.
I’ll say this gently: You’re probably just lying to yourself when you say “I’ll wait til the right time”. Truth is there is no right time. “The best time to plant a tree was 10 years ago. The 2nd-best time is right now.”
Don’t build a habit of inaction; you’re only making it harder for yourself to take action in the future. A lifetime of inaction just leads to a lifetime of regret.
8. You can always rebuild after failure.
I’ll blast you with part of one of my favourite poems, “If” by Rudyard Kipling:
…
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
…
Here’s the full poem (it’s amazing).
But in short, nothing bad happens if you “fail” – in fact, there’s no such thing as failure. It’s simply your first learning lesson, which you can then use to try again, or try something else, or move on, or peacefully accept that you’re not always going to be perfect.
So go out there, don’t be afraid to stumble and fail, give it all that you’ve got, and then try, try, try again.
9. What would your ideal future self say?
Imagine yourself ten years from now. Will you be proud of playing it safe, or disappointed that you didn’t risk more?
Imagine having a conversation with your future self – the ideal, “perfect” future self who’s achieved all the goals you want to achieve and is super happy, peaceful and content. What would that guy or gal say to you right now?
Would they tell you to hold back, to play it safe, to not take a risk? Would they tell you to avoid rejection, or would they actually tell you to run head-first into the situation that terrifies you most? Would they give you a peptalk, and tell you something like “Go do it! Regret is worse than rejection!”
Whatever your ideal future self would say to you… what if you actually listened? What if you give yourself that very same pep-talk, right now?
What if you dare to try?
10. What ‘what if’ scares you the most?
Think of your absolute biggest fear; your “worst-case scenario”. Really think about it, sit in it, meditate on it. Actually imagine it happening, and how you’d feel. Go through all the feelings you’d feel, imagine all the thoughts you’d think – really really sit in it.
Now… ask yourself: “Would I be ok? What would I do in that situation? How would I solve the problems, so that I could be happy again? How would I move on? Would I reach out to my friends and family for help, or maybe a therapist, or a coach? What would I do to improve things and be ok?”
(This is one of the basic techniques from this video by the way)
And now ask yourself: “How would my life change if I actually faced that fear, head-on? Who would I be if I ran towards the thing that scares me, instead of hiding from it and being ruled by it?”
The truth is, fear thrives in the dark; if you don’t shine a light on the thing you’re afraid of and actually face it, it’ll grow into this big, terrifying fear of the unknown that’ll control your life forever. Define what it is that actually scares you, and then apply logic and reason to it (like in this video) and share your fear with others.
Because no fear is worse than a lifetime of wondering, “what if…”
Play around with all the ideas I’ve given you above; really sit with them, explore them, ask yourself the questions and sit in the answers and really feel what comes up.
I understand being crippled by your fears; believe me, I get it. I lived that way for years. But nothing ever hurt me quite like the feeling of regret. Do your future you a favour and take some action – even just one tiny little baby step to move towards what you really want.
I believe in you.
P.S. Now’s the perfect time to move past your fears and throw yourself into building the life you really want to live. Right now I have a coaching discount on, but it’s almost over! Details below:
