NSFW: This article contains nude pics.
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Cover image by: Gabriel Jimenez.

This is a recent lay with a very very kinky girl from Tinder who got off on being very filthy. Just my type.

This time I tried something new on Tinder, just to mix things up a bit. I wrote out a long sexual message just for the hell of it – felt like having some even kinkier sex than I usually do (here’s the template I usually use).

If you’re a newbie, I don’t necessarily advise being dirty – for the most part, you’ll end up wasting a lot of your own time. Especially because talking dirty usually lowers your chances of having sex. But when you’ve had a lot of lays and you’re not going to get depressed about having your time wasted, it’s sometimes fun to fuck around a bit on Tinder and try new things. After all, this is all just a big experiment.

Here’s the convo:

Grabbed her number and organised a time and day for her to come over. With the Corona bullshit going on and all the bars being closed, girls have actually been inviting themselves to my place (before I even ask):

Notice I hadn’t suggested the location to meet yet; she invited herself straight to mine by asking for my address. I’ve had another 2 girls do the same thing in the last couple of weeks. I prefer to meet girls out in public first, even if we literally just walk straight to my apartment. Meeting girls in public first eliminates catfishes (you can politely leave if she’s not attractive), and cuts down on flakes – a lot of girls will say they’ll come straight to your apartment, but they’ll flake last minute out of nerves. Meeting them in public first (even if you make it clear you’ll be walking straight back to your apartment) massively cuts down on this.

The morning we were going to meet, I was feeling horny so decided to go all out and get her to do some dirty shit, as shown below. Bare in mind I already have 2 other fuckbuddies + my girlfriend, and at this point in my life I’ve had plenty of lays – so I really don’t care if I scare a girl off by being too crass before we meet.

I broke a few of my usual rules here – talking dirty before meeting, and also getting her to come straight to my place (instead of meeting her in public). Proof that I’m not always perfect (especially when I’m thinking with my dick, not my head.) I also don’t really recommend you tell girls to get themselves super drunk before they see you, unless you know what you’re doing. Sometimes you’ve got to break your own rules and experiment once in a while to keep things fresh or to see what happens.

However, I don’t necessarily recommend doing this if you’re a newbie who’ll get really down if your girl doesn’t end up meeting you. When you’re this dirty and explicit/crass, you have less chance of meeting her, for all the reasons I listed here. If that’s going to bother you – if you’re going to really take the rejection to heart – then keep it clean before you have sex. But if you’re at the stage I’m at where you’ve had all the lays you’ll ever need, and just like having a bit of fun sometimes, then go for it.

Just bare in mind for every 1 time it works out and you actually end up meeting her, there’ll be ~9 times where you waste a week talking really dirty to a girl, only to have her flake last minute and send something like this an hour before your meetup:

If you genuinely won’t be bothered by flakes (after spending days talking dirty and building up all that excitement and anticipation), and it genuinely won’t make you feel worse about yourself, then go for it. Texting dirty is fun; as long as you understand it lowers your chances of actually meeting up.

An hour before she’s due to come over, I jump in the shower and pump my dick up with the Bathmate to make it nice and big (I’ve covered how to do that here). I usually do it somewhere between 30-60 mins before the date – the closer you can do it to when you’re going to have sex, the better.

I pumped it for about 15 minutes – I find if I go longer, my dick gets “tired” and I can’t get 100% hard. If you’re a total newbie, you might find your dick gets “tired” after only 5 minutes – so start out slow, with short 5 min sessions. Over time you can try working up to longer 15 minute sessions.


She shoots me a text when she’s downstairs, I let her in, and wow – she’s way hotter in person (that’s going to be a theme with the most recent 3 storytimes I’m about to post). She’s tiny, super petite, has a very cute face, a very slim, tiny body and she’s short as hell.

Look at that cute butt.

I grab her before she’s even had a chance to put her bag down and start kissing her neck, and immediately it’s game on – she digs her fingernails into my arm and starts moaning as I pull her hair, the two of us clamouring for one another.

I pick her up (she’s tiny) and pretty much throw her onto my kitchen counter, hiking up her skirt, grabbing her panties to pull them down. I bite her neck passionately as I try to pull them down, but they get stuck, so I use both hands to literally rip her panties apart, tearing them. She moans like a fucking banshee when I do this and grabs me, pulling me to her as I shove my fingers into her already-dripping pussy, fingering her hard on the countertop, my other hand around her neck, squeezing hard.

After a minute or two of this it’s clear neither of us can take any more, so I pick her up and carry her into the bedroom, with her moaning like crazy the entire time. I throw her down on the bed, pull off the rest of her clothes and mine, and dive into her pussy, licking her ferociously, my tongue deep inside her, her juices covering my face. I reach up and squeeze her tits roughly, her hips arching up into the air as she moans loudly – almost screaming. Jesus she’s hot.

After a couple minutes of this I can’t take any more and I throw on a condom, push her hands above her head and pin them there with one hand (she has tiny little wrists so I can easily hold both with one hand) and I slide inside her, fucking her hard and rough from the moment I’m inside her. She’s ridiculously small and ridiculously tight, and it feels so good I can barely handle it – only made worse by the fact she’s pretty much screaming at this point.

I eventually have to cover her mouth with my hand for fear that my neighbours will think I’m committing a murder (she’s screaming really loudly, and it’s the middle of the day), which only makes her even hornies and louder, her screams muffled but still loud as hell. I flip her over and pound her from behind, spanking her ass as hard as I can, leaving a big red mark as she grinds her hips against me, my cock slamming in and out. I watch her body in the big full-length mirrors on my wall, and she looks so god damn good – which only makes me even hornier.

We go at it for a while until I can’t take anymore, so I pull out and take a break, not wanting to cum yet – I want this to continue. She barely gives me 30 seconds to relax before she’s on top of me, grinding on me, trying to turn me on. I laugh and say, “Chill a sec, I want a break” but she gives me this cheeky, almost evil sort of smile, like she knows she’ll be able to make me change my mind. She keeps grinding on me and she just looks so damn good I can’t take it – I put on another condom and slide back inside her.

She’s humping like crazy on top of me, her little petite body looking so good as she bounces up and down, my hands on her hips squeezing hard – and of course she’s moaning loudly again. I push her off and grab her hand, walking her into my kitchen, and I pick her up and put her on my kitchen counter again. I slide back inside her, then grab her legs and tell her to put her arms around my neck. I pick her up and start fucking her like this:

She’s tiny and very light, which makes this very easy – I have one hand on her ass holding her up, and the other hand on the back of her neck, squeezing hard as I bounce her up and down on my throbbing cock. I roughly slap her ass a few times which makes her scream loudly each time. Each time I do, this look of complete depraved lust comes over her face as she looks at me, and a couple of times she digs her fingernails into my back and I feel her pussy clench around my cock, which is just insanely hot.

Again I’m getting to cumming but I don’t want it to end, so I carry her into the bedroom (still with my cock inside her) and lay her down on the bed. I take out my secret weapon:

The magic wand vibrator (I’ve covered how to give girls mindblowing orgasms with it here). I turn it onto the lowest setting and hold it against her clit and immediately she’s screaming again, her body arching up in the air, my free hand on her tits squeezing and pulling on her nipples as she clenches her fists and grabs hold of me tightly. I turn it up one setting and she screams even louder, and I wonder if the neighbours hate me more than they already did.

After a minute or two she tells me, “Oh shit, I’m going to cum” and I pull the toy off her clit immediately as she lets out a sort of helpless moan, saying, “No please, please, more!” I turn the toy off and tell her, “You don’t get to cum without permission, understand?”
She whimpers and nods her head. I put the toy back on her clit and she’s moaning like crazy again, and barely 30 seconds goes by before she yells, “Can I please cum?”

Again I take the toy away and say, “No.” She cries out in frustration and grabs my arm, squeezing tightly, desperate for more. I tell her, “I don’t think you really want this orgasm. I think you kinda want it, but not badly enough.”
“Please, I want to cum so fucking badly, please!”
“Hmm. I don’t believe you. Seems like you only kinda want to cum.”
“Please, I’ll do absolutely anything! Please let me cum!”

I torture her like this for another 10 minutes, getting her close to the edge, then pulling the toy away at the last second, and she becomes more and more desperate, going crazy and losing her mind over what I’m doing to her. Finally I let her have what she wants and I tell her, “You may cum now”. She lets out a scream so loud I have to cover her mouth, her body shaking and convulsing as she grabs me so hard it actually hurts, her pussy pressing into the head of the vibrator, legs trembling, until she finally collapses and pushes the vibrator away.

I turn it off and lay down next to her, giving her a cuddle, lightly stroking her hair as she catches her breath. We lie like that for a while, neither of us saying anything, my dick still hard as I look at her naked body. After a while she looks at me with that same look of lust she had on her face before – a cheeky, evil sort of smile spreading over her.

All of a sudden she’s on top of me, grinding against me, and she looks totally different this time – in control. She looks like a completely different person, like a switch has flicked and she’s suddenly Little Miss Confident. She grabs my still-hard dick and leans down to suck me, teasing me with her lips, looking up at me with a cheeky smile on her face – like she knows how much she’s turning me on.

She spends ages licking and sucking my cock, going oh so gently, trying to drive me wild – I guess as payback for me doing the same to her. She spits on my cock to make it slippery and jerks me hard, and within 20 seconds I’m about to cum and she can tell – and like a complete asshole she stops jerking and takes her hands off my cock, giggling as I thrust my hips up in the air, frustrated. Hah! Payback really is a bitch.

I laugh at her and tell her with a huge smile on my face, “You bitch, don’t do that again”. She grabs my dick and sucks me again, and within another 20 seconds I’m close again, as I tell her “Fuck, you’re going to make me cum.” Again she stops, a sultry smile on her face as she stares into my eyes, and I can’t take my eyes off her – holy fuck she’s sexy when she’s in control. Powerful.

She repeats this a few more times, til I’m at the point where I’m now losing my mind, unable to think of anything except how fucking good this feels and how fucking sexy she is when she’s taking the lead. I totally didn’t expect this – she was so submissive when we first met, and she’d never mentioned anything about taking the lead. Not to mention any girl taking the lead is already rare as hell.

Eventually I can’t take any more and I tell her as much – which was probably a bad idea. She tells me to put on a condom and I do (seriously – a girl telling you what to do is fucking rare, I can’t state that enough). She grabs my dick so it’s pointing straight up and gently slides it inside herself, slowly moving up and down as I grab her hips and start bouncing her up and down. She lets out a firm, “No” and pushes my hands away and I let her take my wrists, pushing them above my head. She holds onto them – she’s not strong enough to hold me down (she’s fucking tiny) but she’s being so damn hot I want to let her do whatever she wants so I keep my wrists above my head, on the bed.

A minute or so later I’m getting close and she can tell, and she slows her movements to the point where they’re agonisingly slow and not enough to send me over the edge – god fucking dammit. All these years I’ve been torturing girls by teasing them; this is one of the very few times a girl has turned the tables on me and given me a taste of my own medicine. And as frustrating as it is, it’s also incredibly intoxicating – I can see why every girl I do this to loves it as much as they do. It’s god damn addictive; it leaves you wanting more.

She continues this dance of going fast and getting me close, then slowing down so I can’t quite cum, the entire time looking into my eyes with an evil smile on her face, which only turns me on even more. She absolutely knows how much she’s driving me wild, and she’s getting off on the power she has over me – seeing that is very fucking sexy to me. This might rank as one of the top 5 lays of my life.

She hops off me and goes in between my legs, pulling off the condom and stroking me hard for 5 seconds, then slow for 5 seconds, then fast for 5 seconds – jesus this girl is a sex god. Where the hell did she learn all this; she’s only 20-something? My mind is blown.

Then she decides to go all out – she says firmly, “Lie back and put your legs above your head.” I do as she says, and she does something completely unexpected, something I’ve never had a girl do before – she starts rimming my ass (licking my ass).

It’s not something I ever thought I’d be into, but holy fuck – it feels amazing. It’s definitely a strange sensation, and doesn’t feel like anything I’ve felt before – it feels pleasurable, but also ticklish, and “weird” at the same time – it’s a very strange spot to have someone lick. But the fact she’s so into it and is moaning as she’s doing it, reaching up and jerking my cock at the same time, is just so damn erotic.

After about a minute she stops and looks up at me with that look on her face again – the lustful, “I know exactly what I’m doing to you” look. She points to the condom box and I reach over and grab one, putting it on, as she sits back on top of my cock and starts grinding. She teases me again – getting me close to the edge then telling me I’m not allowed to cum, repeating this another 5 times or so. At this point she’s had me close to cumming something like 20 or 30 times, and I feel like I’ve completely lost my mind, unable to think of anything except how fucking badly I want to cum, and how much power she has over me. Boy, the tables have turned.

By the way, a girl taking the lead like this is fucking rare – especially doing it this confidently, and without being prompted. A lot of girls are ok with taking the lead but only if you tell them to and encourage them – it’s super rare to have a girl initiate it without any prior discussion about it. (Though, to be fair, I do specifically screen in girls who are usually submissive (I literally ask for this in my Tinder messages). So I’ll naturally end up with less assertive girls than you might.)

Eventually she’s had enough of torturing me and she goes faster and faster, leaning down and moaning in my ear, biting my ear lobe as she tells me, “Cum in me.” Well girly, you don’t have to tell me twice – I grab her hips and fuck her hard, pounding her roughly, taking back control as I wrap my hand around her neck and choke her, moaning loudly as I feel my cock start cumming, emptying myself inside her, filling up the condom as I finally have the release I’ve been wanting for what seems like an eternity now.

Fuck.

She collapses next to me and I struggle to catch my breath, both of us completely drenched in sweat, panting like crazy, even though it’s winter. I pull her onto my chest and cuddle her, very satisfied, and still mindblown over how kinky and confident she turned out to be. Can’t say I’ve had girls take the lead like that many times before – and almost never without being prompted at all.

But here’s the shit part – we’re lying there for barely a minute before she jumps up and goes to the toilet, then comes back and starts getting dressed. I say, “What are you doing, you big weirdo? Come hang out for a bit.” She says, “I never lie to hang around after sex, so I’m just going to go if that’s ok.” I look at her funny and ask if she’s serious, and she says she is.

I start getting dressed and she says, “No, don’t get dressed – I’ll walk myself out.” I tell her to stop being weird, and she kinda argues with me – she’s adamant she doesn’t even want me to walk her downstairs, let alone to the train station. We finish getting dressed and I tell her she’s being weird – “At least let me walk you downstairs.” She’s 100% adamant she doesn’t want it. “Ok, if that’s what you want.” 30 seconds later she’s out of my apartment without even a hug goodbye.

I know what you’re thinking – the exact same thing I was thinking. “Wow, no idea what the hell her deal is, but she clearly freaked out about something and there’s no way she’ll see Andy again.” Only, she seemed to have fun:

And she hit me up later to hangout again. So I have no idea what the hell is going on there, but it seems like a red flag to me – clearly some intimacy issues.

There were other things that were a bit weird about her too. The entire time we fucked, she never kissed me at all – I tried about 15 times and each time she’d only “peck” me on the lips. It was like she had something against kissing. I sent her a text asking her about it, and she replied, “Oh nothing against you at all I promise, I just don’t like the intimacy of kissing :)”. That’s normally a huge dealbreaker to me – kissing is an absolute must for me during sex. Without it, the sex feels cold and clinical. Which sucks.

Today she hit me up asking to hang out again and I’m on the fence about it. The sex was insanely hot. I’ve never had a girl take the lead like that, totally unprompted and unexpectedly. But the no-kissing thing makes sex feel weird, and leaving as soon as I cum without properly saying goodbye is strange as fuck. I’ll decide over the next day or two if I want to see her again.