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Cover image by: Damian Patkowski.
This is one of my very earliest lays – all the way from back in September 2016. As I’ve discussed many times, my view on women has changed a lot in the years since 2016, If some of the story below doesn’t sound like “me”, that’s why.
I met her on Craigslist – which used to be a fucking awesome way of having kinky, casual sex (before they shut down the Casual Encounters section). I’ve written about Craigslist here.
As always, any parts in blue are direct quotes from the old post I initially wrote.
Craigslist african chick:
African (as in, actually from Africa) chick replied to one of my craigslist ads, a “50 shades of grey” style ad about training a slave, etc. Got her to come straight over. She’s about a 5 in person – she’s average in every possible way. Not ugly, not fat, just plain. She has big tits tho, mmmm. I grab her within 5 minutes and roughly pull her close to me, she starts shaking lol. Like, actually shaking non-stop. Don’t think she gets laid much – she’s really fucking nerdy (studying for a PHD in bio-science and something else).
Sex is fucking awesome tho, I just go full retard on her. Slapping, spitting in her mouth, choking her while telling her she belongs to me, making her tell me what a filthy cunt she is, etc. She’s super into it, you have no idea. Afterwards we hang and chat, she’s pretty cool. Super smart, very self-aware, I enjoyed her company. After she left she texted me this long message about how nice it was to meet me and she’d really like to see me again. Adorable. Will keep her as a fuckbuddy for now, since a) I can do WHATEVER I want to her; b) her personality & intelligence is a nice change from usual girls.
I ended up seeing her for about 9 months, and we grew pretty close over that time. We’d hangout and chat, talking about career, friends, the meaning of life, self-improvement (she was very interested in my self-improvement journey and started implementing changes in her own life). She started working on her fitness and eventually ran a few Spartan Races to really challenge herself. She was a cool chick, I liked her a lot.
She was also lots of fun in the bedroom, and got off on doing “homework” tasks that I gave her. Each week I’d give her different tasks she needed to complete before the next time we hungout. Stuff like:
- “Take a photo of your tits while you’re at work, with your coworkers in the background.” (She did this one a few times)
- “Every day for a week, take a photo of a different dildo/hairbrush/other object in your pussy.”
- “Send me a video of you getting yourself right to the edge of orgasm, but stopping at the last possible second. Do that 3 times in a row.”
- “Go to a few public monuments/tourist spots, and take a photo of you flashing your tits in front of the monument.”
- “Practice using a dildo to get your ass ready to take my cock.” (I’ve talked about giving girls this homework in How to Have Anal Sex).
Here’s one she sent me:
The fuckbuddy dynamic really worked well for both of us. We were both super independent at the time, and neither of us were looking for anything serious. She could go off and have her own life, dedicate herself to her career, while having fun doing these homework tasks and seeing me once every couple of weeks to bang. Each time we hungout it was like two old friends catching up – we’d tell each other what we’d been up to, she’d often ask me for advice, and we’d fuck each other’s brains out.
Sometimes the hangouts were so great we’d hangout for 2 or 3 hours before having sex, because we’d be deep in conversation. Something I don’t normally recommend you do; she even asked me a couple times, “Don’t you want to fuck me?” I’d tell her I was just so caught up in the awesome conversation… then I’d flip her over, rip her clothes off and fuck her brains out.
But if I’m honest, I actually prefered the friendship and the talks and the hanging out, compared to the sex. Sex with her was decent, but I really did long for the conversations – she was fucking amazing to talk to. I started seeing her more and more as a friend, and the sex almost got in the way. Don’t get me wrong, the sex was pretty good – I’d just find myself rushing the sex in order to get to the hanging out part.
Eventually we both got busier and busier, and the time between hanging out grew longer and longer. Eventually we both stopped hitting each other up, and just kinda faded out of each other’s lives.
There’s a part 2 to the story. A couple years later this happened:
Here’s an interesting one. Years ago I banged this African girl and we became pretty close fuckbuddies for about a year. Out of the blue I got this text a few days ago from an unknown number:
Met up with her, had a chat for an hour about what’s changed in each other’s lives, was pretty interesting. She’s been up to quite a lot, including… oh fuck that. You dirty little cunts came for the sex pic:
She’s been dating a guy for 2 years (non-monogamously). Normally I never get with girls who have a boyfriend (she actually brought that up before we banged – “I know you said ages ago you don’t like girls with boyfriends because of potential drama, so are you ok with it?”). Thought about it and as long as the dude knows and is cool with it (and he’s banging other girls), I’m fine with it.
I remember why I stopped seeing her in the first place – I absolutely *loved* chatting to her (she’s pretty interesting and highly intelligent – PhD in Bio-chemistry) but the sex was always pretty good but I really wanted to hangout and chat to her. Back in those days (we’re talking 3 years ago) I had this whole “It’s beta to be friends with a girl you’re not fucking, bro!!!!!!!!” thing going on so I just kinda faded out of her life, and I guess she faded out of mine too (we were both independent). What I’ll do this time is tell her I’m not DTF, but see if she wants to be friends. I suspect she’ll say yes – there’s no feelings between us. She’s actually someone who’d make a solid friend.
We talked a bit about the fact I’ve started writing about dating – I enjoy telling girls and general strangers about my site and other shit now. Even tonight I met a friend of a friend, and when he asked what I do I told him about my blog. I used to hide my self-improvement/getting laid stuff from “normies”. I know that’s the general consensus on here too – most people aren’t super comfortable telling everybody “I’m into getting laid”. It feels really nice to be free of that burden, to not have to worry what others will think. I’ve been telling people about my website/my sex life/etc for about a year now, and it’s nice not to have to hide anything.
She mentioned I seem a lot different to how I used to be. I asked her what she meant and she said I seem more chilled, more mellow, more comfortable with myself and less like I was putting on a front. That’s interesting – I did used to be hella insecure and always trying to look like a “cold, tough alpha” – whereas now I like myself and I’m more relaxed and carefree. It’s cool that she knew the old me, and she noticed a huge change in the new me.
We didn’t end up being friends – she was in a relationship, and even though he was cool with it, the more I thought about it the more I felt like I was probably just going to take away from their relationship. It was clear she still had feelings for me to some extent; it didn’t feel fair to the other dude. I knew I would have been more than just a casual fuckbuddy at that point; I mean she literally hit me up years later to reconnect. I felt like it was my responsibility to not make things messy for the two of them.
You’ll often find open relationships can work well when you have 1 partner you care about, and everyone else you fuck more casually. You still care about the other girls and you still like them – you just can’t deeply care about them or fall in love with them. I’m not 100% sure if it works if you care deeply about multiple people at once. I’ve tried it in the past and it was always messy (I tried 3 times with 3 separate combinations of girls). I don’t have an answer as to whether or not it can work; I guess that’s something to figure out.
If that’s something you want to try yourself, go for it – just bare in mind it’ll probably be messy, people’s feelings might get hurt, and you might find yourself thinking, “This is way more intense than I was prepared for.”
I’d love to know your experiences with open relationships/non-monogamy. Have you tried an open relationship(s)? Did it work? Did it not work? What went right? What went wrong? Are you still in an open relationship now? Leave a comment and let me know.