This whole article is also available as a podcast where I read it out:
Good Looking Loser has a great quote I’d like to expand upon:
Go read his full article here; it’s great.
In my time writing for this site, coaching guys to improve their lives, running my daily podcast and running my forums I’ve gotten pretty good at figuring out who’ll actually achieve success, vs who’ll fall off the wagon and quit after a few weeks or months. One of the biggest predictors of success is something I mention all the time: going 100% all-in and taking yourself seriously.
There’s a reason I tell you over and over and over and over again, “You have to take yourself seriously. You have to obsess about your goal. You need to go all-in and not hold back.” Along with, “Don’t ever quit”, those two things are all that really matter when it comes to achieving your goals – any goals.
Guys can’t see it themselves (most of us aren’t objective when it comes to ourselves), but so many of them aren’t taking themselves even remotely seriously, but they expect everyone else to. They dress like shit, but then expect girls to give them their phone numbers. They’re 30lbs overweight and can’t see their abs or jawline, but they expect to be getting laid every single week. They don’t play the numbers game and aren’t hitting on at least 30 girls every single week, but they expect to get to 100 lays.
In short, they’re fucking around, not taking themselves seriously, being too afraid to go all in. It’s a fear thing; I get that. A fear of rejection. A fear of giving it everything they have, and then still failing anyway (which hurts way more than not really trying). But what do we do when we have a fear?
We run TOWARDS it. Not away from it.
I’ve seen guys not take their self-improvement seriously either; skipping the gym, or just kinda fucking around when they get there, half-assing a workout routine instead of paying a professional coach or trainer to kick their ass into gear and force them to succeed.
I see it on my forums too – guys saying, “I’ll take myself seriously” but then barely posting more than once a month, expecting shit to improve magically without any real effort on their part. We prompt them and tell them to post more, to share more, to actually go all-in and use the forums the way they’re intended to be used – as a daily journal, a place to log what you’re working on, ask for feedback, have other people motivate you and help you… But if they’re not actually taking themselves seriously, our words fall on deaf ears.
I’ve seen guys not take themselves seriously when they email me – literally thousands of people at this point. I get emails from guys saying, “I’m going to kill myself if I don’t fix my sex life” and “I’m ready to go all in, please help me”. Guys will write me 20 paragraphs of essentially rambling, avoiding doing the ACTUAL WORK and going outside and talking to girls, or beating their approach anxiety like I had to do, or going to the gym, or buying the self-help book I always talk about.
I’ll reply to these guys and say, “Look, you’re reaching out to me for help. Here’s my coaching packages – if you’re actually serious, pay me and I’ll absolutely turn your life around.” I’m offering these guys a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity; a chance to crush their goals, build the sex life they’ve always dreamt of, from someone who’s banged 150+ women, had a stupid amount of 3somes, overcome depression and 10 years of suicidal thoughts. Do you know how much I would have fucking killed to have someone who’s literally an expert – an actual expert – on the things I want to achieve, give me his time and expertise and his care. Because care I do – I really fucking care – but I only care about the people who take themselves seriously.
And yet a huge portion of the guys who email me aren’t serious. 70% of them never reply to my email, never hit me up for coaching, never do much of anything to change their circumstances. I’ve learned not to write too much in my email replies because I know there’s a good chance they’re just fucking around and don’t actually want success. They don’t take themselves seriously, so why the fuck would I take them seriously?
And the ones who do reply, who do hit me up for coaching – I take them seriously. They take themselves seriously. They go on to build themselves up and lo and behold, the world starts to take them seriously. They improve their Tinder profiles, they go outside and start talking to girls, they dress better, they hit the gym. They do all the things they need to be doing. They start getting laid because girls start taking them seriously. Those girls start sticking around and retention becomes a lot easier, because they’re taking themselves seriously.
The difference between the idiot who emails me and wastes my time just to complain (aka the idiot who doesn’t take himself seriously) – vs the guy who’s actually serious about turning his life around – is night and day. Night and fucking day.
And if you’re currently not taking yourself seriously, this is the vibe you’re putting out into the world. You’re saying, “I don’t take myself seriously. So none of you should ever take me seriously either. I’m just here to fuck around, to half-ass things, to dick about and never achieve anything.”
Nah, fuck that. That’s not why I’m here. If you’re reading my blog or listening to my podcast, that’s not why you’re here either. We’re here to get shit done. We’re here to build something amazing. We’re here to live an awesome life, to be something more than we are right now. We’re here to be taken fucking seriously.
Let’s take a breather here. A slight rest, a small break. This whole article came from an email I got last year, and I’ve been letting this article slowly brew over that time, and evolve it has. I had an email from someone asking me for free coaching – yes, you heard that right, free coaching. The very definition of not taking yourself seriously, having no skin in the game, not even trying. After politely telling him not to insult my intelligence and telling him he needs to take himself more seriously if he wants to improve his life, his reply was even more weaselly and pathetic:
“bro I didn’t have the money at the time I told you I’m a broke college student with no job at the time I had 10 dollars which was for me eat and I was willing to give it to u who are u to gauge how serious I am but sorry to waste your time bro u obviously don’t even care about helping a young guy reach his goals”
He sent a second email 2 minutes later: “I’d be willing to give u 30 dollars which is all the money I have rn man just help me out please lol”
And a 3rd email 10 minutes after that: “Please bro lol”
Does that sound like someone who takes himself seriously? Do people who take themselves seriously beg to save a couple of bucks, put the word “lol” at the end of every email, abbreviate and misspell half the words in their emails, spam you every 2 minutes instead of waiting for your reply, and use emotional blackmail like, “u obviously don’t even care about helping a young guy reach his goals”?
A friend of mine told me, “This guy is definitely material for a profound article” – and that was fairly prescient of him. Before he’d even said it, I knew I wanted to turn that email (and the many more I’ve had exactly like it) into an article. So here we are.
And it’s not just him; I’m not singling this guy out. I get probably 5 emails a week from someone asking me, “can I just have 5 minutes of your time” to fix their entire fucking life. And they’ll literally phrase it like that – “Can I just have a 5 minute call with you” or “Can you just write a really short reply to my email”. Absolute madness – they admit to me everything they want to fix, every problem that’s causing them depression and frustration and pain and misery… but then follow that up with, “I’m not actually serious about fixing any of it, because I only want to dedicate 5 minutes of your time and my time to fixing it.”
What they’re actually saying is, “I feel guilty about not fixing my life when I know I so easily could, but if I waste 5 minutes of your time then I can at least tell myself I tried. Then I can go back to Netflix and spilling Dorito crumbs all over myself as I lie there in laziness and filth and complacency.”
This laziness and lack of people taking themselves seriously shows up in other places too. Nowhere is this more apparent than on Tinder. There’s a reason my massive (free) Tinder guide has a huge section in the first chapter about taking yourself seriously and going all-in. Too many guys screw around on Tinder, putting barely any effort in, getting zero matches, then declaring, “Online dating is a scam!” No, YOU’RE the scam.
When I ran my big Tinder experiment trawling through 1000+ male Tinder profiles, I saw so many guys who were just fucking around. They had shitty bedroom selfies, or meme photos, or they were sticking their tongue out and being silly in every single photo they had. If you’re only on Tinder to “have a laugh” or “try it out for a bit” or “see what’s out there”, get off my website. Girls aren’t going to take you seriously, and I sure as shit am not going to take you seriously. You don’t belong here, my content isn’t right for you – if you’re not willing to take yourself seriously and have the self-awareness and the humility to admit, “Ok. I want to achieve my goals” then you aren’t a person I ever want to interact with. I have no time for and I cannot stand people who cannot take themselves seriously.
Life is a gift; you have but one life. One lifetime and then it’s all over. If you’re going to squander it by half-assing everything, pretending you “don’t actually care lol” when we all know you really do, then to me you’re nothing but an un-self-aware NPC, coasting through life and “letting things happen to him” rather than taking the reigns and deciding YOU will be the captain of your ship.
If you sign up to my forums, you’ll see I have a contract you have to agree to and sign before you can even use the forums – plus you have to upload a photo of yourself and have it as your profile avatar. You have to publicly declare, “I, Andy, promise to take myself and my goals seriously.” It’s a huge barrier to entry – because I’m trying to weed out the timewasters and the guys who haven’t gone all-in. If you don’t take yourself seriously enough to admit you’re serious, and you don’t take yourself seriously enough to put your face out there, you’re only half-invested in your own success, dipping your toe in the water instead of jumping right in.
Someone gave a great analogy about paid coaching that I think also applies to my forum signup process:
“Think of it as a “jacket required” policy for a high(er) end club. Some place that has some sort of dress code and / or cover charge that’s peanuts to a guy that has his shit together, but is a hindrance to losers that can’t understand why they should have to tuck in their shirt just to get a drink. Bottom line: Your joint. Your policies.”
And that’s exactly what I was aiming for – if you’re not willing to do the bare minimum and admit you want to take yourself seriously and achieve your goals, you aren’t going to do what it takes to be successful. Achieving your goals is hard, it takes monumental effort, there’ll be so many days when you have a breakdown and struggle to go on. But if you’ve previously made that commitment and told yourself you take your goals seriously, then that previously-made promise will be the glue that holds you together during your moments of struggle and weakness. If you don’t take yourself seriously, you’ll end up quitting when things get hard.
I’ve even had to learn my own lesson about taking myself seriously, particularly when it comes to my coaching and helping people. Really, we can define that as, “my business” or “my finances”. My coaching obviously costs money – far more than it did when I first got started. Half the reason is obviously so I can pay my bills, but a bigger reason is to get rid of all the idiots who are just here to fuck around and aren’t actually serious. If you put up real money, you’re investing in your future and declaring, “Ok. I’m fucking ready to take this self-improvement and getting laid thing seriously. Let’s do this.”
And that makes me want to bust my god damn ass and pour my heart and soul into helping you, because I know you’re actually serious and you’re actually worth my time and my effort. People are drawn towards and actively want to help those who take themselves seriously.
When I first started coaching, I charged barely anything – I think I started at $20 USD for a 1hr call. And guess who hit me up for coaching? People who weren’t even remotely serious about improving themselves. At that point in time, I even had a few people message me and say, “You should charge more. I don’t know how you can possibly help me for $20.”
In a way, I wasn’t taking myself seriously.
Once I started putting my prices up (a gradual process over the last few years), I started taking my coaching more seriously, and putting in way more effort with each client. I started finding myself spending 2 hours or more preparing for each call, writing notes, planning out how I was going to help this guy – and then I’d spend another 2 hours after the call writing homework and a plan of action for him. The calls themselves even went from 1hr calls to often 2.5hr calls – as long as it took to absolutely make sure I was helping the guy.
And the side-effect of me taking myself and my coaching more seriously (in other words, treating it more like a business than just a “hobby”) was that my clients started taking me more seriously. They listened more, they followed the advice I gave them, they went all-in with what I told them to do. That meant better results for them – I actually started helping more people as soon as I started taking myself seriously. Looking back to when I only charged $20 per call, how the hell could I expect anyone to take me seriously when I wasn’t taking myself seriously?
So I want you to make a promise to yourself, just like I’ve had to do, to take yourself seriously. Admit you want the things you want. Admit you really want to achieve your goals. Admit you’re willing to do whatever it takes to achieve them, even if that means working really bloody hard for a few years, risking a tonne of rejection, and putting it all on the line. You must be willing to take a chance, be vulnerable, dive off that cliff and hope you figure out how to fly. I know it’s scary, but we’ve all been through it many times over. Success requires you to take yourself seriously and go all in.
If I can do it, you sure as hell can too.
And if you’re ready to take yourself seriously and want a plan of action to actually get it done, advice on overcoming your mental hurdles and homework tasks and follow-up calls to keep you accountable, hit me up for coaching so I can fast-track your success and save you months or years of struggles and wasted time:
Now go out there and take yourself seriously. You deserve good things. I know you can achieve them, or you wouldn’t be here. But you absolutely must take yourself seriously.
After all, if you don’t take yourself seriously, how can you expect anybody else to?