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Cover image by: Bianca Berg.
A bit of a different one this time – a story about sex, but more importantly about self-awareness and when you should try to help people vs when it might be time to leave them to their own unhappiness.
This story was originally posted on the Good Looking Loser Forums in September 2019. As always, any parts in blue are direct quotes from the old post I initially wrote.
Met this cute 18yo chick
(her Tinder says 19 but she’s really 18):
I used my usual BDSM line (“Do you have experience with being submissive/BDSM, or is it something you’d like to explore?”) – she was keen, but also nervous and kinda terrified. In the 2 days leading up to us meeting, she asked a couple times if I was a serial killer, if I was a catfish, etc. (Girls will ask this from time to time if you’re extremely sexual, especially with BDSM stuff – just reassure them, tell them you’re not going to pressure them, meet them in public first, etc).
I kept the conversation short (I don’t advocate long conversations before you’ve ever met a girl). Here’s the gist of most of the convo:
She was so nervous she didn’t even want to give me her number, so we just organised the date on Tinder.
We met, took her by the hand and went for a walk for 15 minutes, bought some wine and took it back to mine. Drank a bit and chatted while I did my favourite thing – playing with her tits over her clothes, rubbing her pussy through her pants, while also having a normal conversation with her. She started losing concentration and couldn’t talk, and then I’d stop and say, “Is something distracting you? What’s going on, how come you can’t talk?” I’m an ass
Sex with her was fucking WILD. She had a perfect 18yo body – smooth, thin, she’s fucking tiny, like 5ft3 or some shit and only weighs 50kg (yes, I literally ask every girl I bang how much they weigh because I’m a weirdo). Just looking at her body was driving me crazy the entire time we banged – she has a perfect pussy, perfect tits. I wish I could have taken a photo of her body because holy shit… Asked her if I could take a photo but she was very adamant she didn’t want one taken, fair enough.
We banged for like 4 hours (with little breaks every 30min or so) – we tried absolutely all my toys, I tied her up, whipped her (she loved that) and paddled her as hard as I possibly could. I was brutal and she loved every second of it. I used my magic wand vibrator on her, blindfolded her and teased her with ice/hot wax, made her squirt 30 times everywhere. We did every position we could think of, in every room of my apartment including on the kitchen bench.
She’s also a little fucking sex demon – she’s WILD. She has this crazy look in her eyes, fully lustful, and she was screaming and moaning like a banshee. At one point she was grunting and snarling at me like a fucking animal, it was hot and also slightly funny. She snarled at me, I started snarling back, we got more and more aggressive then she cracked first and started giggling. She’s just crazy enough that the sex is INSANE, but not crazy enough you’d run from her.
She’s also bisexual but has never had a 3some, so I’ll set something up. I’m now seeing 4 girls, all of whom are bisexual… I should have a 4some and then a 5some LOL.
Will definitely see her again.
I guess this counts as semi-proof, sorta:
When we were cuddling after sex, she said, “You’re actually really nice to me.” There was a pause, then she said with a really sad voice, “No other guy has ever been nice to me…”
Fuck. That hit me right in the feels.
I told her, “That’s because you’re not filtering in the guys who’ll be nice to you.”
She laughed and said, “Oh that’s right, blame the woman!”
I chastised her and said, “If you don’t take responsibility for your own problems, how are you ever going to fix them? If you blame all the guys, then you’re saying you’re helpless to control what happens to you – which is hell.”
Something clearly clicked in her head and she went quiet and thought about it for a bit, so maybe she’ll learn some self-awareness and agency. We’ll see.
I attract a lot of girls who seem to desperately need some guidance and mentorship. A big part of that will be because I actually want those girls in my life – I clearly enjoy mentoring people and seeing “underdog stories” – girls starting off with 0 self-esteem and over months or a year they grow into a fully-realised, happy, self-accepting person. That’s incredibly rewarding to be a part of. I’ll always try to leave girls better than I found them.
I saw her a couple more times after that and had a lot of fun with her, but unforunately she didn’t really change much when it came to self-awareness. She complained to me a few times about other guys she was dating and how they treated her like crap. Each time, I gently pushed her towards solutions – “Break up with him. Date dudes who treat you nicer. Take responsibility for your life.” Each time I was met with, “It’s not that simple” or “It’s not my fault” – basically, avoiding responsibility. She ended up getting exactly what she subconsciously wanted.
As someone wise once said to me, “You can’t save everybody, Andy.”
Wise words. One of the biggest challenges with my site, my coaching and my mission to help other people has been weeding out the people who are serious about improving, vs the ones who just say they’re serious about improving (and then never make any actual changes). There’s a very subtle difference, and it’s sometimes hard to spot which guys will actually put your words into practice vs which guys will just read and then go right back to complacency. But, with practice, and over time, I’m getting much better at it.
Apply this to your own life. If you’re working on your self-improvement like I am, if you’re trying to be a better version of yourself each day, you’re naturally going to have a few people take notice and say, “Wow, can you tell me how to do what you’re doing?” You’ll be super excited and energetic to help, you’ll pour hours and hours of effort and time and mental energy into helping them… only to find that a lot of them (the majority of them) listen to what you’re saying but never actually take action.
Try again if you like – you don’t have to just immediately give up on someone after 1 try. But if you find yourself trying multiple times, and the person you’re trying to help keeps saying they want your advice but they’re not actually doing anything with it, then it might be time to ask yourself, “Am I just wasting my time here?”
The more you focus on helping people who seem to want to be miserable and unhappy, the more you’re just dragging yourself down into misery yourself. As Nietzsche said, “And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee.” The longer you focus on other people’s disfunction & unhappiness, the more you’ll start to take on some of it and become dysfunctional & unhappy yourself.
Once you detach from people who clearly don’t want to improve themselves (after you’ve tried a couple of times to help them), you’ll find there’s a tonne of people out there who will follow your advice and will absolutely turn their life around with just a few little pushes from you. You’ll find it takes almost no effort – just a couple of choice words, a bit of encouragement, maybe some advice here and there. Those are the people you should focus on – those are the people who you should put time and energy into helping. People who actually do the work and improve themselves.
People like you and me.
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Hahahahaha mate, you’re not the only one who asks girls how much they weigh / how tall they are. I’m a bit of a numbers guy and love to quantify everything, so whenever I’m with a girl I find attractive, I want to know her “stats” so I know what type I’m attracted to.
I wonder what it is that drives you to (subconsciously) seek out this girls who are in need of “fixing”. Usually, the people I’ve known who were like this were in these weird codependent relationships were they were the “fixers” and their partner constantly needed fixing (being high-maintenance, causing a lot of drama, etc.) I’m not implying that that’s the case with you; I just find it really interesting.
Oh man, that last part about weeding out the people who are serious about improving or not resonated so hard with me. I used to make the mistake (and sometimes still do) of giving well-intentioned advice to people when they didn’t ask for it because I see them struggling with something. But that never worked out because most people (especially average people) think they’re smarter than everyone else and because the desire for change has to come from within someone.
But it’s particularly frustrating when someone specifically asks me for help, and then I put all my heart into it and tell them everything I know because I truly want to help them out — only to see them do jack shit about it. It’s made me slightly cynical about people. In general, I realized how rare it is to find a man of his word – someone with character who sticks to what they say they are going to do.
Nowadays, I only help people I truly care about and where I can see that they are driven to do what it takes.
On a related note, some golden advice I have gotten from a mentor of mine if you want to connect with and establish a relationship with someone important and “above” you:
Ask them for their advice about something. Take it. Send them proof you took their advice, and that you improved because of their advice. They will help you in the future after that. By doing this, you’re validating their belief that they are good leaders.
The worst thing you can ever do is ask for advice and not take it. Once advice is given and not taken, even once, they’re not going to bother wasting their time with you ever again.
Thanks for the good read.
What drives me to seek out girls who need fixing? Exactly the same thing that drives me to write for this site and seek out guys who need “fixing”. I guess I went through so much shit myself, so much hell, I can’t stand the idea of someone else suffering.
Or a more selfish (and probably more accurate) answer – it feels fucking GOOD to be able to help someone, and be able to share in their success; particular if it’s a real underdog story. So there’s an ego boost from knowing you’ve helped other people – feels good.
Yeah one of the hardest lessons in life is learning who’s serious vs who’s not. And then not investing too much of your time helping people who clearly don’t want to help themselves.
Good Looking Loser has a great quote: “If somebody doesn’t take themselves seriously, why should I take them seriously?”
-Andy