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- Chapter 1 – The Gameplan
- Chapter 2 – The Dates
- 2.1 – 1st Dates
- 2.2 – Catfishes
- 2.3 – What to Talk About
- 2.4 – “I’m Bad at Conversation!”
- 2.5 – Should I Talk About Sex?
- 2.6 – Touching/Making a Move in Public?
- 2.7 – Dating is Supposed to be Fun (Put Your Own Happiness First)
- 2.8 – “I Want You.”
- 2.9 – Inviting her Back to Your Apartment
- 2.10 – If She Says No
- 2.11 – Going to Her Place Instead
- 2.12 – If You’re Nervous…
- 2.13 – 2nd Dates (If You Didn’t Bang on the First Date)
- 2.14 – 3rd Dates (If You Didn’t Bang on the First Date)
- Chapter 3 – The Sex
- Chapter 4 – Different Gameplans (For Intermediate / Experienced Guys)
- Chapter 5 – Key Takeaways
Chapter 1 – The Gameplan
1.1 – Introduction
Hey you absolute legends, welcome back! In Part 3, we covered messaging girls with an easy-to-use template, getting numbers and setting up dates. Now we’re going to dive straight into how you can dive straight into her flesh-dungeon.
This particular part of the guide presented a unique challenge: in all the previous parts, my advice was generally always the same no matter if you were a complete newbie, or a very experienced sexlord. My advice on self-improvement/taking pictures isn’t much different for a virgin vs a guy who’s banged 50 girls. My messaging template works for newbies and advanced guys alike (though, advanced guys will benefit from being more direct/assertive like I am with my BDSM template).
But this part of the guide here was a bit of a bitch to structure. A guy who’s a complete virgin on a date is going to have an entirely different date structure vs someone who’s had plenty of lays/experience. I can fuck the majority of girls I meet within 10 minutes of meeting them (because I tell them before we even meet that I’m looking for BDSM sex); a newbie probably isn’t going to do that, even if I tell him exactly how to do it. There’s no fucking way I could have been that sexual/assertive/confident when I was first starting out; I’m not going to think less of you if you can’t do it right away either.
So I seriously considered writing 2 separate gameplans for what to do on dates – I was going to have one gameplan for newbies, and another gameplan for confident guys. But I thought long and hard about it, and I realise if I did that, I’d only be handicapping newbies and holding back their development.
- The newbie gameplan would have played it too safe; I’d be limiting your success and stifling your growth.
- I’d be making you go on a bunch more dates than is necessary; you’d be waiting until the 3rd date to bang girls you could have banged on the 1st or 2nd date if you’d pushed yourself.
- I wouldn’t be teaching you how to be assertive/aggressive and to go for what you want.
- I wouldn’t be teaching you how to be masculine & ballsy when it comes to sex.
- I wouldn’t be teaching you how to push yourself out of your comfort zone.
- I wouldn’t be teaching you how to be honest and real; nor would I be teaching you how to make it really clear to women you want to fuck them.
- Basically, I’d be selling you short and slowing down your progress.
So I’ve decided it’s best to give everyone one gameplan and one mission:
Your mission is to fuck girls as early as possible; aiming to do so on the 1st date.
Any girls that don’t sleep with you on the first date, no worries at all – you’ll just bang them on the 2nd date.
Any that don’t sleep with you on the 2nd date, you’ll just bang them on the 3rd date.
Every guy can bang girls on the first date (once he’s had some practice), even if you’ve never banged a girl on the first date before. For the longest time, I always played it safe, waiting til the 3rd or 4th (or even 7th…) date before I’d try and bury my weasel in her clamshell. I never had sex on the first date; mostly because I was too scared and didn’t think I “deserved” to be a player.
I eventually grew frustrated with how long it was taking me to have sex, and the uncertainty of whether or not I’d get laid on dates. I lost count of the number of dates I had where I’d be desperate to bang the girl, only to have her turn me down, or say she wanted to wait another date, or tell me she wasn’t ready yet. I got to a point where I couldn’t take the uncertainty any longer, and I told myself from that moment on I would bang girls on the 1st or 2nd date. I told myself if I don’t bang a girl by the second date, I’m not allowed to see her for a 3rd date.
Although it was fucking hard at first, I kept pushing myself and got pretty comfortable at second-date-sex. Then I pushed myself even harder and got good at having sex on the first date. So if a trainwreck like me can get proficient at banging on every first date, you sure as hell can too – it just takes some practice (and pushing yourself).
So the mindset I want you to have on every first date is, “I will have sex with her tonight/today“. If you’re nervous or inexperienced, I still want you to try your absolute hardest to make it happen – give it 110%. If you don’t end up banging, as long as you can honestly say you tried your hardest, that’s awesome. Then just try again on the next date.
If you’re a total newbie and it takes you 6 months or a year to get to a point where you can bang girls on the first date, that’s fine. It took me a couple of years to get there (you should be able to do it quicker than me, because you have all the information I’m giving you here, whereas I was stumbling around in the dark, having to figure it all out for myself). Banging on first dates is your ultimate goal – it doesn’t matter how long it takes before you can do it consistently.
I’ll do my best to make things easier for you – I’m going to give you an easy-to-stick-to gameplan you can just follow for your dates. The overarching mission with this Get Laid on Tinder series has been to simplify things and give you a simple gameplan you can just stick to, without having to think too much. As long as you repeat the same gameplan over and over with enough girls, getting better and better over time, you’ll eventually start getting laid consistently.
Getting laid is a numbers game – you just have to hit on a tonne of girls & eventually you’ll get good at it.
1.2 – Honesty (is Something You Work Towards)
In writing this guide, I also had to be think carefully about the level of honesty I advocate. On dates & during sex I’m going to encourage you to be really honest with girls – a level of honesty and vulnerability you may not be used to (especially not with the opposite sex).
Being upfront and honest leads to better sex (she’ll be more sexually-open because she trusts you), easier sex with less games, less drama, less manipulation, more fun. Being honest also means less tension/worry for you, because you don’t have to feel like you’re on edge, constantly having to keep track of the lies you’ve told or the things you’re trying to hide. Being honest means you never have to feel any guilt; you can relax, knowing you haven’t deceived anyone. You’ve been completely real and honest with everyone you meet.
But I was worried the level of honesty I encourage might be “too much” for newbies to handle. I want to make it clear that honesty is something you work towards – it’s ok if you’re not great at being honest at first. I definitely wasn’t. I’m going to advocate hardcore honesty (I call it “autistic honesty”), where you basically just say whatever is in your head without any filter.
However, I don’t necessarily expect you to be there immediately. Just do your best, be as honest as you can, as often as you can. Understand it’s ok if it takes you a bit of time to open up and be completely honest with girls – I know it can be scary at first. Every time you have a choice to tell the truth or hide the truth, practice telling the truth – over time you’ll slowly build it into a habit.
Rome wasn’t built in a day.
Each girl you go on a date with, keep in mind you’re both on the same team. You both want the same thing – to have fun & bump uglies with each other. The texting template we used in Part 3 made it really clear to her exactly what you’re after, and if she’s out on a date with you, she’s more than likely looking for the same thing. Don’t pretend you don’t want something you really do want; just be honest and unashamed of the fact you find her attractive and want to bone her.
One of my coaching clients came up with an awesome term for what guys like all of us here are – ethical players. It’s entirely possible to be an honest guy who gets laid a tonne. I argue it’s easier to get laid the more honest you are – that’s certainly been the case for me (I started out being completely dishonest, and I got laid less often & with much more drama). My clients have also gotten laid more – and with less hassle – the more honest they’ve become.
1.3 – Have a Gameplan
The basic gameplan for dates & sex is built around the concepts I talked about in Part 3 – being upfront with girls about what you want (to have some fun), and finding the girls who want the same thing you want.
The basic gameplan:
1. Meet her somewhere close to your place. Have a drink/coffee/water, talk for 1hr (2hrs is fine if you’re super nervous), then invite her back to your apartment.
2. If you don’t end up having sex on the 1st date, try to have sex on the 2nd date.
3. If you don’t end up having sex on the 2nd date, try to have sex on the 3rd date.
Pretty simple, right? Getting laid isn’t supposed to be complicated – it’s just looking good + going on dates + inviting every girl back to your apartment. Some will say no, some will say yes – you’ll get laid if you just keep playing the numbers game & invite a tonne of girls back to your place. I’ll go into more details about what to do on the actual date further below.
Remember what we’ve sent to girls (using our template in Part 3) – “I’m not looking for anything super serious, but if you’re up for a drink, a flirt & to see what happens, drop me your number.” You’ve made it abundantly clear what you’re looking for, so if she’s meeting up with you for a date, she already knows you want to cream her twinkie. All you really need to do is grab a drink (or coffee/water), chat for an hour, and invite her back to your place. If she’s comfortable, she’ll say yes. If she’d rather wait til the next date before banging, she’ll politely turn you down. (Which is completely cool; you then just try again on the next date).
If you or the girl are too young to drink, just have a coffee date. Or just sit on a bench somewhere in public and hangout. As I mentioned in Part 3, at least half of my lays have been daytime coffee dates where I just drink coffee or even just water. Alcohol isn’t mandatory, at all.
She should come to you – get her to meet you at a bar/cafe/etc near your place, so you can invite her back to your apartment afterwards. Travelling to see a girl is never ideal (I’ve only ever done it like 5 times in my entire life), because it’ll be a million times harder to fuck her. One of my mates used to live with his parents and always had to try to bang girls at their place – it was a bit of a pain in the ass. Since he moved out of home, his number of lays has gone up massively.
To make it easier on you and stop you having to think of activities/things to do on the date, just do this: either go sit in a bar with her for an hour, or sit in a cafe with her for an hour, or grab a coffee to go and sit on a park bench with her for an hour. If I limit your options to only 3 choices, you won’t have to overthink it.
The actual bar/cafe/bench doesn’t matter too much – just go to whichever bar/cafe is your favourite. Make sure it has somewhere you can sit next to the girl (makes it easier to talk; sitting across the table from one another feels like a fucking job interview). Do what I did when I first started trying to get laid; every new girl you go on a date with, go to a different bar/cafe, so you have a chance to try out lots of different bars/cafes until you find one that’s your favourite.
The things to avoid are dinner dates – they’re an absolute no-no. Both of you having your mouth full isn’t romantic, plus you usually have to sit opposite her… that job interview thing again. Movies are a similarly-retarded idea; both of you focusing on a movie and ignoring each other for 1.5-3 hours doesn’t really progress things towards you both having sex, is it? Stick to a bar, or cafe, or a public bench.
So why have a gameplan, why plan out what you’re going to do when you leave your apartment to go out on the date? For one, having a gameplan makes you look more masculine & in control – girls will trust you more and will happily follow your lead. “Oh this guy clearly has a plan in mind & seems to know what he’s doing. I’ll just go along with what he wants.”
If you don’t have a gameplan, it gives off the impression of, “He doesn’t really know what he’s doing, so why should I go along with what he says?” Without a gameplan, you put the control more in her hands; you’re being more passive. If you invite her back to your place she’ll be less likely to do it. When you have a gameplan, she’s more likely to say yes to coming back to yours (people are more likely to follow the man with the plan, rather than the guy who’s clearly just making it up as he goes along). Having a plan in mind makes you look more self-assured and confident – like you’re a man of action.
And having no plan also means you’ll have no idea what’s going right or what’s going wrong. If you have no plan, then each date will end up being different (almost random), with different variables each time, so you’ll have no frame of reference and won’t know what is or isn’t working. Some dates will go on for 5hrs, some 1hr, sometimes you’ll try to kiss her, other times you won’t. Sometimes you’ll invite her back to your apartment, other times you won’t bother. How are you supposed to improve with practice if you’re doing different things each time? You can’t build a habit or become proficient if you’re constantly changing.
Speaking from experience, you’ll inevitably end up with far less lays if you’re going into dates without much of a gameplan. The worst part is you won’t know why you’re getting less lays, because you can’t point to any one thing you’re doing right or wrong, because it’s all changing from one date to the next. You have no data to work with.
The beauty of sticking to a gameplan is as you go on more dates, you’ll see that sometimes you get laid, sometimes you don’t – even with the exact same gameplan. You’ll start to realise, “Oh shit. It’s not really about what I do; getting laid really is just a bit of luck – some girls are into me, some aren’t. I just need to keep doing the same thing and keep playing the numbres game, and eventually I’ll get laid.”
You’ll also build up evidence the gameplan works for you, and any time you’re having a string of bad luck, you’ll be able to remind yourself, “It’s ok. I’m just having some bad luck right now, but this gameplan worked for me in the past. I just have to keep doing what I’m doing, stick to the gameplan, and I’ll inevitably get laid again in the future.”
Having a plan also makes you take getting laid more seriously. Remember in part 1 I said one of the most important aspects of getting laid is going all-in? You’ll try much harder to get laid when you have a plan – it makes it feel more real.
Having a gameplan means you don’t have to think too hard or stress about what to do when you’re out on the date. If I tell you exactly what to do, you can just go through the steps one by one, and you won’t have to make it up on the fly. You can relax, knowing this gameplan will eventually get you laid (because it’s worked for me and a tonne of my coaching clients) – you don’t have to stress about, “Am I even doing the right thing? What if I’m wasting time, just spinning my wheels?”
A lot of guys go out on dates without much of a gameplan, hoping to “kinda just see what happens lol”. The problem is, that’s exactly what every girl does when she meets up with you. So now you have two people who are “kinda just seeing what happens lol”, with neither one of them taking the lead. Despite all the bullshit Hollywood movies/TV/Netflix spits at you, chemistry alone isn’t enough to make something happen. One person has to actually make something happen; one person has to lean over and kiss the other person. Your lips aren’t magnets that get pulled together. One of you has to actually pull the trigger.
If you’re thinking to yourself, “hopefully the girl makes a move then, haha” – go on 50 dates with 50 girls and let me know how that works out for you. Girls don’t make the first move – again, despite the bullshit Hollywood
tells sells you. It’s not a girl’s job to make the move; you’re the man, it’s your job to kiss her or invite her back to your place.
The best example of this is a friend of a friend who claims he went on 60 dates… without getting laid once. Why? By this guy’s own admission, he didn’t like making moves on girls and refused to do it, instead hoping one of them would make a move on him. He wanted his Hollywood fairytale narrative to come true, more than he wanted to actually stick his penis inside a girl.
Be the man. Invite her back to your place.
1.4 – Stick to this Gameplan
There’s there’s a million other different gameplans you could use for your dates, and different experts will give you different advice to what I’m suggesting. I myself have played around with a tonne of different structures/types of dates – I’ve experimented with everything you could think of. But as I’ve said over and over, the thing that matters the most is just playing the numbers game – going on as many dates with as many girls as you possibly can.
As long as you look decent or better, & have a decent gameplan (one that involves getting her somewhere alone), you’ll get laid eventually. I don’t want you to stress too much about which gameplan to use & I definitely don’t advise continually changing things if you’re a newbie; just stick with one gameplan and get good at it.
I thought long and hard about the best general gameplan to give you for dates, especially for guys who don’t have a lot of experience. I’m happy with the one I’ve come up with here, because it’s exactly what I used to do myself a few years ago, and it’s the exact one a tonne of my coaching clients have been using to get laid on Tinder. I’m not saying this gameplan is the absolute best gameplan of all time (I’m not that arrogant), but it will absolutely get you laid a tonne (as long as you look good & go on a bunch of dates).
Later on, once you’re more confident and have gotten laid a bit, you can think about playing around with different gameplans. You might even stumble upon something that works better than what I currently do (the BDSM message templates). But for now, stick to the gameplan I’m giving you and get really good at it. You have to learn to walk before you can run.
If you’re already more experienced (eg you’ve banged 10-15 girls from online dating), then play around now and start experimenting. Later on in this article, I’ll dive into all the different things you can experiment with to get more lays, get laid more efficiently, and have the type of dates you want (because what you enjoy could be different to what I enjoy). (If you’re a newbie, don’t worry about the advanced stuff – just stick to the simple gameplan for now.)
1.5 – Have Sex as Soon as Possible
I absolutely recommend you aim to have sex on first dates – even if you’re a newbie. Pushing for a bit of dancing in the sheets early on makes it clear you’re a masculine guy who isn’t afraid to show the world he has a working cock; being sexually-forward is a trait most girls are very into. It also saves you a tonne of time; why on Earth would you wait til date 3 when you could be banging most girls on the first date? You’re literally wasting hours/days of your life you could be focusing on self-improvement, hanging with your friends, or banging even more girls.
Having sex early also establishes that you’re a guy who wants sex first, relationship second – the way things should be. Sex is a very important part of a relationship, and if you make it clear it’s an important priority for you, girls will know exactly what they’re signing up for. If you ever decide to get in a relationship with any of the girls you bang, she’ll already know sex is important to you, because you’ve established that from the very beginning.
Moving towards sex as early as possible also gives her what she wants, and what she’s been expecting from you. Remember what you sent her from the text message template? “I’m not looking for anything super serious, but if you’re up for a drink, a flirt & to see what happens, drop me your number.” If you don’t try to have sex with her, you’ll be letting her down. Not to mention, there’s 50 other guys on Tinder who will have sex with her if you’re not willing to.
Sex is also much better when it’s passionate – read The Rational Male’s great article, Wait For It?. Doodle-bopping on the first date is infinitely more exciting, wild, fun and awesome vs waiting until date 3 to smash your naughty bits together. You trying to bang a girl on the first date is a huge turn-on for her – if makes her feel wanted. The main element of female sexuality is being desired; you ruin a lot of the magic if you wait til date 3 before actually making a move. I’ve lost count of the number of girls who’ve told me they’ve been really hurt when a guy doesn’t invite them back to their apartment; they feel insecure about it, worrying if maybe he secretly thinks she’s not all that attractive. Be a nice guy and invite her back to your apartment on the first date – don’t break the poor girl’s heart by being a pussy 🙁
Even if your goal is to find a great girlfriend, you still need to push to have sex as soon as possible. Dating without sex is just a friendship. A huge part (maybe the most important part) of a relationship is sexual compatibility. There’s no way to know if you’re sexually compatible until you’ve actually, you know, enraged her moist cave – so get to boning ASAP and find out if she’s a good match worth turning into a girlfriend.
Don’t hide your intentions or pretend you don’t want to have sex with girls you go on dates with – make it clear sex is your first priority. Being upfront leads to far less drama, and you’ll naturally screen in girls who appreciate honesty and will be honest with you. You’re on the date to fill her cream donut (relationship stuff can come afterwards if the sex is good and you get along). You don’t have to explicitly say, “I want to bang you” (though you can if you want), but don’t try and sneak your way into her pants. Just invite her back to your apartment, kiss her and fool around, and show her your big sausage.
Note, if you try to have sex on the first date (by inviting her back to your apartment) but she turns you down, that’s totally fine. You’ve still made it really clear you’re a sexual, masculine guy who has a pair of balls between his legs. Which means when you meet her for a second date, she’ll be much more likely to say yes this time, because she already knows what you want and knows you’re a masculine guy.
1.6 – Logistics (Having Your Own Apartment)
If you want to get laid easily and often, you need your own apartment. If you can’t afford your own place, you can share with a friend or roommates (though bear in mind, living on your own makes it much easier to get laid). You just can’t live at home with your parents if you want to get laid & have a good sex life.
I’ll be straight up: trying to get laid when you live with your family is playing on hard mode. It’s something you need to fix as a top priority – you aren’t going to get laid a tonne if you don’t have somewhere you can easily take girls. Find a buddy you can live with, share with a couple of strangers if you have to – do whatever it takes to move out of home.
Yes, if you live at home you can still fool around in public, fuck in a car, or try to go back to her place (assuming she has her own place). I’ve done all of these things plenty of times myself. But you’re making it orders of magnitude harder on yourself, and you’re only going to get laid one-tenth as often vs if you have a place you can bring girls back to. Not to mention having your own place is awesome – you can be louder and girls will be able to “let go” and moan/scream their lungs out. Good times.
Girls have a fear of judgement, and tend to be scared to let go if they’re worried your roommate might hear them. They often even feel “slutty” just knowing your roommate knows you guys are having sex, even if you keep it quiet. You’ll get more lays if you have your own place – girls will be able to relax and come meet you without having to worry about your roommates. It’s one less thing to have to think about, for both of you.
If you do share with a roommate, you’ll still get laid on Tinder – just organise with your roommate to have the apartment to yourself for an hour or two. Have a conversation beforehand and tell your roommate you’ll give him some money for a beer/coffee if he can leave the apartment while you get your freak on.
You could also bang at her place, but that’s usually a big pain. It’s infinitely harder to bang girls on the first (or second) date if you’re relying on her being ok with going back to hers. You’ll have to basically invite yourself over to her place (which is always way harder than just saying, “Let’s go to my place”). You’ll have to figure out her logistics – does she have a roommate? Is her roommate ok with guys coming over? How far away is her place? Is she cool with you sleeping over or will you have to catch an Uber home? etc.
The more variables you have under your control – the less unknowns there are – the easier it is to get laid. That’s why I advocate having a solid gameplan and having a solid idea of how you want the date to go.
If you do still live at home, I’ll go into a bit of detail below on how you can bang at her place. But moving out of home is something you need to do ASAP. No matter what you have to do to make it happen, do everything you can. Get a second job, move in with a couple of other guys so the rent is cheaper; do whatever it takes. Living at home makes you feel like a child; you’re stifling your own growth and arresting your development (god I love that TV show). It’s hard to feel like a man when you’re living with mummy and daddy.
If you don’t have your own place, you should still try to get laid – give it 100% effort. Don’t use the fact you live at home as an excuse to say, “Guess I can’t get laid on Tinder then. I’ll just wait until I move out of home.” No. Start right now – just keep in mind it’ll be much harder and you’ll have to put in much more effort. I have a mate who lives at home and he’s still gotten laid quite a bit (by going to girls’ houses) – it just takes him far more effort.
1.7 – Send a Confirmation Text the Morning of
The morning of the date, I always send a confirmation text to make sure she’s definitely still going to meet up. This has massively cut down on the number of last-minute flakes I get; as in, I now only get something like one-third of the flakes I used to get. Just send something short like, “Looking forward to tonight” or “Tonight should be fun.”
1.8 – Before you Head Out
If you’re inexperienced, you might be a bit nervous when you head out – even experienced guys feel nervous from time to time. Hell, every now and then I’ll have a date where I feel a bit nervous, for no apparent reason. But with enough practice and enough experience, you learn to just accept the nervousness & ignore it. Nervousness doesn’t completely go away; you just stop caring about it.
You just need to take a deep breath, tell yourself it’s fine to be nervous (“Of course I’m going to be nervous when I don’t have a lot of experience”) and just focus on having fun. Your mission on the date is to have a good time and enjoy yourself – this isn’t supposed to be some super-serious thing. Dating and getting laid is meant to be fun.
For most guys, just telling themselves, “This is meant to be fun” is more than enough to squash those nerves. You can also do what I used to do – distract yourself & keep busy in the lead-up to the date. When you have a date coming up in the next couple of days, keep yourself busy. Hang out with your friends, focus on your self-improvement, listen to a podcast – hell, even play a video game if it distracts you from sitting around ruminating about your upcoming date. Early on, on days I had a date, I used to spend the entire day cleaning my apartment for hours and hours; literally scrubbing from floor to ceiling. As silly as that might seem, at least it gave me something to do, something to focus on; it was a great distraction from the intense anxiety I felt about the upcoming date.
But if telling yourself “dates are meant to be fun” and trying to distract yourself doesn’t alleviate your nervousness, and you’re still so insanely nervous you’re actually terrified & think you might have to cancel or flake on the girl – don’t worry, I’ve got a solution for that. Just tell yourself you aren’t even going to try to have sex tonight, and take all the pressure off yourself. As I mentioned in my guide on performance anxiety, if you let yourself off the hook and just meet up to just talk for a bit on the first date, most of the nerves will go away.
This was the only way I was able to even meet girls early on, because I was so terrified and constantly on the verge of cancelling dates out of terror/nerves. I’d tell myself, “Ok, all I have to do is meet this girl and have a coffee for 30 minutes, then I get to immediately run home and hide under the blankets.” If you’d told me I had to have sex with them on the date, there’s no way I would have have the courage to even meet up with them.
But I only recommend doing this if you’re really nervous/inexperienced. In that case, I’m not going to tell you off if you take a few dates in order to get your first lay. But most guys aren’t as much of a trainwreck as I was, so don’t be lazy – push yourself and try your hardest to give her the beef injection on the first date. Even if you’re nervous.
Bathmate: If it’ll make you feel a little less nervous and a little more badass, grab a Bathmate and pump your dick up a bit before you head out. I used to do this myself before every single date, because I was super nervous. The pump literally enlarges your dick, and the effect lasts a few hours – enough time for a date.
Condoms: Before you head out, you also want to make sure you have condoms ready to go in your apartment. Use my condom trick; have a bottle of lube ready, and put a drop inside the condom (touching your dick) when you put it on your dick. The lube will increase sensitivity and pleasure on your dick when you use condoms; it feels almost as good as not wearing a condom.
I also like to keep 1 or 2 condoms in my wallet at all times. Having them in your wallet changes your mindset drastically; you’ll feel like a player (even if you’re faking it a bit at the start). You’ll start thinking, “There’s a chance I could get laid, and I’ll be prepared”. It makes you take getting laid more seriously, and you’ll try a lot harder. I always have 2 condoms in my wallet 24 hours a day.
If you have any sex toys you plan on using (they’re not mandatory though), put them next to your bed so you’ll remember to use them. This wand vibrator is the best toy I’ve ever had – girls fucking love it.
You’ll also need to organise things with your roommate (if you have one). If your roommate(s) is cool, set up a system where whenever one of you wants to have sex, the other one leaves the apartment for a bit. It’s much easier to get humping when you’re not worried about your roommate hearing you – you can be rougher, louder, make the girl scream. A year or so ago I shared with a mate (I live on my own now), and we’d always leave the apartment if the other person wanted to get laid. Whoever was having sex would give the other person $5, so they could go buy themselves a beer or sit in a cafe working on their laptop for an hour or so. Discuss this with your roommate beforehand.
Have a backup plan for if you don’t end up having sex – so if she says no to coming back with you, you won’t even care because you’ll have something fun you can go and do instead. This backup plan could be anything that you find fun – hanging out with a mate, playing a video game, watching a particular movie, jamming the clam with another one of your fuckbuddies.
Hell, I’ve often used sleep as my backup plan – I don’t get as much sleep as I’d like, so I’m genuinely excited by the idea of an early night. The possibility of getting to go home early to sleep means I’m much more forward on the date and move a lot faster, inviting her back to my apartment much earlier, because I know if she says no I get to go home and sleep. Win-win either way.
You can take a Cialis/Viagra before you leave the house, if it’ll make you feel more confident/less anxious. They definitely help a hell of a lot and take a lot of the stress out of sex when you’re nervous/inexperienced. I talk more about my experiences with them, when to take them, the dosage to take, what the effects are like, etc in my performance anxiety/erectile dysfunction article.
You can also pump your dick up with a dick pump (I have this one) before you head out if you want. It’s not mandatory at all, but for me early on, it gave me some much-needed confidence.
I always tell girls what I’m wearing, to make it easier for them to spot me when we meet. Sometimes I even take a selfie to show them what I’m wearing (they’ll usually reciprocate).
1.9 – Look Your Best
You should already be improving your appearance every day based on all the advice in Part 1. But before you leave the house to go on your date, make sure you handle basic grooming:
- Shower + cologne: Make yourself smell good.
- Gum: Take some gum with you & chew on it so your breath doesn’t smell like Satan’s asshole.
- Hair: Brushed/styled, or covered with a cap/hat/beanie.
- Grooming: Use a beard trimmer and make sure your facial hair is neat.
- In-style Clothes: Clean and washed, not so old that they look faded, etc.
- Height-increasing Inserts/Shoes if you’re short: 50% of girls will be wearing heels, so you may as wear yours too. They add up to 3.5 inches to your height and they’re super cheap. And if you’re worried about girls saying something when you take them off, read this.
Chapter 2 – The Dates
2.1 – 1st Dates
Your first date is a chance to get to know each other a bit over a drink/coffee/water, before you then invite her back to your place. Your only goal on first dates is to steer things towards sex. Dates are part of the foreplay – they’re not separate from sex. They’re part of sex; the lead-up to it.
Your goal should be to give her a knobbing on the first date – not the 5th date, not the 3rd date, but the first date. Remember, we already told her via the template that we want to grab a drink, have a flirt and see what happens. That literally means, “If we like each other, there’s a bloody good chance we’ll bang tonight.” She’ll be disappointed if you don’t make a move on her after giving her the expectation that you would.
If having sex on the first date is something you struggle with or have never done before, that’s cool – I still want you to try to bang her on the first date. But as long as you move things forward towards sex, that’s awesome. ie if you’re so terrified and nervous that all you can do is talk to her for an hour and then give her a hug goodbye, then do that. Then on the second date, do something to move things forward towards sex – hold her hand for a bit, or try and kiss her (notice I said try – trying to kiss her and having her say no is still a massive step forward), invite her back to your apartment. Then on the third date, have her meet you at your apartment, have some wine (or just drink water, doesn’t really matter) and kiss her/fool around/play with her tits/take her into the bedroom.
Again, you should always aim to bang on the first date. But as long as you’re always moving forwards and making progress with each girl, I’ll be proud of you.
I don’t want you to worry about “making her like you” or “winning her over” or “entertaining her” – if she’s on a date with you, she already likes you to some extent. All you have to do is hang out with her for an hour or two, then invite her back to your apartment.
On dates, you’re the host. It’s up to you to take the lead, take her to the bar/cafe/etc you’re going to, decide when to invite her back to yours, etc. You need to make the moves. Don’t sit there waiting for things to happen, or waiting for “the right moment” to touch her or invite her back to yours. Just push yourself to do it, even if it feels a little awkward.
I’ll go into more detail about what to do during the actual date below.
2.2 – Catfishes
Catfishing (when a girl is less attractive in person compared to her pics) does happen sometimes, but it’s not something you should stress that much about. If you’ve planned to meet the girl not too far from your apartment (as I recommend), you won’t lose all that much time – it’s not like you’ve travelled a long way to see her. Catfishes also aren’t super common – occasionally some girls look a tiny bit worse than their pics, but it’s rare a girl will be disgusting and unfuckable if she looked good in her pics.
If you’re not sure how attractive a girl will be in person, ask for her Instagram before you meet up, and then check out her pics.
After you’ve had a catfish or two, you’ll find it’s not even a big deal, and it doesn’t have to be super awkward. If you’re a confident dude, just straight up tell her as soon as you see her, “Hey I’ll be honest, you don’t look like your pics. It’s best if we don’t waste each other’s time, so I’m gonna head home.” Then just immediately leave. You don’t have to wait for an answer from her – it’s not a debate.
Or you can hangout for a little bit (eg 15 minutes), then politely tell her, “Hey, I’m not really feeling the chemistry, so I’m gonna head home. I’d rather be upfront about it, but it was cool meeting you.”
If you’re a complete newbie, I recommend you just stay on the date anyway to get a bit of experience – even if you just hangout with her for 30-60 minutes then leave. As I mentioned in You’re Not Obligated to Have Sex with Someone, if you don’t have much dating experience you can benefit massively from going on dates with girls and getting accustomed to the dating stuff, even if you don’t end up laying pipe. Even bad dates are still a good learning experience – you’ll learn what doesn’t work, what kind of girls you don’t want to go after, etc. All experience is good – experience builds you into a man.
Just make sure you don’t stick around too long – an hour at the most. There’s no point wasting hours and hours of your time with someone you aren’t attracted to.
In short: don’t overstress about catfishes. You can minimise the chances of meeting one by asking for girls’ Instagrams, and if you do get a catfish, just leave the date early so you’re not wasting too much time.
2.3 – What to Talk About
It doesn’t matter too much what you talk about – literally any topic of conversation is cool. You don’t need to memorise any specific lines, or “try to impress her” – she already likes you if she’s said yes to a date with you. There were 10,000 other things she could have done – but she chose to spend her time with you. So stop worrying about impressing her, and realise to some extent, you already have.
You also don’t need to spend hours and hours on the date doing nothing but talking – your goal is to hangout for a bit and then invite her back to your place. The longer you talk, the more you’re making it clear you’re quite happy to do nothing but just talk, and you aren’t expecting anything more than that. You’re also removing a lot of the sexual energy & excitement; she met up with you expecting you to make a move and try to fuck her, and instead you’re diffusing that excitement by having long conversations.
Dates go better when you’re focused on jumping her bones and you’re making moves to make that happen. You don’t need to have hours of riveting conversations – just talk for an hour then invite her back to your place.
It also really doesn’t matter what you specifically talk about on the date (again, as long as you don’t talk for hours and hours and hours). I’ve had dates where I talk about jobs, university, friends and pop culture. I’ve had dates where I spend an hour talking about coffee. I’ve had dates where we talk about astrophysics and the nature of existence and the meaning of life and whether this is all just a simulation, or if there’s a God out there, and if there is, who made that God (and then who made that God, and who made that God, ad infinitum).
I’ve had dates where I keep it super friendly, and dates where we talk nonstop about sex. Dates where I flirt, and dates where the conversation is more platonic. Dates where I talk about her family, and dates where I ask how often she masturbates and how many vibrators she owns. Generally speaking, the conversation doesn’t really matter too much. All you need to think about is having fun.
And I don’t mean making sure she has fun. That’s too much pressure, especially when you’re nervous – it’s not your job to make sure she has fun, it’s not your job to be entertaining for her, or make sure she’s enjoying herself, or make sure she’s smiling the entire time, or make sure she likes the venue you’re at or the activity you’re doing. That’s way too much of a burden to place upon yourself; you can’t really control how somebody else is feeling. The thing that is more important is: are you having fun?
When you switch the focus to making sure you are having fun, you take away all that pressure to perform. You can control how you yourself feel; you can focus on doing the things you know you’ll like, talking about the conversation topics you know will interest you, going to a bar/cafe/park/etc you already like. Take away all the pressure & suddenly you’ll find yourself less nervous and less neurotic, and you won’t be stressing, thinking, “Fuck, I really hope she enjoys this date.”
And something great happens when you do this – because you’re having fun, she will reflect your vibe and enjoy herself too. It’s much easier to enjoy yourself when the person you’re with is a bit more relaxed and clearly enjoying themselves. So your main focus should be on yourself, and making sure you have a good time. You’ve got to handle your own happiness first; “put on your own oxygen mask before helping others.”
To reiterate, your main mission on dates is to have sex. You’re not going to be sitting around talking for 5 hours, so it doesn’t matter too much what you talk about. Our goal with dates is to talk for a bit, get to know each other then invite her back to your apartment. She’ll already be expecting this, since our template mentions: “Let’s grab a drink, have a flirt and see what happens”. In girl lingo, that’s the super polite way of saying, “I would like to smash your pasty“.
2.4 – “I’m Bad at Conversation!”
Despite any insecurities you might have about your lack of conversation skills, I promise you being bad at conversations is not that big a deal. If you’re nervous around girls, or inexperienced, or haven’t had much practice being social, then of course you’re not going to be brilliant at conversations. Do you think anyone is good at anything when they first start? 99.9999999% of the time, the answer is no.
People suck, at most things, most of the time. The problem is we place extra pressure on ourselves – way more than we put on anybody else – because we’re acutely aware of our own flaws & shortcomings. I’m just as guilty of this as anybody else (though, it’s something I’m getting better at over the years.)
And that’s the point – we all get better at things over time. If you’re bad at conversation, or don’t much experience with smalltalk, don’t you think that’s something you’ll naturally improve at the more you do it? Why are you playing so much pressure on yourself to be good at it now? Is it really that big a deal if you’re a bit awkward sometimes, or can’t think of anything to say, or get nervous around girls and start to stutter?
Most of the time guys who say “I’m bad at conversations” are in their own head too much, putting pressure on themselves to be great conversationalists. The trick is to tell yourself it’s ok if you have a few bad/awkward conversations, and remind yourself you’ll get better with practice.
I was fucking awful at the start – I was so nervous I felt like I was going to throw up. I’d get in my own head, I’d stutter, my mind would go blank and I’d often shake visibly. A lot of my clients are in a similar position when they first start seeing me, struggling to talk to girls. None of that matters – even with all our initial nervousness & poor conversation skills, we all still got laid and we all got more confident with time.
I understand that even with my reassurances, you’d still feel a lot better if I gave you a few ideas for conversation starters, in case you really don’t know how to start a conversation. Ok, here you go:
- Ask what she likes to do for fun (hobbies).
- Ask more in-depth questions about those hobbies.
- Tell her about your hobbies.
- If she’s studying, ask what specific job she wants when she’s done.
- Sit somewhere public and watch people walking past, and ask her what she thinks each person does for a living. You can both have fun making up backstories for each person that walks past, and make a game of it. Eg “I bet those 2 guys sitting over there are secret gay lovers, but they’re both too shy to come out to their friends, so they have to meet under the cover of darkness when nobody is around.” Or “I bet that 75 year old grandma is actually a drug dealer/gangbanger who’s killed 5 people who dared to cross her.” Or “That couple holding hands are actually aliens who’ve taken over human bodies in order to blend in while they study us.” Have fun with it.
- Ask her if she liked high school, or if she thought it was awful. Tell her about your school experiences.
- Ask what other countries she’s visited, and tell her about any you’ve visited.
- Straight up tell her you’re a bit nervous and can’t think of much to say – “Hah, I’m actually kinda nervous and I can’t think of much to say”. I guarantee you every girl will say, “Um, I’m actually really nervous too. So don’t worry, it’s not just you.” Then she’ll try to find something for you both to talk about. That’ll make you feel a lot better.
- Tell her anything funny that’s happened to you in the last few days/weeks.
- Ask her what her favourite movie is, and then ask follow-up questions like why she likes it so much, when she first saw it, how it affected her, how many times she’s watched it since then, etc.
- Ask her what her least favourite movie is.
Don’t write this whole list down or feel like you have to memorise all of these. That’ll just make you be in your own head too much. Just pick one, maybe two, of these, and you’ll find the conversation will usually take care of itself once you both relax a little after the first 10 minutes of talking.
You’ll make everything a lot easier on yourself if you just give yourself permission to suck and accept the fact you may be a little bit nervous the first 5-10 dates you go on. Sometimes the conversation might be a bit messy. That’s ok. I was awkward as hell for a long time too. Keep on pushing, and you’ll improve over time.
And if the conversation runs dry & there’s an awkward silence sometimes, that’s ok too. You don’t have to fill in every silence. Sometimes it’s ok to be the quiet one, especially if you don’t have anything to say right at that moment. Just take a deep breath, sit in the silence and be ok with it. You’ll find when you relax, when you let go of the expectation to always have something to say, a conversation topic will naturally pop into your head without you even trying. And if it doesn’t, that’s totally okay too.
Yes, I am telling you it’s totally ok to just sit there in silence for 30 seconds. It’s totally ok to just sit there in silence for 2 minutes. Just take a deep breath, stare off into the distance, or smile at her, or focus on the other people in the bar/cafe. Eventually you or she will think of something to say. If she is on a date with you, she already likes you – or she wouldn’t have come along. You don’t have to do anything amazing to impress her; just enjoy her company and she’ll enjoy yours.
You don’t always have to have something to say. Being great at talking is as much about being ok with the silences as it is about having something to fill them with.
Remember she’ll likely be feeling a little bit nervous too. Girls get in their own head as much as guys do (usually a lot more). While you’re sitting there worrying about being perfect at conversations, she’s worrying about the exact same thing. She’s not perfect, and I promise she doesn’t expect you to be either.
If you’re really nervous, just mention it to her. “I’ll be real with you, I’m kinda a bit nervous. Whoever invented smalltalk is an asshole, I’m really bad at it.” You’ll find she’ll say something like, “Oh my god me too, I’m so bad at smalltalk!” Great, now you two have addressed the elephant in the room (how nervous you are), diffused the tension, and you’re now bonding a bit over a mutual struggle. Good job, you’re treating her like she’s on the same team as you. If you want more help with the conversation stuff, join the coaching program and we’ll guide you.
At the end of the day, dates are supposed to be fun – for you (her too). Your mindset should be, “I’m just having fun and she’s here with me, sharing in the fun.” Relax, enjoy yourself, entertain yourself, and stop putting this pressure on yourself to be amazing at it. It’s just two people hanging out.
2.5 – Should I Talk About Sex?
Talk about sex if you want to – it definitely helps set a sexual tone to the date, and shows the girl you’re not uptight or weird about “playing a game of Mr. Wobbly hides his helmet” (that means sex, by the way). I talk about sex on probably half the dates I go on – it depends on what I feel like talking about.
Talking about sex definitely makes it easier to bone, because you’ve already broached the topic of sex and you’re showing her you’re confident and non-judgemental about hanky-panky (some people are shy/prudish about it). You can even ask her what fantasies she has, if there’s anything she’s always wanted to try in the bedroom – and then you can try that exact fantasy with her when you take her back to your place.
However, I’ll make this clear: If you absolutely don’t want to talk about the bedroom rodeo (sex), you can still get laid without talking about it at all. I’ve lost count of the number of lays I’ve had where I didn’t talk about sex and didn’t even touch her in public. It’s pretty easy to just have a casual date where you make normal smalltalk, then invite her back to your apartment and bone. Talking about bisecting the triangle helps, but it’s not absolutely mandatory. Again, this is one of those things where I’ll tell you to do whatever you prefer. What’s more important is playing the numbers game and just going on a lot of dates with a lot of girls.
If you want to talk about sex but you have no idea how to bring it up – just do what I did at the start when I was nervous: Just force yourself to blurt it out, even if you think it might be weird, or the wrong time, or inappropriate or whatever. I promise once you’ve had a decent amount of sex, sex is no longer a big deal, and you’ll feel a lot more comfortable talking about it. Eventually you’ll get to a point where it’s literally no different to talking about your hobbies or job or whatever – it’s just another topic of conversation.
If you’re stuck, just force yourself to blurt out one of these:
- “Have any funny or wild stories from your dating life in the past?”
- “What’s your most disappointing sexual experience?”
- “I wanna hear your ‘how I lost my virginity’ story.”
- “Do you think people over 70 have sex with each other?”
- “Ever fooled around with another girl, or thought about it?”
- “Ever dated or banged any guys who were so shy they couldn’t even have sex with you?”
- “I’m curious, I wanna hear your worst Tinder date story.”
- “So do you have any cool sex toys?”
- “Ever tried BDSM, or thought about it?”
- “Got a favourite vibrator?”
- “Ever been blindfolded?”
- “What’s the most number of orgasms you’ve ever had in one day?”
- “What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever seen in porn?”
It’s fine if you feel awkward blurting this stuff out. It’s fine if you’re not smooth when you say it. You never have to be perfect, with anything – so just force yourself blurt it out, even if you feel a little weird doing so.
And remember, you don’t have to talk about sex if you really don’t want to. It’s entirely up to you.
2.6 – Touching/Making a Move in Public?
A lot of dating/pickup advice focuses a lot on making a move when you’re out in public – they usually call it “kino” or “escalating”. Having experimented with all of this stuff over many many years now, and combined with the experience of all of my mates & coaching clients who also get laid, I’ve learned: You can get laid just as easily whether you touch/kiss her or don’t touch/kiss her when you’re out in public.
Nobody in my circle who gets laid has noticed any major difference in how many girls we bang when we touch/kiss girls in public, vs waiting until we’re alone in our apartment to make the move. If anything, we all get laid more now that we just play it by ear – sometimes we touch girls in public if we feel like it, and if we don’t feel like it, we don’t. Because we’re not in our own heads, stressing about “having” to touch/kiss, we can relax more on the date, then casually invite her back to our apartments & bang the night away.
So why do dating/pickup peeps advocate touching/kissing when you’re out in public on the date? Because being able to touch/makeout with girls in public is pretty damn exciting when you’re a newbie who’s never done it before. If you’ve always been timid around girls, it’s masculine and thrilling as fuck to be able to just grab them and kiss them when you feel like it. And if you’ve never done it before, the process of learning to get good at it will make you develop into a much more confident & self-assured man.
That was the reason I started off touching/kissing girls when I was out on dates. I started off very timid and shy around women – I was BAD at being physical. Even when I was in my apartment alone with a girl I’d been hanging out with for hours, I’d still take forever to make a move. I’d be in my own head, screaming at myself to just fucking kiss her, but I’d pussy out 100 times, feeling like such a loser (and those negative thoughts in my head only made me even less likely to kiss her).
I never even hugged women when I met them; I was the guy who did that awkward handshake thing whenever I met a woman. I hated the fact women scared me. Being able to touch girls was something very important to me, and something I needed to get good at in order to be happy in myself.
So although it was hell at first, I pushed myself to get good at touching girls on dates. I started off slow – forcing myself to hug them as soon as we met (that was hard – actually terrifying – for me). Once I got good at that, I forced myself to hold their hands – that took me probably 2 months to get decent at. Slow, but steady, progress.
Next I gave myself the goal of being able to put my hand on their legs when we were sitting in a bar, or being able to stroke their hand/arm as we sat and talked. That took me another couple of months to get decent at – again, it was fucking terrifying. Finally I faced the final boss: being able to kiss girls when out in public.
I must have gone on 10… 20… 30 dates where I spent hours in my own head, screaming at myself, “Kiss her, kiss her, fucking kiss her you pussy!” …but unable to do it. I’d spend hours on dates, just walking around with them, or drinking beers, or talking to them, waiting for the “perfect moment” to kiss. And even when those perfect moments came, I’d overthink it and pussy out, thinking, “Ok this moment is perfect, but what if she turns her head away? What if my breath smells? What if she doesn’t want me to kiss her?”
The only thing that worked was telling the doubts in my head to shut the fuck up, and just forcing myself to shut up and kiss her. Eventually I got decent at it by just doing it. If you’re struggling to kiss a girl, sitting there waiting for the perfect moment, you need to realise there is no perfect moment. There’s only right now, and right now may not be perfect, but fuck it – kiss her anyway. Kiss her mid-sentence, it doesn’t matter. Kiss her when she’s not facing you – just turn her head gently. Kiss her when it’s the most awkward moment possible – it doesn’t matter. Just fucking kiss her.
I’m so glad I pushed myself to touch/kiss girls in public, because it taught me to not be such a pussy around women. I felt a hell of a lot more masculine knowing I could touch any girl whenever I wanted, no matter who was watching, without any fear or hesitation.
These days, I hug girls when I meet them and then hold their hand as I walk with them, but I don’t do much more than that. I no longer kiss them in public – I save it for when we’re back at my apartment. I’ve found I get laid just as often without kissing in public (as long as I make a move when we’re back at my apartment, obviously). Lots of girls aren’t comfortable kissing me in public on the first date, but happily kiss me once we’re back at my apartment. A couple of my mates who get laid on Tinder a lot have gone the same way – they don’t kiss in public, instead waiting until they’re back at their apartment.
So bottom line: You can absolutely get laid without public touching/kissing, but I would recommend you get at least decent at it. Being able to do it whenever you want makes you feel a lot more masculine, knowing it’s a skill you can pull out if you ever need to. Once you’re back at your apartment you’ll have to kiss her anyway, so there’s no getting away from having to make a move. May as well practice it when you’re out on dates.
Take some time to sit down and ask yourself: “Do I want to be able to touch girls/kiss girls in public during dates? If I’m honest with myself, would I feel like a pussy if I never learned how to touch girls in public on dates? Is having that skill something that’s important to me?” If it is, keep reading this section. If it isn’t (and you’re totally cool with just making a move once you’re back at your place/her place), then skip this section. Just bear in mind you’ll obviously have to make a move and touch her once you’re back at your place. You can’t have sex without touching each other, and despite all the bullshit movies/TV feeds you, girls in the real world rarely ever make the first move.
If you want to learn how to touch/kiss girls in public and you’re completely inexperienced, do exactly what I did – tackle each stage of the process one section at a time. First focus only on hugging girls when you first meet them – that’s your only mission. Just meet a girl, give her a hug at the start of a date, and then give yourself a pat on the back for being able to do that. Good job.
Once you can hug most girls when you first meet them, force yourself to start holding hands. Give girls a hug, then literally just grab their hand and start walking to the bar/cafe. If you’re too nervous to just reach out and grab her hand, you can make it easier by saying, “Give me your hand” and holding your hand out to her. She’ll reach her hand out to you – easy.
Once you can hold hands with girls, start forcing yourself to kiss them once you’ve been on the date for 30-60 minutes. Don’t wait for “the perfect moment” (it doesn’t exist), don’t worry about how to give her “the perfect kiss” (it doesn’t exist). Just lean forward and kiss her without thinking about it.
If you’ve never been hands-on with girls in public and are a tad nervous, you may have to force yourself to do this. You might have to give yourself a little pep-talk before you leave the apartment – talk yourself through exactly what you’re going to do. “I’m going to grab her hand and hold it as soon as we meet.” Even if it’s hard, even if you’re terrified at first, I promise it gets easier the more you practice it. You’ll suck at the start, but you’ll get better over time – just like everything in life.
Here’s some advice I posted on the Good Looking Loser forums a few years ago. The advice has held up pretty well even to this day:
“I can still remember my first few dates after finding Good Looking Loser. I REALLY REALLY REALLY struggled with touching girls, and kissing them. Man, I can remember feeling like a superhero because I touched a girl on the shoulder 1 time during the date. That was HUGE for me. It used to take me like 3 dates to even work up the courage to kiss her. So I totally get the “this is weird” feeling.
The only way to overcome it is: Just throw yourself into it. I know it feels weird as hell. Just put your hand out, grab hers, and hold it. I know it’ll feel “forced”, and awkward, and there’s a small chance she’ll take her hand away (95% of the time they’ll let you hold their hand though). It’ll feel awkward, you’ll feel like a fucking autistic creep. But you have to do it.
The only way it will start feeling natural is if you FORCE yourself to do it enough times. Experience is the only thing that makes it feel normal. There’s no “mindset” you need to adopt, no magic thing I can tell you, no quick fix. You just have to take the action BEFORE YOU FEEL READY.
As for how long I hold it, yeah I hold their frickin hands as much as I can, same with touching their back, stroking their arm, hugging them, putting my arm around them, touching their legs, etc. I do it the entire night, and as soon as she stops holding my hand, I wait 10 seconds and then grab it again lol. So I’m holding her hand the entire date.
What you’ll find is most girls take a REALLY long time to get comfortable enough to initiate the touch themselves. What I mean is, for the first few dates, you will be initiating the hand-holding/touching EVERY SINGLE TIME. The girl will never reach out to hold your hand (even after you’ve been holding hands all night). Most girls won’t hug you unless you hug first. None of them will kiss you first. It is 100% up to you to do the touching, 99.9999% of the time.
So again, to reiterate: FORCE yourself to touch girls/hold hands BEFORE YOU FEEL READY. Don’t wait until “the perfect moment”. Do it way, way, way, way, way, way, way before the perfect moment.”
Again – you don’t have to touch/kiss girls in public on the date in order to get laid. But I do think it’s a very important skill to learn; one that will have immeasurable impact on your confidence levels.
And an obvious disclaimer – if she seems uncomfortable with your touch or asks you to stop, just back off for a bit. You can be real with her and say, “You don’t want me to touch you?” Most girls will say, “I’m just a bit shy” or “We’re out in public” or “Maybe it’s too soon”. No big deal – just tell her it’s cool and then save the touching for when you’re back at your place.
2.7 – Dating is Supposed to be Fun (Put Your Own Happiness First)
On dates, the best thing you can do is aim to entertain yourself and make sure you are having fun. Go to whichever bar/cafe you want to go to, talk about whatever you want to talk about, do whatever you want to do. Girls love a guy who takes the lead, and if they can see you’re having fun, they’ll mirror it and have fun too.
When you’re out on a date, even if you’re taking getting laid seriously, let yourself smile and have fun – this is supposed to be fun.
I know guys take getting laid very seriously (I certainly did at the start). Sometimes it can even feel like life and death. You’ve put everything on the line, you’ve tied your self-esteem to whether or not you can get laid, and this may be the first time (or one of the first times) you’ve embarked on such a massive project to fundamentally overhaul your life and become a different person.
Just take a deep breath – I promise you’ll reach your goals eventually. In the meantime, enjoy each date, give yourself permission to have fun, and don’t take yourself too seriously.
Life is too important to be taken seriously.
If you’re a bit of a larrikin (Australian slang for a joker/someone who’s silly) like I am, feel free to ramp up the silliness and really have fun on dates:
- Offer to give her a piggyback, and don’t take no for an answer.
- Take her “highfiving” – walk around giving highfives to random strangers. Get her to do a couple too. Every girl I’ve done this with has said it’s one of the most thrilling things they’ve ever done (most girls are too shy to do something like this on their own without you pushing them).
- When walking past any mirror/window/reflection, say “Oh wow, that is the coolest thing I’ve ever seen!” She’ll ask what you’re pointing at, and you say, “Oh, it’s just my reflection.”
- When she first hugs you when you meet, push her away and say, “You’re going to give me girl germs”.
- Do my Batman joke (telling girls you’re Batman.)
- Before the date, tell her she has to dress in the ugliest clothes she owns, and that you’ll do the same.
- Tell her to bring a goofy hat or something and that you’ll do the same. Here’s an example:
You don’t have to do any of this silly stuff; it’s not even remotely mandatory. But if you’re the kind of guy who gets in his own head too much, being completely silly can take away a lot of the nervousness and allow you to just relax and enjoy yourself. If you do try any of these ideas, your goal should be to entertain yourself and make yourself laugh. Sure, she’ll love it too, but for newbies especially, don’t focus on being her entertainer. I don’t want you to think you have to please girls in order for them to have sex with you. Entertain yourself, and she’ll have fun too.
Just don’t spend hours and hours and hours being silly – remember your mission is to have sex. After 1-2hrs of hanging out and being a goofball, invite her back to your apartment with a casual, “Hey, let’s go back to my place and hangout some more.”
2.8 – “I Want You.”
Your mission on dates is to always be moving things towards sex. The best way I’ve found to do that is to allow yourself to really want the girl you’re on a date with. Think about her sexually, imagine taking her back to your place and boning the hell out of her, imagine all the dirty things you want to do with her. Let your imagination run wild, you dirty perv.
I’ve come up with a cheat code to kick things off: Just repeat in your head over and over as you hangout with her, “I want you, I want you, I want you.” The more you can keep this thought in your mind, the easier it is to progress towards boning her; you’ll be a horny bastard who’s super eager to take her back home. You’ll exude sexual energy, and she’ll be able to smell it from a mile away – there’s nothing more masculine than a man who wants the woman he’s with. And there’s nothing that turns women on more than being fucking wanted.
You’ll naturally start looking at her like you want her; like you have to have her. You’ll start talking to her like you want her. Your eyes will linger on her tits a little longer than normal… You’ll find yourself wanting to touch her (and if you’re confident enough – push yourself to do it).
The more you make yourself want her, the less you’ll be stuck in long, boring conversations about the weather or her favourite colour or her favourite type of rice (mine is long grain brown rice). The more you want her, the more you’ll want to hurry up and invite her back to your place (and the quicker you’ll do it). Not to mention the more you want her, the harder you’ll try to have sex with her; you’ll truly go all-in.
I’m not saying you should be a complete horny mess who creams his pants in public, or be drooling everywhere and making a mess of your shirt, or start groping her ass & touching your dick as soon as you see her. But you need to start generating that sexual desire (by repeating to yourself in your head, “I want you, I want you, I fucking want you” as you look at her). And then don’t be afraid to let some of that sexual energy out.
If you can, channel that desire into actual touch – hold her hand, rub her thighs, stroke her arm, kiss her if you want to. Again, you don’t have to touch girls in public, but if you’ve made yourself want her, it’s a hell of a lot of fun. The sexual energy you’ve generated with the “I want you” mantra feels fucking amazing.
If you’re too nervous to touch her, that’s totally ok – just repeating the mantra in your head will be more than enough to push you to invite her back to your apartment. The mantra will make you incredibly excited to take her home and bone her.
You’ll only ever get laid a tonne if you go all-in and do whatever it takes to get laid. For the longest time, I went on tonnes of dates and barely got laid – I’m talking 4 out of 5 dates didn’t result in sex. I was playing it safe, having really long dates (5hrs or more) where I never made a move or invited them back to my place. Truth was I was just happy having girls be nice to me; I don’t think I actually wanted to get laid. And guess what – I didn’t get laid much.
When I shifted my goal to actually trying to get laid, how I behaved on dates changed immensely. I started letting myself think, “I want you” with every girl I was on a date with. All of a sudden I found myself doing everything I could to take them home – I tried a hell of a lot harder, put in way more effort, and started getting laid a tonne.
“I want you” really works – if you then follow through and invite every girl back to your place.
2.9 – Inviting her Back to Your Apartment
After you’ve hungout and talked/had fun for an hour (2 hours if you’re really nervous), invite her back to your place with:
“We should get out of here. Let’s go to my place and we’ll hangout some more.”
I don’t recommend taking longer than 2hrs at the most to invite her back, because longer dates don’t make you any more likely to bang her – you’re just wasting your own time. Not to mention you’re showing her you’re not all that serious about having sex; you’re making it look like you’re happy just hanging out and talking.
If you’re nervous, you can also suggest grabbing a bottle of wine to take back to your place. Half a glass of wine will make you both relax a bit more. Just get a cheap bottle of red wine – literally the cheapest you can find. I pay $4 AUD (that’s $2.5 USD) for the cheapest bottle of Shiraz because that’s what I like. Get literally any type of wine you like, whatever is cheapest – it’s all just fermented grapes.
If you struggle to invite her back to your apartment after an hour or two, do what I used to do: set an alarm to go off after 1-2hrs. When the alarm goes off, you have to act like a Pavlovian dog & just blurt out, “We should get out of here. Let’s go to my place and we’ll hangout some more.” Don’t think about it, just blurt it out.
Don’t stress too much about being perfect at inviting girls back to your place. Your job isn’t to be smooth; it’s just to invite her to your apartment. It doesn’t really matter if it’s clumsy, or weird, or embarrassing, or you do a horrible job. Just ask. Even if you mumble the words like a clumsy idiot and she says no and you feel like an idiot, CONGRATULATIONS! You have more balls than 99% of guys out there. You’re a fucking legend, regardless of her answer.
If you’re still really struggling to invite girls back to your place after an hour or two, and the alarm trick hasn’t helped, then let’s make it into a fun game: your mission is to invite the next girl back to your place quicker than you did with the previous girl.
So if you took 4 hours to invite the last girl back, with the next girl aim to do it in 3.5 hours. Then the next girl, aim to do it in 3hrs. Keep challenging yourself, aiming to beat your previous record each time.
This is exactly how I got better at inviting girls back; I kept trying to beat my old record. Eventually I got it down to a point where I consistently invited them back after 30 minutes, and these days I do it within 15 minutes (my Tinder template is more sexual/forward than the one we’re using in this guide, though).
Some girls will ask why you want to go back to your place – just be honest with them. “Because I’m into you, and I want to make out with you, silly.” Don’t make up some lame excuse/lie; just keep it real. She’s on your team, remember – you already started out very honest with her (with the template we used in Part 3). You’re a red-blooded male, she’s a cute girl, so of course you want to bang her. Men are supposed to want to fuck women.
Lying about your intentions makes it worse. Girls aren’t stupid – they know when you’re trying to deceive them. They’re just too agreeable/nice to call you out on it, so if you lie to her and pretend you don’t want to nail her, now she’s in a horrible position where she either has to try and keep resisting your advances, or just pray you’re a decent dude who isn’t going to pressure her. But since you’ve literally just lied to her face, she already can’t trust you. Do you really want to bang girls under those circumstances, knowing you pressured her to come to yours, wondering if she actually wants your dick or is just too shy/nervous to say no? Sounds like a surefire way to set yourself up for a bunch of drama.
If instead you’re just 100% honest and tell her, “You’re attractive, of course I want to get busy with you”, you’ve just shown her you respect her enough to not lie to her. Boom, now she trusts you and she won’t play games with you. She knows if she comes back to your apartment you’ll both probably have sex, which means you’ll both be on the same page – there’s no struggle/fighting/manipulating one another.
In my early days I lied to and manipulated a bunch of girls, and always dodged the question of, “Why are we going back to yours?”. The only reason I did that was because I was too scared to be honest. I ended up with much much drama, not to mention I had less lays and a hell of a lot of “last minute resistance”(when you’re about to have sex but she pushes your hand away or says she wants to go slower).
Ever since I started just being honest with girls and empathising with their worries/concerns, I literally do not encounter “last minute resistance” any more. (Note, it helps that I tell them on Tinder/Bumble I want to meet for BDSM sex, so they already know we’re having sex). I can’t even remember the last time a girl pushed my hand away when making out.
If she’s still hesitant about coming back to yours, but it seems like she wants to say yes, it’s because she’s just a bit nervous or scared. So be on her team, empathise with her and just be real. “I get why you’re hesitant – you’re worried we’ll move too fast or something, or that I’ll pressure you. That’s the last thing I want to do – it’s only fun for me if it’s also fun for you. How about we hang out at my place [or her place], and if at any point you feel like things are moving too fast, you just have to tell me and we’ll slow down. Deal?”
I even have fun with this conversation and make things less serious by saying, “How about we even come up with a code word that either of us can say if we want to slow down or take a break? ‘Cucumber’ or ‘Rainbow’ or something.” And then stick out your little pinky finger and tell her you’ll pinky-promise to slow down if she feels like it’s moving too fast.
99% of the time just telling a girl you understand she’s nervous/scared and that you’re on her team is all she needs to hear, in order to be comfortable coming back to yours. I’ve lost count of the number of girls I have this conversation with, and then we end up fucking each other 30 minutes later. You don’t need any stupid manipulation tactics, you don’t need to skirt around the subject and pretend you’re “just hanging out & don’t plan on having sex” or anything like that. Just be honest.
2.10 – If She Says No
If you invite her back to your place and she says no, that’s totally ok. You didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t overthink this – she just didn’t want to bang tonight, but she likely will on the next date. Just politely say, “No worries, that’s cool. I’ve gotta get some errands and stuff done anyway, so I’ll walk you back to the train station/your car/etc. Tonight was a lot of fun.”
I want to make it really clear you’re not rejecting her or punishing her or being butthurt; you need to make it clear to her you want to see her for a second date. If she asks why you’re ending the date, just be honest – “I’d like to go back to mine and chill with you, but if you’re not down for that tonight, that’s completely cool. We can do it another time. It actually works out for me, since I have stuff to do anyway.“
The reason I advise ending the date when she says no is she’s just made it clear she doesn’t want to bang you tonight, and hanging out further usually doesn’t result in her banging you that night – it’s a waste of time. By ending the date, you’re simply being efficient with your time; if you continue to hang out with her for another hour or so, it isn’t going to make her more likely to bang you. You’re really just wasting your own time (and hers).
Not to mention, if you end the date shortly after she says no, you’re making it really clear you’re on the date to have sex. She’ll know what you’re all about, and she won’t get the wrong impression that you want to just spend hours and hours and hours talking and being friends. Making it clear to girls that you want sex results in you getting a lot more sex.
Remember a “no” is a good thing. It means you get to end the date (in a nice, friendly, polite manner where you make it clear you’re not annoyed or anything; you just want to end the date if it’s not going to end in sex that night). The worst thing is when you prolong a date for hours and hours and hours, and still don’t take her back to your place. So by asking within an hour or two if she wants to come to your place, you’re saving yourself hours of tension/nervousness, and you’re saving yourself from being disappointed if you spend an entire night with a girl and don’t get laid.
I’m speaking from experience – in my early days I had so many 5-hour dates where I didn’t invite girls back to my place, because I was too nervous to make the move. That was 5 hours of horrible anxiety, wishing I had the courage to just bloody ask her to come to my place, hating myself for being a pussy, trying desperately to keep the conversation going (it’s fucking hard keeping a conversation going for hours and hours – it will inevitably become stale).
At least her saying no saves you from all that wasted time and heartache.
Her saying no isn’t a bad thing – because when she sees you for a second date, she’s much more likely to sleep with you; she already knows you want her to come back to yours, so if she’s meeting you for a second date, she expects you to invite her back again.
A lot of the time girls have a rule in their head: “I’m not allowed to sleep with guys on the first date.” So even if you have the most amazing first date of all time, and she really likes you and wants to fuck your brains out – she’ll tell herself “I’m not allowed to sleep with him tonight.” No matter what you do, no matter how much you try, sometimes you just can’t bang a girl on the first date if she has this rule in her head.
A lot of girls know they can be emotional and get caught up in excitement and just “go with the flow” – especially when it comes to romance/sex. So they cling firmly to this rule. “Even if I feel myself really wanting to sleep with a guy, I won’t know if I’m being logical or just getting caught up in the excitement of the night. I can’t trust myself to be rational in the heat of the moment. So I should never fuck on the first date; I just need to give myself a chance to make sure I really want to make this decision.”
Often she’ll go home after your first date, think about how nice it was and how much fun she had, and think, “Yeah, next time I see him I’m definitely happy to go back to his place and see what happens.” You’ll meet for the second date, hang out for 30 minutes and invite her back to yours, and this time she’ll give you an excited “Yes!”. You’ll think to yourself, “Oh wow that’s weird – we only hung out for another 30 minutes and all of a sudden she’s comfortable enough to come over to mine? Especially when she was so resistant to the idea last time.” It’s literally just because she gave herself some time away from you to think about it and make sure she was making a “rational” decision – she just needed to give herself permission to bang you on the second date.
All you can really do is look your best, have a decent time on the date and then invite her back to yours – the rest is up to her. She either wants to come to your place, or she doesn’t; if she doesn’t, no hard feelings. You’ll just end the date and try again on the next date. Don’t get annoyed, don’t be disappointed; this is why I’m saying keep all dates to 1-2hrs MAX, so you’re not disappointed that you wasted a night and got really invested in her and started to like her, only for her to say no. You won’t be nearly as disappointed if it was only 1 or 2hrs together, especially when you know you can just try again on the next date with her.
2.11 – Going to Her Place Instead
Having your own place (or a place you share with roommates) will always get you more lays vs living with your parents/family. It’s fucking hard to get laid when you live at home. So I’ll always advise you to move out of home ASAP – make that your number 1 mission.
I understand that not everybody can move out of home immediately right this second – it might take you a few months to find a place, organise your savings, etc. In the meantime, you can bang girls at their place – just bear in mind it’s a hell of a lot harder and you’ll get laid much less overall.
Banging a girl at her place requires you to be even more upfront about things – it’s usually way easier to just outright ask her before you meet up, “Do you have your own place?” Then meet her somewhere near her place. Or you can say on the date, “Hey I’m really having fun with you. My place isn’t free, but wanna go back to yours?” If she asks why, you know what to do – be honest. “Because I want to make out & fool around with you, silly – and that’s pretty hard to do in public.” (Remember, she’s already somewhat on board with the idea of sex with you, because we were upfront with the text message template).
If you’re trying to banging at their place, still aim to bang on the first date. Just bear in mind not every girl will be comfortable with you coming over to their place straight away – some might require 2 dates. Most girls are more comfortable going to a guy’s place, rather than taking him back to hers. So you might find a lot of girls politely turn you down on the first date, but then say yes on the second date.
2.12 – If You’re Nervous…
If you’re still nervous about all of this dating/sex stuff, that’s totally ok. It’s totally normal. I don’t expect you to be full of confidence, or to be Mr Smooth – especially if you’re inexperienced or haven’t dated in a while. I’ll make this clear: you do not need to be confident or smooth to get laid on Tinder. You just have to try to get laid.
And if you fail, you can just try again on the next date. You can try again with the next girl. You have unlimited retries. The beauty of hitting on a tonne of girls is it doesn’t matter how many times you fail; you will eventually succeed if you just never ever give up.
And look, I get it. You feel like there’s a lot on the line. But remember at the end of the day, you’re trying to get laid because it’s fun, and it feels nice putting your banana in her fruit salad. I know when you’re on the date you can sometimes get inside your own head, stressing about what to say, what to do, and how to get her back into your bed. Just relax a little, give yourself permission not to be great at this. Give yourself permission to make plenty of mistakes – lord knows I certainly have my fair share of cringe-worthy fuckups.
As I talked about in my Performance Anxiety article, the best thing you can do if you’re nervous is give yourself permission not to have sex – let yourself off the hook. On top of that, I’ve got 12 other methods for dealing with your nerves. Seriously, go read the article – it’ll make you feel a lot better, I promise.
You should also remember you’re on the same team with girls you date. If you’re nervous, just be honest and tell her you’re nervous. After all, don’t you always feel better when you tell people about your worries/fears? Often just admitting you’re feeling a bit nervous lets you relax and just enjoy the night with her. A problem shared is a problem halved.
Girls aren’t weird aliens you have to hide your vulnerabilities from, or “put on a brave face” for or some nonsense. You don’t have to be “alpha”. Just be real, tell her, “Hey I’ll be honest, I’m actually kinda nervous haha” and you’ll hear exactly this sentence from her: “I’m actually nervous too.” Every single girl you open up to about being nervous will tell you she’s also nervous. If you don’t have a lot of experience, then being nervous on a date is normal – it’d be fucking weird if you weren’t. Just keep pushing, and realise your nerves will go away as you gain more experience.
If you’re a newbie, you really do just have to give yourself permission to suck for a while. I was so incredibly nervous for my first 20 or so dates, but the more girls I met, the less afraid I became. Eventually I became pretty comfortable being out on a date with a girl & having sex, and you’ll get there too. I promise.
One thing you can do is reframe things and instead focus on how excited you are to meet her (after all, you are excited, right?) Shoot her a text the morning of the date, “I’m really looking forward to meeting you.” She’ll respond saying she’s excited to meet you too, which will likely make you feel better.
If you’re still nervous after that, text her with, “Bit nervous about tonight if I’m honest – you’re cute as fuck.” I used to text this to girls when I was really nervous. You’ll find girls are really sweet and will be really reassuring to you. Every single time, I’d get a really nice reply like, “I’m a bit nervous too, it’s ok.” Tell her, “Don’t worry, we’ll be nervous together.” Just knowing you’re not alone, and someone else is going through the same nerves, makes you feel a lot better.
Keep busy in the hours leading up to the date so you’re not sitting around thinking about it too much. And when you’re on the date, remind yourself it’s ok if you’re awkward, nervous, scared or timid. It’s all good.
2.13 – 2nd Dates (If You Didn’t Bang on the First Date)
(If you already banged on the first date, skip this section).
So you didn’t bang on the first date? It’s all good, don’t stress.
If you didn’t invite her back to your place on the first date, then that’s something you absolutely need to change this time. Meet her for another drink/coffee, hangout for just 30-60 minutes this time, then force yourself to invite her back to your place with the same line as above.
“We should get out of here. Let’s go to my place and we’ll hangout some more.”
If you did invite her back to your place on the first date, but she said no – that’s fine too. Just meet for another coffee/drink, hangout for 30-60 minutes, then invite her back to yours again. (Most girls will say yes the second time). But if she says no again, follow the same steps as the first date. Be polite, “All good, I’ll grab an early night then. I’ll walk you back to your car/train station. I had a lot of fun.” Then just see her for a third date.
2.14 – 3rd Dates (If You Didn’t Bang on the First Date)
(If you already banged on the first or second date, skip this section).
For this date, invite her straight over to your apartment (or tell her, “We’ll meet at [public place] and then go back to mine.” It doesn’t matter too much how you phrase it, so just pick any of these:
- “Hey tonight come over to my place and we’ll cook dinner together.”
- Tonight let’s meet at [pick a public place], we’ll go for a walk and grab a bottle of wine, take it back to my place and hangout.”
- “Come round to my place tonight and we’ll play Mario Kart.”
- “Let’s play board games at my place tonight.”
She’ll most likely say yes – though some girls will ask if you can hang out in public for a bit first. That just means they’re a bit nervous, so just hang out with them for 30 minutes or so, then take them back to your apartment.
If she says no again this time, you’re going to have to address the elephant in the room. There’s obviously a reason she doesn’t want to go to your place, so talk to her about it. It’s best to do this before you meet up with her – via text (or a phone call if you prefer). “Look, I’m really attracted to you and it’s not all that much fun pretending I don’t want something I really want. You don’t seem to want to move things forward and come back to my place, are you not feeling the chemistry or something? No hard feelings if so.”
A lot of the time the fact you’ve extended this olive branch to her is enough to get her to open up and tell you what’s going on. If she says she’s just nervous or hesitant, just be understanding – “We’ll hang at mine and go slow, and if at any point you feel it’s moving too fast, just say, “Can we slow down?” and we’ll slow it down. We’ll go at a pace we’re both cool with – it’s only fun if you’re having fun”. 9 times out of 10 this is enough to make her feel better and she’ll end up coming over.
Sometimes she’ll tell you, “I’m just not in a good place to date” or “I’m not sure if I can have sex right now.” Other times she won’t really give you much to work with, eg “I just don’t want to go to your place”. In any of these cases, you didn’t do anything wrong – she just wasn’t all that keen to have sex for whatever reason. Be friendly but firm, something like, “I completely understand. Sex is definitely an important part of a relationship for me, so let’s end things here. It was really nice meeting you.”
Then go talk to more girls and keep pushing yourself to get laid.
Chapter 3 – The Sex
3.1 – Once You’re Back at Your/Her Apartment
At this point you don’t really have to do too much. You already told her via the text message template you wanted to grab a drink and flirt and see what happens; that’s code for, “If we like each other, we’ll bang.” Then she gave you her number, so she’s obviously a little into you. Then she met up with you, and then agreed to come to your apartment. I don’t think she can make it any more clear: she likes you. The two of you are now alone in your apartment, so she’s obviously entertaining the idea of banging you. Whilst sex isn’t 100% guaranteed, let’s say at this point it’s 95% guaranteed.
The last thing you should do is get caught up in long conversations at your place. Okay, if you’re ultra nervous, you can drink a bit of wine/beer for 15 minutes and talk a tiny bit. But she literally agreed to come to your fucking apartment alone with you; she wants to suck on your sausage. Girls do not go to a guy’s apartment alone, unless they are at least considering the idea of having sex with him. Don’t cock-block yourself by talking for another hour and drying her pussy up like the Sahara Desert. She came to your apartment, so she’s waiting for you to suck on her titties and finger her minge.
If you’re confident, grab her and pull her to you as soon as you walk in the door, and kiss her passionately. Girls love being so wanted & desired you can’t keep your hands off her. Or if you’re more nervous, talk for 15 minutes, sitting on your couch or bed, then kiss her.
Yep, that’s all there is to it. Just lean over and kiss her.
It doesn’t have to be smooth, it’s ok if it’s awkward, it’s even ok if you accidentally bump her forehead with your forehead. Tell yourself, “No matter what, I have to kiss her right now.” Force yourself to do it, even if it’s awkward. Don’t wait for the right moment (there is no right moment); just shut up and kiss her right now in this imperfect moment.
If you want a boost, keep repeating to yourself the mantra from before: “I want you, I want you, I want you” while you look at her. Especially when you’re both sitting there alone; just repeating this to yourself is usually more than enough to get you horny enough you’re compelled to grab her and kiss her.
If you’re so damn nervous you’re not even sure if you can make yourself kiss her, just do what my buddy does: Say to her, “Do you want me to kiss you?” He still does this to this very day, and it completely disarms the tension – almost every girl will say yes (the rest will look down shyly, which is a “yes”).
If you’re even too nervous to do that, just be honest with her. She’s on your team, remember – so tell her what’s up. “This is going to sound stupid but I really wanna kiss you, I’m just nervous as hell.” What you’ll find is she’ll usually something really sweet to reassure you, or she’ll say, “I’m nervous too” or even “You can kiss me…”
She already likes you, and girls are pretty fucking nice – she’ll usually do her best to help you. Most of the time just telling a girl you’re nervous makes a lot of the nervousness go away, because you’ve dissipated the tension. Then you’ll find yourself just leaning over and kissing her.
After you’ve made out for a bit, you can have fun picking her up and carrying her into the bedroom. Girls fucking love this; they always giggle and gush over it. Either pick her up in your arms (easiest), or if you’re stronger, throw her over your shoulder (squat down first to make it easier for yourself).
Every now and then, you’ll meet a girl who wants to slow down at this point. Either she’ll outright say, “Can we go slower?” or “Wait…” – sometimes she’ll even push you away. Just be honest and be on her team. “You feel like we’re rushing a bit?”
“I get it. I don’t want to pressure you, but I’m really into you though. How about we keep kissing and see how we both feel, and if at any point you want to slow things down, just say, ‘Can we slow down?’ and we’ll slow down. Deal?”
99.99999999999999% of girls will be cool with this – she’s just nervous/uncertain, and wants to know that you’ll respect her boundaries and be on her team. As long as you’re understanding and empathetic and don’t push her, you’ll end up having sex with almost every single girl who’s nervous like this. A little patience goes a long way.
3.2 – The Foreplay
This foreplay/sex section of the article is going to be pretty long, and I’m going to throw 100 different ideas at you. There’s so many different, fun aspects to parting the pink sea – so many different things you can try, different types of sex you can have, different kinks and fantasies you can explore. Just like sex itself, this section is going to be messy, a little disorganised, and not perfectly-structured. I’ve done that intentionally to mirror what sex is like; for the most part it’s spontaneous, creative, passionate and sometimes crazy. Sex is wild and chaotic, and that’s why it’s so much fun.
If you’re inexperienced, or nervous, there’s only one thing you need to worry about: “My job is just to have fun.” You don’t have to memorise all the ideas/suggestions I’m going to throw at you in this section. Just pick one or two things to try, see if you enjoy them, and see if she enjoys them too. Then the next time you have sex you can come back to this article (also read my sexual bucketlist article) and pick something else to try.
Remember, at this point, she’s now in your bed, and you’ve already kissed/made out, so you don’t really have to do anything special. There’s a 99% chance you’ll be able to plant your parsnip in her garden, so relax and enjoy the foreplay now. Take your time and have fun.
Remember, it’s fine to be nervous. If you’re inexperienced, or haven’t had sex in a while, it would be weird as hell if you weren’t nervous. Like everything else in life, you get better by practicing. You aren’t going to be a sex god right off the bat, so if you’re inexperienced, it’ll take you a few goes and a few girls before you start to feel like you know what you’re doing. Despite what you might think, girls don’t expect you to be a sex god. You don’t have to be a super stud in the bedroom, you don’t have to be alpha – you’ll get more confident with practice anyway.
“Foreplay” really should be called “teasing” – because that’s what it is. You’re just teasing her, delaying the sex, making her wait for it – and even better, making her beg for it. Foreplay/teasing is delayed gratification, so that when you finally do bang, it’ll be 100 times more intense.
Good foreplay isn’t necessarily about knowing exactly what to do. Nobody is an expert at the start. Good foreplay is about taking your time, going slow, and just trying a bunch of random things to see what she responds to. Good foreplay is a process of experimentation. It’s a process of feeling each other out and trying things; a chance to explore and have some fun.
If you have very little experience with foreplay, start by picking one part of her body and hone in on it, trying everything you can to make just that one part of her body feel good. Pick just ONE bodypart from the list below and try whatever random stuff pops into your head.
- Gently lick her neck from the very bottom all the way up to her chin, going as slow as you can.
- Bite her neck; softly at first, then more firmly.
- Suck on her neck until she gasps in pleasure.
- Use your hands to grip her neck; gently at first, then try lightly choking her. If she’s into that, squeeze harder. (Squeeze the sides of her neck, not the front – the front chokes her & feels bad. The sides of her neck feel pleasurable.)
- Use your fingertips to gently tease her, running them softly up and down her neck, giving her goosebumps.
- Suck on them very gently, very softly.
- Bite them (gently).
- Kiss them, letting your lips linger on them, watching how she responds.
- Get some ice cubes from the freezer, and gently press them against her nipples, moving them around in circles.
- Tell her how sexy her nipples loo, how much you love her tits (girls love compliments, especially during sex – it makes them feel sexy).
- Flick her nipples with your fingers.
- Run your fingers around them in circles, nice and slow.
- Lick/suck them so they’re wet, then gently blow on them (girls go crazy over this).
- Slide a finger inside her pussy so it’s wet with her pussy juice, then rub those juices all over her nipple. Look her in the eyes as you lean down and suck her nipple clean (most girls go wild for this).
- Pinch her nipples.
- Twist her nipples.
- Spend ages playing with her tits, but don’t touch her nipples at all – get really close to them but never touch them. Tell her, “You want me to touch your nipples so badly, don’t you. Beg me.”
- Gently caress her ass, softly and lovingly.
- Tell her she has a fucking sexy ass.
- Then spank it hard, unexpectedly. Then go back to caressing it gently. Do that for another 15 seconds then slap it again. Keep alternating.
- Squeeze it hard (butts can take a fair bit of punishment).
- Kiss and bite her ass.
- Spread her ass cheeks apart, exposing her wet pussy. Tell her what a dirty girl she is for being so horny already.
- Give her a butt massage.
- Get a belt out of your wardrobe and whip her butt with it – gently at first, then getting progressively harder and rougher. (Stop if she says stop – most girls love it really hard though).
- Gently massage her ears with your fingertips.
- Suck and bite her earlobe gently, making her moan.
- Whisper dirty things in her ear:
- “I’m going to spend hours teasing you, and maybe I won’t ever let you have my cock…”
- “You want me to fuck you right now, don’t you. You’ll have to wait, little girl.”
- “You look so, so sexy right now.”
- “I want you.”
- “Tell me how badly you need to be fucked.”
- “You’d give anything to be my little whore, wouldn’t you. Ask nicely.”
- “Are you going to be good for me and do everything you’re told?”
- While rubbing her pussy, whisper in her ear: “Tell me what you want, what you need.”
- Gently rub her clit with one finger, teasing her, rubbing in circles. Go very very slowly.
- Tell her how sexy her clit looks (girls crave compliments, remember).
- Rub up and down.
- Rub side to side.
- Smack/spank her clit (do it gently – it’ll be very sensitive and feel very good). As you do it, whisper in her ear, “This pussy belongs to me.”
- If you own a vibrator (this one is my favourite), hold it on her clit until she’s just about to orgasm, then pull it away at the last second. Whisper in her ear, “Oh, I’m sorry, did you want more?” Keep bringing her to the edge of orgasm and stopping right at the last second. Don’t let her cum.
- Lick her clit.
- Suck her clit.
- Bite her clit (gently).
- Rub her clit as fast as you can for 10 seconds, then go as slow as you can for 10 seconds, then fast again for another 10 seconds. Keep repeating this (she’ll go fucking batshit, she’ll love it). While you’re doing it, tell her, “I might just keep teasing you like this for hours… Do you think you could handle that, or would you lose your mind?”
- Rub her until she says she’s about to orgasm, then STOP – don’t let her cum (this is known as “edging”). Repeat a few more times. Whisper in your ear, “You need to cum so fucking badly, don’t you. Fucking beg me for it. Tell me how badly you need this. I want to hear you scream.” It’s up to you whether you eventually let her cum or not (sometimes I send them home all horny and desperate – they’ll likely send you some very dirty texts as soon as they get home.
- Slide a finger inside her pussy but only a little (about 1inch deep). Hold it there. Ask her if she wants more… when she says yes, tell her she needs to earn it.
- Tell her how much you love her pussy; tell her how good it looks.
- Lick her pussy, teasing around the entrance to her hole, making her moan.
- Slide two fingers deep into her pussy, with your palm facing upwards. Feel around for a spot that feels a bit spongey/bumpy – that’s her g-spot. Rub it and see how she responds (some girls can orgasm from this, others can squirt if you rub this spot vigorously enough.) Make sure you’ve trimmed your fingernails first, so you don’t scratch her.
- Finger her pussy hard, while you reach up with your other hand and wrap it around her neck, gently squeezing.
- Slide a finger all the way inside her, so it’s completely coated in her pussy juice. Then rub that pussy juice on her nipple, then lick it off. She’ll go crazy watching you do this. Get some more pussy juice, then this time rub it on her neck and lick it off – this will make her even hornier. Slide your finger inside her again, and this time rub the pussy juice all over her lips, then kiss her with it. Slide a finger inside one last time, and this time bring it to her lips, telling her to suck it clean. Most girls will look straight at you, a look of complete lust in their eyes as they greedily suck your finger clean, desperate to please you.
This is exactly how I got good at sex – just focusing on one bodypart at a time and trying the most random shit I could think of for hours, until I got good at it. The best part is she’ll be so distracted by her own pleasure and how good you’re making that one bodypart feel, she won’t even notice that you’re just making it up as you go along. In fact, afterwards she will tell you, “That was soooo good!” simply because you were the first guy to spend more than 5 minutes focusing on her and her body.
Another thing you can do is ask her what she likes, and talk to her as you’re playing with her. Every thing you try, ask her, “Does this feel good?” “How does that feel?” “Harder or slower?” Tell her what you like too, and help her make you feel good. Remember, you’re on the same team – so explore this stuff together. You’re not doing sexual things to her, you’re doing sexual things with her.
In the future I’ll go more into how to get better at foreplay and sex, as well as an in-depth 6-part series on BDSM.
3.3 – The Sex
The sex part follows naturally from foreplay (duh), and really, the sex is just a nice little payoff after plenty of foreplay. Sex is best when it’s 95% foreplay, 5% sex – tease her (and yourself) for as long as you possibly can, then bang the shit out of her and bust a nut all over her. That’s really all there is to it.
If you’re super nervous about sex, read my performance anxiety article. And if you get erectile dysfunction, definitely read it. I go very in-depth; I absolutely promise it’s something anyone can overcome.
Being great at sex definitely helps with retention (amazing sex makes girls far more likely to see you again), but I don’t want you getting in your own head and beating yourself up if you’re inexperienced. I certainly had no fucking clue what I was doing for the first few years of my getting laid journey. Porking is meant to be fun, so relax, enjoy it, experiment and try a few different things. You’ll naturally improve over time, with practice.
You don’t need any techniques to have good sex – it’s not about memorising a bunch of “tricks” to “blow her mind”. A big part of good sex is just letting go, giving in, being in the moment – being passionate. Giving in to the pleasure and just letting it all happen. If you spent a tonne of time focusing on foreplay as I advised above, then the sex part is just you channeling all your horniness into fucking the hell out of her. Just build up the energy with the foreplay and release it with the sex.
In fact, I’m not even going to give you sex techniques, or tell you what positions to fuck her in, or tell you how to make her squirt, or any of that. I’ll write an upcoming series in future that covers actual sex techniques, but for now: if you’re a newbie, just experiment, fool around, entertain yourself. Sex, just like foreplay, is all about trying a bunch of random things (whatever pops into your head) and seeing what you & she she enjoy.
A big part of good sex is just wanting her. Keep repeating that mantra in your head, “I want you, I want you, I want you” and your horniness will naturally take over. If you’ve really taken your time with the foreplay, this will be really easy. You’ll find yourself wanting her so badly you can’t keep your hands off her. A huge part of good sex is just wanting each other and being overcome by lust, like fucking animals. You don’t have to do anything special if you both just grab each other and fuck with reckless abandon; I have my best sex when I let myself get so horny I have to just grab her and fuck her in missionary position really hard and passionately.
Guys tend to have pretty screwed up ideas around what constitutes good sex. For instance, guys think lasting a long time is the most important thing – “I’m not a real man because I could only last 3 minutes!” It’s nonsense; it absolutely doesn’t matter how long you last when you put your dick inside her pussy; as long as you had plenty of foreplay beforehand. Good sex is you wanting her, and spending ages teasing her, building it up until you both explode. You don’t even have to be good at foreplay; you just have to try a few things with her, experiment with her, ask what she likes, tell her the things you like, and figure it out together. Good sex will naturally follow.
If you’re still stressing yourself about cumming too quickly, it’s an easy fix; just focus on having plenty of foreplay before you bang (which you should have done anyway). Tease her, touch her all over, drive her wild. Get yourself and herself both so horny you just have to have each other. Then if you only last 30 seconds, you can say, “Holy shit, you turned me on so much I literally couldn’t hold off. You’re so fucking sexy.” This will be the biggest compliment she’ll ever get – she’ll feel proud of herself for being such a god-damn turnon to you.
You can also do what I do when I think I’ll cum quicker than I want to: take a break every time you’re about to cum. Fuck her passionately, then when you feel you’re getting close, pull your cock out and do something different – rub her pussy, eat her out, play with her tits. Do that for 30-60 seconds, then start fucking her again. She’ll absolutely love it – it’ll be a rollercoaster ride for her.
You can also cover her in baby oil/massage oil and take your time massaging her body all over (especially her tits and pussy). Do that for a bit, then fuck her until you feel like you might cum, then pull out and go back to massaging, then back to fucking. The oil also makes girls look incredibly sexy when they’re all slick & shiny, and it makes them very feel sexy too.
Then whenever you do cum, she’ll be very happy about it – because you’ve been teasing her with the foreplay for so long. After lots of foreplay, you cumming quickly is a good thing. Girls get really fucking turned on by you cumming quickly if you’re not ashamed of it. Tell her, “Holy shit, you’re gonna make me cum already, you’re so fucking sexy I can’t help myself.” Watch her eyes light up with lust as she realises how much she’s turning you on. Nothing makes a girl happier than knowing you find her so irresistible you literally can’t hold off.
Lasting a long time isn’t sexy. Passion & teasing are sexy.
Don’t aim to be good at sex. Aim to be good at foreplay/teasing.
You can also throw a little dirty talk in there too if you like – girls go wild when you fuck their minds, as well as their bodies. The easiest way to talk dirty is to just give her compliments, and say whatever is in your head. Don’t think too hard about it, just blurt out whatever comes into your head when you look at her body.
- “I want you”
- “Holy shit you’re so hot.”
- “You’re making me so fucking horny right now.”
- “Your pussy feels so fucking good around my dick.”
- “I can’t control myself around you.” (One of a girl’s biggest fantasies if you losing control because you desire her so much you lose yourself).
- “You’re making me feel so good”.
- “I love your tits, they’re so sexy.”
- “You have the hottest ass.”
- “You’re doing such a good job for me.”
- When you’re teasing her and caressing her body, whisper in her ear, “You like me teasing you, don’t you? I can see you getting all turned on, you look so good when you’re horny like this.”
A lot of dirty talking really is just encouraging her, complimenting her and telling her what she’s doing right. The more you do these things, as well as tell her how sexy she looks, the more she’ll open up to you and be more sexual, and eventually really depraved (in a really good way – she’ll want to explore everything with you). Be generous with your compliments, especially during sex.
Most guys are nervous, quiet & don’t say much during sex. You giving her a lot of compliments will make the sex amazing to her – you’ll stand out from the crowd without having to try.
And if you’re nervous yourself, I’m going to let you in on a little secret: every girl you have sex with is also going to be nervous. Girls are deeply nervous about sex, they’re super insecure about their bodies (especially since you’ll be focusing on her body more than your own body). She worries you’ll think she’s fat, or not pretty enough, or her tits are too small, or her pussy is ugly, or you’ll think she’s not experienced enough for you (yes, girls are deeply insecure about being inexperienced, especially if she thinks you have had a lot of sex). Girls have a lot going on in their heads when you’re fooling around or having sex.
I promise you, girls aren’t thinking, “This guy isn’t the sex god I was expecting. He sucks in bed.” She’s too busy worrying about her body, hoping you like her, hoping she’s doing a good job for you. Women want to please men (especially in the bedroom) – she’s more focused on trying to be good for you.
Focus more on how she can be a good girl for you, rather than you trying to please her. Sure, go down on her, finger her, tease her and make her feel good – it’s fun seeing a girl in pleasure. But what I mean is you shouldn’t be desperately trying to please her or make her have a good time; that’s the opposite of fun sex. She should be hoping you have a good time. Hence why I say, focus on making sure you have a good time on dates/during sex; put yourself first, and you’ll find that makes girls a lot happier. Girls are happy when they can see you’re happy.
One expectation guys have of themselves is they think they have to make girls orgasm, and if they don’t, they’re a giant failure. I’ve even had some guys tell me it only counts if they make her cum with their dick; fingers/toys/vibrators/tongue are all “cheating”. As silly as that might sound, I used to have the same mindset, so I get it. You want to feel like a “real man” who made the girl cum with his big hard throbbing man-dick.
That sounds amazing in theory, but in the real world, when you have sex with 100+ girls you’ll quickly realise most of them don’t orgasm that easily the first few times you have sex… especially not from penis-in-vagina only. The vast majority of girls require clitoral stimulation, or a vibrator, or something else to help get her over the edge while you’re fucking her. At that point you realise her orgasm is not mandatory for her to enjoy sex with you. You realise she certainly doesn’t think you’re less of a man if she doesn’t orgasm; 99% of the time she literally doesn’t care.
I’ll make this absolutely clear, in big bold letters:
GIRLS DON’T TEND TO CARE IF YOU DON’T MAKE THEM CUM.
Again: YOU DO NOT NEED TO MAKE GIRLS CUM.
I almost NEVER make a girl cum the first couple of times I have sex with her. Probably only 1 in every 10 girls have an orgasm with me the first few times we have sex. It’s not something I even think about – I’m more focused on making sure I have fun, which always makes girls more happy anyway. If she happens to have an orgasm, that’s really awesome – but I don’t try and make it happen. No girl has ever expressed disappointment that I didn’t make her cum.
After I’ve seen a girl a couple of times, then I’ll usually try and make her cum. I ask her if she usually orgasms quickly or takes a while. A lot of girls tell me they’ve never been able to cum in front of someone else… So why on Earth do guys put pressure on themselves to make girls cum, when some girls just cannot cum that easily?
If she wants to try having an orgasm with me, I’ll use my fingers, or tongue, or my vibrators to give her one. Sometimes even with the strongest vibrators (this is the best one I own), some girls just can’t “let go” and orgasm. So again, you can’t put pressure on yourself to make a girl orgasm, especially before she’s really relaxed and comfortable with you. Female orgasms often require her to be really comfortable with you in order for her to “let go” and actually orgasm; a lot of girls have a fear/hesitation when it comes to orgasming in front of other people. For some girls, it’s something they can only do in their own private room, alone at night with nobody else around.
So don’t stress too much if she doesn’t cum easily with you – you guys will have plenty of time to work on it in the future. It’s not your job to make her cum the first few times – your job is just to have fun, explore, see what you like.
The first time you have sex with a girl usually isn’t the best sex you’ll ever have with her. The first time is usually a chance to have a bit of fun, fool around, explore each other’s bodies and figure out what you both like and don’t like. Girls do not expect you to be a sex god the first time – because they sure as hell won’t be perfect themselves the first time either. Most girls are very shy, very nervous, don’t know you well enough to have fully opened up to you yet, etc. Therefore the sex, by definition, won’t be as great as it’ll be after you’ve banged a few times and are more comfortable with each other.
So in short, good sex is all about building up the foreplay and then unleashing that in the form of just letting go and fucking the shit out of each other. In future, I’ll be writing a bunch of guides about how to explore other aspects of sex, including foreplay, toys, BDSM, rough sex, fetishes and fantasies, and much more.
But for now, all you need to do is have fun and experiment – explore each other’s bodies and figure out what you both enjoy. Start with my sexual bucketlist article, take note of all the things on there you’d like to try yourself, and start trying them with each girl you bang.
3.4 – If She’s on her Period
If you personally don’t want to bang a girl on her period, that’s cool – you don’t have to. You can still do a hell of a lot of other things – makeout, play with her tits, tease her for ages, get her to give you a handjob/blowjob, cum on her tits/face, etc. There’s a hell of a lot you can do that doesn’t involve her pussy.
If you do still want to give her a good rooting: Tell her you aren’t judgemental & aren’t bothered about a bit of blood. Tell her you’ll grab a towel & have sex with the lights off, or have sex in the shower. Some girls will say, “Are you sure?” She’s just worried you will think she’s gross/dirty, so just make her feel better: “I promise I won’t think you’re gross, I really don’t care about a bit of blood.” Just showing you’re not that bothered by it is usually enough to make her feel better.
A few girls still won’t be ok with having sexual congress on their period, so just tell her that’s cool, and do everything except sex (blowjob, play with her tits, make out for a while, etc). You can just bang her the next time you see each other on the next date.
You can also fuck her in the ass if you know what you’re doing. But if you’ve never done anal before, don’t just jump into it – you can hurt her. Read my in-depth guide: How to Have Anal Sex.
3.5 – Taking Nude Pics
Taking nude pics with girls is something I’ve been into for a while now; it’s fun for me, fun for the girls; everybody wins (especially my dick). I take nude pics with probably half the girls I sleep with, as long as they’re cool with it and fine with other people seeing those photos (most of the time with the caveat of blacking out their faces).
If you know me, you’ll know I’m one to carefully consider how I phrase what I say & choose my words carefully. Notice I say, “take nude photos with girls”, not “take nude photos of girls” – and the distinction is important. Taking nude pics is something you do with the girls you sleep with; something fun you share together. We’re not taking photos as some sort of conquest thing, but as a way to remember the cool girls we meet along our self-improvement journey, and as a reminder of the memories we’ve made.
When taking nudes, don’t just snap a photo – get her to actually pose for you. Have fun with it, get her to show off her body for you, tell her you want her to try and look as sexy as she can for you. Then show the photo to her and make her feel really good about herself by telling her how sexy she looks. The goal is to make her feel good about posing in photos for you; the better she feels, the more she’ll want to take lots more photos with you in future. You can just say, “Holy shit, you are so sexy, I just have to take a picture of you – lemme go get my phone.”
Girls tend to be incredibly self-conscious about how they look and about their bodies – even hot girls (hot girls tend to be the most insecure, because they worry all they have is their looks and that any little blemish will invalidate them). So make her feel good about her body when you take pics; the sexier she feels, the more unchained & passionate she’ll be during sex.
I also do some more professional-looking photos of girls using my DSLR (this is the one I own) – usually BDSM photos with ropes, toys, fancy lighting, etc. I’ve sprinkled plenty of them throughout this series, and there’s plenty more scattered through all the articles on my site.
I’ve got a full-on guide to taking nude photos of girls here – go read it. In short:
- Ask her if you can take a photo with her; don’t take a sneaky photo when she isn’t looking. Just say it casually, eg, “You look so fucking hot, I have to take a photo. You can cover your face.” Most girls are fine with it if you don’t include her face in the pic. If she says no, be cool with it – don’t push her.
- Show her the photo and tell her how fucking sexy she looks. If she doesn’t think she looks good, take another photo. Try different angles, try different positions – experiment with it. This is supposed to be fun, so play around a bit. Often the act of being in a “photoshoot” is a huge turn-on for girls (even if you’re just using your phone), so it’s fun to take some photos, she’ll get really horny, then you start banging like rabbits again.
- Black out her face/remove any identifying information from the pic (blur any tattoos, jewellery, birthmarks, her face, etc)
- If a girl ever asks you to delete any pics you have of her (eg if you stop seeing each other), obviously do so. Delete any backed-up copies from Google Drive/iCloud too.
- Before you show anyone else (or post it online like I have), ask if she’s cool with you showing the photo to other people/your mates.
3.6 – After Sex
After you’re done sexing each other, you can cuddle and chill for a bit – enjoy the post-sex afterglow. Get her some water and just hang out for a bit (doesn’t have to be ages – even just 15 minutes). It’s one of the best parts of sex; that time after blowing your load when you’re both relaxed and carefree, catching your breath and feeling nice from all that oxytocin. Enjoy it.
It’s also the best moment to ask her any questions you might have, because most girls (most people) have their guard down immediately after sex. She knows you won’t judge anything she says (you literally just had your penis inside her, so she knows you accept her to some degree).
I’ve always used the post-sex afterglow for “information gathering” – I love knowing about women, about sexuality, about psychology, about the way humans work. I’ve always used this time to ask girls questions about their dating life, about what it’s like to be a woman, if she enjoyed the sex, if there’s anything she wants to try differently next time, etc. Anything you want to know about women, you have a chance to hear it directly from the horse’s mouth, at a time when she’s most likely to be completely real with you. (Just bear in mind not everyone is super self-aware and intelligent, so you won’t always get amazing, insightful answers; but most of the time you’ll at least learn something).
This is also a great time to ask about sexual fantasies and things she’s always wanted to try – you’ll get the most honest answers if you ask immediately after sex when you’re cuddling and relaxing. Ask her what her biggest turnon is, ask her what she’s always wanted to try. If you want the really kinky stuff, you’ll have to specifically ask for that, and make it really clear you want to hear the dirtiest she has to offer:
“Tell me your wildest, most depraved fantasy you’ve ever had. Nothing you say will shock me – the filthier, the better. Don’t hold back.”
Just make sure if you ask her like this, be ready for some pretty filthy, wild shit. Do your best to be non-judgemental, and if it’s something you’re not into, just politely say, “That’s not really something I want to try myself, but I can see why it’s a turnon for you.” Most of the time she’ll tell you fantasies that makes you think, “Holy shit, that’s really hot – we have to try that.” Awesome.
You can open up to her about some of your fantasies you’ve been looking to tick off your bucketlist. She’ll also be more accepting and less-judgemental; god bless all those oxytocin hormones.
When you’re done hanging out, if you don’t want her to stay over (more on that below), walk her downstairs or to her train/Uber/car/etc. It’s such a small, easy, basic gesture – but it’d blow your mind how many guys just kick girls out of their apartment, especially on dating apps. Walking them back to the train station/their car/etc goes a long way to helping retain girls. I’ve had multiple girls specifically tell me, “It really meant a lot to me that you walked me back to the train station – very few guys do that on Tinder.”
Later that night or the next morning, send her a, “I had fun” text. Send it even if you don’t plan on seeing her again. (If you don’t plan on seeing her again and she later hits you up wanting to hangout, just follow what I say in my How to End Things with Girls article).
We want girls to feel good about having met us; this text ensures that. Our goal is to get laid a tonne whilst adding to the world & being good to people.
3.7 – Staying Over
Whether or not the girl stays the night is entirely up to you. If you want her to sleep over, then go for it. If you don’t, then don’t.
Again, remember you’re on the same team, so just be honest with her. If you don’t like girls sleeping over because you prefer your own space or just feel a bit “weird” about someone you don’t that well being in your bed, just be real with her. “Hey I’ll walk you back home/to the train station soon. I’d offer to let you sleep over but I prefer my own space.” You’ll find girls are totally fine with not staying over, especially if you’re nice about it.
I pretty much never let girls sleep over; the only exception being my girlfriend (and even that’s only a couple nights a week). I – and a lot of guys I talk to – don’t get a good night’s sleep if a girl stays the night. Your sleep is paramount; don’t sabotage it. Don’t feel obligated to let people sleep over if you don’t want them to; it’s your bed. I’ve had some girls ask, and I always politely tell them no. It’s basically never been an issue.
3.8 – Banging Again
I usually end up banging girls a few days after the first time we have sex, depending on when my schedule allows. I wouldn’t recommend waiting too long – if you wait 2 or 3 weeks, she’s going to assume you’re not that into her, and it makes it harder to ever meet her again (because who wants to meet someone who doesn’t seem all that into them?)
I also advise still keeping your texting to logistics only, until you’ve banged twice. Just text her again a couple days after you bang and invite her to meet up again. Eg “Hey sexy, free Friday night at 6pm?” Since you already banged once, you don’t need to worry about going on a date (you can do that after you do the tube-snake boogie with her). Either just meet her in public somewhere near your house and walk back to your place together, or invite her straight over to your apartment.
If you want to do date stuff, do that after sex. Bang each other, then you can go for a walk, go grab icecream/coffee and hangout, etc. But always prioritise sex first. You’re a testosterone-filled man, you want sex first and foremost; make that clear to her so she knows what you’re all about.
After you’ve banged twice, you can message more if you want to. After 2 rounds of sexy sex, most girls will usually keep seeing you – if they liked you enough to bang twice, they’re pretty into you and will usually stick around. At this point I usually message a girl as much as I feel like. But again, you don’t have to text a lot if you don’t want to – if you want to keep texts strictly to organising the next hangout, then do that.
After you’ve banged a girl a couple of times, you can start opening up about some of your kinkier fetishes/fantasies that you want to try with her. Feel free to talk dirty if you want to, especially in the lead up to sex – it can be fun to get each other all horny before the next time you bang. It’s also fun to ask her what her fantasies are – you’ll get some wild and fun answers, as I show here.
Chapter 4 – Different Gameplans (For Intermediate / Experienced Guys)
This section of the guide is for intermediate/experienced guys – guys who’ve already had let’s say 10-15 lays from online dating. At that point you’re starting to figure out what you’re doing, and getting laid doesn’t just feel like random blind luck. You can start playing around with the variables, experimenting and trying different things. You can mess around and really have some fun with getting laid/dating.
If you’re a newbie with less than 10-15 lays from online dating, you could play around with some of the stuff I’m going to mention below if you want to… but I’d really recommend you stick to the gameplan I gave you above, until you’ve had a few lays. I’ve seen too many newbies constantly changing things up, trying a bunch of new things, and never making any progress because they’re not sticking to any one thing long enough to actually get good at it. Practice makes perfect, and it’s hard to practice if you’re constantly introducing new variables into the mix.
So if you’re new, get good at the basic gameplan first, and then you can think about tweaking things. Don’t run before you’ve learned to walk.
Actually, if you’re a newbie, you can safely skip this entire section of the guide – none of this is stuff you really need to worry about until you’ve gotten a few lays under your belt. All of these different options/ideas I’m about to cover are likely just going to confuse you and make you second-guess what you’re supposed to be doing on the date. Stick to the gameplan I gave you above; don’t change anything. Just stick to a single gameplan, repeat it multiple times with multiple girls until you get good at it, and then you can come back to this section and try new things.
Once you’ve had a few lays, experiment with everything and see what you like best. You might enjoy a completely different style of dates to me; the sex you enjoy will likely be entirely different to how I like to bang. The only way to know what you like is to play around with the variables, try a bunch of things, and see what suits you best.
I’ll be straight up with you: I’ve never claimed the advice I give and the way I personally do things is the absolute “correct” way to operate. Read this. My mission with this website is to tell you what’s worked for me and my coaching clients/friends; it’s up to you to take my advice, see which bits work for you, and tweak the bits that don’t. This is all just a big experiment. (Again, if you’re a total newbie, don’t experiment just yet – stick to the gameplan above).
4.1 – What my Tinder Messages Look Like
When I first started out, I was using the exact messaging template I gave you in Part 3. As I got a lot of lays and became more confident, I started being more sexual and upfront about exactly what I wanted, in order to save myself time. These days I outright tell girls I’m looking for BDSM/kinky sex, so they’re under no illusions as to what I’m after. It means I don’t even have to have dates if I don’t want to – just meet girls in public, walk them back to my apartment and plow through her bean field.
At this point in my life, my sexual needs are well-and-truly satisfied. I have a girlfriend who loves me, I’ve had 140+ lays, my girlfriend and I have 3somes with new girls whenever we have the time. I focus more on my other goals (this website/my coaching). So with sex I care about efficiency, and to some degree, fussiness.
These days I pretty much only bang girls who take almost no effort, and who are bisexual/bicurious and open to 3somes with my girlfriend. So I screen very hard for sexually-openminded girls, and instantly unmatch any girls who hint that’ll require extra work to bang.
Here’s some examples of conversations I’ve had recently on dating apps:
And the text conversations:
I go into tonnes more detail about my current process for getting laid in My Current BDSM Tinder Profile, including the photos I’m using, my bio, etc.
Feel free to copy my exact method if you want. Bear in mind you’ll get many more rejections, but the girls that do say yes to you, will make it very easy to do two-person push-ups with them. In the long-run, you’ll get laid much more vs if you play it safe.
4.2 – What My Dates Look Like
Remember every girl I meet up with these days already knows we’ll be having sex if she meets me, since I’ve made that explicit with the BDSM line shown above. So I don’t really even have to have a date if I don’t want to (though usually I’ll have a 15 minute date so I can make sure she’s not crazy). I get to relax & just enjoy myself, knowing I’ll be getting guaranteed sex. (It really is guaranteed – in the last 2 years, I think I’ve only had three girls meet me but not have sex with me when using my BDSM line).
And that efficiency is also my goal with the Tinder template I’ve given you in Part 3. I’m aiming to get you laid efficiently, but also maximising your chances of having sex. The line, “Let’s grab a drink, have a flirt and see what happens” makes it pretty clear that if you both click when you meet in person, there’s an good chance sex might happen. It means you’re screening for girls who are down-to-fuck early on, rather than leaving it right up until the moment you actually try to make a move. By screening earlier, you’ll save yourself a lot of time (and frustration), and will get laid a lot more in the long-run.
If you’re feeling bold, you’re welcome to try my BDSM line (even if you have no BDSM experience). When I first started out I had zero BDSM experience, no toys, I hadn’t even really been all that rough with sex. I still used my BDSM line, and just got better at it with practice. I’ll be writing a full 6-part BDSM series in the future that’ll teach you how to get started.
As for the date itself, it’s usually just 15-30 minutes (ocassionaly I’ll just walk a girl straight to my apartment without any sort of date). I like to vary it up – sometimes I’ll just grab a coffee and hangout at a nice, chilled pace, talking about family, career, etc. On those dates I’ll take my time and invite her back to my place after 30 minutes or sometimes even an hour.
Other times I’ll meet a girl in public, take her by the hand and walk her straight back to my apartment for BDSM sex. Sometimes I’ll touch her in public a bit and talk about sex to make her horny; other times I won’t bother making any sort of move until we’re alone in my apartment. I do whatever I want on the date, because at this point all I really care about is entertaining myself (and most girls will come along for the ride).
When you’ve had enough experience & practice, you realise pretty much every “strategy” works, and you don’t stress so much about what you should do, or what you should say – because none of it matters that much. Once again the thing that matters more than anything else is playing the numbers game and hitting on hundreds of girls.
4.3 – The Type of Sex I Have (BDSM)
On my dates I usually do whatever I want, and that carries through to the bedroom as well. Sometimes we’ll hangout on my couch and talk for a while, especially if I find her interesting or we’re deep in the middle of an interesting conversation. (I’m not always in a rush to bang these days; I’m usually more laid-back and relaxed, because I’ve already had my fill of sex).
During those more-relaxed dates, I like to have fun teasing girls. While we’re just having a normal conversation on my couch, I’ll start playing with her tits over her clothes, or rubbing her pussy through her shorts, making her moan. I’ll carry on the conversation, even as she closes her eyes and moans, and then I’ll tease her by saying, “What’s going on? I’m trying to have a conversation here but for some weird reason you just seem to be unable to talk properly? Is something distracting you?” She’ll moan and be unable to really talk, my fingers on her pussy distracting her too much, leaving her only able to let out a weak, “You’re touching my pussy…”
I’ll keep teasing her and mocking her (in a friendly way), “I’m barely touching you at all though, and you seem so horny and desperate already? I’m just trying to talk to you but you girls are all the same, you have a one-track-mind and can’t think about anything other than sex.” I always say this with a big smile on my face.
She’ll get more and more turned on, less and less able to talk, until finally I’ll say, “Do you want me to stop talking and just fuck you?” All girls say yes & even beg at this point, but I’ll give them a cheeky smile and whisper in their ear, “No. I’m going to keep teasing you for a while. This is too much fun.” I love that shit, and they love it too.
In case it’s not clear, I am a bit of a horny mo’fucka. I like rough sex, gentle sex, kinky sex, vanilla sex, toys, massage oil, fetishes and fantasies, roleplays and “scenes” (where you act out a particular sex act or roleplay you’ve discussed with a girl beforehand). I love me dominating the girl, as well as getting her to take the lead (you’ll still have to direct her & teach her how to take the lead – it doesn’t come naturally to 99% of girls). I’ve had sex in public, sex in my apartment, sex on the balcony and sex on the kitchen bench. Read my Sexual Bucketlist article – I’m into basically every single thing on that list (and a whole lot more).
I’m also a big fan of toys, blindfolds, restraints and vibrators (especially this massive vibrator) – I really like to mix it up. There’s nothing more fun (for you, and the girl) than blindfolding her and spending ages teasing her, touching her all over, whispering dirty stuff in her ear as you play with her body. Girls love not knowing what’s about to happen, and a blindfold is a shortcut to that. If you don’t have a blindfold, just grab a suit tie, or a tea towel – anything that’ll cover her eyes.
I love psychological play; messing with a girl’s mind during sex and making her beg and plead for what she wants, until she’s reduced to a quivering mess of horniness. Telling her how you’re going to use her, dominate her, “make you mine” – girls love having their mind fucked more than their pussy. I love edging them too – using my big vibrator to bring them right to the edge of orgasm, then stopping at the last possible second, making them beg for more. Then repeating that over and over and over again… sometimes eventually letting them cum, sometimes not.
I love animalistic, wild, crazy sex where you just let go and give into your instincts, letting yourself lose control and just fucking the shit out of her with reckless abandon.
But what I enjoy the most is taking the lead, physically dominating the girl (pinning her down, or using ropes/handcuffs). I also like to take my time and spend a lot of time teasing her during the foreplay, whispering dirty stuff in her ear every step of the way, before finally getting so turned on I can’t help myself from just pounding the shit out of her. It’s kinda like all the foreplay isn’t just to tease her, it’s also me teasing myself and building up the anticipation.
I love girls calling me Sir, or Master, or Daddy. I even make Google call me Daddy:
I like it rough, but I’m usually pretty nice about it. I have rough sex but it’s more like very passionate sex – I’m rough and I inflict pain, but I’m never trying to deeply hurt any girls (especially not emotionally). The pain is temporary, and part of the fun.
I also tend to mentor girls a bit in the bedroom and help teach them about their bodies. I help show them what feels good, I teach them different techniques, I show them how to squirt and how to edge. I get them to open up to me about their sexual bucketlists, and I have fun exploring their list with them.
Other times I cover them completely in baby oil and have fun playing with their tits/pussy while they’re all oily. Wetting the willy is even more fun when you’re both all oily and messy, sliding against one another, bodies intertwined.
After sex, I hang with them for a little bit, then walk them back to the train station or wait with them while their Uber comes. I always send a “I had fun” message after they leave, even if I don’t plan on seeing her again – I want girls to feel good after seeing me.
If you’re reading all this and thinking, “I’m not all that kinky and I don’t like rough sex”, you might find that’s something that changes over time. I started out super vanilla – I’d never spanked a girl in my life, never pulled any girl’s hair. Hell, even doggystyle seemed very “taboo” to me. But the more experience I got, the more girls I had sex with, the more I found myself opening up and trying new things. Don’t be surprised if you also open up sexually over time.
You don’t have to be a BDSM connoisseur at all – I certainly wasn’t at the start. But being dominant – or at the very least just taking the lead (in and out of the bedroom) is important. 99.9% of girls want a man who leads – it’s sexy to them. It’s cool if you haven’t had much practice at it; it’s something you can learn like I did. Start with No More Mr Nice Guy and The Rational Male – they got me 90% of the way to being a more assertive man. If you want more direct help than that – hit us up for coaching. Here’s an interview with a client, Korkki, we helped him get into BDSM & go on to have a killer sex life & even get into doing nude photography with the women he sleeps with:
4.4 – The Type of Relationships I Like
If you’re inexperienced, you won’t really have much of an idea what you like – it’s hard to know what you enjoy if you haven’t explored the wide breadth of all possible experiences. Again, that’s why I recommend you skip all the stuff in this advanced section if you haven’t had at least 10-15 lays.
But for you more experienced guys, you’ve likely tried a few different types of sex, and a few different types of relationships. Maybe you’ve dated a girl or two seriously – as in, had girlfriends. You’ve messed around with fuckbuddy dynamics, maybe some strictly casual, some more friends-with-benefits.
The whole point of experimenting and trying a bunch of different things is you need to find what you personally enjoy – which may be completely different to what I personally enjoy. I’m not here to tell you what’s right or wrong for you; that’s up to you to figure out.
I believe every type of relationship can work out and bring you (and her) a lot of happiness, if you go all-in and make it work. I’m personally non-monogamous with my girlfriend; we bang girls together, sometimes she goes off and dates other girls on her own, sometimes I bang other girls on my own (though less often these days, because I’ve had my fill of casual sex). That’s what works for me.
I have coaching clients who want a girlfriend – just one loyal girlfriend they can commit to. That’s what will make them happy, so we focus on making that happen for them. Other clients are working toward marriage and kids. Some clients aren’t even remotely ready to settle down, and just want to bang 100 girls and have a tonne of very casual sexual experiences. Hell, two of my clients do the “sugarbaby” thing – buying girls gifts/lingerie/dinner, in exchange for them being loyal fuckbuddies/girlfriends.
Some guys want their hookups to be strictly sex only – girl comes over, they bang, she grabs an Uber home. Then they repeat again the following week. Other guys want friends-with-benefits where they hang out, go on roadtrips together, have sex when they feel like it, and become good friends. Some guys want to bang a girl multiple times a week; other guys only every couple of weeks. We all want different things; the dating/sex landscape is wide and varied. It’s up to you to figure out what you like.
What you like will also change over time, as I mentioned in Eventually You’ll End up Settling Down. I used to like having as much sex as possible with whomever I could bang; these days I’m more fussy with whom I bang (because I have more options and have had more than enough sex).
These days because I have a girlfriend I’m committed to and am building a life with, I’m not looking for anything serious with the other girls I sleep with. So the other girls I bang are pretty casual, “friends-with-benefits” relationships. I’ll bang them once a week, maybe talk to them for a bit after sex, but never really hang out outside the bedroom (I have my girlfriend for that). I require all the girls I bang to be bisexual, so I can have 3somes with them and my girlfriend.
So mix it up, try a bunch of different dating/relationship arrangements and see what works for you. If you have absolutely no idea what you like, I suggest starting somewhere in the middle – be reasonably casual with the girls you bang, aiming for a friends-with-benefits situation where you have sex once-a-week then hangout for an hour afterwards, then walk her back to her car/Uber/etc.
4.5 – First Date Lays vs 2nd/3rd Date Lays
Once guys have gotten efficient at banging most girls on the first date, some of them find they actually prefer waiting until date 2 (or 3) to have sex with girls, as it gives them more of a chance to make sure there’s chemistry, make sure she’s not crazy, etc. When you’ve already gotten laid a lot, you can afford to be a lot more picky/careful when choosing the next girl to thrust your meat sword into.
I still stick to banging on the first date; mostly because I barely have any free time these days, and am aiming for maximum efficiency with my sex life. Sex hasn’t been my focus for at least a year now; it’s more like a fun background hobby I indulge in now and again.
(Again, if you’re a newbie, just focus on trying to have sex as soon as possible – on the first date).
4.6 – Touching vs Not Touching
Another variable you can play around with when you’re experienced is touching girls when out in public vs not touching them until you’re back at your apartment. As I said earlier in this guide, if you’re a newbie, there’s a lot of benefit to pushing yourself to touch/kiss girls in public – it’s an important, masculine skill to have.
Once you become more experienced, you might find you prefer to wait until you’re back at your place before making a move. Most of my dates these days don’t involve a whole lot of touching – just a hug and holding her hand as we walk to my place. You might personally enjoy being more hands-on, making out in public and being sexual with girls before you take them home. You might enjoy the sense of masculinity and the feeling of “I’m a ballsy motherfucker” it gives you.
Experiment and see what you like best.
4.7 – Activities vs Just Talking
When you’re more advanced and have had your fill of easy, efficient sex, you might find you want to experiment with longer dates, and dates focused around actual activities. If you’re a newbie, I’d recommend you get decent at the basic gameplan above (bar/cafe, hangout for 1hr, invite her back to yours) before diving into some of the stuff below. When you’re a newbie, the simpler you can make your gameplan, the better.
When you’re more experienced, start doing whatever tickles your fancy – some of my clients have taken girls out shooting at a rifle range, or bowling, or surfing lessons, or hiking. Pick stuff you enjoy doing, and bring her along for the ride.
I myself have had a tonne of dates where I take girls geocaching – if you’ve never tried it, you’re missing out. It’s treasure hunting, with actual real life hidden treasures that are dotted all around your city. There’s 3 million of them hidden out there, and usually in spots you walk past hundreds of times without even realising. It’s ridiculously fun and girls fucking love it – start here.
Years ago I came up with a bunch of activities I wanted to do on dates. I lost the list, but managed to remember a few of them. Feel free to steal any of these:
- Walk around high-fiving random strangers (girls love this).
- Go to a trampolining venue.
- Go Geocaching.
- Go to a library, sit in the kid’s section and read picture books together.
- Take a random class to learn something together (meetup.com)
- Jump on a random bus or train with her, and get completely lost. Hop off at the first place that looks interesting.
- Go to museums/art galleries.
- Go to the beach.
- Pretend we don’t know each other. Meet in a bar and pretend we’re strangers, and intentionally have the most awkward conversations we can while other people listen. Use the worst pickup line I can think of, making sure everyone can hear you.
4.8 – Sex in Public
Disclaimer: I’m not encouraging you to break the law by having sex in public.
As you become more experienced, you might find you really enjoy making a move in public and being sexual on the date. I had a lot of fun pushing myself to be more and more sexual in public – I’ve tapped ass in public toilets, had sex in parks, sex in alleyways – even banged one woman at her workplace. Just make sure you’re not somewhere where there’s any chance you could get caught or get in trouble – that’d be fucking stupid.
Chapter 5 – Key Takeaways
1. The Gameplan
- Be as honest as you can be – aim to be more and more honest the more practice you get.
- Have a gameplan, and stick to it.
- Aim to have sex as soon as possible – on the first date.
- Have your own apartment (or share with a roommate).
- Look your best.
2. The Dates
- Don’t stress about catfishes.
- Talk about anything you want – don’t overthink it.
- Don’t stress about being bad at conversations; you’ll improve over time.
- Talk about sex if you want to.
- Touch/kiss her in public if you want to.
- Have fun on dates – entertain yourself.
- Focus on building your desire for her – “I want you.”
- Invite her back to your apartment.
- If you don’t bang on the 1st date, try on the 2nd.
- If you don’t bang on the 2nd date, try on the 3rd.
3. The Sex
- When you’re back at your place, kiss her.
- Foreplay is just about delayed gratification, and making her wait for sex.
- Good foreplay is just experimenting and trying random things that pop into your head.
- Sex is much the same; just experiment and have fun.
- Take nude pics with her, not of her.
- After sex, bask in the afterglow – hangout and chat with her.
- Whether she stays over is entirely up to you.
- Bang again after a few days.
4. Different Gameplans (for Intermediate/Advanced Guys)
- When you have a bit more experience, play around with the variables and try different things.
- I’m very sexual and upfront with my messages on dating apps; I tell girls I’m looking for BDSM sex.
- Play around with different types of relationships – casual, more intimate/long-term relationships, whatever you prefer.
- I have a long-term girlfriend and bang other girls that we share together.
- Go on longer dates and do actual activities with girls if you enjoy it.
- For more in-depth help on all of this, and to have a group of guys who’ll absolutely have your back and push you to greatness – join The Winners Club. We’d love to have you.
Holy smokes, we’re almost done! I’ve already started work on the 5th and final part of this series – “Retention” (keeping girls coming back for more). Stay tuned.
Got any questions? Ask them in the comments below, no matter how big or small the question. I’ll answer everything, and will edit this guide to add in any extra information that comes from your questions.
Hey Andy, any tips on how to last longer?
Hi Andy 🙂 I am confused about something happening… A part from my storic ex, I have been with 5 girls and all of them wanted to come back to my or theirs place or car and have sex the first time. So in my experience it has been “first time or never”. Other things that happen to me with other girls is that I try to kiss them outside and they reject me + not want to meet a second time; or another weird thing has been girls coming to my place without any complain at all and then when I try to kiss them they refuse and also don’t really want to meet again.
I have had a shitload of sex with my first GF and a fair amount with the other 5. I’m not weird around girls, or very inexperienced, I would say I’m above average, not particularly anxious or what.
Still I don’t understand why many don’t wanna kiss (it’s clear they don’t want to be kissed because they don’t give me the “please kiss me” look that you start to recognize after some time). If I go for it anyway they refuse without much explanation and even if I don’t force it too much, it seems that the whole things gets ruined forever, they ghost me and I don’t get a second chance. At least 3 girls refused to kiss in my apartment or to engage in any sort of intimacy. I’m missing something obvious. And I don’t feel I acted differently with those girl compared to the 5 I had sex with…
The only thing you’re missing is not talking to more girls. 5 girls is such a tiny sample size; you’re overthinking things. Go do this:
Thanks for the write up, def contained some good tips. Commenting for support.
Great guides, especially all the stuff about the different dating apps! Really made me reconsider my approach. I have a question though that’s not really addressed in the articles so far. Here’s my situation:
I’m in a great polyamorous relationship with an awesome girl and we’re both free to see other people. I went on a date this week and I noticed that I really struggled with bringing up the topic of me living together with someone and non-monogamy as a whole. I used to say in my Tinder profile that I’m in a poly relationship, but I think it scares a LOT of people off. But now, I didn’t say at the outset that I’m living with someone but still looking for casual sex/FWB/hookups. And the whole date, I felt inhibited and that I was not being honest with her.
Since you’ve got a ‘primary’ girlfriend/relationship as well, how do you usually tackle this? Are you upfront about it? Do you only talk about it when asked? Do a lot of girls assume you’re (not) single?
what a fantastic blog!
I had a “no-show” today, I have waited 15 minutes and she did not show up then I decided to just leave and go home. I sent her the “looking forward to tonight cutie” text in the morning, but no response from her. I already then a bad gut feeling, but did not want to write again and ask and just went there. How did you handle situations like this? Did you call them or also just leave?
Anyway I think I should just accept, delete the number and proceed 🙂
Getting stood up sucks mate. Block her number and go hit on more girls.
Hey Andy, I wanted some advice on where to have sex (and how to go back to her place) if you are 18, in high school and obviously live with your parents. Thanks you wrote a great guide
It’s in the guide dude – scroll up to “2.11 – Going to Her Place Instead”. Just invite yourself to her place. You might have to wait til the 2nd or 3rd date (til she’s more comfortable) before she actually says yes.
If you want it bad enough, you’ll figure out a way to make it work. You don’t need me to tell you what to do – you’ll be able to figure it out.
Hey Andy, thank you for the valuable information.
I have two questions.
1- what if the girl wants sex without condom?
2- even if I use condom, isn’t there a danger from catching std by licking/sucking her pussy?
1 – That’s up to you. I encourage every guy to use condoms but I’m not your dad – it’s not my responsibility to make you use them. You’re an adult, it’s up to you. If you WANT to use condoms and the girl doesn’t, then be firm – “I always use condoms, I’m not having sex with you without one.”
2 – I used to worry about this too. Once you get a bit more experience, you’ll realise the whole STD fear is largely bullshit:
I just do everything I can to be as safe as I can, and then I don’t stress about what might or might not happen.
What you should be more focused on is PREGNANCY – getting a girl pregnant can fuck up your life way more than any STD ever could.
First, this guide is insane! I’m completely blown away by how detailed, insightful and logically structured it all is. I don’t know anyone who gives out this much value like you do. Just know that your work is extremely appreciated!
Question about holding hands on (first) dates: Even though I mostly do not really struggle much with touching girls and I always hug girls when I meet them on first dates, for some reason, I am hesitant to hold their hands because holding hands to me feels very “boyfriend-like” and like something only long-term couples do. If I do it, it feels “weird” and forced, which causes me to tense up and act unnaturally (and I’m sure the girl picks up on my uncomfortable vibe because they are very perceptive).
The funny thing is I actually want to hold their hands because I obviously desire the girls I meet and enjoy touching them (“I want you.”), so when I then decide to not hold their hands (as we’re, say, walking to the bar/cafe), it feels unnatural (or rather, dishonest to myself because I want to touch her, but I’m not).
So I’ve constructed this weird self-limiting belief in my head about holding a girl’s hand, which I want to rid myself of.
This is going to sound autistic AF, but it would be really helpful if you could answer a few questions for me so that I can create a mental model of what successful guys do (and then later put my own spin on it):
1) Do you immediately start holding the girl’s hand after you meet her on the first date? How long do you hold it for?
2) If she pulls her hand back when you try to hold it, do you say something or laugh it off or pretend like nothing happened? How soon after that would you try it again? (Because just walking beside her without holding hands feels weird)
3) Do you hold the girl’s hand palms-down or with your fingers interlocked?
4) When meeting new girls at night in a bar/club (not a date), would you also recommend holding her hand?
5) How about when you’re physically leading her to another spot – should I take her by the hand while walking in front of her? If she doesn’t want to hold my hand, is linking arms or pulling her by putting my hand on her lower back good as well?
Thank you for your time and help.
Hey mate, it doesn’t sound autistic. I had to go through all of this when I was first forcing myself to hold girl’s hands – I’d overthink every little detail just like you have. That’s literally how you start learning something – at the start, you have absolutely NO idea what information you need, what questions you should be asking, how you even get started. But once you actually start doing it, you realise “Holy shit, all the questions I had at the start have answered themselves – I was stressing about stuff that doesn’t even matter”.
So that’s going to be the running theme of my answer to you: The stuff you’re asking about doesn’t really matter, and when you start holding a few girls’ hands, you’ll realise this.
I’m happy to still answer though; just bare in mind NONE OF THIS MATTERS. It won’t matter once you’ve held 5 girls’ hands.
1) Literally the second I finish hugging her (when we first meet.) Sometimes I just grab her hand. Sometimes I say “Gimme your hand.” Sometimes I put my hand out and wait for her to grab my hand. Sometimes if she’s holding something (eg her phone), I’ll literally grab her phone out of her hand, then grab her hand, then give her her phone back and let her hold it with her free hand. (Again, literally none of this matters: If I tell you to just hold her hand, you’ll figure out how to do it; you’re a smart guy).
2) This doesn’t happen to me ever anymore (because I use my BDSM lines on Tinder – so girls are very comfortable touching me). But in the past it happened, maybe once every 4 times I’d hold a girl’s hand. Again, the answer is going to be: it doesn’t matter. If she pulls her hand back, yeah you’ll feel rejected, you’ll feel a bit like a creep, you will feel “weird”. All of that is just normal stuff when you’re learning to get laid a lot; you’re going to feel weird sometimes, hurt sometimes, rejected sometimes. You don’t have to be perfect, remember – just hold her hand, and whatever happens, happens.
If she does pull away, I used to address it – “Oh, you don’t want to hold hands?” Most girls will say “Sorry, I’m just shy” or “It’s too soon” or “It feels weird”. If so, just talk to her about it – don’t be weird about it. Have a conversation about it. “That’s cool. So when do you normally feel comfortable holding hands? You prefer to get a bit comfortable with a guy first, yeah?” The more you open up and talk to a girl about this stuff (I call it “you and me” or keeping her on the same team), the more open she’ll become and things will feel less weird/standoff-ish.
You said “Walking without holding hands feels weird” – TELL HER THAT. She’s on your team, remember. Have a conversation, “Yo I’ll be honest with you, I’ve always felt so fucking weird if I walk with a girl and don’t hold hands. I dunno if it’s just me being weird, or maybe you’re being weird, what do you think? Is it weird to hold hands right away? Because for me it feels weird NOT to hold hands, like there’s distance between us or something.” The more casually you talk about all this stuff (rather than making it a big deal), the more you guys can be on the same team.
3) Ok now that is actually autistic, but I’m not going to judge; I asked exactly these type of questions. Really doesn’t matter. I’ve done all 3. I’ve even grabbed girls by the wrist (as if she’s a naughty child I’m dragging home) – they usually laugh and say “Why are you holding my wrist like I’m in trouble?” Makes me laugh.
I’ve had girls interlock their arms with me, eg: http://jp4.r0tt.com/l_dac90d50-60dd-11e1-a2f2-41277b300004.jpg
It really doesn’t matter, man. Just put your hand out to her, or tell her “Hey give me your hand” and whatever happens, happens. This is all a learning experience.
4) Do whatever you want. I have one mate who doesn’t touch girls at all when he meets them in pubs/bars/nightclubs – he just talks to a girl, and invites her back to his apartment to have wine. Another mate of mine is VERY hands on – tells girls to hold his hand, kisses them within 1 minute of meeting them, etc. Both of them get laid; it doesn’t really matter.
I’d suggest you try both. For a month or two, try holding hands of every single girl you talk to in bars/clubs. Make that your mission – “I will hold every single girl’s hand I possibly can. I’ll hold a million hands.” Try to get laid as much as you can that way. Then for another month, don’t hold ANY girls’ hands, and try to get laid as much as you can that way. After 2 months, see which one feels more fun and more enjoyable for you. Remember with all of this, there’s no right answer – this is meant to be fun. Read this:
5) Again, whatever you want. I basically always hold a girl’s hand, but for a long time, I didn’t hold hands ever (and I still got laid).
Let’s take a step back from everything: You never HAVE to hold a girl’s hand. People have been getting laid for millenia without touching or holding hands in public. I’ve gotten laid like 50 times where I never even touched her at all before we got back to my apartment.
So bottom line: I get why you’re asking (I worried about all of this stuff too at the beginning), but none of what you’re asking really matters. I probably should have just written 1 sentence “Stop overthinking things”, but you’ve taken the time to comment on a few of my articles, so I’m giving you a proper answer. Basically, go out there and experiment with this stuff for yourself – make a few mistakes, figure out what you like and don’t like, and have fun in the process.
Again, this is all just a big (fun) experiment.
I appreciate the fuck out of you for responding in such detail and for being so non-judgmental and honest. Logically, I understand that this stuff doesn’t really matter, but psychologically it really gives me confidence when I have a rough framework of how things work so that I can launch myself into experimenting myself.
I absolutely LOVE your answer to #2 to just be completely honest and address the elephant in the room / say whatever I’m thinking. It feels like a fucking life hack to know that this situation doesn’t need to be awkward by just talking to the girl about it openly (keeping quiet about it is what actually made it awkward for me). In fact, it is no big deal AT ALL.
The concepts I’m taking away from your reply and reinforcing in my mind are:
1) The girl and I are on the same team – there’s no need to put this pressure on myself to be this ridiculous caricature of the “smooth James Bond” guy
2) Be completely honest with the girl (and myself) by talking about everything openly
3) All this is fun – girls are fun, put yourself out there, try new things, don’t worry about “fucking up” because this is all just a big fun experiment
Again, thank you SO MUCH for everything. This shit’s so awesome, you’re a sick cunt!
P.S. How are you progressing on the 3some guide? Are you going to publish that after you finish this series? Looking forward to it!
3some guide and my BDSM guide are both half-written already, but I won’t publish them immediately; I have a bunch of other stuff to work on first.
For now, if you want a 3some, easiest way is just to have two girls you’re seeing, and ask them if they’ve ever thought about fooling around with another girl. That’s how I’ve had half of my 3somes – just introducing 2 girls I’m already meeting. I did it this week, wrote about it here (I had previously asked her in person if she’d ever thought about fooling around with another girl):