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- Chapter 1 – Templates
- Chapter 2 – Theory
- 2.1 – Why These Templates Work
- 2.2 – Play the Numbers Game – Talk to as Many Girls as Possible
- 2.3 – Don’t Change Your Strategy for Each Girl; Stick to the Gameplan
- 2.4 – Don’t Waste Time with Long Conversations
- 2.5 – A Lot of Girls are Just on Dating Apps to Waste Time
- 2.6 – “Doesn’t Being So Direct/Honest Scare Some Girls Off?”
- 2.7 – “Isn’t Copy-Pasting too Robotic?”
- 2.8 – Texting in the Days Leading up to the Date
- 2.9 – Does it Matter What Time of Day I Message?
- 2.10 – Pick a Specific Time to use the Apps Each Day
- 2.11 – It’s Not “You vs Me”. You’re On the Same Team.
- 2.12 – Making her Wait – “How Long Should I Wait Before Replying?”
- 2.13 – Don’t Talk Dirty (Sexting May Be Fun, but You’ll Bang Less Girls)
- 2.14 – Rejections are Part of the Game (We All Get Rejected)
- 2.15 – Even Cute Girls Get Rejected (Stories from My Girlfriend)
- 2.16 – Unmatch/Delete Numbers of Girls Who Haven’t Replied
- 2.17 – If You’re Not Sure if She’s a Potential Catfish…
- 2.18 – “I’ve Run Out of Matches”
- Chapter 3 – Key Takeaways
Chapter 1 – Templates
1.1 – Introduction
Well look at you Mister Studious, making it all the way to part 3 😉 In the previous part we covered installing the dating apps, adding your pictures and getting matches. Now let’s message those cuties and get some dates.
I’m going to throw you some templates you can use when messaging girls, and after that we’ll go into more detail about the rationale behind them.
1.2 – Tinder/etc Template
Hey, you’re sexy. I’m [your name]. Watcha up to?
[Respond to whatever she says]. What do you like to do for fun?
[Respond to whatever she says]. I’m into [hobbies you’re into]. What part of [your town] are you from? I’m in [area you’re in].
[Respond to whatever she says]. You seem cool, we should grab a drink and see if we click. I’m not looking for anything super serious, but if you’re up for a drink, a flirt & to see what happens, drop me your number & I’ll send you a text.
- On Bumble, girls will have to message you first before you can message them.
1.3 – Text Message Template (After You get her Number)
Hey sexy, it’s [your name]. Sup
[Respond to whatever she says]. Let’s grab that drink. Free [day] at [time]?
[If she says she’s free]: Meet me at [time] at [location].
– [If she says she’s not free]: Ok, how about [new time] at [location]?
– [If she’s still not free then either]: Ok. When are you free?
– [If she says something vague/non-committal like “I’m not sure” or “I’ll let you know”]: That’s cool. Well, I’m not going to chase you, so hit me up when you’re free and we’ll grab a drink.
1.4 – Extra Details
- Modify the templates to suit your country/language/culture if you need to. But keep the original “spirit” of the template, which is to keep things short, efficient, and aim to get her number and meet up for a date ASAP.
- Stick to the template, but add an extra sentence or 2 at the start of each line. Where I have “[Respond to her message]”, that should be just 1 or 2 sentences directly replying to what she just said, then you copy-paste the next line of the template. Take a look at all the example screenshots above to see how I text.
- If she says “Do you only want a hookup?” or “Do you only want a one night stand?” – just be honest about what you want. I’m always honest: “One night stands are horrible – if the sex is good, why wouldn’t you do it again? I’m after something casual, but ongoing.”
- If she wants to give her Instagram/Facebook/etc instead of a number – just take it and message her on there. It doesn’t really matter anyway, we’re only using the number/Instagram/FB to set up the date. My one exception is I don’t take a girl’s Snapchat (I’ll tell her to give me a number/Insta/FB instead). I fucking hate the fact messages disappear on Snapchat (so you can’t even remember when you’ve set up a date), and you can’t take screenshots. Retarded app. No thanks.
- Where I have, “If she’s not free, pitch another meetup”: You don’t have to keep pitching the next meetup right there and then. If your next available day/night isn’t for a couple of days, just wait til the day before and text her then asking if she’s free. (Eg if your next free night isn’t until Friday, send her a message on Thursday asking if she’s free Friday). If she says no to that, wait again until the day before your next free time slot, and hit her up then.
- If you’ve pitched one or two meetups and even asked her when she’s free, and all she’s said is something vague like, “I’m not sure” – send the “I’m not going to chase you, hit me up when you’re free message” line. 99% of the time those girls have never messaged me (or any of my clients) later on. Just delete her number after a couple days/weeks (whenever you get around to it.) On the rare occasion she does hit you up a few weeks/months later, if you already deleted her number, just say, “Hey I don’t still have you in my phone contacts, so who’s this?” Ask her for her Instagram if you still can’t remember her.
- If you’re in America and can’t legally drink til you’re 21, just change “let’s get a drink” to “let’s grab a coffee”. Half of my lays have been coffee dates. And even when I say, “Let’s grab a drink”, 50% of the time we only end up drinking water/Diet Coke. “Let’s grab a drink” is just another way of saying “let’s hangout”.
- I usually message girls on all the apps at night, so that I’m not getting too distracted throughout the day. The exception is the weekend – Sat and Sun I’ll message girls whenever I want to. Especially Sunday morning – lots of girls respond early around 7am-10am, so it’s easy for me to use the apps at that time, get a bunch of numbers and set up some dates.
- The reason we ask for a number (instead of just setting the date up on Tinder/Bumble/etc) is it seems to weed out a lot of the timewasters. Girls who give you their number are more serious than girls who only talk on the app, so you’ll get less flakes. It also feels like 1 step towards a date – you’ve moved off the app, and next you’ll move off the phone and into the real world. If you stay on the app, you also tend to get buried amongst the other 50 guys messaging her, whereas if you get her phone number she’s more likely to see your text messages and reply.
- After you’ve organised the date, occasionally a girl will keep texting you, wanting to have long conversations. Just send her a polite message, “You seem super excited to meet 😉 I’ve got a lot of work and stuff to catch up on, so I can’t text much right now. I’ll see you tomorrow when we meet.”
- If a girl won’t give you a number/Instagram/Facebook/anything else, 9 times out of 10 you should unmatch her. I haven’t banged a lot of girls who didn’t want to give me a number/IG/FB/anything – and in the cases where I did, the girls had made it really obvious they wanted to actually meet me:
In the example above, you can tell she still wanted to meet me, even though she didn’t give a number – she literally said, “I would love to grab a drink sometime.” I launched straight into a time and place for the date, and we ended up meeting (we didn’t bang though – catfish).
But a lot of the time, the girl you’re talking to won’t give you a number and doesn’t seem keen for a date, or worse she seems outright combative. In those cases, unmatch her because she’s just wasting your time. Here’s an example of a girl you should unmatch immediately:
1.6 – Save their Name & Picture in Your Phone
Once I get a girl’s number from the dating app, I save a bit of info about her in my phone. I save her name, photo (just take a quick screenshot of her dating app photo) and age. You can also add other stuff if you want – her location, something to remind you who she is (eg her hobby), etc. If you want to get hella nerdy about it, you can add in the dating app you met her from (eg “Bumble”, “Tinder” etc) – but I don’t usually bother. I also add a “z” to the start of each name, so they’re all easy to find – they’ll all be at the end of my contact list, instead of randomly spread throughout it. (Check the screenshot below).
The reason I save girls in my phone contacts is because it makes me take things a lot more seriously. If I just collect numbers without any info about the girls, I just see them as a bunch of anonymous numbers – none of them mean anything to me. I’m not invested in any of the girls, I can’t even remember which one is which, which means I put a lot less effort into trying to get laid with any of them. Remember, part of getting laid a tonne (or finding a great girlfriend) means taking it seriously, and going all-in.
Saving their photo also makes it easier when you meet up for the date – you’ll know what she looks like, and it’s easier to spot her in public at your meeting spot.
For a long time I didn’t save girls in my contacts, and it made me care a lot less about them. That might sound like a potentially-good thing (“abundance mentality”, not getting too invested in any one girl, etc), but all it really did was make me put in a lot less effort. The girls didn’t mean anything to me – they were just numbers in my phone. I didn’t let myself get excited about any of the girls, and so I wouldn’t try as hard to get them out on dates. I’d also forget which girl was which, and I’d have to scroll through the previous message history to remember who I was actually talking to. When you’re messaging 10 girls at a time, it’s fucking annoying not knowing which girl is which.
1.7 – The Date Logistics
When you invite her out for a drink/coffee (drink is usually better, but about half my dates are coffee dates), make sure you meet her near your apartment/somewhere you could possibly take her to fuck her. You want to set yourself up with the best possible chance to have sex; even if you don’t think you’ll end up having sex on the first date. Many times the date will go exceptionally well, you’ll want to invite her back to your place… but your dumb ass agreed to meet her 45 minutes away from your place and now you can’t take her back home.
The actual bar or cafe you go to doesn’t matter too much – just go to whichever place is your favourite. Just make sure it has somewhere you can sit next to her, not across the table from her (sitting together is more intimate, and sitting across from one another feel weird and standoffish on a date). What I did when I was first starting out was I went to a different bar or cafe each time, trying probably 30 different places until I found one I liked the best.
If you don’t have your own apartment (that’s something you’ll need to change ASAP), you can bang girls at their place – but that’s usually a logistical nightmare. You’ll have to ask her if her place is free, how far away she lives, whether she has roommates, etc.
1.8 – Meet Up ASAP
I really do mean as soon as possible – don’t wait a week or two between getting her number and going on a date. Generally, within 1 to 3 days works best.
Girls have a million options on dating apps, and if you wait too long before going on a date, they tend to forget you pretty damn quickly. You have to strike while the iron is hot; the longer you wait, the more chance she’ll lose interest or get too nervous and talk herself out of meeting you. To the point where if you wait a week, 95% of the time you won’t end up meeting her. One of my good mates and I joke that any time a girl says, “I’m busy this week, let’s meet next week instead” it’s immediately game over.
That doesn’t mean you’ll never meet up with girls more than 3 days into the future – just that your chances drastically diminish the longer you wait.
As for when to do the dates: Nighttime usually works better than daytime – there’s a bit more of a fun, flirty, sexual vibe at night; it’s more romantic. So I pitch my dates for either the same night, or the next night, or the night after (depending on when is best for my schedule).
But don’t take that to mean you can only do dates at night; around one-third of my lays have been daytime dates where I’ll just grab a coffee with her, hangout for an hour then invite her back to my place. Schedule dates for whatever time works best for you (and for her).
1.9 – “You’re Sexy”
The more upfront you are (by starting off your very first message with, “Hey, you’re sexy”), the easier you’ll end up getting laid, and with much less hassle. You’ll always be on the same page with girls, since you showed her within the first sentence exactly what you’re after. Girls appreciate guys who don’t beat around the bush and who don’t hide their intentions; you’ll get a lot of girls who say, “I really appreciate how direct you are.”
Saying “sexy” also makes you feel like more of a man – something that’s important to a lot of guys (probably all guys, if we’re being honest).
If you’re absolutely way too scared to call girls “sexy” and can’t even force yourself to do it (I had to force myself to do it at first – it’ll feel a little unnatural when you’re a newbie), you can say “very cute” instead.
Just know that you should absolutely push yourself towards saying “sexy” eventually. It’ll massively improve your results and make life a hell of a lot easier – “sexy” gets you laid much quicker because girls are under no illusions as to what you’re looking for. You’ll also end up with less drama, because you’re being more honest and upfront with your intentions – girls will absolutely know you find them sexy and want to eventually put your meat stick inside her. “Cute” sounds a little more boyfriend-ish, and some girls will think you just want to go on a cute date together, rather than bone each other.
Chapter 2 – Theory
Remember I said above that taking action is infinitely more important than just reading theory alone? Make sure you dive in and actually start messaging the girls you match with using the template above, before you read any further.
Once you’ve sent a message to a couple of girls, come back here and dive into this theory stuff.
I’m serious – all the theory stuff I’m about to write below is nowhere near as important as just getting out there and talking to a bunch of girls. The way to get good at getting laid is to practice, make a million mistakes, and learn what works over time. The absolute worst thing you can ever do is spend hours and hours and hours and hours reading everything in this guide, then reading it again, then again, over-analysing everything, studying like a nerd… and never actually talking to girls.
And when I say you need to start talking to girls, I mean a lot of girls. If you want to get laid on Tinder (or elsewhere) a lot, you need to talk to literally thousands of girls. And if you want to get laid as much as I have, that requires tens of thousands of girls.
Remember: I fucking sucked at all this when I was a newbie. The only way I got to where I am was by giving myself permission to be terrible at it, and just starting.
2.1 – Why These Templates Work
I’ll make this damn clear: One of the biggest issues with a lot of guys who give getting laid advice is they obsess about theory and “mindset”, to the point of becoming a complete geek about it. But they often neglect to tell you that you need to go out and actually take action – you know, hitting on girls, going on dates, trying to put your pecker inside her funbox. Often, theory gets in the way of actually trying to get laid.
I was actually tempted to not put any theory stuff in this guide at all, for fear that newbies would read everything I write, study it, obsess about it… and not actually talk to any girls or try to get laid. In the end, I decided to include all of this because theory and mindset does help you… you just have to understand it’s nowhere near as important as actually talking to girls, making mistakes, learning as you go, running your own experiments.
I don’t want you to read everything here and use it as an excuse not to actually start talking to girls. “I need to study all this, learn all this, and then I’ll hit on girls!” No. I want you to start messaging girls right this second (using the templates I gave you above). Once you’ve messaged at least 20 girls, minimum, then you can come back and read through all this theory/mindset stuff.
I’m serious. Stop fucking reading, go message 20 girls using the templates above, and then come back to this spot and keep reading.
Ok, messaged 20 girls? Cool, let’s continue.
All the theory, and reading, and discussing, and thinking in the world aren’t even remotely as important as jumping in there and messaging a bunch of girls. Action first, thinking second – especially when it comes to getting laid. You’ve got to give yourself permission to suck, and just get in there and give it a go. There’s plenty of time for theory and reading and improvement later one – after you’ve actually spent a bit of time messaging girls. As Good Looking Loser used to say: “RELENTLESS hard work guarantees a result, it’s just a matter of time.”
As for the message template itself – even that doesn’t matter too much. I’ve experimented with a tonne of different words, a bunch of different styles of messaging. I’ve spent years doing this shit, and I’ve tried everything under the sun. I’ve tried asking a bunch of questions vs being very direct and keeping it short. I’ve tried making jokes vs being serious. I’ve tried being flirty vs keeping it friendly & platonic. I’ve tried being crass, tried being a “nice guy”, tried being over-the-top sexual (at one point my opening line was, “Anal?”)
Some message styles work better than others, but it’s not worth you even worrying about until you’ve got at least 20 lays under your belt and (somewhat) know what you’re doing. As long as you get yourself to a point where you’re attractive with good pics (go back and work through Part 1 again), most message formats will work.
The templates I’ve given you above have gotten me laid a tonne – most of my early lays were from using these templates (and here’s what I use now – much more sexual/to-the-point). The point is, the templates above will get you laid, as long as you look good and talk to a lot of girls. Don’t overthink this shit, don’t spend weeks trying to come up with your own “perfect” templates – just copy the exact template I gave you above and start going on some dates. You can play around with different templates when you’re a little further along (if you want to).
Your goal is to get girls out on dates ASAP & try to have sex with them – not to be good at texting, or to be a great conversationalist, or to have witty banter, or any of that stuff. Your only mission is to meet up with girls on a date – nothing else matters. More dates = more chances to stuff her pastry full of cream cheese. You don’t have to be perfect at any of this. Just tell yourself, “This template Andy gave me is good enough, I’ll use it and make it work” and get started. You’ll improve your conversation skills over time, naturally.
The template above works because it doesn’t waste time. It’s short, to-the-point and lets you know within 4 messages whether or not she’s interested in grabbing a drink/coffee with you, or if she’s not interested. The less time you waste, the more time and energy you’ll have to hit on more girls – the only way you’re going to get laid a tonne/find an awesome girlfriend is by really hitting the numbers game hard.
The template is also very honest – the line, “I’m not looking for anything super serious, but let’s have a flirt” shows girls you’re looking for sex first, relationship second. (Note: Even if you ultimately want a relationship/girlfriend, you need to have sex with her first, and then figure out if she’s worth getting into a relationship with. Sex always comes first, and then a relationship if she’s worth dating).
In all the example screenshots of conversations above, I haven’t included screenshots of text messages where I didn’t meet the girls – because I unmatch/delete them immediately and move on. I have quite a few examples of girls I didn’t meet here. But if you’re a newbie or don’t have a lot of experience, you shouldn’t even be worrying about anything in that particular article – it’s for advanced guys only.
When you’re a newbie, you have to accept the fact you’ll have your time wasted a fair bit, and a lot of your conversations won’t go anywhere (because you won’t know how to spot the timewasters who’ll never actually meet up with you). If you’re a newbie but you start screening really hard and being really fussy, you’ll end up getting barely any dates, which you’ll probably take personally and feel very down about. Hence my advice to newbies is do whatever it takes to get laid; even if that means having your time wasted early on.
As you get more advanced and bang quite a few girls from online dating (let’s say, 10+ girls) you can start being a bit more cutthroat and unmatching more girls as soon as you think they might be a potential timewaster. But when you don’t have options, suck it up and put up with having your time wasted a bit; beggars can’t be choosers. Timewasters are frustrating; I know that better than anyone. But time-wasters are just part of the game when you’re a newbie.
Another reason I’m giving you this template to follow is you’ll be nervous as hell when you first start online dating. If you’re anything like I was, you’ll put all this pressure on yourself to “say the right thing” in order to “impress every girl”. I’m taking away the pressure to perform; all you have to do is literally just stick to the script I’ve given you, with one or two extra sentences thrown in there depending on what she says. Truth is you don’t need to impress anyone or say the perfect line – 95% of getting laid online (and in general) is just looking good + hitting on a tonne of girls.
And if a girl says no or stops replying, you can tell yourself she isn’t rejecting you personally – she’s rejecting the template. She’s just not down for what you’re offering. No hard feelings, just move on and find a girl who is down for what you’re offering.
Conversation is only 20% of the equation, and even then, I’m being generous. You can see from my example conversations above I barely put in much effort and I’m not Mister Smooth Talker with the Wittiest Banter. I don’t need to be – the girls already like me based on my pics, so all I need to do is grab their number and invite them out on a date.
I’ve made this point many times: spending days/weeks/months “honing your conversation skills” and working on “the perfect pickup lines” might help you get laid 33% more. Definitely a nice improvement, but do you know what will help you get laid 100% more? Talking to twice as many girls. Know what helps you get laid 1000% more? Talking to 10 times as many girls. Hitting on more girls will always trump working on your conversation skills, learning pickup routines, etc. And hitting on more girls is infinitely less effort than spending days and weeks studying pickup material, memorising lines, practicing routines, etc.
Besides, you’ll naturally improve your conversation skills, your confidence and your charm as a natural consequence of just hitting on lots of girls. You get good at this stuff by practicing; not by trying to memorise hundreds of lines, conversation openers, routines, tricks, etc. I’m only good at talking to girls because I went out there and talked to tens of thousands of them, even though I totally sucked at it at the start.
The template is also nice and direct because that screens in the girls who appreciate a direct, honest guy who knows what he wants (that’s most girls, by the way). Any girls who don’t like directness will leave (that’s a good thing – those aren’t the kind of girls we want to end up with, because they end up being the type to communicate covertly & play games & manipulate you.) The girls you do end up with will appreciate how masculine and forward you are – and they’ll sometimes even tell you that. Sex with them will be much easier, because they’ll already like you and your vibe before you even meet.
On a similar note, guys often ask me, “How do I stand out from all the other guys she’s messaging on Tinder?” That’s easy – you stand out by being the only guy who makes it really clear he wants to actually meet up for a date & have sex, instead of being content to just waste time having long conversations. You stand out by being direct and masculine, instead of the generic, “Hi how are you?” conversations most guys dribble out. You stand out by using this template which makes it very clear you have a purpose, you’re on a mission, and you want to meet up and have some naughty time. You stand out by getting her on a date ASAP, in as few messages as possible.
2.2 – Play the Numbers Game – Talk to as Many Girls as Possible
I’m going to repeat this many many many many many many many many many many MANY many many many many times throughout this guide: getting laid is a numbers game. The aim is to get as many matches as possible, and talk to as many girls as we possibly can. Messaging one or two girls at a time isn’t going to cut it; we need to be hitting the numbers as hard as we can.
When getting laid was my absolute number 1 goal, I’d message 500 girls a week (and hit on another 20-30 in person, on the street). That’s no exaggeration; I’d go on OkCupid and POF, and just spam literally every woman on the app, over a week or two, until I’d messaged pretty much every girl in my city. These days you can do the exact same thing with Hinge – I tell all my coaching clients to pay for the “Preferred Membership”, then message 100 or more girls a day, every day. If you want to get laid a tonne, you have to go all-in.
Playing the numbers game also stops you from overthinking any negative reactions, or stressing about rejections.
You should also be talking to lots of girls at once. You need to have multiple girls on the go, so if any one particular girl flakes/stops answering/ignores you/doesn’t want to meet you, you won’t care because you’re talking to 10 other girls. I tell my clients to message 10-20 girls at once, bringing in new girls through Boosts and Superlikes and messaging new girls on Hinge.
Some guys have a problem with this, thinking it’s somehow “wrong” or “unethical” to be talking to a bunch of girls at the same time. I’ll tell you from experience, no girl on the planet is talking to only 1 guy at a time on dating apps. Why? Because they have options. How many options? Here’s one of my friends-with-benefits’ Tinder accounts (this girl lives in a big city with 5 million people):
Yep, 5,605 likes, plus another 323 guys she’d already matched with. I don’t want you to use this as an excuse to feel bad about how many matches girls have – I’m only showing you so you understand that you need to hit on a lot of girls, because most girls have options. You need to play the numbers game.
Most girls on online dating apps are talking to a bunch of guys (as anyone with options should be doing), to try and see which one they want to pick for an actual date. How the hell can she know who she should meet up with if she only talks to one guy at a time? That’d be incredibly inefficient and downright retarded.
You’ve gotta put yourself in the same position – follow Part 1 and Part 2 of this guide and improve yourself and your pics to a point where you have some options too. Then you’ll be able to talk to lots of girls at once to find the ones that want to go on dates with you and suck on your flesh sword.
Again, every single girl on Tinder/Bumble/etc is talking to multiple guys at the same time; often even going on multiple dates per week. Some girls are even dating/banging multiple guys. Life isn’t a Disney fairytale, there is no “the one”. If you want to get laid, or find an awesome girlfriend, or even eventually settle down and get married – you need to talk to as many women as you can in order to find the truly awesome ones. Interview a lot of candidates and you’ll find a winner.
You’ll need a tonne of matches because the majority of girls you message will not end up meeting you for sex. A portion of the girls you match with will just never reply to your first message (they were only on Tinder to get matches and feel good – or they got too many matches and couldn’t possibly reply to everyone). Of the girls that do reply, only like 1 in 4 will give me a number. Of the numbers I get, only roughly 2 out of 5 will meet me for sex. An inevitable part of getting laid online is having a bunch of conversations go absolutely nowhere; so more matches = more chances to actually have bang.
A lot of guys have incredibly unrealistic expectations of how many girls they need to talk to in order to get laid on Tinder. They’ll talk to 10 girls on Tinder/Bumble/etc, consider that “a lot”, and then wonder why they’re not having any success.
You need to message (roughly) between 50-100 girls using my template in order to get laid once. Your actual number will vary a lot depending on a million factors (and the actual lay rate is not even remotely important, so please don’t track it like an autist). Your actual lay-rate doesn’t matter at all; even if you have to talk to 300 girls in order to get laid, who gives a shit – you still got laid. Go talk to another 300 girls and you’ll get laid again.
I talk to a tonne of girls to get laid – I message as many as I can. I spam girls on Tinder and Bumble as well as talking to any cute girls I see in public as I go about my day. My girlfriend also messages a bunch more girls on Hinge/Tinder/Bumble for us to meet together for 3somes; she plays the numbers game hard like I do. When getting laid was my number 1 priority, I was talking to easily 500+ girls a week across all the dating platforms + talking to a few more in person + my girlfriend was finding more girls for us.
I also want you to bear in mind this getting laid thing is very random. One week you’ll get 15 numbers and get laid 4 times (maybe even 3 times in 10 hours like I’ve done) and feel on top of the world. The next week you’ll get zero numbers and feel miserable, even though you did everything exactly the same. It really is like a lottery sometimes – there’s so many variables it really does feel completely random.
The only thing you can do is tip the odds in your favour by talking to hundreds of girls a week and continuing to improve your looks and your pics. The only way I’ve had sex with (at the time of writing) 150+ girls is by talking to a lot of girls. You will not get laid or find a quality girlfriend unless you talk to as many women as humanly possible. If talking to tones of women is something you’re really struggling with – hit us up for coaching and we’ll push you with this stuff.
Getting laid takes a lot of work. It really does. You can’t half-ass this; you have to go all in, or you’ll only have mediocre results. Exceptional results require exceptional effort.
2.3 – Don’t Change Your Strategy for Each Girl; Stick to the Gameplan
It’s important you stick to the same gameplan/template with each girl, rather than trying to tailor your approach depending on the girl. Use the same template no matter who the girl is, wear your same outfits/style no matter who the girl is, stick to the same formula each time, and do the same things on each date – don’t change yourself based on who she is. You’re not a chameleon; find a style that works for you and roll with it each time.
Obviously when you’re new you’ll have to try a few different outfits/styles to find one that makes you feel the most confident. You’ll still be working out who you are, and you’ll need to trial a bunch of different stuff – that’s cool. You’ll try being funny vs serious on the dates, laid back vs more earnest, etc. You’ll need to try a few different approaches before you find what works for you. But once you’ve found it, make it yours and stick to it.
I’ve banged all sorts of girls – Chinese virgins, rocker girls, punk girls, cheerleaders, nerdy bookworms, party girls, strippers, 18 year olds, 40 year olds, innocent Catholic girls, high profile lawyers, submissive girls, dominant girls, girls into drugs, girls who’d never ever touch drugs, shy girls, confident girls, sporty athletic girls, barbie girls, feminists, traditional girls.All of that without changing my strategy at all – the same templates, the same style and the same vibe worked across all types of girls.
How’d I bang so many different types of girls without varying anything? Because I hit on tens of thousands of girls. The numbers game trumps all. I just picked a template I liked, a “vibe” I liked (on dates I’m relaxed, very nice/polite and funny), a style I liked, and ran with it.
Worry less about which particular vibe you should give off, or which particular style of clothing you should pick, or which particular message template you should use, and just pick one that’s decent. Then focus more on talking to as many girls as possible. Yes, having a good style and a good vibe are important – but it’s not important which particular style/vibe you pick. Just pick something half-decent. Then go talk to 1,000 girls. If you end up not liking your style/vibe/message templates, you can always change them later. While you’re sitting at home obsessing about style/vibe/message templates, the less-stylish, less-cool, less-perfect guy is out there banging multiple new girls a week because he’s actually talking to tonnes of girls.
I know when you’re relatively new to getting laid, it’s tempting to think, “Maybe if I just tweak the template a little bit I’ll get laid more…” Or “Maybe with certain girls, I should play it a little safer and not use the template Andy gave me… maybe I should talk to them a little more than usual, extend out the conversation so they like me more.” You need to take step back and remember the fundamentals: Getting laid mainly requires you to look good and talk to tonnes of girls. You can’t talk to tonnes of girls if you’re spending this much time over-analysing what to say to one particular girl.
You can’t let yourself start thinking, “I hope I don’t lose this girl” – she’s just one girl out of thousands you’ll match with over the next year. Sure, you’ll be more into some girls than others, but you still need to focus on playing the numbers, rather than trying to win every single girl. Getting laid is like a lottery. The good news is you’re allowed to grab infinite lottery tickets.
Remember, you’re not going to appeal to every girl – you can’t possibly. Your job isn’t to make every girl like you (especially not by playing it safe) – your job is to just have some girls like you and move towards having sex with those girls.
2.4 – Don’t Waste Time with Long Conversations
In order to play the numbers game and talk to a tonne of girls, you have to keep conversations relatively short and efficient, pushing for a number (and then a date) ASAP.
The goal of dating apps is to get off the dating apps. Your only mission is to get the girl out on a date ASAP, and then push towards sex. Your goal isn’t to have long conversations, or “make her like you” or “win her over with sick banter”. All of that is a waste of time; all you need to do is look good and play the numbers game (talk to as many girls as you can, as efficiently as you can).
I understand that if you’re a newbie, you’re going to be very tempted to add a lot of extra conversation to the template I gave you above. It’s tempting to think, “If I just talk more with each girl, I’ll have more of a chance to get to know her and “build a connection” – then she’ll be more comfortable meeting me.” I’m telling you from personal experience, talking to girls isn’t making progress.
You only have a limited amount of time in the day, and you can either spend it talking to one girl for 5 hours, or talking to 20 girls for 15 minutes each. Even if your 5 hours “wins over” that 1 particular girl, you could have been more efficient and found 3 girls who were happy to grab a drink/coffee with you with very little conversation/effort.
Having long conversations with girls leads to less lays overall. The more you talk, the more you give the girl the impression all you want to do is talk. You appear less serious about actually meeting up, and you start giving girls the impression you’re just using online dating to talk to girls/kill time/get some validation – rather than get your dick wet/get into a relationship. After all, if it takes you a week to work up to asking her out for a drink/coffee, you can’t really be all that serious about grabbing a drink/coffee.
It’s a lot of pressure to keep a conversation “interesting” and “engaging” for days or weeks at a time. You’ll start feeling like you have to walk on eggshells when talking to girls – like every little thing you say could be the thing that turns her off and makes her stop texting you. You feel like you have to be “perfect” – hence why all the pickup artists obsess so much about “text game” and “conversation skills”. It’s an unnecessary pressure they’ve heaped upon themselves. Just save yourself the neurosis and focus on going on a date ASAP – stick to my template.
Being great at texting isn’t even remotely important. I’m not a great texter, because I don’t need to be. Is your goal to be a great texter, or is your goal to stick your penis in vagina/have a girlfriend?
If you think you’d feel an immense amount of pride from being a legend at texting girls, wooing them with your charm and witty banter, making them laugh with your pickup lines, then stop reading. This guide isn’t for you. I’m not judging you – if you genuinely enjoy pickup artist stuff and texting girls and “building rapport”, then go for it. Some guys genuinely enjoy the thrill of the chase more than the prize itself – and I can honestly see the appeal in that. Again, no judgement from me.
But my site is focused on having sex and dating women – not the lead-up to that. Texting is only a stepping stone; it’s not the main thing I focus on. After you’ve had sex a couple times with a girl, then you can text her as much as you like.
Another reason not to spend ages talking is you have no idea if a girl will actually meet up with you until the moment you invite her to meet up with you. Before that, you’re just hoping she’ll meet up with you. But you’ll quickly find even when it seems like the conversation is going great, even when you’re both “vibing” and talking about shared interest and everything else, that doesn’t mean she wants to meet up with you or bang you. Check this post written by a girl on r/Tinder:
So this poor sap has been talking to her for a week, and at one point for four hours straight – the whole time thinking to himself, “This girl is awesome! We’re vibing, she really likes me, I really like her a lot – I’m making so much progress! I bet we’re going to meet up!”
But because he hasn’t actually fucking asked her out, he has no idea if she’ll say yes or not. The whole time she has absolutely no intention of meeting him, but she is more than happy to keep talking to him (because he hasn’t given her the impression he wants anything more than to just talk).
You break your own god damn heart when you talk to girls for days/weeks, and then have them say no when you do eventually ask them out. You’ll save yourself so much frustration and pain if you stick to the template I’ve given you above, and keep conversations short and to-the-point. Talk on the dates, not on Tinder/Bumble.
By texting a lot, you also just add yourself to the long list of other guys who waste days/weeks talking about absolutely nothing to her. Especially if you meet a girl on Tinder, she’s texting 10 other guys as well as you, all about random bullshit that doesn’t matter like, “How is your day going?” etc. Instead of being yet another boring dude texting her a bunch of inane drivel, respect your own time and keep it short and sweet – stick to just the logistics of setting up a date.
And if you think, “But this girl and I are really vibing, she’s really into me because we’ve been talking a lot, there’s no way she’ll flake on me when it comes time to meet.” That’s your hubris and inexperience talking. Once you’ve gotten laid a lot and talked to a lot of girls, you’ll come to realise girls flake on you for a-million-and-one reasons – even the girls who seem super into you. You’ll never know if a girl will meet up with you until the very second she turns up for the date. You can’t predict who’ll meet you or who will flake, even if the conversation seems super amazing. So save yourself time and keep conversations short – talk in person instead.
Because remember, the amazing and fun and awesome conversations you could have with a girl over text would be even more amazing and fun and awesome in person. In-person is always better, since you can see her smile, hear her tone of voice, see what she actually looks like in person, catch the subtle nuances of her body language, enjoy her femininity, hear her laugh, hear when she’s being sarcastic, smell her perfume, touch each other, etc. Text conversations suck ass in comparison to a proper in-person conversation – texting is a low-fi version of communication
The only reason you ask for a girl’s number is so you can organise logistics of a face-to-face meetup. Texting isn’t to make her like you, or make her think you’re cool, or try to talk dirty to her or flirt with her. None of that gets you any closer to having sex with her or building an actual connection. That’s what a face-to-face date is for.
It’s all too easy to build up a fantasy about a girl over text – “Oh my god she’s so funny, she’s so sweet, she has a great personality, I bet she’s even cooler and hotter and more amazing in person.” Reality often has something else to say though; too many times I built up a romanticized notion of a girl, only to find she was extremely disappointing in person. Maybe she’s fatter in person, or incapable of carrying on a conversation, or she’s rude to people in the bar you’re in, etc. You’ll never see any of that when you’re texting – you’re only seeing 5% of the total person. If you’ve never met this girl in person, how the hell do you really know what she’ll be like?
Remember, online dating is for meeting up in person – not for chit-chat. You need to be trying to get girls out on dates and then trying to have sex with them.
That is your goal.
It is your only goal.
Don’t worry about trying to “make the girl like you” or “forming a connection” or “building rapport”. Just get her out on a date, ASAP. The date is when you actually get to know someone properly, so save the conversation for face-to-face.
Do your best to stick to the template, and try not to get over-invested in any one particular girl before you’ve actually met. Stick to the template with 1 or 2 extra sentences each line, then push forward with getting her out on a date. On the actual date is when you can talk for as long as you want about your shared interests, your hopes and dreams, etc.
Yes, you should be excited to talk to girls (it’s really fun, especially when you’re a newbie) – I just mean don’t get too overinvested to the point where you become heartbroken if a girl stops replying, or you don’t end up meeting her, etc. Having some girls go cold on you is all part of the game.
2.5 – A Lot of Girls are Just on Dating Apps to Waste Time
When you’re messaging girls, you have to keep in mind: a certain portion of girls are only on Tinder/online dating to waste time. Those girls have no intention of ever really meeting up with anyone, they’re happy to have long conversations that go absolutely nowhere and they often don’t even know why they installed the app in the first place. These girls are: The Timewasters.
The Timewasters are an inevitable part of getting laid – especially when you’re a newbie and you have no idea what you’re doing. I’ve simplified things for you by giving you the template above. You don’t have to go out of your way to avoid The Timewasters; the template I’ve given you will weed most of them out automatically. By being so short and to-the-point like I’ve written in the template, The Timewasters will realise you’re not the kind of guy who’ll engage in long, useless conversations with them, so they’ll give up and go waste someone else’s time instead.
The only reason I’m telling you The Timewasters now is I don’t want you to feel disheartened if a few girls seem to be into you, but then go silent when you ask for a number/pitch a meetup. That’s a trait of The Timewasters; happy to talk on the app for hours and hours, but the moment you want to meet up for real, they stop replying. Don’t take it to heart; the girl was simply one of The Timewasters.
You can also make things easier on yourself by doing your best not to get too invested in any one particular girl before you’ve actually met her. The way I think of it is, “She’s not a real person until the moment we meet each other for a date; she doesn’t count until she’s standing in front of me.” I don’t mean that in a dehumanising way, and I’m not encouraging you to act like a psychopath. What I mean is don’t treat any girl on online dating as particularly special, until the moment you’re both on a date together. Before that, she’s just a face on a dating app; words on your phone screen.
If you pitch a date with a girl and she just says, “I’m super busy and I never really have any free time to meet up”, she’s made it really clear she has no intention of meeting you. She’s a Timewaster, so unmatch her and move on.
This will all be a balancing act you’ll figure out as you go along. If you’re a newbie, you still need to do everything it takes to get laid (and thus be willing to have a bit of your time wasted)… but balance that with not having so much of your time wasted that you become disillusioned and depressed about it, and give up. The girls who are really really really obviously just Timewasters – unmatch them. The ones who aren’t so obvious: don’t stress too much if you end up having some of your time wasted – you’ll get better at spotting The Timewasters after you’ve had sex with a few girls.
2.6 – “Doesn’t Being So Direct/Honest Scare Some Girls Off?“
Yes, being this direct scares off some girls – it scares off The Timewasters. Good. That’s a very good thing. It means you won’t waste time with girls who just want to sit around talking. You’ll also scare off the girls who don’t have healthy views about sex, or who want to wait until date 10 before having sex. Again, that’s a good thing. And finally, you’ll scare off girls who can’t handle being straightforward and honest – also a really good thing.
What you’ll be left with are all the girls who appreciate honesty and you being so forward. You’ll end up with girls who respect masculine guys who go for what they want, instead of beating around the bush & hiding their true intentions.
Hell, look how direct I am these days with my messages (you do not need to be this direct if you’re a newbie), and look how much the girls I match with love it:
Another benefit of being so upfront (by sticking to the template I gave you at the top of the page) is it shows girls you’re a non-judgemental and open-minded guy. She’ll know, “Any guy who calls me sexy and directly tells me he’s looking to have some fun, is probably not going to judge me, especially when it comes to sex/my body.” You’re essentially saying, “Let’s drop all the bullshit, let’s just meet up, see if we like each other and bang if we do.” Most girls are open to having casual sex/being friends-with-benefits if you phrase it in the right way (by being non-judgemental) and happen to catch them at the right time.
Whether your goal is to have a lot of sex, get some more experience, or find a great girlfriend – the aim is to do it in a mutually-beneficial way where the girl(s) have a good time too. The whole point of being so upfront and honest with my template is so we’re not bullshitting anyone or leading them on. It’s very clear what our intentions are, and no girls are going to get the wrong idea or feel like we led them on. Which means any girls you meet up with will be able to relax and just have a good time with you, knowing you’re not trying to deceive her or snake your way into her pants. And you’ll also be able to relax, with no guilt that usually comes from lying to girls and pretending you’re not looking for sex even though that’s what you actually want. It’s a win-win, where you’re both on the same team.
There’s no worse feeling for a girl than going on a date expecting one thing… only to find out the guy kinda hid his real intentions and actually planned on doing something else. I’ve heard 100 stories from girls who tell me of some guy who acted like he just wanted to “be friends” or “just hangout”, and she hungout with him thinking they were just going to be friends, only to have him make a horribly-awkward move she completely wasn’t expecting. More than anything, the girls feel betrayed and often stupid for having the wrong expectation – she feels like she has egg on her face.
Being honest means you don’t have to lie – you can just say what you want and see if she’s into it too. No deception, no hiding your true intentions, no pretending you’re just going on a nice friendly date then having to stress about how to escalate it and make a move. She’ll already know you want to bang her (because you told her by copy-pasting my template), so if she meets up with you, she’s entertaining the idea of banging you too.
Trust me on this: I spent about 8 years on online dating having long, go-nowhere conversations where I thought I was “building a connection” with girls. I ended up wasting a tonne of my own time, I barely ever got laid, and I didn’t realise girls were less likely to meet up with me if I wasted heaps of time talking to them. You have to trust me that being direct and to the point will end up in you going on more dates and having more sex.
The more honest and upfront you are, the more likely you are to get what you want. You’ll get a lot of rejection, but the ones that do say yes will be much, much less likely to waste your time. They’ll know exactly what you want, and they’ll be happy to give it to you – because they want the same thing. No more games, no more manipulation, no more trying to convince girls to sleep with you; you’re being direct and looking for the girls that want to sleep with you.
And if you’ve still got that voice in the back of your head that says, “I can’t be that direct…” That’s ok. I too was fucking terrified of being direct at first. If you’re not willing to trust me, then do this: for a few months, be less direct and have long conversations where you “build a connection”. Try that for a few months. Then for a few months use the template I’ve given you above. After you’ve tried indirect vs direct for a few months each, you’ll have your answer as to which one works better for you.
Being direct also means you don’t waste your own time, because girls who have no interest in sex/dating will leave immediately – which is exactly what you want. And you’ll also be being a super nice guy, because you’re not wasting any girls’ time either:
This girl is a great example of a girl who wants to cut through the bullshit, get rid of the week-long conversations, and just say what we both want and see if we’re looking for the same thing. There are a tonne of girls like this on Tinder/Bumble/etc, so our short-and-sweet template will filter them in and save you (and her) a tonne of time.
By being so direct/efficient, you’ll be more likely to bang girls who actually want to have sex – they’ll be impressed by your confidence and forwardness. Compare that to having long conversations – you’ll actually turn off the girls who want to meet, because they’ll think, “Oh great, another guy who just wants to sit around talking via text instead of meeting face-to-face.”
You might feel like “I’m losing girls by being so direct!” Remember, talking to girls isn’t making progress. Any girls you filter out probably weren’t going to meet you anyway – they were just wasting your time, having a conversation, but had no intention of actually meeting up with you.
The longer you talk, the more likely you’ll run out of things to say – you can only sustain a conversation for so long via text. At some point if all you’re doing is texting, the convo will naturally become a little boring. Great, now she associates the feeling of boredom with you. Yet another reason to save the talking for in person, where you can do other things that are far more interesting (like holding hands, making out, and sticking your pecker in her fuckbox).
Saying less actually says more. You’re communicating you’re there to meet up and not have long, drawn-out conversations that don’t go anywhere. You’re demonstrating you’re a man who respects his own time, and showing her she should respect your time too.
Your mindset needs to be, “My mission is to go on dates and get laid.” Not to sit around talking to girls via text. If you’re sitting there talking to her all day, she’s going to think you’re just happy texting. If you talk for ages and then try and pitch a meetup, there’s less impetus for her to jump up and say “Yes!”, because she knows you’re already happy just texting her. She can comfortably say, “I’m kinda busy this week, maybe next week?” knowing you’ll happily just keep texting her, because you’ve already been texting her for days/weeks.
But when you make it your mission to go on dates – and you decide not to accept anything less than a date – she’ll be less inclined to turn you down. If you take control of the conversation from the very beginning and are direct and straightforward, jumping straight into organising a date, she’ll know what you’re about. “Oh, this dude wants a date – he isn’t all about that texting life.” She’s less likely to keep wasting your time with long, drawn-out texts; because you’ve made it very clear you want an actual date and aren’t going to be roped in to long text conversations.
Another benefit of being so direct & honest is you’ll end up with a lot less drama – especially if you want to bang/date a few girls at once. Being honest about wanting something casual/non-monogamous will save you a hell of a lot of drama because you’re telling girls upfront what you’re looking for – no girls will say “You didn’t tell me you were seeing other girls!” Honesty leads to much less heartache.
On that note, even if you want a relationship, you should always start off sexual/casual. Don’t jump in to a relationship too quickly – you’re best taking things one step at a time. Have a couple of casual dates, have sex with each other, then if you like her & she likes you it’ll naturally become a relationship. Don’t start off seeking a relationship or you’ll be way too needy and will put too much pressure on yourself and her, and you’ll have too many expectations. Chill out and go one step at a time.
2.7 – “Isn’t Copy-Pasting too Robotic?”
No, son! We’re not only copy-pasting; I want you to add in 1 or 2 sentences with each line of the template, in direct response to what the girl just said. Check my screenshot examples at the top of the page and you’ll see I’m not a copy-paste robot; I still have a conversation with girls, it’s just only 1 or 2 sentences per message. I push hard towards setting up the date quickly, but the conversation still flows.
I’m not telling you to be a complete autistic robot and completely ignore her if she asks you a question or she makes some off-topic remark. Just answer her question, or respond to her remark, and then copy-paste the next line in the template.
But I am telling you to stick to a template (another way of saying “have a gameplan”). You shouldn’t be going off on tangents and talking about other things, and you definitely shouldn’t ever let the girl steer the conversation – that’ll only serve to waste your time. You’re a man on a mission; to get laid, or to find an awesome girlfriend. Your mission has to come first, meaning you have to stick to the template, and not spend days talking about whatever she wants to talk about.
You’re the man; it’s your job to take the lead.
Sticking to a template also takes the pressure off – you won’t neurotically stress about having to say something interesting/engaging to each girl. You don’t have to be perfect, or be witty, or be a great conversationalist; you literally just have to stick to the template. That’ll allow you to really play the numbers game and hit on way more girls than if you spend time hand-crafting every text. You’ll also be less invested in any one girl before you’ve actually met; so you won’t be disappointed if she stops replying or doesn’t want to meet.
Some guys worry, “Won’t the girl know I’m sticking to a template, even if I add in 1 or 2 sentences in response to what she writes? Won’t I look like a robot?” No. If you want to over-analyse it, when you stick to a template and keep your messages short and to-the-point, you’re giving off the impression, “This guy has a busy life and doesn’t have time to just waste time with lengthy conversations.”
But more importantly, you’re neglecting to think about what happens if you do the opposite. Customising every single message is infinitely worse. By hand-writing every single message & pouring heaps and heaps of thought into having really long conversations, you’re showing you have way too much time on your hands, and absolutely nothing better to do. You’re also showing you’re new to online dating and don’t understand how it works. And you’re also showing you’re so invested in each individual girl & that you have the time/mental energy to spin out an entire hand-woven conversation in a desperate attempt to entertain her/make her like you. Remember, you haven’t even met these girls in person – you know nothing about them (reading text on a phone screen doesn’t count as getting to know somebody). Why on Earth are you trying so hard to make them like you before you’ve even met?
You’re not trying to write a Pulitzer Prize winning novel; you’re trying to get the girl out on a date ASAP. Sticking to a template is the way to go. I’ve experimented a tonne over the last ~8 years with copy-paste messages vs long hand-written messages, and long hand-written messages made me LESS likely to get laid. Hand-writing every single message is for old people.
If you want some more proof, ask any of your female friends/fuckbuddies/etc what they think about having long, hand-written conversations on Tinder. They all say, “It’s really nice if the conversation is good, but it makes me think all the guy wants to do is sit around talking and he’s not that serious about actually meeting me.”
If you put too much investment into any one girl before you’ve met her and had sex with her, you’re in for a lot of disappointment. In fact, that’s the biggest reason guys quit trying to get laid. They invest too much time in each girl (often only talking to one girl at any one time), and then get heartbroken when that girl doesn’t want to actually meet.
Keep your sanity by sticking to the template, and keep messaging as many girls as you possibly can.
2.8 – Texting in the Days Leading up to the Date
Once you’ve set up a date, there’s no need to text her in the leadup to it. You shouldn’t have a long lead-up to dates anyway – you want to be setting dates ASAP (within 1-3 days) anyway. But in the time leading up to the date, don’t think that you need to “keep her engaged” or “keep her on the hook” or some nonsense like that. She either wants to meet you or she doesn’t; if she’s so half-assed about it that you literally have to talk her into not flaking, does that sound like a good match to you? Meet up with girls who want to meet up with you; not ones you have to convince.
Besides, texting her in the leadup to the date only shows her you’ve got nothing better to do. You need to focus your time on self-improvement: hit the gym, work on losing fat, take better photos, etc.
You also somewhat ruin the magic if you spend all your time having inane conversations all day. The more you talk, the more boring you seem – it pays to keep a little mystery in the lead-up to the date. That way you’ll both be excited about meeting & getting to know each other, rather than feeling like you’ve already bled all the conversation dry.
And why would you waste time and mental energy getting super invested in someone you haven’t even met up with yet? You don’t know if she’s far less attractive in real life vs her pics, or maybe you two just won’t click in person or won’t be compatible. You’ll set yourself up for a lot of disappointment if you get over-invested in someone before you even meet them. (Yes be excited, just don’t be over-invested). Don’t text much at all before the date – keep it to logistics/plans for the date only, with maybe a “Looking forward to meeting you tonight” thrown in there if you like.
For some guys, that’s pretty hard at first – especially when they’re really excited/nervous about a date. I know it’s tempting to text her because you really want to talk to her and make sure she’s still excited to see you. Just take a deep breath, put your phone away, and go distract yourself. Keep busy, focus on other things, and the time will pass quicker. Before you know it, it’ll be time to go out on the date, and you can talk to her then.
You also need to be talking to multiple girls at the same time – as many girls as possible. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket, or you’re just going to set yourself up for disappointment. You won’t end up meeting the majority of girls you send a message to on the dating apps, no matter how much you try to. Hence I advise keeping the conversations nice and short, aiming to go out on a date ASAP, and not getting too invested in anyone before you’ve actually met in person.
You can send girls a text the morning of your date though. I usually send a short, “Looking forward to tonight”, just to make sure they’re definitely still on for the date. In the past, I didn’t do this, and it lead to a couple of last-minute flakes.
2.9 – Does it Matter What Time of Day I Message?
Not that much.
Obviously if you message girls at 4am, they’ll take a lot longer to reply to you vs texting her at 6pm. Texting her during work hours on a weekday means she’ll take longer to reply vs 10am on a Sunday morning. But don’t overthink this – just message girls whenever is most convenient for you.
The time of day you message girls isn’t something I want you to worry too much about. Again, the most important thing will always be playing the numbers game and talking to as many girls as you possibly can – that’ll have far more of an impact on how often you get laid. You’re welcome to experiment messaging at different times, but don’t overthink it or waste too much time on it. Losing fat, hitting the gym, taking better photos and upgrading your style will all have a much greater Return on Investment (ROI) than wasting time “figuring out the optimal time to message girls”.
Handle the important things (your looks & pics, & messaging tonnes of girls) first, and don’t stress too much about the minutia until after you’re already getting laid consistently.
I message girls whenever I have a chance – usually in the evenings after work, but I sometimes also text at 6 in the morning, or during the middle of the day, etc. (I try to minimise how much I message during weekdays, because it distracts me from my work). But in general, the time when I message girls doesn’t make much difference in terms of how often they meet up with me for a bit of the old in-out, in-out (that means sex, for you youngsters).
Don’t overthink it; message whenever is convenient for you.
You know what else is hella convenient? Having sex with 10 women in 12 weeks, basically hands-free, using all the advice in this Tinder guide. That’s exactly what George did when we worked together:
And you know what? George isn’t special; you can do exactly what he’s done. Hit me up for coaching and myself and fellow-coach Cam will kick your ass into gear, pouring our heart and souls into completely upending your life and turning you into an elite player in just 3 months (if – and only if – you’re willing to work your ass off). Sign up here and let’s kill your inner loser.
2.10 – Pick a Specific Time to use the Apps Each Day
Further to the point above: I’ve always found it best for me to pick a time period each day where I use all the apps, and then not use them for the rest of the day. I find 6pm after work each weeknight works best; during the weekends I message whatever time I feel like it. I also turn off notifications on all the dating apps, so I’m not being distracted during the workday.
In the past I was checking my phone 100 times a day like a neurotic mess, desperately hoping girls would reply to me. It got to a point where I started driving myself crazy, and it was really making me anxious and even distracting me at work. I’ve had clients who got so caught up in anxiously using the apps they even started to ruin their sleep patterns, as they were staying up late at night, messaging girls until 2 in the morning.
Turning off notifications and only using the apps once a day fixed these issues for me – and a few of my clients too. To stop myself checking the apps during the day, I use an Android app called Stay Focused. It lets you block any apps during specific times of day.
Again, your time will be best spent on self-improvement; reading self-help websites on your lunch break at work, hitting the gym, taking better pics, learning how to use a DSLR better, working on your meal plans, etc. Not neurotically checking your dating apps 50 times a day.
2.11 – It’s Not “You vs Me”. You’re On the Same Team.
With all this online dating stuff, some guys fall into the trap of seeing women as the “other” – the enemy, the target, the thing to be conquered. One of the core tenets of my site is my “You and Me” philosophy – the idea that you and girls are on the same team. Your goals and her goals shouldn’t be opposed; you’re not trying to “beat her” or trick her into sex. Your mission is to find girls who want the same thing you want; ie, girls who are on the same team as you.
When you’re a newbie and you care deeply about what girls think of you, the sting of rejection can pierce really deep. It can be tempting to start seeing women as the arbiters of your pain, the enemy who’s rejecting you. But girls aren’t the thing standing between you and “getting laid” – they’re not some NPC you have to overcome, or some boss you have to defeat. They’re people, with their own desires, goals, hopes, dreams – just like you. Some girls will be into you, some won’t – and that’s perfectly fine. The ones that aren’t into you, aren’t your enemy. Just unmatch them and move on.
Yes, I understand you’ve invested a hell of a lot into getting laid; you’ve put a lot on the line. I also put everything I had on the line when I was starting out; my entire self-worth was tied up in whether or not I could get laid. But no matter how much you might want to meet up with a particular girl, she might have her own wants that don’t happen to line up with yours. That doesn’t mean she’s a bad person, or a bitch, or she’s ruining your chances at getting laid. I know it really fucking sucks, and it’s really fucking frustrating, but you just have to tell yourself, “She’s a human being with her own wants and needs. She doesn’t want the same thing I want. Fine, I’ll unmatch her and go talk to 20 more girls to find one who does want what I want.”
My goal with this site and my coaching is to get you laid easily, with awesome girls – in a mutually-beneficial and very honest way. No games, no bullshit, no deception. Girls that you meet up with will know exactly what you want, and they’ll want it too.
They’ll be able to relax and just have a good time with you, knowing you’re not trying to deceive them or sneak your way into their pants. And you’ll also be able to relax, with no guilt that usually comes from lying to girls and pretending you’re not looking for sex (even though that’s what you actually want.) It’s a win-win, where you’re both working together towards a common goal (both of you having a good time) rather than trying to battle each other (you wanting sex, her wanting to make you wait).
Girls are your allies, not your enemies.
2.12 – Making her Wait – “How Long Should I Wait Before Replying?”
By this point you know I’m all about honesty, keeping it real, and not playing fucking games with girls like you’re some teenager in the schoolyard. Drop the games, drop the bullshit, and life becomes a hell of a lot easier with a hell of a lot less drama. Not to mention you’ll end up doing a lot more of that belly-bumping with girls.
And nothing screams “silly games” like intentionally waiting a certain amount of time before replying to a girl’s messages, so that she’ll think you’re “cool” or “busy” or some nonsense. Are you a teenager, or are you a grown man? Girls aren’t doing that lame childish shit – they’ll often reply within 2 minutes of getting your text. Just be a normal adult human and do the same – reply whenever you get a chance, rather than intentionally waiting some arbitrary amount of time.
Remember what I said above – you and girls are on the same team. You’re not enemies, you don’t need to “run strategies” on her or “game” her or try and manipulate her into doing what you want. Just be honest, be upfront that you want to grab a drink/coffee & have some fun, and find the girls who are on the same page as you.
If you play games with girls, you’re only going to end up with girls who play games with you. You’re intentionally screening in dysfunctional girls who like to be fucked with, who have low self-esteem, who don’t know they deserve any better than being manipulated.
Waiting is also stupid in the age of online dating. As I’ve shown you, girls have hundreds/thousands of other options, so making her wait only gives her a chance to forget about you. You need to strike while the iron is hot. The longer you wait, the more chance she’ll get bored of you, or talk to/meet one of the other guys she’s talking to, or forget you. (Hence why I also recommend meeting within 1-3 days).
Waiting also gives her the impression you’re not that into her (because if you were, you’d be excited to talk to her and reply quicker). Just like we don’t like the feeling of rejection, neither do girls – having someone take ages to respond to everything you say can feel like a mini-rejection. It makes many girls want to protect their ego and stop talking to you (because who on Earth wants to talk to someone who’s just not that into them), especially when there’s other guys on Tinder who’ll reply straight away. If a girl kept taking hours to reply to every message you wrote, you’d feel less excited to meet her, right? Same goes for girls.
Part of my core philosophy is being good to people, and that goes for dating/getting laid. Intentionally making someone wait isn’t a particularly nice thing to do, and it doesn’t offer any benefits. You’re just playing yourself, instead of focusing on what really matters: improving yourself and talking to a tonne of girls.
And no, replying quickly won’t make her think you’re “needy” or “beta” or any of that nonsense. You’d only look needy if you spent all day and all night texting her with long conversations, showing her you have nothing better to do. Remember, we’re only using texts to set up a date ASAP, so you won’t be doing much texting at all. Just reply when you see her messages (I usually reply within a couple minutes, unless I’m at work), and get her out on a date ASAP so she can savour your meat saber.
2.13 – Don’t Talk Dirty (Sexting May Be Fun, but You’ll Bang Less Girls)
I’ve experimented a tonne with talking dirty over the last decade – I’ve tried sending nudes, flirted and been charming, gotten nudes from girls, told girls everything I’m going to do to them in great detail, I’ve experimented with roleplay. I’ve done it all. Talking dirty has never made girls more likely to meet me – in fact, it’s always had the opposite effect. A little flirting/teasing is great, as well as some innuendos. But dirty texting at great length/sending nudes has always interfered with my ability to bang a girl.
My other mates who get laid on Tinder/elsewhere a lot have come to the same conclusion: talking dirty/sending nudes reduces the number of lays you end up with. There’s a myriad of reasons why. Scroll up and read everything I wrote in the section, “Don’t Waste Time with Long Conversation” – all of that applies here. The longer you spend texting a girl, the more you’re saying, “I’m happy with us just texting”. After all, if you’re just sitting around texting dirty all day, then you must be pretty happy just talking dirty, right? You’re giving girls the impression you’re more happy talking dirty than actually meeting up. Girls and guys who dirty text usually aren’t all that serious about actually meeting up – they’d rather just indulge in fantasies and flirting.
Dirty texting or sending nudes also makes her feel a little “slutty” afterwards – something girls are incredibly sensitive to. No girl wants to feel judged for her sexuality, and most of them are constantly paranoid you’ll think she’s too dirty or too “slutty” if she’s too forward/sexual too early on. She’ll enjoy the dirty texting in the moment, then afterwards think, “Jesus, I said some really filthy things to this guy. I cannot meet him for a drink and look him in the eye, knowing I said all those things.” Some girls are cool with their own sexuality and will still meet you (especially if you make it clear you’re non-judgemental), but a hell of a lot won’t.
Dirty texting/sending nudes also gives off the impression you have too much free time on your hands. You have a million things you could be doing to improve yourself; all of which will have a massive impact on your life. Hitting the gym, losing fat, improving your style, taking better pics, making friends, working on your mental health – those are all far more important than sitting around sending dirty texts to girls. As fun as it is, sexting isn’t anything more than a time-wasting activity that can easily become an addiction, or a tool for procrastination/self-medication.
It also means you’ll bang less girls – talking explicitly and dirty makes things feel so much more real for a girl. Meaning, the nervous girls are much less likely to actually meet up with you. If you don’t talk dirty, she can tell herself, “We’re just meeting up for a drink/to see what happens, no pressure.” But if you’ve been explicitly talking dirty over text, she knows if you meet, there’s an expectation of sex (because you’ve already crossed that barrier via text). She’s infinitely more likely to flake on you last minute, even if you try to reassure her with,”We don’t have to do anything sexual, we’ll just meet for a drink/coffee.”
If instead you keep texts to organising logistics only, then she can tell herself, “We’re just meeting to get to know each other”. She’ll be much less nervous about meeting.
And the times when you do talk dirty to a girl and still successfully meet up with her, she was already going to meet you anyway. You didn’t “win her over” with your dirty texting. She already wanted to meet you, and even the dirty texting wasn’t enough to put her off. Remember, I’ve been doing this shit for like 8 years now (on and off, I was in a few relationships) – speaking from experience, talking dirty/sending nudes has always reduced my chances of lays overall.
And look, I get that talking dirty is really fucking fun. I get that it gives you a huge amount of validation – “A girl is sending me nudes, she’s really turned on by me, this is great!” I’ve certainly indulged in my fair share of dirty texting to get validation, especially early on when I was a newbie and needed all the ego-stroking (and dick-stroking) I could get.
Just make sure you’re very honest with yourself about it: You have to remind yourself that it’s going to lead to less lays, and more flakes. You have to be ok with that, and not get down when 10 girls in a row flake on you a few hours before each date because you told them all how much you wanted to lick their dirty assholes. Remember this article, remember these words: talking dirty, whilst fun, makes it less likely you’ll meet up with a girl. You have to know you may be sacrificing a lay just to jerk your gherkin.
Sometimes the girl herself will try to initiate dirty texting – especially if it’s late on a Friday or Saturday night when lots of girls are drunk. Sometimes with something like, “Tell me what you want to do to me if we meet.”
Same rules apply: Even if she initiates the dirty texting, don’t indulge in it. Even moreso when she initiates it; she’s either drunk, or horny in the moment, and just wanting to have some fun/be a little naughty. As soon as she’s sobered up/gotten over her horniness, when you pitch the meetup she’ll be more likely to make an excuse not to meet up. She only sees you as her virtual sex novel, to use any time she’s horny and then immediately forget about.
When a girl tries to get dirty, I just reply, “You’ll have to use your imagination. Let’s meet tomorrow night at 6pm at [location].” Avoid the temptation to jump into dirty texting with her, if your plan is to actually meet up with her in real life.
With enough experience, talking to enough girls, you’ll eventually realise, “Tell me what you want to do to me” quite often means she’d rather sit around fantasising about meeting you rather than actually meeting you.
And look, to be fair, meeting new people can be scary – especially as a woman. A tonne of girls love the idea of meeting someone… but they’ll never actually go through with it. If you spend ages talking dirty, you’ll make things even worse for her, because you’ve removed any plausible deniability she might have had. If you’ve spent ages talking dirty about sex, there’s no getting away from the fact that if you meet, you will want to do absolutely everything you just told her via text. For many girls, that can be overwhelming. She’ll be nervous, she’ll feel pressure to perform, she’ll worry about being a slut (especially because you were so damn explicit with all the things you were going to do to her).
When you talk dirty with girls, you’re removing the surprise, the fantasy, the uncertainty of what might happen when they meet up with you. You’re removing all the sexual tension, which is half the fun for a girl. They love surprises, uncertainty, the unknown. There’s a reason they get so fucking turned on by being blindfolded & tied up – it means they have no idea what’s about to happen. Stop being the asshole who ruins the mystery for her.
You’re also, without being aware of it, making it your goal to talk dirty with girls (rather than to get them out on a date). She thinks you’re happy just texting dirty, because that’s what you seem to be enjoying. So she’s less likely to go on an actual date with you, because, “I already gave him what he wanted by dirty texting, didn’t I?”
When you instead focus on going on dates (and having sex), you’ll make that your sole mission – and you’ll do everything to make it happen. You won’t accept dirty texting, you won’t engage in it, you won’t accept having long conversations that go nowhere, or talking about how her day is going. When she tries to talk about that stuff you’ll say, “I hate talking via text, let’s save that for the actual date. How’s tomorrow night at 6pm?” You’ll make it abundantly clear the only thing you’ll accept from her is an actual in-person date; and she’ll either give in and say, “Ok, let’s meet for a date” or she’ll get the hint that that’s what you want, and she’ll stop texting you for other irrelevant stuff.
I’m speaking from experience with all of this. I tried for years and years talking dirty. Back in the day I used to talk dirty to every single woman on dating apps. I would have to talk dirty to hundreds/thousands of women before I’d get one to even consider meeting up with me. I thought all my dirty texting was helping me, but it was hindering me. At some point I dropped the dirty texting and refused to engage in it, instead focusing solely on, “Let’s grab a drink. Free tonight?”
All of a sudden girls started meeting me – about 1 in 30 girls who replied to me. Literally the only difference was that I stopped sexting with them and instead tried to get them out on a date.
I’ll make this clear: I’m not saying you can’t meet girls you’ve talked dirty to. I’m saying it makes it less likely you’ll end up meeting. Not to mention it’s a big waste of your time – time you could be spending talking to more girls/hitting the gym/one of a million other things.
Note: None of this applies if you’ve already banged the girl a couple of times. In that case she’s already into you and already wants to fuck you again, so send a few dirty texts if you want. She’s not going to be scared off by you being dirty since she’s already slept with you and knows you won’t judge her. I sometimes hint to girls what I’m going to do to them next time we meet, but I like to keep it short (just write one or two messages at most; it’s important you focus on self-improvement rather than sitting around sending dirty texts).
2.14 – Rejections are Part of the Game (We All Get Rejected)
The nature of online dating means not every girl you match with is going to meet up with you. No matter how good looking you are, no matter how confident and badass you become, no matter how awesome your pics are, the reality is you’ll only actually meet up with a small portion of the girls you match with.
But that percentage doesn’t even remotely matter; we don’t care about all the girls who don’t meet with us. We only care about the ones who do. Just like sales, you don’t need to convert every single person into a sale; you only need to find one buyer. When you’re busy getting your sausage sucked by a cute chick, the last thing you’ll care about is how many girls you had to talk to in order to get here.
Getting laid a tonne also means getting rejected a tonne; you cannot have one without the other. Girls will stop talking to you for all sorts of reasons, and it’s usually not because you did anything particularly wrong (especially if you have good pics and stick to the template I’ve given you). Sometimes girls will be really excited to meet you, they’ll agree to a meetup… only to flake on you last-minute. Flakes, rejections and girls going cold is simply the nature of dating in the 21st century – especially on dating apps.
I don’t want you to be disheartened though; the joy and pleasure of having some coital relations with a cutie far outweigh the frustration & pain of rejection. Every time a girl says no, every time a girl goes quiet and stops replying, every time a girl flakes on you – I want you to think to yourself, “I’m one step closer to getting my next lay. I just need to keep on pushing.” As long as you never quit, success is literally inevitable – it’s only a matter of time.
And remember, we all get rejected – even guys who’ve gotten laid a tonne. The vast majority of girls I message don’t end up meeting me, and I’ve gotten laid more times than I can count (roughly 140+ times as of early 2020). Yes, the more experienced you become, the easier it is to get laid (and the less flakes/rejections you’ll get). But even with all my experience, I still have to message (roughly) 40 girls to get laid once. Again, that number doesn’t matter though – when my cock is deep in a girl’s cooch, I’m not thinking to myself, “Gee, it really sucks that the previous 39 girls I messaged didn’t sleep with me.” I’m too busy getting my dick wet.
When you do get directly rejected or just plain ignored by a few girls, GOOD. Go watch this. Adversity is an opportunity to build up your resilience, and getting turned down is a good chance to build some resistance to the feeling of rejection. It’s a good opportunity to get fired up, to get angry, to channel that energy into crushing your gym workout, buying new clothes, taking a bunch of awesome new pics for your dating apps. Yes, rejection hurts (I know better than anyone, I’ve been turned down by probably 10,000 chicks at this point). But what doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger, and I promise you’ll become a much stronger man if you just keep pushing through all the rejection.
This is why I keep encourage you so hard to play the numbers game. It doesn’t matter how many girls you have to talk to in order to get laid – all that matters is you got laid. Don’t worry about all the girls who say no to you or aren’t down to meet you, don’t worry that you “may have said the wrong thing”. Just unmatch the girls who don’t want the same thing you want. And then immediately move on and talk to more girls.
When a girl rejects you, you need to immediately move on in order to save your sanity and stop yourself from getting down about every girl who wasn’t into you or didn’t want to meet. You can’t let those girls take up space in your mind, or you’ll get bogged down and depressed and you won’t put in the numbers you need to really get laid. You’re supposed to have a high turnover when messaging girls – I do. You’re supposed to get no reply from the vast majority of girls you message. We’re looking for the next girl who says yes; we’re not trying to turn every girl into a yes.
But with all this talk of rejection, I want to make one thing clear: The vast majority of girls are absolute sweethearts who don’t want to reject you. I mean look how adorably nice this girl is:
That’s your average girl on dating apps – the majority are so ridiculously nice and friendly and they would never want to upset you. A lot of the time what guys think is rejection or being ignored, is really a girl just being overwhelmed by all the hundreds of guys messaging her. 9 times out of 10, they’re not ignoring you because they’re a bitch or because you’re ugly or anything of the sort. They just can’t keep up with the flood of messages they’re receiving.
I’ve had tonnes of girls talk to me at length about this; they all tell me how god damn stressed they are about the fact they can’t reply to all their messages. “I feel like such a bad person, I know a lot of guys message me and I don’t reply and I hate the fact they probably think I’m ignoring them on purpose.” A lot of the time girls aren’t even rejecting you; they’re just too busy/overwhelmed to reply to you (or anyone else).
Remember I showed you a screenshot of a girl’s Tinder above? Here’s another girl I dated:
When we took that screenshot, she had 4,296 likes, which basically means she has infinite options. This is typical for every girl on Tinder who lives in a big city. So you can’t expect girls to reply to every guy that messages her; that’s logistically-impossible. When a girl doesn’t message you, just come back to this image and look at it again. She’s not ignoring you, it’s not because you’re ugly or a loser or anything like that – she’s simply swamped by too many messages to ever reply to yours (or most guys).
Other times, girls will go on a date with a guy, decide they like him, and decide to date him properly. At this point they usually stop messaging other guys on Tinder – 75% of girls (I pulled that number out of my ass) don’t like dating multiple guys at once or having multiple fuckbuddies. So what you think is her rejecting you is really just her having already met a guy she likes and then not checking her Tinder messages.
The exception to all this is if every girl is turning you down, and you haven’t been on a date in months. In that case, your looks/pics need improving – go back to Part 1 and keep working on yourself. I went from literally zero matches on Tinder to being able to get laid consistently and easily (here’s my journey), so if I can improve myself, you sure as hell can too.
The bottom line with all of this is: try not to get too frustrated by girls going cold or outright turning you down (I know that’s easier said than done.) Channel that frustration into going and hitting on more girls. Having 20 girls a week stop replying to you is barely even noticeable if you have 20 new girls the next week to talk to. You want to keep the treadmill turning, keep new girls constantly coming in, so you’re not sitting there obsessing about and overanalysing the ones who didn’t reply to you.
This is incredibly important. If you sit around getting sad about all the girls who stopped replying, you’ll take it to heart and never have much success at all. Getting laid is supposed to be fun, remember – not frustrating. You really have to toughen up, take any rejection in your stride, build up your resilience and keep moving forward.
2.15 – Even Cute Girls Get Rejected (Stories from My Girlfriend)
Here’s some stuff my girlfriend Immy wrote specifically for this guide, detailing her foray into online dating. She started out looking for guys, and she was a typical girl on the app – hundreds of matches + 5,000 more guys sitting in the “People Who’ve Already Liked You” pile. Guys were pretty damn thirsty (as you’d expect), so she had tonnes of options – things were smooth sailing. Then she met me and switched to looking for girls instead. Suddenly she got her first real taste of rejection, and it completely opened her mind as to what the dating landscape is like for us guys.
I’m including this because her journey with trying to bang other girls mirrors the journey of most guys; she dealt with rejection, ghosting, flaking. She experimented with all sorts of different messaging “techniques”, eventually listening to me and using a similar template to the one I gave you at the top of this article. She also felt quite a lot of frustration and even a bit of bitterness towards women – eventually getting over that and coming around to my “you and me” philosophy. Here’s her story:
“As a girl I was very, very oblivious to the differences when using Tinder as a guy vs using it as a girl. I remember recommending Tinder to some of my male friends, not aware that the respective experiences of men vs women on the app were not even remotely the same. When I was playing around swiping on guys I’d expect to match with maybe every second guy I swiped right on. And that’s not me trying to swing my (non existent) dick around, I thought that was normal. I’m not going to lie and say that I didn’t use it as validation when I was bored. It was a little ego boost to see the matches pile up.
When I started swiping with girls, I was swiping left on girls for arbitrary reasons, like: she’s sitting in a field of sunflowers (I said “that’s too ‘hippy'”), or she has nothing but selfies, or she only has photos taken at parties. It definitely knocked me off my high horse when I didn’t get very many matches. After a chat with Andy about lowering my standards to something a little more reasonable, I started getting a handful of matches, admittedly noticeably fewer. This was my first stage of coming to terms with the fact that rejection was pretty normal.
What I wasn’t ready for was the ghosting. I remember getting, upset, hurt, frustrated and insecure when the majority of girls would ghost me. Some would stop replying after one message, some after two, some three messages. I’d get my hopes up when I got a number, and then some would stop responding when I’d try and arrange a time to meet up. I’d overthink everything I said and hypothesise about whether a differently-worded text would’ve worked better. After the first couple of flakes to meet up, I remember saying to Andy, ‘I’m surprised more men don’t end up hating women.’
All that being said, I was aware I was being a big hypocrite. I needed to take a step back and remember that these girls weren’t these Machiavellian schemers out to waste my time and they definitely didn’t hate me or think I was so disgusting that I wasn’t worth their time. With some explaining from Andy and a revised approach I stopped having drawn out conversations, and started being direct and efficient with copy / paste messages. And after doing it hundreds of times rejection became very normal.
The first time I sent the copy / paste text to a girl I thought the police were going to come after me for being some sort of creepy sex fiend. I had to psyche myself up to click send and and couldn’t look at my phone for the next 10 minutes. I quickly found out most girls were super nice, and almost all were polite, even the ones that weren’t interested. I was shocked at the number of girls that said something along the lines of: ‘I hope you find what you’re looking for’.
I will admit, I still got a little offended at the first few that politely said no. It felt uncomfortable and icky and I reactively messaged back niceties about how I completely understand, thanks so much anyway, of course, I completely understand etc. After I while I realised I didn’t really need to do that either. I was just getting myself worked up.
If we’re talking proper rejection, I still remember the few bad responses I ever got. There were maybe 2-3, genuinely rude messages that really affected me. But I just blocked / unmatched them and that was it, my worst fear coming true amounted to little more than a mildly unpleasant feeling.
Long story short, (coming from someone that is pretty sensitive to the opinion of others) rejection from strangers on the Internet wasn’t really a big deal after I had felt it a few times, and stopped caring so much.”
2.16 – Unmatch/Delete Numbers of Girls Who Haven’t Replied
Part of the online dating game is you’re going to have a lot of conversations that don’t get off the ground – conversations that just die after the second or third message, even if she seemed enthusiastic at first and replied to your messages instantly and with lots of little smilie faces 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 You’re going to have a lot of girls just never reply when you ask for their number – even though before that it seemed like she was really into you. And you’re going to get numbers of girls who don’t commit to a meetup, or keep saying they’re “too busy”.
As I said above, it usually doesn’t mean you did anything wrong – it’s just the nature of online dating. The vast majority of girls I talk to don’t give me a number. And of the ones who do give me a number, I’ll only meet roughly 2 out of every 5. It doesn’t matter though – all you need to focus on are the girls who do end up meeting you – the rest don’t matter.
To save your sanity, do what I do: delete numbers & unmatch girls who stop replying. I usually go through once a week and unmatch any girls who haven’t replied for a week or 2 (don’t unmatch girls if it’s only been a day or two – some girls just take a few days to reply, especially before you’ve actually met up. Wait til it’s been at least 1 week without her replying to your last message.)
Especially early on, you need to be focusing on your successes, not the girls who don’t end up meeting you. Leaving a bunch of old messages sitting in your phone can become depressing – you’ll just look at all the girls that stopped replying to you and think, “Look, 100 girls stopped replying to me in the last 2 weeks. Fuck, I’m such a loser.” No you’re not a loser, you sexy little man – remember what we just talked about. Girls usually stop replying because your message gets lost in the 500 other messages on her Tinder/other apps. And girls going cold happens to all of us – if I didn’t clear out all the girls who stopped replying to me, I’d have thousands of dead conversations sitting on my phone.
As you’re deleting the old conversations where girls didn’t reply, you need to think nothing of it. As long as you look above-average (we want to look better than just “fine”, remember) then you can remind yourself a certain number of girls going cold is normal. As I said, I get ignored by a huge portion of the girls I match with. Culling old messages/matches is a way to give yourself closure – deleting conversations/numbers from girls who haven’t replied allows you to move on.
And if you’re thinking to yourself, but can’t I just hit them up a few days/weeks later? I’ve experimented with trying to get girls to start talking to me again, and everything I’ve tried has been a colossal waste of time. A few girls will reply to you, but none of them will meet you – I can count the number of girls I’ve ended up having sex with after they stopped replying on one hand. It’s hilarious how much of a waste of time it is – I almost want you to try re-engaging with every girl who stops replying just so you can see how few of them you’ll end up ever banging (it’s close enough to 0 we may as well just call it 0.)
For YEARS, on and off, I experimented with everything I could think of to try and get girls to start responding again, including:
- “Free tonight?”
- “Fuck you!”
- “Yo sexy”
- “Yo, wanna hang out tonight?”
- “I have to tell you a secret”
- “Reply to this message or I’ll curse you and your family forever”
- “Didn’t your mother teach you it’s rude to ignore people? 😉 “
- “Holy crap”
- “How’s your day going today?”
- …and about 50 other different messages.
Sometimes girls would reply to those texts, only to go cold again – especially when I pitched the meetup. Over the years, I tried on probably 5,000+ girls who’d stopped replying. For all that effort, energy and more importantly emotional exertion, I only met up with a couple of girls; not really worth it for all the hours and hours and hours of effort (and more importantly, mental energy) it took. If a girl can’t even be bothered to reply to your messages, she’s just not that keen to bang.
If you’d still like to experiment with it, that’s your choice – I am a proponent of you trying things out and seeing what works for you. Send a “?” to every girl who hasn’t replied to you in a few days, and see what happens. But you’ll find even though a few might reply again, it’s damn near impossible to actually bang any girls who had initially gone cold. You’re going to find you just end up with a phone full of girls who still didn’t reply to your attempt to resurrect the dead conversations:
But a bigger and more important point to make is this:
If a girl stops replying to you or doesn’t seem super excited to meet you, is she really worth trying to have sex with? Don’t you want girls in your life who are actually enthusiastic about meeting you? Go read these two articles right now:
Those two articles, along with my core philosophy of You and Me, are a great foundation for your getting laid/dating journey. It’s always much more fun fucking a girl who’s a “fuck yes!”, who doesn’t make you jump through hoops to “earn” it, a girl who’s on the same team as you (“you and me”).
This will sound counterintuitive if you’re new, but a girl who stops replying to you is a good thing. She’s told you, in no uncertain terms, she isn’t all that fussed about meeting up with you and is likely just going to waste your time. Awesome, delete her number, forget about her and move on to the next girl. Don’t chase girls who have literally shown you they’re not interested; take the hint she’s very clearly giving you, and move on.
If there’s a part of you that thinks, “God dammit, but I really wanted to meet this girl” – you have to just take a deep breath, and let go of the hope you’ll meet this one. There’s plenty more out there for you. You need to be always looking forwards, not backwards.
Make things easier on yourself: unmatch/delete girls who haven’t replied to you for over a week.
2.17 – If You’re Not Sure if She’s a Potential Catfish…
Sometimes you’re not 100% sure if a girl’s going to be as cute in real life as she is in her pics – eg you can’t tell if she’d be chubby or less attractive in real life. Easy fix: just ask for her instagram so you can see more pics of her.
If you’ve checked out her Instagram pics and are still on the fence about meeting up with her, my advice is to just see her anyway. Some of my best experiences were when I kept an open mind and just met up with the girl; same goes for many of my clients. Remember, you don’t have to have sex with her; just meet her for a drink/coffee and get some much-needed dating experience. Read this: You’re Not Obligated to have Sex with Someone.
2.18 – “I’ve Run Out of Matches“
If you’ve messaged all your matches and have run out, have you done all this?
- Are you using Tinder, Bumble, etc (and the rest of the apps) – not just one of the apps?
- On Tinder, are you Boosting on Sat nights + Sunday morning?
- On Hinge, have you paid for “Preferred Membership” so you can message infinite girls? Have you then gone through and messaged at least 50 girls a day?
- Are you swiping on Bumble? (You need to swipe a little each day or you won’t get matches).
- Do you live in a decent-sized city? (A city with 100,000 people isn’t going to get you anywhere near as many matches as a city with 2 million people).
- Are you sticking to my template, adding in 1 or 2 sentences with each message that responds to what she just said (where I have “[Respond to her message]”)?
If you’ve done all that and still aren’t getting matches… It’s time to upgrade your pics & keep working on improving your looks. Go back to Part 1 and read through everything I wrote. On top of that, if you want direct 1-on-1 help, hit us up for coaching.
Self-improvement/getting laid is a process of iteration; you’ll go through phases where your looks improve and you start getting more matches, but then you’ll hit a “wall” and the matches will slow down or stop entirely. At that point it’s time to do an overhaul of your style, take a couple of better pics, go on a fat-loss diet for a couple of months, etc. You’ll improve yourself and start getting more matches, and the cycle continues. Many many many many times I hit a point where I totally ran out of matches; so have my clients. We’d work hard for a few weeks/months improving ourselves and our pics, and we’d start getting more results.
You have to be in this for the long-haul. Self-improvement is a lifelong endeavour.
Chapter 3 – Key Takeaways
- Stick to the templates, adding 1 or 2 sentences in response to each message she sends.
- Get her number ASAP, then pitch a date ASAP.
- Save names + photos in your phone so you try harder to bang each girl.
- Meet up as soon as possible – within 1-3 days.
- Play the numbers game (talk to as many girls as possible).
- Don’t waste time with long conversations. Stick to the template.
- Be direct and honest; don’t manipulate girls. State exactly what you want (to grab a drink/coffee and see where things lead), and find the girls who want the same thing as you.
- Don’t make girls wait; reply to their messages whenever you get a chance.
- Don’t talk dirty. It’s fun, but a waste of time, and you’ll end up banging far less girls.
- Rejections are normal. I get rejected, girls get rejected, you will get rejected. Focus on the girls who say yes, forget about the ones who say no.
- Unmatch girls who haven’t replied for over a week, so your phone doesn’t get filled up with girls who went cold.
- If you aren’t sure if she could be a catfish, ask for her Instagram.
- This is a process of gradual improvement. If you run out of matches, go back to Part 1 and keep improving your looks/style/pics.
- If you want to just jump straight to the part where you’re successful – sign up for The Winners Club & get direct help on getting laid.
Any questions? Ask them in the comments below, no matter how big or small the question. I’m here to help.
In Part 4, we’ll go be going over the fun stuff – going on dates and having SEX! Fuck yeah. Stay tuned, it’s coming soon.