So, I’ve talked about this topic a lot – feeling like you have to be an “alpha male” who always has his shit together and who never makes mistakes. You know, that Chad who’s super confident, super perfect, and all the women just swoon over him.
The thing is, that hyper-obsession with being perfect can twist you up in knots as you try so hard to remember what the “right” thing to say is, the “right” thing to do, the “right” way you need to “be a man”. I can’t tell you how many times I’d stress myself out on a date with a woman, trying so damn hard to not let her figure out that I didn’t really know what I was doing.
All that pretending – all that trying to be an alpha male – just made me come across as weird, strange, robotic, and socially-uncalibrated. It also completely and utterly ruined all the fun for me – it’s not exactly fun to be so damn in your own head you can’t even remember what she just said to you.
The more I got into the “alpha male/Chad” stuff, the more I started to inflate my own ego too. I started telling myself I was “better than other guys”, and I believed I had to “beat the competition”. Which wasn’t helpful to me (I lived in fear/insecurity of “What if I’m not good enough compared to the other guys she’s been with?“
And it’s wasn’t helpful to those men I was saying I was “better than”. I was essentially just beating down my fellow men, bullying those I saw as “beneath me”, and making it so that none of those men would ever be able to help me. We’re stronger when we cooperate and work together; I’d be nothing without my fellow men and the community we’ve built together.
I also felt like I was just building superficial connections with women, focusing more on the appearance of confidence (“fake it til you make it”), rather than actually becoming confident in who I am and what I have to offer. All the obsession with being a “chad” meant that even when I did a good job of acting like an alpha male, I felt fake, the sex felt like I hadn’t really earned it – after all, she was sleeping with “Chad”, not the real me.
Guilt also started to pile on too; I felt guilty for essentially lying to women, for faking my confidence, for faking my personality – like I was leading them on (technically I was).
The solution was obviously to embrace honesty, treat women like they’re my teammates, work together with my fellow men, and embrace authenticity and vulnerability. I’m so glad I’ve moved past that “Chad phase” of my life; my sex life is 100x more fulfilling now that I just get to relax and be me.
P.S. You know what’d really help you be your authentic self? Joining my coaching program! We’ve got a sale on, but only for the next few days:
