(Cover image by Anna Vi)
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First, let’s define terms: Screening means “filtering” – as in, filtering out the girls you don’t want, and filtering in the girls you do want. It’s another way of saying finding your target audience, and focusing your attention on them. Showing (or directly telling) a girl what you’re looking for, and seeing if she can give that to you.
To expand a little, screening usually refers to showing a girl you want something sexual, and screening out the girls who are only looking for something super serious (ie girls who take ages before they’re ready to have sex – girls who’ll probably just end up wasting your time).
If you read my site and listen to my podcast, you’re already familiar with the idea of screening. But what most guys don’t think about is whether to screen really early on (being upfront), or waiting until later on before screening.
It’s possible to screen really late in the interaction with a girl, and that’s what most simps or ultra nice guys (as in, guys who are a total doormat) do – they go on 20 dates with her, kinda be ultra boyfriendish or even just a friend, one day working up the “courage” to get her drunk and just kinda hope it magically leads to sex. Or, they’ll be her friend for months or years and make shitty half-assed moves every 6 months like saying, “Do you think you could ever fall in love with someone you’re friends with?” Blegh. Ahhh. It hurts to even think about that level of cringe.
It’s a terrible strategy – a lot of the time she goes, “What the fucking fuck????? You’re actually into me? What the hell, I thought we were friends? You never even HINTED that you were attracted to me, I assumed you were gay??” We’re all on board with the concept that screening this late is a really, really terrible idea.
Or, you can screen a little earlier – like what the average nice guy does. Go on 7 dates, be kinda semi-romantic on them, go out to dinner and movies, eventually have her over and cook her dinner at your place or something, watch Netflix and after 3 hours you eventually make an awkward move. This kinda works, but you’ll find a lot of girls will get sick of waiting that many dates and they’ll just assume you’re never going to actually make a move, and they’ll leave. A lot of them will even feel unattractive, thinking you didn’t make a move because you weren’t that into her.
Plus even if you do have sex, you’ve shown her it’s not a high priority and you’re not a super sexual guy, so she isn’t going to be as wild and crazy with you (vs someone like me who fucks her on the first date – I’m showing her it’s totally cool to be really sexual and I won’t judge her for it. So she’ll do nasty filthy kinky shit with me she wouldn’t even THINK about doing with you.) You’re literally getting worse sex because you chose to wait so long.
If you’re reading or listening to this and you realise I’m describing you – maybe you can have sex with girls only after you’ve been on a handful of dates – your mission should be to practice screening earlier, so you’re being more upfront with girls and wasting less time on girls who aren’t that sexually-open. Over time, and with practice, you’ll get better at screening earlier and earlier, and making it more clear you’re a sexual guy who’s up for some fun (even if your ultimate goal is a relationship). And yes, even if a relationship is what you want, your best path to get there is by having sex early – rather than waiting. Girls love sex, so don’t be the weirdo with the Madonna-Whore Complex.
In short, your goal should be to improve at screening earlier and earlier with each new girl you meet, until you’re comfortable showing that you’re a sexual guy with a pair of balls between his legs.
I’ve talked about this concept of gradually improving over time in many articles on my site and in many podcasts. It’s the basis of how I’ve achieved most of my goals – The Slight Edge. And just like I said in the article Honesty is an Ideal You Work Towards, your mission should always be to get a little better with each passing day, with each girl you date, and with each goal you achieve. In that article I said you want to work towards being more honest, earlier and earlier with each new girl you date. And I’ll say the same for screening – you want to be screening earlier and earlier with each girl you date/have sex with, so after a while you’re at a point where you show girls right upfront that you’re a sexual guy with a working dick – again, even if you ultimately want a relationship.
And to be clear, I’m not saying you need to fuck girls within 5 minutes of meeting them (though that can be fun). But you need to be making it clear you like and enjoy sex, and expect it to happen as soon as she’s ready – rather than waiting an arbitrary amount of time just for the sake of it. Show girls upfront that sex is important to you, and that you’re not here to be friends – you want sex/dating/relationships (or some combination of those).
So, back to examples. The next step up would be to push yourself to have sex with girls within 3 dates. That’s a massive step up from taking 7 or 10 dates before you screen for sex, and shows her you’re a more sexual guy to whom having coital relations is actually important. You can also push yourself to kiss her on the 2nd date, and the 1st date once you’re confident. Even if she isn’t ready to kiss or isn’t ready to bang yet, at least you’re showing her sex is important to you. And as a red-blooded male with a dick in his pants, sex is important to you, right?
Then you want to aim to have sex by the 2nd date – screening girls in or out. Your mindset should be, “I’m a sexual guy, I’m into you – let’s have sex. No hard feelings if you don’t want to, but I’ll go talk to other girls and find one who does want to fuck me.”
Once you’re decent at screening girls by the 2nd date, your mission should be to figure out how to have sex with girls on the first date – or at the very least, show her on the first date that you want to have sex with her. That can be subtle – inviting her back to your apartment after hanging out with her for a few hours. Or it can be more overt if you like – actively talking about sex, or touching her/kissing her on the date. Just something to show her you have a dick in your pants and you’re not afraid to use it. Again, if you don’t want to have sex on the first date that’s fine – but you still need to show her you’re a sexual guy to whom sex is important.
And let’s be clear – if she isn’t ready to have sex on the 1st or 2nd date that’s cool – you can see her again for another date and just try again to make a move and lead towards sex. The key here is that you’re showing her you’re a sexual guy, rather than a guy who’s too afraid to admit he wants to bang.
Eventually you want to get to a point where you show girls upfront that you’re a sexual prospect. If you’re on Tinder/Bumble/etc, you’d do so by having pictures that make you look sexy/sexual – topless photos of your abs, or BDSM photos like I have in my profile:
You don’t have to go as crazy as I have with the BDSM/sexual picture; feel free to be subtle. Even just a picture of you shirtless, or a photo of you with a female friend who’s hot is more than enough to give off, “This guy has sex” vibes. You don’t have to look like a massive player (though it absolutely helps) – but at the very least, a guy who’s capable of having sex.
Or you can screen with the messages you send when you ask for a girl’s number: “I’m not looking for anything super serious, but if you’re up for a drink, a flirt and to see what happens, drop me your number and I’ll send you a text.” If you’re looking for a relationship, you should still go into it casually at first, and let it naturally build into a relationship over time. Don’t force a relationship right off the bat.
You can even throw in a bio that makes it clear you’re a sexual prospect. This can be overt, or subtle if you prefer (eg “It’s much more fun with the lights off” or “When I was little, girls hated when I pulled their hair. Funny how some things change.”)
Even my girlfriend Imogen has moved towards screening far earlier on Tinder when she goes looking for girls for us to play with together:
And if you’re talking to girls in person, you can screen upfront by saying this when you first hit on them: “Hey, I know this is random but you’re sexy and I wanted to say hi. I’m Andy. *Shake her hand.*”
Why should you screen this early – especially if you ultimately want a relationship? Because it cuts down on timewasters, eliminates girls who have hangups about sex (no offence to those girls, but the sex with them is never all that good), and ultimately sets a relationship off on the right foot. Not to mention the more sexual you can be upfront, the more masculine you come across as; which is always a good thing. You look like a man who’s unafraid of himself and unafraid of his own desires; in a world full of men who tuck their dick between their legs and call themselves a new-wave feminist, admitting you’re a sexual guy is incredibly attractive to girls.
Pretty much always, you want to be screening as early as you possibly can. Even if your eventual goal is a monogamous relationship with a girl you settle down with, don’t you want that to be with a girl who’s open about sex and wants to have a good time with you in the bedroom? You don’t have to bang her on the first date, but you do need to get across to her that sex is important to you and your sexual needs are important to you and need to be met. You’re basically showing her, upfront, what you expect out of the girls you date.
You can also screen for things that aren’t sex-related. Screen for girls into the same hobbies as you, if that’s important to you. Screen for intelligent girls if you can’t stand ditzy girls (I certainly can’t). I screen for self-aware girls; maybe that’s important to you too. Screen for it if it is. Maybe you like girls who take care of their appearance and wear makeup all the time; screen for that if it’s important to you. I personally like very feminine, submissive, sweet and caring girls – so I screen for that, and I immediately unmatch any girls who seem more dominant. Screening is just another way of saying, “Going after the girls you really want.”
Of course, this is a balancing act. If you’re a total newbie, I recommend you keep an open mind and go on a few dates with girls who only tick some of your boxes, just to get a bit more sexual experience. But once you get more confidence and more experience, you’ll find yourself developing preferences for types of women you like, and you’ll find yourself naturally screening for those girls.
You’ll find as you start to build up more options (by talking to more girls), you’ll naturally screen harder and harder. You’ll experiment with different things like inviting a girl straight to your place. You’ll try telling another girl, “Wear something sexy for me tonight.” You’ll start giving off vibes of, “I’m a sexual guy who expects sex from the girls he interacts with”. Which leads to more sex, more passionate sex, and less time-wasting.
And again, even if you ultimately want a relationship, when you do build something with a girl, you’ll know you started off on the right foot. She’ll know you’re a sexual guy (because you showed her from the moment she met you), so amazing, kickass sex will always be a part of your relationship.
So push yourself to screen as early as you possible can; the earlier the better. If right now you’re really struggling to screen early, don’t stress – just aim to improve over time. Aim to screen earlier and earlier with each new girl. It takes practice, and you’ll be nervous as hell as you figure this shit out, but you’ll get there. I myself used to often take 8 fucking dates before having sex with a girl; now I bang 100% of the girls I meet on the first date. If I can improve at screening, you sure as hell can too.
As you gain more experience, you’ll find yourself naturally wanting to screen harder earlier on, because your tolerance for timewasting will diminish. As you have more and more girls in your life, you start only seeking out the girls who want the same thing you want – fun sex – and screen out the ones who are only looking to waste time or fuck about or lead guys on. I haven’t seen any guys screen LESS aggressively as they get more sexual experience – even guys who want a relationship. Being sexual upfront works for casual sex, friends with benefits, and full-on relationships.
And we could have a whole conversation about how screening earlier is also more honest – if you show girls right from the start that you’re a sexual guy, you won’t be leading any of them on. You won’t be bamboozling them when you eventually do make a move – they’ll have expected it from the moment they met you. Again, even if your goal is a relationship, you should still be getting across the message that sex is important to you.
After all, a relationship without a strong sexual foundation is really just a friendship.
Want help with screening earlier, or anything else you’re struggling with? If you’re serious about improving your life, hit me up for one of my coaching packages and I’ll kick your ass into gear.