I’ve had a few people tell me over the last few months that they could never do what I do, that they could never bang 200+ girls like I have, that they could never have 3somes like I’ve had. I’ve even heard, “You’re doing something special; something normal guys like me can’t do.”
And I get it; when you’re at the start of your self-improvement journey, it’s intimidating as hell to look ahead, because you’re acutely aware of how far you still have left to go. And the people you look up to & admire seem like gods (even though they’re not; you could easily outdo them). Good Looking Loser has a great article on this: 10 Misconceptions About Guys that are Successful with Women. Even though there’s a big part of me that finds it hilarious that people look up to me (if you could be me for a day, you’d see it’s not that glamorous), I do get that 200+ lays and 50+ 3somes (as of 2022) seems like a jaw-dropping number.
The issues comes when you use it as a stick to beat yourself over the head with, and tell yourself things like, “I don’t have as many lays as Andy/other guys; therefore, I’m a loser.” I’ve covered this topic here: Stop Being a Cunt to Yourself.
200+ is a nice number. It’s a big number. When I first started self-improvement, there was no way in hell I ever thought I’d get anywhere near 100. But if you’ve followed my lays (I’ve posted about half of them here), you’ll see that a huge portion of the girls I’ve banged, I didn’t end up seeing more than once or twice.
I’ll be honest: I used to have pretty low standards. I’ve banged a lot of hotties (again, go through the stories here – the hotter girls are at the top of the list), but I also banged a hell of a lot of chubby girls. I was always been a bit of a freak, and I enjoyed the chase; I liked banging new girls, even if they weren’t always ultra-hot or girls that I wanted to see more than a couple of times. Some of my best experiences were when I kept an open mind, even if the girl wasn’t ultra hot.
And let’s go even deeper – my first 50 or so lays were back when I was really depressed and suicidal (2006-2011). I used to bang girls off Craigslist, and the vast majority of them were ultra-obese girls I was not even remotely attracted to. I was obese myself and was stuck in a very destructive mindset – I used sex with fat girls as both self-medication and self-flaggelation. I’d always hate myself afterwards; it wasn’t glamorous at all. It was ~8 years of mental hell – I was addicted to the “rush” of meeting a new girl so I’d take absolutely anyone I could get (I was fat myself so I could only get the lowest of the low women), then I’d meet and fuck them, then as soon as I came I’d hate myself and promise never to do it again…
…Only to repeat a few weeks later. I actually went to a sex addiction counsellor + joined a sex addiction group that cost me $200/month. I did that for about a year and it helped me see sex in a much more positive, normal light (instead of using it to self-medicate my own unhappiness). So again, is that something worth comparing yourself to?
I’m also probably older than you – I’m about to turn 35 (as of 2022), which means I’ve had a long time to rack up a lot of lays. I lost my virginity when I was 19, so since then I’ve banged an average of 1 new girl a month.
So please, please, please don’t compare your lay-count to mine; my first 50 lays were not even worth noting, and many of the ones after that were girls I wasn’t super attracted to. You can definitely do better than me. (Though to be fair, there was a hell of a lot of hotties in there too; it wasn’t all doom and gloom.)
If your standards aren’t as low as mine used to be (all of my coaching clients have higher standards than I used to), then of course your lay count isn’t going to be as high as mine. If you don’t scrape the bottom of the barrel in the way that I used to, then it’s natural you’ll have less lays. And I’m not saying you should lower your standards to the low Lev I used to have… I’m saying you need to keep it in mind that I used to have very low standards.
You’re also mostly going to focus on the highlight reels of my life (even though I do my best to share my shortcomings/failures/struggles with you). Even when I try to show you my weaknesses, you aren’t naturally going to pay attention to my shortcomings or failures (even though I talk about them here, and here, and here, and here). You don’t really care about that stuff – you only care about my journey, and my high lay count. You care about my 3somes, and my cool sex adventures; you know, the good stuff. You care about the peak moments I share.
But you have no idea how often I’m a lazy son of a bitch. You’re not aware of the 10,000 girls who rejected me or called me creepy or said I’m a loser. You’re not aware of all the times I’ve been jealous, or insecure, or cried, or acted like a child. You aren’t here with me to see all the moments I feel like I’ll never be successful; nor are you here to see the moments where life beats me down. You only see the best of me, and you don’t notice – or you actively ignore – the worst of me.
I’m not any better than you are; I’m just a little further along in my self-improvement journey. I look successful because I’ve simply had more time to find success.
And that’s the point; you can’t compare yourself to me, because I’ve probably been improving for longer than you have. In a year or two you’ll have made massive progress, and you’ll be at a point where you’re on equal footing to me and anyone else you respect. You’ll get there, I promise; as long as you keep kicking ass with your goals and have realistic expectations of your progress.
The final nail in the coffin of my lay count is this: I got a lot of my lays by being an uncaring, unsympathetic, almost-sociopathic cunt. I’ve talked about it here. For a long time, I treated girls like mere notches; I ghosted them all the time, I lied to them just to get in their pants, I didn’t give a fuck about their feelings. Things I haven’t done for many years now, and things I don’t advocate anyone else ever doing. So a huge portion of my lays weren’t done ethically; you can definitely be a more ethical player than I used to be. If you’re striving for honesty like I now do myself, you’ll naturally end up with a lower lay count than the one I’ve ended up with; but yours will be more meaningful.
Don’t look at my lay count and assume my sex history is something you should just copy-paste; I went through a lot of horror before I got to the point I’m at now. It took me a long time to work up to pure honesty with everyone I date. I’ve slowed down and focused much more on quality now. It’s taken me a long time to become a positive influence in the world. For a huge portion of my lays, I was not a great human being. I really wasn’t.
You can – and will – do better.
I have faith in you.