Building on from a previous article, one thing I’ve told all my mates who want to start talking to girls is: “It’s ok to completely suck at it.”
But first, a quick detour…
If You Can’t Talk to Girls At All
If you can’t force yourself to talk to a single girl while sober – even when you muster up all the courage you have – then you have “approach anxiety”. Don’t stress; when I first started, I couldn’t talk to a single girl either (I tried for weeks, for hours a day, pussying out on a few hundred girls until I had a breakdown)
Do what I did: do the (completely free) Approach Anxiety Program on Good Looking Loser. I completed it and kept a detailed log (with video journals) during my journey:
How I Beat My Approach Anxiety (Fear of Hitting on Girls)
If you really push yourself with the program, you’ll beat your anxiety in 2 or 3 months and be able to hit on girls during any time of day or night.
If You CAN Talk to Girls
If you are able to talk to girls if you absolutely force yourself, then you probably have a fear that’s holding you back from really going after it and getting laid a lot: “What if I get rejected or look like an idiot?”
The thing is, it really doesn’t matter how nervous/scared/insecure you are when you hit on a girl. She’ll be even more nervous than you – a stranger just walked up to her out of the blue and hit on her. She often won’t know what to say, will be insecure and stressing about how she looks/if you like her/what other people think/etc. You being nervous often won’t even register to her because she’s too busy being in her own head – just like you’re in your own head.
I asked quite a few of the girls I slept with, “Do you remember what I said to you or what we talked about when I hit on you?” Not a single one could remember what I said – they were all too nervous at the time to pay attention to what I was saying.
Start by reading this:
Anxiety Doesn’t Go Away (You Just Stop Caring)
Then aim to do just 1 approach a day:
Andy and His Mates Sucked Too
My first 100 or so approaches were awful. I was terrified, shaking, I’d often lose my voice, I had complete mental blanks and would forget how to even talk to a human. For a long while I felt so sick every time I hit on a girl, I was terrified I’d actually throw up on her. I had days where I walked around for four hours without talking to a single girl, pussying out on literally hundreds of opportunities, until I hated myself so much I wanted to jump from a building. I was about as bad as you could possibly be.
But you know what happened on the 26th girl I hit on? I had sex with her. For all my nervousness and inability to talk, for all my fears of not being good enough… it didn’t matter. I still stuck my nervous penis inside a female.
I’ve taken a lot of mates out and pushed them to approach girls for the first time, and guess what – they’ve all sucked as well.
One mate I took out for the first time took two and a half hours to talk to his first girl. He pussied out hundreds of times, gave me every excuse under the sun, and must have repeated, “I can’t do this” 500 times. I had to give him several massive pep talks about how it was totally normal to do a bad job – I had to give him permission to suck. Finally after 2.5 hours, he hit on his first girl.
He’s since gotten laid twice from girls he met on the street – despite being a total amateur at it. He’s not super smooth, he’s not Mr Charming, he doesn’t always know what to say – but it doesn’t matter. He’s still getting laid.
Where to Hit on Girls
You can hit on girls anywhere – it literally doesn’t matter where. You’re just going up and saying hi and asking for a number – it’s not something you should have to pump yourself up for (though I understand you’ll need to at the start when it’s scary and new).
You can go out on the street during the daytime and hit on random girls. Maybe you’re sitting in a coffee shop and you see a cute girl sitting by herself – go say hi. Or you’re on a train and there’s a girl staring out the window. Go sit next to her and say hi. Maybe you want to go to bars and have a bit of “liquid courage” in you, go do that (just don’t build that into too much of a habit – you don’t want to become an alcoholic for the sake of getting laid). Don’t worry about what to say – start with “Hi” or “Hey, I thought you were cute” or “Hey I’m [your name] *shake her hand*”.
Make things easier on yourself by building a nice easy habit – just go say hi to 1 girl a day, like I’m doing at the time of writing this article.
Or jump on Tinder/Bumble/OkCupid/etc and talk to girls and ask them out on a date.
I didn’t write this article to give you an exact step-by-step breakdown of how and where to talk to girls, or the exact words you should say – because it literally does not matter. None of that stuff matters; all that matters is you give yourself permission to be fucking awful at this, as long as you never quit. Your job is to just hang in there and keep approaching girls, and just trust (have complete blind faith) that you’ll eventually figure out what to do and get better at it.
You have to give yourself permission to suck.
If You’re Worried about Other People Seeing You…
Many guys start out with this fear – “What if other people see me hitting on girls?” Luckily I’ve answered that question in-depth for you here.
The End Goal
Eventually you want to get to a point where you just casually hit on any girls you see as you go about your day. Your Tinder should be the same – you message a few girls a day with copy-paste templates and then get on with your day. Hitting on girls should take no time, no energy, no willpower. It’ll be something natural you just do. When you’re thirsty, you grab a drink. When you see a cute girl, you go say hi. Simple.
In the mean time, as you work towards that ultimate goal, you’re going to suck for a while. You’re going to be nervous, you’ll often feel like hitting on girls is impossible, you’ll have moments where you want to quit – just hang in there and trust (blind faith, remember) that you’ll become elite at this if you just keep putting in the work.
Even now, with all my sexual experience, I still have days where I’m nervous and don’t talk to girls. I talk about it in I Am Always Full of Doubt.
A tonne of times when I hit on a girl, it does NOT go smoothly – especially if she isn’t interested in me. Guys who get laid a lot still get nervous, still make mistakes, still embarrass themselves. But it doesn’t even slightly matter for getting laid – all that matters is you talk to a tonne of girls and try to have sex with them.
No matter how terrified you are, you can do this.
How do you approach girls in groups? I’ve approached girls by themselves enough times that I feel fairly comfortable with it, but groups still make me a bit nervous, so I want to crush that as well.
Do you approach the group as a whole (“How are you guys doing? Thought you guys were cute” blah blah) or specifically approach the girl you’re interested in and then introduce yourself to the whole group (if she responds positively)?
Thank you for your time!
Both work. Or ONLY talk to the girl you’re hitting on, and ignore the group – that works too.
Go out and experiment, mate. This is all just a big experiment: