I’ve talked to tens of thousands of girls on Tinder/in person over the last ~15 years of my life, and if there’s one thing I’ve done a lot of, it’s wasting time on girls who were never ever going to actually meet up with me for sex. I’ve spent thousands of hours having go-nowhere conversations with girls who were just wasting my time.
I was so frustrated by having my time wasted when all I wanted was to just get laid. A few times I was even driven to tears by the frustration and hopelessness of “I’ll never get laid, girls are just here to fuck me around and string me along”. Eventually I got to a point where I decided, “Ok, no more. I will never allow a girl to waste my time ever again.“
Sidenote: My advice here runs counter to what most pickup artists say – they say you should be “hanging in there” and “never letting any girl go” and “putting up with her timewasting, because you can win her over with sick ‘game’!” Ignore that (unless you like having your time wasted and don’t like sticking your penis in actual vaginas). A tonne of pickup artists (most of them?) think women are an alien species that can only be communicated with via childish negs and pre-rehearsed “perfect” lines. Unless a pickup artist shows proof they actually get laid regularly, dismiss most of what they have to say.
I wanted to get laid efficiently and with minimal fuss, so I worked my butt off trying to figure out what the signs of a timewaster were, and how to avoid them. The following are all the red flags I now look out for on Tinder/in real life. If any of them seem a bit weird and make you go, “How is that a red flag? That behaviour doesn’t seem so bad,” you’re just going to have to trust me. I’ve had sex with a lot of girls and I’ve had my time wasted by many many many more.
Or better yet, because we often need to experience something for ourselves in order to truly believe it (reading my blog won’t always be enough to convince you) – you should go out yourself and try having sex with 500 girls who exhibit the behaviours listed below. You’ll find out for yourself if those girls end up wasting your time or making sex extremely difficult/a lot of work. After all, taking action and figuring it out for yourself by making mistakes is one of the best way of learning.
Caveat: beggars can’t be choosers – newbies need to do whatever it takes to get laid. If you’re unhappy with your current sex life, then you’ll have to tolerate having some of your time wasted – because you need to be desperate in your attempts to get laid. That’ll naturally mean you put up with more bullshit, but it’ll pay off – you’ll get laid more. Once you’re a little further down the track, have a few lays under your belt and want to be more efficient, you can start filtering out the timewasters.
I’m also not saying the things on this list are complete dealbreakers, or apply 100% of the time. They’re just red flags that make me stop and ask myself, “Is this girl just going to waste my time?” If you’re a newbie, answer that question with, “Who cares, I need to do everything I can to get laid – it’s ok if my time is wasted a bit” (but still within reason). If you’re more advanced, you may choose to instantly unmatch timewasting girls (which is what I do) because you’ve learned from experience that in this case, the juice is not worth the squeeze.
The point of this article is to get you thinking, and show a few ways you can save yourself a bit of time and stress (and thus get laid with a whole lot less drama and effort).
- Short Answers/Low Effort Responses
- "Let's Talk for a Bit Longer Before I Give You My Number"
- "Maybe" Girls
- Taking Days to Reply to your Messages
- "I'm too Busy"
- Silly Answers/Responses
- Girls Who Initiate Sexual Conversation
- High Maintenance/ Demanding/ Bossy Girls
- Not Answering a Direct Question
- You Should Unmatch/Delete These Girls
- Examples of Non-Timewasters
- The Takeaway
Short Answers/Low Effort Responses
Most humans already know this one: if someone gives one-word answers to all your questions, and doesn’t even try to hold a conversation with you, they’re probably not that into you.
Yet I’ll be damned if I haven’t seen 10,000 examples of guys still trying to carry on the conversation with a girl who’s giving absolutely nothing back, desperately hoping maybe, just maybe, they’ll say “the right thing” and she’ll suddenly open up.
99% of the time, if a girl’s barely responding, you ought to cut her off. I’d even go so far as to say if you’re a total newbie (eg a virgin), you still shouldn’t be wasting your time with a girl who makes it so darn obvious she’s not that into you. Cut her off & go find another girl.
In both of the above examples, the girls didn’t reply to my last message, because they weren’t all that interested in the first place. (Normally I unmatch them after the first low-effort response – I can’t be bothered with girls who write 1 word answers. I kept these conversations going solely for this article).
“Let’s Talk for a Bit Longer Before I Give You My Number”
“Let’s talk for a bit longer” and “I’m not comfortable giving my number out too soon” are the absolute death of a conversation; the equivalent of smashing head-first into a wall at 200km/hr. Any girl who utters this phrase is usually a time-waster who never plans on giving you her number, let alone meeting with you & having sex with you.
She’s either trying to waste your time because she’s just killing time chatting to guys because she’s bored, or has some serious baggage/past bad experiences that are causing her to really hold back and be overly-cautious. She’s not the type of girl we’re aiming for (hey, if you want closed-off girls with heaps of baggage who take weeks/months of conversation before they’ll have sex with you, be my guest).
It might be tempting to keep talking to her in the hopes that if you chat for long enough, & just be patient enough, she’ll eventually become “comfortable” and will give you her number. That’s almost always a fool’s errand.
Just like the low effort answers above, any girl who uses words like “maybe”, “could”, “possibly”, “I dunno” – instead of an actual answer to your question. Especially when you pitch the actual meetup – if you ever get a “maybe”, unmatch immediately.
You want YES girls – enthusiastic girls are always way more fun. If you said to me, “Hey Andy, let’s go on a roadtrip on the weekend! It’ll be so much fun!” and I replied to you with “Maybe”… wouldn’t that take the wind out of your sails a bit and make you feel deflated?
Taking Days to Reply to your Messages
Quick caveat: Sometimes girls are busy, and they have hundreds/thousands of other matches they could be talking to, so you can’t expect them to reply instantly to whatever you say.
But if a girl takes 2 or 3 days to reply to each message, then
a) you’re less likely to actually have sex with her, and
b) with such a slow response rate, even if you did end up meeting and having sex, it’d take weeks to get to that point.
Exceptions do exist – I’ve had sex with a couple of girls who took 2 or 3 days to reply. But keep your expectations low, and don’t be disappointed if one day she just stops replying to you entirely. It’s almost never worth the amount of effort (and patience!) it takes to wait 2 days between replies.
You want to meet most girls as soon as you possibly can – ideally the same day or next day you match with them.
When you first match with someone is when they’re most excited to meet with you – that dies off the longer you wait. Strike while the iron is hot. So if a girl takes too long to reply, the excitement dies off (or was never there in the first place).
“I’m too Busy”
As mentioned above, the longer you wait before meeting up with someone, the less excited they’ll be to meet you. So if when you pitch a meetup time & place, she says, “My schedule is too busy this week”… 9 times out of 10 you’ll never end up meeting her.
If she can’t even fit in an hour for a quick drink/coffee with you at some point in her week, she’s not that serious about meeting you.
I always text, “I get it. I don’t chase girls though, so if you want to meet, shoot me a text when you have some free time and we’ll grab that drink. Peace.”
Then you can delete her number (because they almost never actually hit you up later on), put her out of your mind and move on. And on the tiny chance she messages you a few weeks later and doesn’t meet you, she’ll be like a nice unexpected bonus.
Girls who give a really silly answer to a question you ask or a comment you make – to the point where they’re not making a joke but actually ignoring your message – are just fucking with you.
This one happens way more on a Friday/Saturday night, especially late at night when all the girls are drunk. They’ll open up Tinder and will just send stupid shit to guys to fuck with them (often with their friends sitting next to them, egging them on).
Caveat: I don’t mean when a girl gives 1 silly answer or makes a little joke – a sense of humour is great (and fairly rare in women). I’m talking about when a girl makes multiple jokes that completely ignore what you’re saying (as in the example above), or she makes a joke that’s a thinly-veiled insult. Banter is fun, but a girl being obnoxious or ignoring what you’re saying is something else entirely.
She’s usually just out to waste your time. In the rare cases you actually meet with her – do you really want to give your time to a girl who actively fucked with you, or would you rather find a sweet chick who’s socially aware and wasn’t raised by wolves?
Girls Who Initiate Sexual Conversation
This one throws a lot of guys off, but a girl who initiates dirty texting (or sexting, as the fucking kids are calling it these days) with you (as in, she steers the conversation towards explicitly dirty texting – not just flirting) will rarely meet up with you.
Generally speaking, girls don’t take the lead – and certainly not in such a blunt, unfeminine way with dirty/crass texting. Any girl who starts talking dirty out of nowhere is:
a) fucking with you;
b) getting some validation;
c) feeling horny in that moment and just trying to get herself off, then she’ll quickly move on once she’s done;
d) batshit crazy.
We’ll deal with d) in a sec, but let’s focus on c). Most guys think if they’re dirty texting with a girl, they’re “making progress” towards having sex with her… but it doesn’t work out that way. I spent decades dirty texting with girls, and found it actually lowered my chances of sleeping with them.
There’s various reasons for this, including:
a) The more you dirty text her, the more you’re saying “If we meet, we will definitely be having sex.” Girls like a little plausible deniability – they like to be able to say “I didn’t plan on having sex with him! It just happened! Teeheehee.” If you talk dirty with her for a long time, you’ve removed that deniability for her; it’ll be expected she puts out.
b) That expectation of sex will create a lot of pressure and make her damn nervous, making her more likely to flake.
c) She was likely just texting dirty with you to get herself off, which means once the horniness is gone, she has no need to keep talking to you or meet you.
d) By dirty texting, and telling her all the things you’re going to do to her when you meet up, you’re killing the magic and ruining the surprise. Girls love meeting you without quite knowing what will happen – they get a rush from not being in control. If you remove the magic and tell her every little thing that’ll happen, you’ve removed most of the impetus to actually meet up with you.
High Maintenance/ Demanding/ Bossy Girls
Girls who tell you what to do/expect to get their own way/are bossy/etc aren’t your best bet for fun, laid-back, easy dates and sex. Pickup-artist nerds would say this is just a “shit test”. Here’s my thoughts on that.
Girls who tell you what to do, or tell you what to say, or tell you off for saying the “wrong” thing to them are going to be an absolute nightmare to be around. Would you accept that behaviour from one of your mates – being told what to do & how to behave at every turn? No? Then don’t accept it from the girls you give your time to.
Not Answering a Direct Question
You ask a direct question and she doesn’t acknowledge it or changes the subject. I always say “That’s not an answer to my question.” If she doesn’t immediately say “Woops, sorry! Here’s the answer: _______” then she’s a time-waster.
Some girls almost take pleasure in seeing how many times they can message you in a row without addressing your question; like it’s a weird game for them. You’ll ask the question multiple times and she’ll still sidestep it, which just comes across as socially-inept; it’s weird as hell. Unmatch/block those girls immediately.
You Should Unmatch/Delete These Girls
Whenever a girl exhibits one of these timewaster behaviours, I always unmatch them from Tinder or block their number from my phone. (In the screenshots above, the only reason I carried on conversations was for the purposes of this article; to show you even if I tried to keep talking, the girls weren’t really that into me and would stop replying anyway).
There’s two reasons for blocking/unmatching:
– I want to be able to completely forget about her and move on to talking to more girls.
– I don’t want her to bother me looking for more attention in a few days when she’s bored.
This second point happens a lot – the time of girl who’s happy to waste your time on Tinder/OkCupid/etc is the type of girl who’ll hit you up the next time she’s bored, “just to say hi”. You’ll assume her contacting you means she might actually want to meet now, so you’ll throw out, “Hey let’s grab a drink while you’re free!” Only to be met with a lame excuse or no reply at all.
Better to block/unmatch timewasters so they never have a chance to waste your time in future. Life’s too short to spend it chasing ghosts – there’s a million other girls out there who won’t play games and will make it easy for you to meet up with them.
Examples of Non-Timewasters
Here’s some examples of girls who were very easy to meet up with and required no effort. These are all girls I ended up banging. This is what an easy conversation looks like; minimal fuss, no time wasting, no bullshit. Just two people meeting up for some no-strings hanky panky, as God intended.
No matter if you’re a newbie to getting laid/finding a girlfriend, or a guy with 100 lays under his belt, you’ll benefit from keeping an eye out for girls who are just looking to waste your time, avoiding them wherever possible. Guys almost inevitably get to a point where they express frustration with how much of their time is being wasted; it’s something we all have to deal with at some point.
When you hit that point of frustration, come back to this article, read over it again, and see if you can spot any timewasting behaviours from the girls you’ve been chatting to recently.
Had your time wasted recently? Seen any of the above behaviours from girls you’ve been chatting to? Drop a comment below and share it with us.
My only bad (aka regrettable) experiences so far in 30+ dates were from girls who wrote me first and initiated the escalation, either proposing to meet for sex or self invited to my place etc. They were bossy and had their own agenda. I was an actor who got a part in their already written movie. They were also kinda crazy or problematic. One for example changed her mind repeating “I can’t, I can’t..” 5 min into oral sex and I had (secretly) taken viagra.
So now I’m scared of girls who propose sex and talk about us having it, arranging it as if it was a business appointment like “Let’s meet on friday and have sex/shibari”.
Am I overgeneralizing? Dunno if it’s a redflag or just coincidence.
Also what do you think about inviting girls directly home? Feels like a risky bet for me.
“They were bossy and had their own agenda. I was an actor who got a part in their already written movie. ”
“Also what do you think about inviting girls directly home?”
Do whatever makes you happy – it’s your life, you’ve gotta find what works best for you. I personally don’t do it, but plenty of other guys do.
Something frustrating happened to me today. Had high hopes for a girl I met last night via cold approach who eagerly agreed to grab coffee sometime — she seemed like a “YES girl” in person. Messaged her a few hours later on Snapchat and said it was nice meeting her earlier. Second message was me setting up the date, to which she didn’t respond (and I can see that she saw the message). Was she just not likely interested in meeting up from the beginning, or did I scare her off by moving too quickly, and as a “newbie” who needs to “do whatever it takes,” I need to be more conservative with it? Should I have “warmed her up” a bit with some brief conversation?
You did nothing wrong mate. As I said in my previous article, girls are like a leaf on the wind; ever-changing. Read this:
When I say “newbies should do whatever it takes”, I don’t mean “you need to be perfect”. You’re going to make a million mistakes, it’ll take you a tonne of practice to get good at getting laid/having girls in your life. How can you expect to know what to do if you haven’t done it before?
Besides, in this case (and every case), all you have to do is talk for a couple of messages, pitch a meetup – and that’s it. It’s up to her if she’s into you or not. Talking more is almost always a waste of time, because if she’s into you, she’ll meet you regardless of how little you’ve talked. And if she isn’t into you, more talking is a waste of time – time you could have used to talk to 2 more new girls.
I’m in the middle of writing an article, “The Solution to All Your Problems is to Go Talk to More Girls.” This is just one of those times where the only answer is to move on and go hit on other girls to distract yourself and help you forget this girl.
Thanks for the advice, mate. Are you still hitting on one girl a day? How’s that been going for you? I’ve been doing it ten days now and it’s been tremendous for my anxiety. Still haven’t gotten a date lined up from it yet though.
Yep, my roommate and I have kept it up – though it’s a bit of a bitch as it’s winter here and going outside isn’t much fun.
Keep doing it – the aim is to make it an easy habit that you never have to think about or put much effort into. It’ll be something you just do as you go about your normal day.
Good to hear. Should I be concerned that it’s still often taking me upwards of 40 minutes to do my one approach for the day? I’m chickening out on a lot of girls. Not sure if that’s something that will just naturally resolve itself over time as I keep up the habit, or if I need to intentionally try addressing it somehow.
Lol homie, that’s pretty quick. Other guys I’ve given the challenge to have taken several HOURS during their first couple of weeks.
Just trust that a few weeks into it (maybe day 30, roughly) it’ll start to become a habit. You can also give yourself challenges – eg set a timer for 10 minutes, and you must talk to a girl within that time period after leaving the house.
Keep pushing for the next couple of weeks, and if you feel like it’s not getting easier, shoot me an email. But I’d be very surprised if you need to do that – you’ll naturally get better just with practice and building a habit.
Thanks for this article.
I just deleted a girl who I cold approached and began giving me some “I’m too busy and can’t promise anything this period”. Should have used your line, but either way – not gonna sweat “losing” one girl.
Personally, I’ve also deleted a girl who, when I suggested going for a drink, countered with “watching a movie at a summer cinema” – I’m 30, not 10.
Yeah you of all people should be filtering out timewasters – you already get laid pretty easily & have a busy life going on. Last thing you need is a timewaster.
Your example falls under “bossy girls”. Girls who tell you what to do and have their own agenda often aren’t very easy to get into bed.
Wow, this article basically sums up the shit I’ve been dealing with the past 2 weeks on Tinder. It hit just about every type of timewaster I’ve encountered. It really gets on my nerves the more it happens but luckily I have enough experience with them to not lose my composure.
Anyway, very good article and not something I’ve seen discussed very much.
Yeah mate – Tinder seems to attract more timewasters and girls who are “just checking out the app lol” than anywhere else.
Tinder’s brilliant for getting laid (most of my lays have come from there) – but the only way I’ve gotten so many lays is by ruthlessly weeding out the timewasters.