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A lot of guys who are just starting out think, “If I could just get laid, I’d be happy and all my problems would fade away”.
And yes, it is true that getting laid makes your life a LOT more awesome, in a million ways you couldn’t even begin to fathom. I’ve talked about that in How Getting Laid Makes You a Better Man.
But that’s not where the journey ends. When you’ve improved yourself and gotten laid a tonne, you don’t suddenly hit the end credits screen of life, nobody comes down from the heavens above to congratulate you on finally making it, and life doesn’t just end. Yes, you’ve gotten laid a tonne. Yes, you feel like you’ve done something truly awesome; something most guys will never do. You’ve achieved something great; something nobody else can ever take away from you. But that’s not the end of your story; you have many more years (decades) left to live, many more things to accomplish, many more ways to spend your time, many more journeys to embark upon. Self-improvement will still be calling out to you, beckoning you to try something new, to learn and grow, to start the next exciting, new chapter.
Getting laid is just the beginning. It really is.
Life is full of boundless possibilities, and you have such a ridiculously long time on this Earth; you have endless opportunities to try a million different things, to grow in a bazillion different ways, to experiment and make a trillion mistakes and learn from them, to go on a gazillion adventures and fundamentally change who you are as a human being. You have unlimited room for growth; getting laid is the first part of a truly amazing life that’s yours for the taking.
You want examples? Here’s a few, in no particular order:
- Making more money/starting your own business/getting promoted and working your way to the top of your career field.
- Building a tribe, building a group of loyal friends who’ll have your back no matter what. (I’ve got a few tribes myself – I’ve personally built my own inner circle of loyal friends, plus my group coaching clients feel like a tribe, plus you my audience).
- Fitness and health – losing weight, gaining muscle, building that dream body you want or pursuing a strength goal.
- Relationships, kids, marriage (if it’s something you want). Raising the next generation, finding an awesome woman and building something epic with her, raising some wonderful human beings and leaving behind an amazing legacy.
- Love and long-term intimacy; exploring the depths of human connection, finding out what the words I love you truly mean.
- Exploring different types of sexual pleasure – 3somes, exploring your sexual bucketlist, tantric sex, karma sutra, BDSM, rough sex, gentle sex, learning to give women orgasms, learning to give yourself multiple orgasms (yes, that’s a thing. Yes, I do it all the time.)
- Making sex more efficient. For guys like me, Caleb Jones, and others, we become super efficient at sleeping with new women, and better at keeping women around for longer (retention). For other guys, they get into a relationship and build a strong sexual relationship with their partner.
- Travelling. Going to new places, having new experiences, meeting new people, exploring new cultures, seeing the world and all it has to offer.
- Enlightenment. Truth. Knowledge. Purpose. Some form of spirituality; or another way of phrasing that is, “Why am I here? What is the point of all this? What’s my meaning of life?”
- Finding peace. Letting go, learning to be more stoic, not being so bothered by external events, being more resilient when life throws up hurdles, removing attachment to things, letting go of fear, anger, frustration, pride, ego. Meditating more and relaxing.
- Mentorship, lifting other people up (men and women). Some guys phrase this as “giving back”. Helping others get to where you are now. (This is why I started my channel, started writing articles, coaching, etc. To get you guys to where I am now, and beyond.)
As for which one to pick, after you’ve gotten laid; that’s entirely up to you. I’m not your Dad; it’s not up to me to tell you how you should orient your life. But I’ll tell you something that’ll make you feel a little better: by the time you’ve achieved the massive goal of handling your sex life, you’ll have taught yourself a tonne of important skills – hard work, initiative, resilience, persistence. You’ll be in a pretty good position to be making the decision of where your life should go next. Trust me, you’ll know what to work on next when the time comes. So all you’ll need to do is trust your gut as to what you want to do; after all, once you’ve gotten laid a lot, your gut instinct would have served you pretty well thus far.
(But hey, if you’re still stuck – most guys jump into making money after getting laid a lot. So if you really can’t decide, start working on the money side of things, and see how you feel after a few months of that.)
So yes, getting laid is absolutely amazingly rewarding, a hell of a lot of fun, an important step for becoming a well-rounded, happy, masculine man… But that’s not where your story ends. If you take one thing from this article, it’d be this: I don’t want you to make the naïve mistake of thinking, “If I just get laid a tonne, my life will be complete!” No. Your life will be unimaginably better; that’s for sure. But getting laid is just the beginning of a wonderful journey that’ll span the rest of your life. Getting laid is step 1; and it’s arguably one of the most exciting steps, since for most guys it’s your first really big goal you’ll achieve – a goal that for some of you, might take a couple of years. That’s exciting, it’s novel, it’s new, it’s fun, it’s incredibly rewarding.
But you know what’s even more amazing than getting laid? The fact you get to repeat the self-improvement process all over again with the next goal, and then the next, and then the next. How amazing is it that you get to have whatever you want in life, as long as you’re willing to take action and work towards it? There are days I wake up so unimaginably happy because I know the secret to life: The entire world is our oyster; we’re literally allowed to have anything we want, if we put in the work.
The only question left is to ask ourselves what we actually want.
So, what do you want?
You’re allowed to have it.
>>you’ll know what to work on next when the time comes
I’m not so sure about this part: I’ve been casting about a bit around “what to do…” some people are struck in the face by what to do, but I think many aren’t, and have to decide. In real life, a lot of people I’ve met aren’t seem sure where to put the full force of their energy atter achieving some success in at least one area.
There’s something to be said for picking a direction and running with it.
I think it’s also common to get stuck at local maximums, and to need to go “down” in some field before one goes back “up” again… local maximums are dangers I don’t hear about much.
RPD is thinking along similar lines, https://redpilldad.blog/2022/03/29/whats-next-for-trp/ … and I have written about the kid thing… https://theredquest.wordpress.com/2019/04/15/kids-the-player-and-the-red-pill-comprehensive-statement/ … I think many guys in seduction and similar fields overstate the (real) financial and legal dangers of having kids… it’s true that the legal system is set up against men in North America, but life is also full of hazards and, on a fundamental level, you do the best you can and dive in…
Both really solid articles, thanks for linking. I agree family is often a good next step for most guys tired of the “player lifestyle”, but I think that’s because family = responsibility. I myself don’t want kids (had a vasectomy 7 years ago) but already feel myself pulled in the direction of wanting to mentor others and help raise the next generation (even if not directly by having my own children). I think the older we get – and the more women we sleep with – we’re naturally pulled towards giving back and taking responsibility for those who come after us.