Cover image by Glenn Carstens-Peters.
Let’s take a trip done memory lane to the time in 2017 I wasn’t banging any new girls, despite giving it everything I had.
At the time, I still had 2 fuckbuddies I was seeing semi-regularly, but what I really wanted – to meet new girls – just wasn’t happening for me. I was getting more and more frustrated, and starting to feel like I couldn’t get laid and there was nothing I could do. I was trying like hell – talking to tonnes of girls, getting rejected a shittonne, but it just didn’t seem to be resulting in any bedroom shenanigans.
I hit on more than 300 girls out on the street (“cold approaching”), but slept with none of them. I felt like the world was against me, like Lady Luck had abandoned me, like all the females on Earth had conspired against me to stop me from getting any more lays.
Truth was, it was my own damn fault – my standards were totally unrealistic. I was only hitting on the hottest girls (we’re talking gym-bunnies, girls with perfect bodies; girls who could be Instagram models) and nobody else. And the average or cute girls who were into me, I ignored or outright dumped, just to boost my own ego.
I posted this on the Good Looking Loser Forums in March 2017. As always, any parts in blue are direct quotes from the old post I initially wrote.
Admitting I’m Not Getting Laid:
I’m still seeing “X” the ex-virgin, as well as my African fuckbuddy.
But… I haven’t had any new girls in 6 months now (excluding online). I’ve gone on like 15 dates where I make out with the girl but don’t see her for a 2nd date (more on that in a minute). In my last 300 approaches I haven’t gotten laid once. That’s INSANE. You can say it’s random bad luck, but 300 approaches without a lay is a decent sample size to say, “What I’m doing obviously isn’t working”. Especially when you compare it to my first 124 approaches – I got laid 4 times. 1 in every 31 approaches.
“Healthyadda” is on the same course – his last 100 approaches he hasn’t gotten laid. We’ve had many many many conversations about it over the last few weeks then finally it hit us: we’ve been approaching girls who are ridiculously hot. AND, even worse, we’re not giving the girls who want to fuck us (ie average girls) a chance. Like we’ll walk around for an hour, walk past 100 “cute” girls and only talk to the absolute hottest women we see. We are ONLY talking to the best of the best: girls with model good looks, super fit bodies, plenty of makeup, girls who absolutely know they’re hot shit.
It’s been fun, we both agree. Hitting on super-hotties is fun as fuck, especially when you get numbers, and get a few out on dates. And make out with some. Making out with a super-hottie is fun as fuck. But it’s not getting laid.
We listened to Good Looking Loser’s videos on “lower your standards” and god damn, it’s like he was speaking directly to us.
“If you’re not getting laid, your standards are probably what’s preventing you from getting laid”
“You pass up a lot of girls because you don’t want to fuck them. But the thing is, they might want to fuck you.”
“You look at average girls, and you think, ‘Hmmm, she’s ok. I could definitely fuck her.’ But you don’t actually make a move.”
That last quote hit me the hardest. Healthyadda and I will walk past cute/average girls and say to each other, “I’d bang her”. The other person will say, “Yeah I agree, I’d bang her”. Then we walk right past her and look for the next super-hottie to actually hit on. We walk past like 200 bangable girls a day to only approach 5-10 hot girls.
More importantly, I’m ignoring the girls who are really into me. I went through my phone and there’s 15 girls in the last 3 months who were REALLY into me, and made it REALLY obvious they liked me. And those are just the ones I’ve kept on my phone – there’s probably more girls I’m forgetting. But I didn’t see them for a 2nd or 3rd date because they were bangable but not super hot. I am absolutely 100% sure I could have banged at least 7 or 8 of those 15 girls. But I didn’t even try. I cared more about my ego than getting laid.
I guess I didn’t realise I’d rejected so many girls, I thought it was only one or two…
The more girls I reject, the more girls I turn down for the most ridiculous reasons (Healthyadda recently told me I’m absolutely “ruthless”, and I have to admit he’s right)… somehow rejecting girls makes me feel like I’m more special, I’m more amazing, I’m more attractive. It’s like, “Look at all these girls I’m turning down, I must be high-value”.
Hell I even had 2 fuckbuddies I stopped seeing for literally no reason other than because it made me feel powerful to reject them.
But then after a while you’re sitting there alone not getting laid when you could have been. Exactly like Good Looking Loser did in his early 20’s. I’m a fucking retard for repeating the same pattern, given I’d already read all his articles about lowering your standards. Guess we have to walk our own path & make our own mistakes.
But now I want to get laid.
When I think back to my first 4 cold approach lays, 1 of them was hot but the other 3 were average. Definitely fuckable, none of them were fat, but average as heck. And all 3 of those girls were REALLY into me and made it pretty damn easy to fuck them. I didn’t even know what I was doing and I still banged ’em.
It felt SO EASY to get laid back then, and now it feels impossible – despite me being MUCH better at approaching (I was a nervous, quivering, stuttering, nervous mess back then). It’s really getting me down.
So Healthyadda and I have made a promise to each other we’ll do only average-but-bangable girls on our next 100 approaches to see what happens.
More importantly, I’m making a promise to myself not to reject girls for stupid reasons.
I think part of me was angry at all the girls who rejected me, so I wanted to reject some back. Like a stupid revenge game. “Cutting off my own nose to spite the face.”
What the fuck, Andy.
True to my word, after I posted that, I started going all-in on actually getting laid. I lowered my standards, stopped rejecting cute girls just because they weren’t supermodels, and made it my mission to actually get laid.
2 weeks later I got had sex with a new girl (you’ll need to make an account to view that). And then 8 days later, another new girl. 3 weeks later, another. This really was a big turning point for me – I went on to have a hell of a lot more lays after that (especially once I tried Tinder), and the rest is history.
Moral of the story: Don’t be “too good” to get laid with average or cute girls. Have more realistic standards (lower them a bit), go talk to some cute girls, and go get laid. Lowering your standards means you will eventually be able to raise them and bang hotter girls.
Especially if you’re a newbie – you should do whatever it takes to get laid, and always keep an open mind.
You’ll find average-looking girls are often total sweathearts who’ll bring a lot of joy to your life – and often blow your fucking mind in the bedroom.
Go out there and get laid, cowboy.